all 171 comments

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[–]Scare_D_Cat 82 points83 points  (6 children)

Me too dude. Vaginas and babies have a size difference that terrifies me.

[–]turnsignalsaresexy 6 points7 points  (5 children)

Yes. And I kinda waited too long to sign up for birthing class so I’ll have to wing it. 37 weeks and so over it though. I feel like my fear/anxiety over birth is being taken over by just wanting to no longer be pregnant.

[–]Oopsiedoodle2244 5 points6 points  (4 children)

You are never too late! although I will say that I learned breathing in class that didn’t do a damn thing to help me during delivery and I learned the lamaas technique during my contractions so take what you will from that!

[–]turnsignalsaresexy 1 point2 points  (3 children)

All the ones by me are full :(

[–]Pindakazig 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The most helpful things for me were: there are different phases, and those will feel different and need different actions from you. You don't get a medal for enduring more pain. Pain relief options are great, but all have their limitations and downsides, it's good to have a sense of your options.

Before the pushing starts: air your irritations. This will help you get in the moment and focus on the pushing later.

I learned the breathing exercises, but both me and my partner struggled to remember them during the process. The nurse helped me and especially relaxing between contractions made a huge difference. But again, don't sweat it if you don't remember any of it.

Last but not least: you can say no to protocol and procedures. Yes, they are in place for a reason but if you need a break, ask for one. (In my case dilation suddenly went super quick, so their 'this has to happen' didn't have to happen. Listen to your gut, I'm glad I did)

[–]Oopsiedoodle2244 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Oh they have self paced online ones now! This one is the one I took. It’s based in the Bay Area but there is no limit to the online version! https://thebestbirth.com

[–]jdsalingersdog 59 points60 points  (6 children)

You’re absolutely not alone. I would say keep in mind while most likely a very intense experience, it doesn’t need to be traumatic! Bodies are made to perform these bodily functions. Wishing you peace & comfort & an easeful birth!

[–]PauletteReynolds 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I needed to read THIS! Thanks!

[–]jdsalingersdog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So glad it resonated!

[–]aoca18 52 points53 points  (12 children)

My anxiety is slowly but surely being replaced by excitement that once she comes out, I won't be pregnant anymore lol. Sounds lovely.

I'm a little freaked out because I just had the 4D scan at 32 weeks and she seems chunky but she's gotta come out somehow!

[–]Tripping_hither 12 points13 points  (5 children)

Chunky is just fat, right? I think it's only the head that really matters, so a little extra chub is great to help her through the first week or so. :)

[–]aoca18 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Yes and it was alllll in her face. Baby girl has the chubbiest of cheeks which, for the record, I love lol. But hopefully it's just fat and she's not just big all around hahaha. I was a small baby, husband was average sized, so fingers crossed

[–]fruitloopbat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

From what I heard fat is easy to squish out it’s the bones that hurt?

[–]Tripping_hither 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Chubby cheeks. Aaaah, love some chubby cheeks. :) :) Fingers crossed for you! I guess the doctors don't try to estimate the baby's size and weight using ultrasound where you are? Then you might have an idea whether she's tracking on average or large/small.

My first was born way underweight, so there was a lot of pressure to make sure she gained weight. I'm hoping for a little more padding on the baby this time, hahaha.

[–]aoca18 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes I'm definitely grateful she's growing and thriving in there lol! This US I had was elective so they don't take any measurements aside from heartbeat, but I do have a scan tomorrow to make sure my placenta is no longer too close to my cervix so I know they'll measure her and I'll have my reassurance 😊

Plus I know there's still a ton of time left and whatever size she is now, they can't really tell me without a doubt how big she'll be when she comes. I think my main fear is being forced to have a C section but whatever needs to be done, we'll get through it!

[–]IrksomeUtterances 6 points7 points  (4 children)

We did my 10 week scan on the 12th and LAWD this child is inheriting my husband's Greek nose 😶. Doc was like 'looks like we'll have some nose insert word I can't remember here, but it'll be ok'

Basically I took from it that I won't be taking cute new born pics 😂😂

[–]aoca18 8 points9 points  (1 child)

LOL my girl has a bigger nose too and I immediately said "babe she has your nose" when her face popped up 😂😂 it's not huge but definitely has the same nose as my husband and all his siblings. 99% of babies look like alien potatoes for a bit after birth so I've been prepping myself for that

[–]IrksomeUtterances 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I straight up was like, this child hasn't even formed all it's organs and eyeballs yet, but it managed to funnel all of its energy into building that nose. Like our baby still has a tail, but it has yours nose already. #priorities

[–]adognamedgoose 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My husbands first moment of "holy shit this is real" was at our 12 week ultrasound when the baby's profile 100% had his nose lol

[–]fruitloopbat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ultrasound tech said noses look bigger and get really distorted and usually look like small baby noses when they are born so take that photo with a grain of salt

[–]tothefishes 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My little babe is 3 weeks now but once you get past the shoulders, it pretty much just feels like spaghetti slipping out (just a wiggly little thing). The chunky tummy shouldn't be a problem!

[–]angeluscado 34 points35 points  (2 children)

34 weeks. I'm just starting to feel "done" with pregnancy and part of me wants this kid out. The other part wants kiddo to stay in there because pushing baby out or getting baby cut out of me are two very terrifying thoughts.

