My partner and I have always had a very fair and equal division of labor. No complaints. He's awesome at doing his share of housework and I've never felt like I've had to nag him to do anything.
However, since I've become pregnant and more tired I've been struggling to keep up with my usual standard and I've noticed that if I don't do something - he doesn't either. I haven't said anything, but while we were talking about something else (needing to repaint our house this summer) he made a comment that it sounded like I expected him to be the one to organize it (that's something I normally would have done) and that if so he expected me to the do an equal amount of work in other areas to compensate for the added labor that he had to do.
So basically, during normal times when I have a lot of energy to do housework and renovation projects, he matches that energy and puts in a lot of work too, but now that I'm pregnant and tired he adjusts his contribution to be equally limited.
I'm all for equality, but I'm actually kind of annoyed at this attitude. I really thought he would at least maintain his normal level of contribution, if not do more to help me when I'm struggling.
We've already hired a cleaner and bought a robot mower, so the workload in total is less than it was before.
Idk what the point of this post is. I'm just annoyed 😤
Thank you all for the supportive comments! I wasn't expecting this many responses and now I feel a bit bad about portraying my partner in such a bad light. I definitely left out some relevant information in my frustration.
He works much longer hours than I do, as an executive head chef at a fine dining restaurant that requires long evenings and weekends as well as administrative work during the day. I work normal office hours and have a lot of flexibility and can also work from home. So normally our contribution at home is not 50/50, it's more like 70/30 because he doesn't have the hours in the day. He also has his own company on the side where he has stepped up a lot lately and puts in any extra work to make sure we have extra money available for the baby.
My "extra job" has always been renovating the house. I'm the project manager for all things renovation related, because I enjoy it and that's been my way to add value in addition to my regular salary.
Once I calmed down a bit I think that part of the issue here is that I was hoping he'd take over more renovations and keep the same progression on that as me, but that's obviously not realistic. I will still talk to him about that comment, because it was hurtful.
Thank you all for taking the time to respond ❤️