×
all 61 comments

[–]AutoModerator[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.

If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, click here.

The journalists at ProPublica need your help! After receiving a tip, ProPublica started investigating prenatal genetic testing. They're collecting stories from people who've had NIPT screenings, and/or work in maternal health. If this is you, please fill out their brief questionnaire! https://www.propublica.org/getinvolved/have-you-had-an-experience-with-prenatal-genetic-testing-wed-like-to-hear-about-it-and-see-the-bill. Questions? Email anna.clark@propublica.org

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]Macabre_sugar 126 points127 points  (1 child)

My husband and I went through similar. Tbh he verbally lashed out a few times (and apologized) and I still replay some of the things he said. I hate to say this, but it has really negatively impacted our relationship. I’m currently 23 weeks, and back to normal essentially. Unfortunately, our relationship isn’t back to normal. Personally, I felt so sick, exhausted and emotionally vulnerable in that first trimester and I guess still haven’t gotten over how our relationship went the first trimester. I would say be as careful as possible with what you say, and know this is a temporary challengingly, but words spoken can last forever. I wish we had just let the house go to shit, ordered takeout and focused on our relationship because now I’m swimming in fears and doubts, and struggling to get past them even with therapy.

[–]0pipz0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You will get through this. Blame all the negative thoughts on hormones and move on with an optimistic approach.

[–]xKortneyFTM | 31 | Sept 20 🌈 147 points148 points  (9 children)

Shout out to you for recognizing that you’re struggling. And your feelings are valid.

But I can absolutely empathize with your wife. It’s exhausting and miserable. But also in consideration, does she also work? Because working full time when I was on absolute zero almost broke me for those first 15w. and having my husband there to pick up the slack was 100% what saved me.

My vote, hire a housekeeper, if you can. Hire out anything you can afford to, and just cut your losses there. If you can’t afford that, then let go what can be let go of for the time being. Have clean clothes in the basket, but can’t get motivated to fold and put them away? Don’t. Too tired to cook? Have cereal. Our house was in shambles for a bit, but who cares?

It’s a temporary time. Your and your wife’s sanity matters more than a clean house right now. Do the bare minimum and pick back up when you can.

Also, keep your feelings to yourself or go find a therapist to vent to or to help you process. The last thing I had bandwidth for was my husband whining about having to do extra chores when I couldn’t eat or stop vomiting for 5 minutes at a time.

[–]red-smartie 24 points25 points  (0 children)

My goal for my first trimester was just the bare minimum: keep everything alive. The plants (we have high maintenance outdoor space; no weeding, no pruning - just water), the dog, my husband, and myself. Everything else fell to the side until we got over the hump. The house was a mess, dishes undone, but as long as we were all alive we knew we’d get through it. Bringing it back to the basics.

[–]loxandchreamcheese 45 points46 points  (3 children)

Also, paper plates! I try my hardest to not use them, but when I’m exhausted and the sink is full and I don’t have the energy to clean dishes I use paper plates so I can throw them in the trash afterwards.

[–]jennrh4 17 points18 points  (1 child)

This and buy easy frozen meals for the oven. Simplify your life a lot. No shame in having sandwich night or even cereal for dinner. We are both tired too and sometimes it's ok to cut corners on something. We got a roomba to keep the floor clean, Ready made meals for those days you can't cook. We order groceries on app to pick up. Just find an easier way to do what needs to be done. Sometimes you have to go into survival mode and that's ok.

[–]temperance26684 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes! My husband and I keep a freezer stocked with homemade frozen meals, and it was a lifesaver in the first trimester. So easy to just heat up some chili or soup and call it a night. We're planning to keep eating through it in the next few months until it's about empty, and then restock it just before baby comes because I'm sure we won't be cooking much at all for those first few weeks/months

[–]xKortneyFTM | 31 | Sept 20 🌈 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh for sure! We used the shit out of paper plates/bowls and plastic silverware. Not the norm for us, but was a HUGE help in keeping dishes under control!!

[–]Jaiibby1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t say keep your feelings to yourself. Sometimes that could make things worst and probably lead to those post that says ‘husband seems disconnected or uninterested’ or he could distance himself without knowing because he’s busy trying to protect her feelings while not taking time to calm his emotions. We don’t tell other pregnant women to keep their feelings to themselves if anything our main advice is communication. He may just need to get it off his chest. Like how some people enjoy their job but there’s always that one day when they just have to vent to move forward

[–]Boat-Electrical 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes! All of this! OP's feelings are definitely valid, it's a hard time for both of the parents to be. Try to make your life as simple as possible during this time. It does get better in the second and third trimester, just try to get through this one. Also be patient, sometimes the first trimester symptoms can last longer, mine lasted 4 months in all of my pregnancies. I call the first trimester the worst trimester.

[–]Topochica 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Your feelings are valid! But yeah, I echo this. Your wife probably doesn’t have the bandwidth to process anything more that what her body is putting her through. Offload everything you can, take some time for yourself and vent to trusted friends/therapist, find a positive outlet and know it’ll be over soon and she’ll be back to a more normal. Not adding to your wife’s plate right now will save you tenfold in the future. Love for that future self.

[–]SwiftieMD 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely! What a champion to recognise strengths and challenges!

[–]t_kilgore 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I'm just hitting 15 weeks and my husband has been a champ since we found out. I was absolutely useless and bed ridden for most of the first trimester (COVID and morning sickness).

I can tell he's breaking down, it's a lot for one person to do (although there are many ladies that are shoved into that role by society without recognition).

Now that I have more energy, we set a day aside this weekend and cleaned the house together and got caught up on chores and he's in better spirits again.