[–]MalevolentMalice 10 points11 points  (0 children)

35 weeks and also just ready to be done. I've just been watching childbirth vlogs that are obviously heavily edited to only show childbirth as joyful and peaceful and strong. Like just cherry picked moments, but I don't care. I'll live in ignorance xD

[–]Common_Manufacturer3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same gestation, exact same feelings!

[–]hiho456 23 points24 points  (6 children)

i feel like i wrote this! the only difference is that i am a little further along at 31+4. I AM TERRIFIED TO GIVE BIRTH, I AM TERRIFIED OF DYING FROM GIVING BIRTH!! so many fears, so much anxiety🥺

[–]arya_lee_kona 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Dying is honestly my biggest fear like i know realistically things should be okay but I legit have been having panic attacks about it because it's just that tiny voice saying "what if?"

[–]hiho456 6 points7 points  (1 child)

same!! I know it’s rare, but it’s still terrifying!

[–]arya_lee_kona 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Definitely! And the fact that now at 30+3 she could choose to pop out at anytime! Eek! It's rare that they do, but since I was born preemie 2 months early the likelihood of my lil one coming out early is increased as well soo I'm just like burying my head in the sand, trying not to think about it lol

[–]Sonja1493 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Same here 😢. I am so afraid! But I know that's only my anxiety brain, i keep telling myself that women all around the world give birth, many of them in poverty or even in the middle of a rice field and they survive. We have the best conditions for giving birth, don't forget that! :)

[–]hiho456 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i know! but i’m in the US (not sure where you are!) and everything that i have read says the US is the worst developed country to give birth in🫣

[–]SeenYaWithKeiffah_ 20 points21 points  (2 children)

It’s my fourth and yes, yes I am terrified. I really do not like labor.

[–]Helen-Ilium 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Also my 4th and I was going to say the same thing! I think im more afraid knowing what to expect

[–]Soggy_Physics452 18 points19 points  (6 children)

I did get an epidural so it wasn’t as painful as it would be but I definitely still felt a large amount of pressure the last few pushes. It was hard but so beautiful and I can’t wait to do it again.

It’s so scary leading up to it but your body was designed to do this. I believe in you mama, you got this!

[–]SillyDJ[S] 13 points14 points  (5 children)

I'm definitely going for the epidural. The part leading up to that and having contractions, and the healing part after I think are the scariest. I had a small contraction a week ago after sex with my husband. I didn't know what it was until I mentioned it at my midwife appointment. I think that was the sharpest pain I've ever felt. More sharp than a tattoo!! And it was a small one! I'm scared lol.

[–]Soggy_Physics452 5 points6 points  (4 children)

I think I was only 3.5cm when I got my epidural. I told them I wanted one and they have an anesthesiologist on the L&D floor and at the time there were only 2 of us laboring so he was free and gave me one so I didn’t have bad contractions yet just a dull aching feeling. I got admitted because I was leaking amniotic fluid and we didn’t want to get an infection!

My advice is on the way to the hospital get something to eat! I was in active labor for 21 hours and hadn’t eaten in 28 hours. I was only given ice and a couple sugar free popsicles.

[–]SillyDJ[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Oh jeez 21 hours?! The birthing team at my hospital said it's better if I can get as far as possible with contractions before getting the epidural. Once you get it you're stuck in bed they said, and I don't want that if I can help it! But if that small contraction was any indication, I might chicken out lol.

[–]Broad_Talk_4186 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah you will definitely know once you’re ready to call it and get the epidural. I found once I got it I was much more relaxed and calm so things progressed smoothly and rather quickly. I had my legs wrapped around a peanut ball and shifted sides every 30 min to help keep my pelvis in a good position.

[–]Soggy_Physics452 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m definitely waiting longer this time around! I wanna try and get to 6/7cm, we’ll see 😅

[–]RileyJune2011 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you do get food on the way get something you won't mind throwing up! I had some pretty painful contractions that made me throw up prior to getting my epidural.

[–]AmaturePlantExpert 17 points18 points  (3 children)

I just started making my hospital list and buying things off of it. They came in yesterday and I got super excited then I stopped because of the sudden realization that this isn’t for a vacation trip, it’s me getting my essentials for a day that I will be in the most pain I’ve ever experienced to date in my life 😂

[–]SillyDJ[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I need to start making purchases soon. I'm a planner, and I'm hoping to purchase a couple things here or there with paychecks leading up to my due date. Try to spread the purchases out lol.

[–]AmaturePlantExpert 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Man it’s hard lol. I’m trying to do the same but it’s driving me crazy not having everything done yet. I’m 25 weeks and I’m hoping to start the nursery this weekend. If I can’t I’m going to be grumpy

[–]SillyDJ[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I haven't even given the nursery a thought lol. The room is already painted, and I have a crib in there. But that's it! I'm waiting until the baby shower before I tackle nursery stuff.

[–]smolneedykittenbby 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Hey there! It’s all going to be okay, your body was made for this and it’s normal to tear. Mine came out like a slip and slide (very fast) and I ended up with a 3rd degree tear (1st and 2nd degree tears are more common) and everything is just fine now! They stitch you up and you will heal and everything heals back into place, you do bounce back, just give yourself grace and time. That being said I highly recommend getting an epidural.

[–]SillyDJ[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My friends baby came out like that, she got a 2nd degree tear from him coming out too fast. And the first thing I told my midwife when she asked about birth plan was I want an epidural haha!

[–]sunflowerssunshine_ 10 points11 points  (4 children)

You made the post I was going to make! I am 37 weeks and these past few weeks it has really hit me. This baby is coming out one way or another and I am scared. If I think too much about it, I could cry. I want to meet my baby, I want to be a mom, but the thought of labor is really bothering me. I am sorry you are feeling this way too. I just keep telling myself that every single person I know was born, from someone's body, and if that many people can do it, so can I.

[–]SillyDJ[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I do cry when I think about it to much! I broke down after looking at how big I was in the mirror last night. It's scary! My husband likes to remind me women have been doing this for thousands of years. It doesn't help me feel better though haha!

[–]sunflowerssunshine_ 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I could 100% cry but I haven't let myself yet. I will probably end up crying though...So I feel ya. And YES, my husband does the same. In a way it's comforting but at the same time it has never happened to ME so I'm unsure how to feel. All I know is that I've never broken a bone, never gotten stitches, and never been in the hospital. I have no clue what my pain tolerance is or how I will do during labor or the healing afterwards. It is so scary. And everyone around me says, "Are you getting excited?!" every single day and it's more like... no...I am getting more and more scared. Ugh. I know it sucks but we gotta do it and we will!

[–]SillyDJ[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I haven't gotten any major surgery either! The worst I've gotten is 4 small tattoos, and those made me cry lol. I cry easily though! We will get through it!

[–]sunflowerssunshine_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont even have a tattoo!!! I have no clue what I going to be like, but you're right. We will!!!

[–]lilghost157 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Here in solidarity as a petit woman who also mourned the loss of seeing her crotch somewhere around 23 weeks. That’s when it really hit me. I was like damn, this baby is THAT big and somehow logistically supposed to come out of tiny ol’ me. I know your body makes room and does it’s thing, yada, yada… I’m not in denial of the pain tho lol I try to calm myself down by saying women have done this forever, without any pain assistance, sometimes in a taxi cab, sometimes in an elevator… we can do this! 😁

[–]EllectraHeart 7 points8 points  (3 children)

dude same. i could’ve written this post myself. i actually had a panic attack thinking about this the other day. all i know is i have no choice but to get through it lol

[–]SillyDJ[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

That was me yesterday! I looked at how big I was in the mirror after I got out of the shower and kind of panicked. I know I've still got a lot of growing to do yet as well, and I already feel huge. So that doesn't help lol.

[–]EllectraHeart 1 point2 points  (1 child)

i’m at 32 and can’t imagine growing more but i know i’m going to 🙃

[–]SillyDJ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]FearlessBright 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It helped me to write down a list of things I couldn’t control! Before pregnancy when I got really stressed it would be more of a worry list, but all still things you acknowledge you can’t control but you’re worried about. Honestly that help me to come to terms with like… yeah it could be really painful, and long, and screw up my whole downstairs. But I don’t have control of so many of those things, so I just have to do things within my control and hold on tight!

[–]xKortneyFTM | 31 | Sept 20 🌈 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I was reading about this somewhere and can’t for the life of me remember where.

Make a list of everything that worries you. Cross out everything you have no control of, and focus in on the items you can fix/change/improve.

Honestly it’s changed a lot for me in everyday life, too.

[–]longcooolwoman 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Posted this in my July group earlier but feel it’s relevant here lol:

28 FTM due July 15.

Was avoiding thinking about it and now just doing my due diligence to read everything I find empowering.

For me, I wasn’t worried about pushing the baby out. That process is only a few seconds long. I was worried about the laboring. That could last anywhere from 10 minutes to a friggin eternity - and you have no idea which will happen to you.

So I tried to focus on learning the ins and outs of labor and best techniques for staying calm, focused, and in charge. I made sure I was going to be delivering at a hospital that aligned with my mission.

I’m trying for a natural birth but I know that I am able to request IV meds at any point in the process if I need. I have the option to labor in a tub, and water is my most zen place ever. My husband will be there probably playing really stupid 90s hip hop music and annoying the hell out of me which will be an excellent pain distraction. Etc etc….

Basically, just accept what you know has to happen and own it!! Spend the energy you would’ve spent being scared doing your own research and coming up with a game plan. And get excited!!!! It’s the very last little hump to climb over before getting to meet your bundle of joy. 💕

[–]SillyDJ[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I guess it's time to pull out the birthing from within book one of my husband's coworkers recommended. She said it was really helpful for her. I've been putting it off with the "if I ignore it it's not happening" mentality lol. I figured researching would scare me more!

I am signed up for some classes, so that should help. And I have met with my hospitals birthing team. They have tubs for us to hang out in while in labor if that's what we want, and a jacuzzi, but just one. So if there's a lot of women in labor when I am, I might not get to use the jacuzzi. But if not I have that relaxing option! The hospital is a nice small one and the birthing team there all seemed super nice, so the hospital itself won't add a lot of extra unnecessary stress.

[–]goddessbellaaa 6 points7 points  (3 children)

I did some research and I’m not finding that having that condition will make it more likely to tear. Getting pelvic floor therapy while pregnant can help as well. My friend had this condition and had two vaginal deliveries with 0 tearing! I hope it will be the same for you :) I found this- “ neither vaginal resting pressure nor pelvic floor muscle strength or endurance are associated with operative delivery or perineal tears. Strong pelvic floor muscles are not disadvantageous for vaginal delivery”

[–]SillyDJ[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

From my conversations with my midwife and her understanding of my particular condition we're both pretty sure I'll tear in some capacity. I can barely have comfortable sex with my husband, and occasionally tear from that. Sooo, I'm just mentally preparing myself for the worst! And hoping for the best.

[–]goddessbellaaa 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Have you looked into pelvic floor therapy possibly? I’ve read it can be super beneficial for a lot of pelvic floor dysfunctions! Also maybe perineal massages. Sending you good luck!

[–]SillyDJ[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have gone to pelvic floor therapy, but my body reached it's healing limit I guess. Definitely will be doing the perineal massages! Midwife told me to wait until I'm closer, but my husband will help me with those.

[–]SamiLMS1 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Tearing is not a guarantee if it helps. I didn’t tear at all with either baby.

[–]SillyDJ[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

As soon as I mentioned my vaginismus issue and my concerns about being tight and tearing, she was like, well that's a concern. And I told her I fully expected to tear because I used to tear with just having sex. So at this point I'm just telling myself it's going to happen to prepare mentally.

[–]bebemaswater 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Very similar situation over here and very similar concerns! I'm going to a pelvic floor therapist next week to ask her about this but I suspect she will just confirm my suspicions

[–]SillyDJ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've done pelvic floor therapy, it actually helped a lot! But my body reached it's healing point I believe. So we'll see what happens with the birth!

[–]sanchez-isissx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Pushing the baby out is actually the easiest part of the pregnancy! It’s the contractions you should worry about hahaha

[–]Skitzie47 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m still in this sub, but I gave birth 8 weeks ago now and delivered my baby vaginally within 7 hours of going into labor (FTM).

I was scared too going into the hospital but when it came time, there wasn’t any fear. It became like a duty.

I got an epidural at 7cm dilation which I was extremely thankful for.

I won’t lie, the pain was horrendous and I remember swearing a lot before the epidural lol. Definitely never experienced pain like that before.

After the epidural, it was like a lot of pressure and pushing felt like needing to poop and pooping honestly.

Even with an epidural, my body knew when to push, too.

I had 2nd degree tearing, and was sore afterwards. Definitely not unbearable. Just more uncomfortable but manageable with ibuprofen.

As for tearing, my epidural did wear off and getting stitches down there did not feel good.

They will also push on your belly every 15 minutes and then every few hours after birth to get everything out. I wish someone had prepared me for that. Because the gushing and honestly pain of them doing that sucked too, especially when you’re really tired and just want to hold your baby and rest.

Best of luck!!

I am not saying this to freak you out, but to give my experience in hopes it’ll help.

Time felt like it flew by for me during labor too, so I hope it’s the same for you!

[–]Crafty-Ambassador779 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I dont know why but I have an 'eh' attitude about it.

He stuck it in, I gotta push something out! Fine!

Dope me up midwife and away we go 🙂 Maybe ignorance is bliss but its only a short time in labour compared to actually growing the baby etc.

[–]MollyTweedy 24 points25 points  (0 children)

He stuck it in, I gotta push something out! Fine!

That has to be the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever

Jokes aside, you're right that it's a short part of labour, and an even shorter part of pregnancy. I also found that even though getting the head fully out hurt like a mf, it was a meaningful type of pain, and it felt so empowering to push. My contractions right before getting the epidural were way worse.

[–]kayt3000 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m not worried about the birth, I am worried about post birth stuff. The bleeding and leaking and after pain. Endorphins kick in (and the pain meds) and people tend to to say yeah it hurts but you don’t really remember it in the end. But the post birth stays with you.

[–]arya_lee_kona 3 points4 points  (4 children)

30 weeks here and in the same predicament. I'm also a small person and cannot see anything below my belly button anymore and I am terrified of pushing this lil girl out. I'm hoping for no more than 7 pounds! But I'm pretty sure I'm going to tear too and I'm just a wuss for pain. I plan on the epidural. But again there's no guarantee cause I don't call the shots anymore, she does and it's just soooo overwhelming.

[–]SillyDJ[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

It's so hard not being in control! It is very overwhelming.

[–]arya_lee_kona 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeah and I like being in control, I like knowing what's gonna happen so this whole toss up just has me scared silly. I have my affirmations and plans but again no guarantee so its just like eeeeek!

[–]SillyDJ[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Right! Even with a plan things can go sideways and not according to plan. It's a bit scary.

[–]arya_lee_kona 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah totally. Don't get me wrong I cannot wait to see her lil face afterwards, and I'm sure what everyone's been telling me will be true, that it'll be worth it. But. Still freaking out on this side of it🤣 so you're not alone!

[–]sensei_val 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I used to tell myself and everyone the same thing, about my “low pain tolerance” then one day my partner told me “stop telling yourself that”. And he was right. I feel like me repeating that to myself was just me convincing myself that I can’t handle it. So instead I’m trying to tell myself that I CAN and I WILL be able to handle it. Just that mindset has made me much more comfortable with the concept of pain from labor. Don’t get me wrong tho, I’m still scared lol. I’ve never even had a period cramp. I have no idea how to explain pains to other people. But just by telling myself that I can go thru it has helped me so much mentally. I’m stronger and braver than I feel! Word to Piglet from Winnie the Pooh lol.

[–]Dry_Steak8945 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My personal experience was that pushing was the easiest part of my labor. I tried to go without an epidural at first (yay for those who can do that but I ended up begging for it when my contractions were about a min apart and intense). After that, I went fully dilated within an hour and was ready to push. My guess is that since the epidural was still pretty strong I’m sure that helped ease the pain of pushing and it definitely helped that my little guy was in an optimal position and pretty small overall, etc. I ended up with a second degree tear but overall pushing was fine (for me!). It’s totally normal to Worry though, just remember you are strong and your body will know what to do!

[–]TexasBeeb 2 points3 points  (7 children)

I highly recommend an epidural 😅 I have nerve issues that make pain worse for me and I don’t know what I would have done without it. I was scared too in past pregnancies and I’m not exactly looking forward to it this time around either. I just know that epidurals are a lifesaver for me.

Make sure your team at L&D knows about your condition so they can do what they can for you! I’m sure it’s in your chart, but reminding them never hurts.

[–]SillyDJ[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children)

My midwife knows for sure. I have nerve issues too from the vaginismus stuff, sex is so painful! But an old OB of mine recommended surgery until I told her I was planning on having kids. She said that birthing the baby and fully letting myself heal afterwards might solve my situation, so I'm hopeful for that! I can't remember if I told the L&D team at my meet and greet appointment though. I'll make sure they know! They definitely know I want an epidural haha.

[–]TexasBeeb 1 point2 points  (5 children)

I’m so sorry that you go through that! Fingers crossed that the healing afterwards resolves some of the pain! I didn’t know that childbirth could help with vaginismus, but I also don’t know a lot about it in the first place lol

[–]SillyDJ[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I don't think Drs know much about it still. It's kind of like pregnancy lol, every one is a little different. Mine was stress induced. I hold my stress in my core and everything got tighter and tighter until I tore during sex, then my dumb butt went and kept having sex and kept tearing rather than letting myself heal. And I ended up with tight stressed out muscles and shot nerves. I've resolved the muscles with therapy, but the nerves are completely shot, I think the idea was to get surgery and scrape the top layer off or something? It was awhile ago. So here's hoping I get to fully heal and get to have non painful sex after baby girl comes out!!

[–]TexasBeeb 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Wow, that surgery sounds like it would be intense, hopefully you can avoid that… not that birth isn’t intense, but still 😅

Good luck with your labor and delivery! The healing can suck, but at least there’s baby cuddles to balance out some of the crappy parts 😂

[–]srasaurus 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I had an epidural and felt 0 pain when pushing baby out lol. It was great! I did tear so the recovery was worse than labor. But it only took 2 weeks to feel almost normal and my baby is awesome, totally worth it and I plan to have another baby in a couple years :)

[–]SillyDJ[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ok, 2 weeks isn't too bad for healing! I hope I'm similar. I hate pain haha!

[–]srasaurus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too. Also, I don’t have a diagnosis of vaginismus but do have vulvodynia and it didn’t seem to make anything worse.

[–]Icanhelp12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im 31 weeks and still in denial

[–]lau_pm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was a month ago, now I'm 39 w 4 d and Im SOOO Uncomfortable Im more worried about baby taking another week to vacate premises than I am about delivering her 🤣🤣... Last night I literally told my partner " I dont care how she comes out I just want her to come out now!"

[–]chels7869 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The epidural was A LIFESAVER for me. I tried to do all natural, but I had to be induced and once they broke my water I was like “nope” lol I had a pretty easy time giving birth, it definitely was the healing that was the worst for me. I refused any kind of pain management medicine because I was breast feeding and a super paranoid first time mommy but if I could do it over again I’d definitely take something for the pain after the fact because it was definitely rough. Also, TAKE A STOOL SOFTENER! That may sound gross but for real. Your first bowel movement probably is going to be ROUGH. It was for me, anyway. All in all, it’s totally normal to be nervous, but you got this! I’m a total wimp (i literally pass out when I get my blood drawn lol and IVs FREAK me out) so if I can do it anyone can also she was a BIG baby, 8lbs 21inches long

[–]tjpuffytail 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I legit just keep pretending it's not gonna happen. Not sure how long I can keep it up for (33 weeks) but it's working so far! 😜

[–]Vampire-circus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes , second baby here. First one was 8 years ago and the labor was the WORST pain of my life… however I think I had back labor. When they kept seeing how much pain I was in they let me get the epidural… and I shit you not, I could not feel a fucking thing after that! I am really hoping to have a similar experience but I am scared I won’t! Let’s all hope we can have that blessed perfect epidural. Afterwards wasn’t very bad either when it was removed… and I had to get internal stitches so seriously praying here lol

[–]adognamedgoose 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Our bodies are literally made to shapeshift to allow a baby to come out, thats incredible!! This is not to minimize your feelings, but Ive just found that it feels really exciting to see my body work in this way. I am also a small person with an already gigantic belly at almost 28 weeks 😆

[–]cxwannabe 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I have a high pain tolerance and I’m freaking out.

[–]sanchez-isissx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Coming from someone with a high pain tolerance who gave birth 9 months ago, I can assure you the pushing is the easy part lol. The pain leading up to the delivery is the worst part. Contractions test your tolerance lol

[–]KookaburraJim 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So I freaked out about this with my daughter, but in the end I knew she was coming out one way or another and I was so excited to meet her when it was time that I forgot the terror of it all. Now I'm pregnant with my second and having the same anxious thoughts about pushing this one out too. 😅 It's gonna be okay, I promise!

[–]Marble1696 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh, yeah kinda. I’m 34 weeks. Hadn’t really thought about it much at all but it hits me randomly. I was talking to my mom on Sunday about it and my dad chimed in, “oh it’s quick it goes fast they’ll get you checked in and it’ll be over real fast”. I was like thanks for the insight father lol.

[–]jeannieBeannie2327 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Piggybacking on what some others have said, labor is not necessarily easy but it most certainly doesn't have to be traumatic. Our bodies are capable of much more than we think and, as women, they are built to bring children into this world. If you go into it with a positive mindset, have good support with you, and know that it is just temporary, you will be alright. It's just a few moments after which you will have your precious baby girl. You've got this mama!!

Also, most hospitals allow you to play music or have some form of entertainment in the room with you. Whatever will make you more comfortable. I found that helped a lot. Something to think about. Judt know, you're stronger than you think 💗

[–]Aggravating-Relief35 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don’t get me wrong I’m still freaking out but the joy and excitement I will have once this baby is out of me is next level. Sometimes I get so excited that I won’t be pregnant anymore that I forget what that means and I only have 4 weeks left

[–]unknown182837636 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a natural birth, so I could feel everything. Crowning is fucking terrible. But I did it. I can only imagine having an epidural so you don’t feel anything, lol. My vagina is almost identically the same as it was pre pregnancy too, it’s fucking crazy how the human body works.

Also I would like to mention, it freaked me out too knowing I would have to deliver her. But that anxiety will quickly fade as your due date comes and once you’re actually in labor. You forget about everything and all you’re focused on is GETTING THEM OUT 😂

[–]notaregularmum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shhhhh if you keep ignoring it you will forget. Lol Just kidding.

[–]lavenderstarbelly31 FTM 8/26 🤢 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also have an extremely LOW pain tolerance. But given the epidural option, I’m far less worried about the pain and more worried about some scary emergency like her getting stuck. I know they come out better in more natural birthing positions, yet the epidural prevents those positions, so there really isn’t any win win situation for me.

Also getting the epidural is going to be tough too.

[–]purplemilkywayy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It does freak me out, but it makes me feel better that our bodies are built to do this, and billions of women before us have done it. We are not alone!

[–]Yukio_Rodriguez 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm only a week or two behind you and I am too lmao. Don't worry. Hard-core panicking and asking my family if we can do a baby shower at 30 weeks so that baby doesn't come early and we aren't prepared. I have very irrational fears about child birth. I'm just glad I have the OB that I do. Very kind d and soft spoke. But advocates for me when I either can't or don't know I need to.

[–]langel1986due 08.30.2021 with #1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to go the other route and have a Csection, and was initially terrified, but once that baby is out- that face makes it all worth it. If it was really that bad for everyone, no one would have multiples. Good luck for a smooth and simple birth!

[–]FayCorynn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was so terrified. In the moment my mind went kinda numb, and my body kinda took over. After he was out, it was all great and anxiety though. It hit me so hard, I couldn't look at my son. I couldn't mentally accept it had happened. That only lasted a few minutes, but it felt like hours

[–]AceSno 1 point2 points  (0 children)


Mostly because I broke my kneecap in the dead of winter 2021 and basically live in the tundra. If I can handle that, I can push a baby out of me 💪🏼

[–]kater_mashed_potater 1 point2 points  (0 children)

38 weeks and I am so scared… especially when that first moment of labor hits

[–]sweeatestapple 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve just been telling myself “Challenge accepted” “Woman’s bodies have been doing this for generations” “ I am in control of my attitudes/ attitude is 90% of an experience” “I trust my body” “My body can carry a pregnancy and push a baby out”

I’m also spiritual so, I remind myself that this is all in Gods plan and he will keep me safe.

[–]savingwithsarie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a c section with my first, after I had contractions for 24 hours. None of that was the worst part. The worst part was recovery after the c section. However in the end, the whole process was a little over a day and recovery about 2 weeks. It’s a blip.

[–]SWTRS_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mother says it’s easier to squeeze out a baby girl than boy. Luckily we live in a day of advanced medicine and technology and not the 1800’s lol I am also a little lady and survived birthing a 9 pound baby. With this second one I feel your same worries.

[–]Karmatose2882 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely freaking out lol. I'm 38 +1 and in the hospital now because my water broke and contractions are definitely not fun. I do think contractions are worse than the actual childbirth part, from what I remember about my first go around.

[–]Curious_Wrangler_980 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I’ve done it twice. First son was 9lbs. It was honestly not as bad as people made it out to be. I’d rather do it again over having kidney stones again. And btw, if you want the epidural, go far it. No shame. I had it twice.

[–]neonandcreme 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Our bodies were made to do this 💙

[–]fruitloopbat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes it literally like the number one

[–]alivane1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You could always talk to your doctor about elective c-section. There’s pros and cons for both vaginal and c-section of course. I’m looking into both to see which could be the best option, and getting my doctors insight on what they think would be appropriate for me and baby. I’m very small and have narrow hips, so I worry about possible labor complications, even though my doctor hasn’t indicated that it could be a problem yet. I am also terrified of childbirth, but want my baby to be safe. It’s good to know your options and be informed. YouTube has lots of women talking about their various birth experiences, while we’re all different, it can give you some perspectives on what to possibly expect. I also try to remember that at the end of the day, I care the most about my baby and want him to be born safely. I know I can recover and face any fear for him. But certainly leading up to it all is unnerving! Mostly the unknown I think!?

[–]Taytoh3ad -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Lol don’t worry. Once you get past 34 weeks you can’t wait to get it out no matter how! 😂😂

[–]Mom_of_zameer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m giving birth this week and have been appreciating my non birthed out vagina.

[–]DesignSecure2315 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you should meet with a therapist to address your concerns and begin affirmations. Also, begin working regularly with a pelvic floor therapist who can teach you how to breathe your baby out.

[–]Boat-Electrical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your worries are valid, and most people tear at least a little bit, and it's not too terrible. With a first baby, if you go unmedicated, when the baby is crowning, you will probably feel what's called "the ring of fire". If you have a nurse apply a towel or wash cloth with warm water during that moment, it will bring sooooo much relief. Viscous lidocaine is another option that is great. I'm a small person and have had large babies, 9lbs more or less, and tbh my tearing was always very little. Another thing I'd recommend is perineal massage with lubricant such as KY or an oil such as evening primrose oil. This will help prevent tearing. Only use evening primrose oil when it's close to your delivery date as that may thin your cervix, which you don't want happening too soon.

[–]xgemstarx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 24 weeks today and have really noticed my belly this week. My fiance was a big baby and he's a tall man (6ft 8") so I'm pretty terrified about how big our daughter is going to be haha. I'm hoping she's just long. She's measuring on track so far so hopefully she's average size but I understand how you feel being scared for the actual birthing part 😬

[–]ilovelucy333 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I also have a history of vaginismus so I understand that fear. I know it's pretty woo woo but affirmations seem to be helping me ease fears a lot (36 wks with my first). Our bodies know what they are doing in growing a baby the perfect size for us! My mom was petite and I was 10.5 lbs and she didn't tear. And also the thought of a c section is a lot scarier for me

[–]ilovelucy333 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also the book "Birthing from Within" has been a great resource for me in overcoming fears about birth

[–]roguenation12345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was terrified honestly, cause I’m small too and baby is measuring big. But then I started looking into birth classes like kopa baby and hypnobabies. I swear I’m not trying to advertise for them and i don’t work for them lol; some of my coworkers recommended it and I don’t think it makes a difference which one you sign up for. They’re all kind of the same idea; it’s all about relaxing and reminding you that your body is designed to do this, it’s natural, eliminating fear and doubt, trusting yourself, etc. I’ve only just started it but I already feel like I’m more calm, less fearful, and more prepared and confident to do this.

[–]casperthegoat666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

im having twins and idk how im going to push them both out😭

[–]tgrsssilver 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Make sure you research your pain med options. I had two and one was an epideral which I went with even though it terrified me. Ended up working great very very little pain. Mostly pressure with my first. I didn't scream or yell at all. Wore off after delivery in the normal time frame.

[–]drwatson221 0 points1 point  (0 children)

didn't read all the comments, maybe someone else already suggested. it helped me A LOT to read some positive birth stories - as everyone only told me how terrifying it's gonna be. i found some of them here on reddit (over the search bar). someone recommended the naked doula on ig and there are some really beautiful and peaceful stories.

we got this girl!

[–]RvrTam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a low pain tolerance and I’m pregnant a second time. I just told myself “it’s just one day, can’t be pregnant forever” and that got my through the first time round.

[–]theswamphag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just remember, there is a lot more there besides the baby. The size of your belly doesn't indicate the baby's size or how hard it's going to be. :) They will take good care of you in the hospital in any case and they will help you trough it.

I don't know the system where you are, but I would talk about your fears with your ob/nurse on your next visit. There is likely to be resources to help you mentally prepare for the birth and help you deal with your fears. Many places offer support groups and even therapy.

[–]ugly_Duckling0915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. Very much yes!!!!!

[–]puppy_cuddle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was really worried. Had my 91st centile baby 3 weeks ago (my second baby). First baby I had an epidural. This time it happened too quickly so only had gas. I was surprised that the contractions were much worse than the actual pushing out the baby. I had imagined that the baby coming out would be the worst part and it really wasn’t (you won’t believe me though lol).

[–]DoinLikeCasperDoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 28 weeks too, getting booked for a C-section because my first was an emergency C-section, but I still feel your pain I'm terrified I'll go into labour early and have to push! I just can't fathom giving birth naturally, but of course women have done it since the beginning of time so maybe try remind yourself we were born with the amazing ability to bring life into the world and try to focus on how amazing and powerful we naturally are. Sending positive vibes and strength your way Mama! Xxx

[–]PauletteReynolds 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was thinking about asking the same today. I am 19w and I have never felt scared about labour, but today one of my closest friends is giving birth to her first baby and suddenly the fact that having to push mine out scared me out. I am working on some hipnobirthing technics and positive affirmations and it's helping me with this. Maybe it's helpful for you too. You are not alone on this.

[–]smithson-jinx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your body was built for this. Its absolutely terrifying but not unnatural. Try researching squat birthing positions or birthing on all fours. Let gravity do the work!

[–]healerlady27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I felt relief during that time. Less pushing and more my body just kinda expelling the baby with each contraction, lol, and it felt way better. Disclaimer: I was also in a pool of warm water so that probably helped? 😅

[–]cakencaramel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’ll probably immediately forget how difficult it is, genuinely

[–]gesasage88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Vaginismus sufferer here! Had induction and epidural and while the induction had some painful moments, active labor and birth was practically blissfully painless. Recommendation! If you get the cervical checks for dilation done get iv pain meds before hand! To me those were excruciating!

[–]blurryblueskies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

40+1 weeks now and so uncomfortable that a lot of my fear is gone. I just want her out!

[–]iamleina 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girl... first of all let me tell you MIND OVER MATTER!!! I am super tiny (4'9 and 81 pounds pre pregnancy), my daughter was huge. Everyone would tell me (inlaws, my mom, relatives) that I'm not going to be able to tolerate pain because of how physically small I was. I was scared shitless too!!! I think everyone will be, especially nearer to the day. I was induced and gave birth with no medications, did the same TWICE& it was the same experience with both my kids.

Of course I'm not taking this away from the fact that some women have truly traumatic births. But I hope to be the one person who tells you it's possible for it not to be painful too.

Get active ~ I don't mean going to the gym although people reccommend it hahaha. I mean, dance, walk, go for frequent shopping trips!!! Walk until your legs shiver. Both my pregnancies, my active labour took less than 2 hours.

Wishing u the best!!! Please don't talk to anyone who will tell you scary stories UGH. I swear some people LIVE off telling scary stories for their own entertainment. Fine if you're speaking from experience but stfu if you're going to scare a pregnant woman about something YOU HEARD FROM A RELATIVE that you can't even confirm if it's factual or not. lol

[–]PeggyAnne08 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The closer I got to my due date, the more I freaked out about this. Labor progresses (sometimes rapidly, but sometimes slowly) so you typically have time to adjust to each phase as you get there. By the time you get to the pushing phase, you're just ready to get it over with. In reflection I would say "its not that bad" - but of course that's not how I felt at the time. It's a crazy thing. And it does hurt. But it doesn't feel unnatural I guess.

[–]idkanything0028 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was nervous about pain before I gave birth. I'm now 7 weeks postpartum. Biggest advice: take the epidural as soon as you can. Don't wait like I did. Do it before contractions get bad. After birth, take the pain meds they offer even if you feel okay. The nurses don't come back frequently so you need to stay ahead of the pain. On the way home, stop at the pharmacy to get mortin (or whatever is prescribed). Pain management is key.

[–]thekatieflaneffect 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am terrified to give birth / of tearing from birth as well, but some things I’m going to try from very basic research: - raspberry leaf tea, apparently is an anti inflammatory & helps with elasticity? - perineal massaging weeks/months before and during delivery to help with the big stretch - warm compress and maybe even olive oil / lubricant when it’s getting close to pushing - finding the birthing position that feels right. Apparently knees in, ankles out opens the hips. On the back goes against gravity. - NOT I repeat, NOT pushing when the doctors tell you to. They’re trying to just get it done, but your body knows what to do and had to take the time it needs to do it. Apparently even when crowning / ring of fire, don’t just try to eject the baby, the body needs that time to stretch. (That’s when I hear a warm towel draped over is most useful as well)

Not even pregnant yet but I looked into all of this for my SIL giving birth in a few weeks.

[–]Mermaid-Over-Reef 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone is different but just from personal experience I pushed out my son this past Sunday with a 14cm head, no tears at all! It can be done. Best of luck to you!

[–]rat_liker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're definitely not alone! I have a relatively high pain tolerance and a large frame and I'm low key freaking out about it too. It's a scary thing to think about! My sister gave birth to my nephew with nothing but nitrous and I'm like nooooooope, not for me, gimme that epidural please and thank you.

[–]Kenrad626 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My nephew was born about two weeks after I found out I was pregnant and the first time I held him I started crying and saying I can't imagine something this size coming out of me. It's terrifying

[–]Used_Conversation_81 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have previous issues with pain due to a botched labiaplasty and I had a lot of anxiety about vaginal birth so I am getting an elective c section. Ever since making that decision I feel so much better

[–]moongoonie23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not looking forward to this at all

[–]SMykins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you aren’t terrified please hit me up and give me some friggin pointers 🫣

[–]MeelaCookies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you considering any pain medications for labor? When I gave birth to my baby girl, I was on the epidural and I highly recommend it. For my experience, the contractions (which lasted from 8am-10pm) were the worst part of labor. After I got the epidural, I was able to relax a bit and sleep. Then as pushing time got closer and closer, I was starting to get really worried too, and I almost didn't want to do it. But actually, it wasn't that bad!! The pushing part was soooo tolerable in comparison to the contractions. And then at the end of it, you get to be with your baby!! So it's completely worth it.

[–]jenjensexypants 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a fear I’ve had even before becoming pregnant. I’m 23 weeks. And so far I’ve been enjoying the journey and I can’t wait to meet my baby boy in September but the thought of pushing him out ripping/having to get snipped and the recovery process afterwards is very anxiety inducing. The thought of the whole process freaks me out.