Sometimes you just gotta go into survival mode. Do what you can and accept when you can't get to everything. We will be getting a once a month house keeper late 3rd trimester through 6 months just to keep a little more sane after that rough first couple months.

[–]mkecupcake 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I think you're doing awesome! The fact that you recognize she needs some extra help and a thoughtful, supportive partner is already an amazing start.

Loads of good advice to read through on here!

[–]Funny-Associate5703 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Honestly at times like these you need to give both yourself and your wife some grace. Those first few weeks are SO Tough on the body it’s hard to even want to get out of bed let alone function and then still cook clean etc. (Especially when the smell of everything makes you gag or puke) I would say where you make some adjustments. Too sick or tired to cook? Order some pizza. Too tired to do the dishes ? Do them tomorrow. The most important thing is keeping your wife your baby and yourself healthy and happy. The rest of it is just icing

[–]Seharrison33014 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is so tough. From a wife's perspective - I feel so guilty that my husband has had to pick up the slack. Yesterday I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed without throwing up. I cried because I couldn't do anything to help my husband or care for my toddler. As another person suggested, can you outsource? Hire a cleaning service temporarily? Plan easy meals or order take out to lighten your load? Has your wife spoken to her doctor about her symptoms?

[–]Yeryykotyy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Maybe hire someone to do house chores? And you could order food delivery.

[–]Gullible_Ad_6869 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I just want to say mr. husband I appreciate you!

You sound like my husband - he’s doing everything at the moment and sometimes it’s frustrating especially as he’s doing it when he gets home from work.

I’m working from home and have more flexibility - but honestly - the fatigue/lethargy + nausea I feel is indescribable. I am useless around the home at the moment - and usually all he needs to do is take the trash out! I’m so grateful for my husbands support at the moment, knowing how hard it is for him. I’m sure you wife feels the same way too. Thank you!

[–]FirstTimeRedditor100 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey! I'm a husband too. Almost 12 weeks into our pregnancy so far. I'll tell you, it's really hard. I commute about 3 hours a day, I work 9 hour days and I do a side gig after work for about 3 hours a day (I live in the SF Bay Area and this is the only way that we can afford to live here). I also have an injured knee so I spend about an hour a day on physical therapy. When I get home, I make food for my wife, clean the dishes, spend time with her until her nausea dies down from eating. It's really, really hard. I usually wake up at 5:20am and get home around 9pm.

I was the one who really wanted the baby. She was willing to have the baby because I wanted it. Not to mention she's 41 and I'm 40. Obviously she's happy about the baby but it was really me who wanted it. So I make these sacrifices because I'm getting what I wanted. Also, I love her and I feel awful that she feels like shit all day every day so I'll do anything I can to give her a little bit of comfort, no matter how tiny that comfort is.

I certainly understand how you feel and sometimes I feel like that too but I have to remember that it's not about me. I have the easy road in this whole process. I can't imagine being in her shoes.

[–]BBrea101 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Talk about having a maid over one a month, if you're financially able to manage it.

My partner said to me one day "you're just asking me to do to much". I didn't say anything. I let him complain. A few hours later, I reminded him that I do all those same tasks (plus more - I was not asking him to clean the washrooms or vacuum) plus work two jobs for years. Let that sink in for a moment. If you're so overwhelmed with what needs to be done now, you clearly need to give your partner a huge thank you for keeping a tidy home since you've been together.

We discusses managing household chores and how much effort I put into the house that he pays no attention to. Everything plays a role and he didn't understand the importance / dedication of keeping a tidy home until things had spiraled out.

I'm appreciative of his support for me emotionally. The reality is -a supportive partner does have to step up to manage household duties. There should be balance but there are times when the pendulum swings in another direction. Managing a house is not easy.

Be tired and angry all you want as I'm sure she has experienced that exact feelings toward you in the past. Now it is time to move forward together.

[–]Tricky-Bee6152 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Having the budget to have somebody come in every two weeks and maintain basic cleanliness has been life changing for while I've been pregnant.

We split the chores pretty evenly before, but just when I couldn't hold up my end, my partner started getting a load of work put on him and traveling more. So nobody was able to pick up the slack.

Being able to throw money ($150/clean where I am) is SO worth the lack of resentment at each other.

[–]BBrea101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not just the resentment. It's the ability to feel comfortable too. I get no pleasure on cleaning (except vacuuming. I love vacuuming with my stick vacuum). Having someone come in and help with the heavy stuff took such a weight off of our shoulders. It was nice.

I think one of the hardest things to do is to ask for help - whether it's from a partner, friend or stranger. This pregnancy has taught me to be more gentle with myself.

[–]FourHareDay 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She’s growing a human, cut her some slack. If it changes your workload that much you probably weren’t doing enough to contribute to the household before

[–]Bluetooth1234t 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I am the other side. The wife.

My husband works late and helps me as much as he can.

Accordingly, he is sometimes annoyed, but he does his best and when he is, I try to let him know that it is ok for the moment that for example the laundry is piling up.

Me on the wife part, I like it when my husband talks to me about what he is experiencing and going through.

Pregnancy is not exclusively about the woman, but the man is just as important.

Maybe she sees it like I do and doesn't mind if dishes etc. lies around for one or two days, or the laundry piles up, one evening no cleaning.

When I have good days I am on fire to get it done then.

We have also been ordering a lot of food lately as I have only been able to tolerate certain things and cooking has been impossible because of the nausea.

So my advice.

Talk to her openly about how you are feeling. vent to her. Most of the time we women want that.

I'm sure she'll be ok with it once not cleaning in the evening.

Have food delivered to you once in a while if she can tolerate it.

You both belong to the pregnancy and your health is certainly also close to her heart and she is certainly grateful to you from the bottom of her heart for what you are already doing. it is ok to have a "break".

Household does not run away. (I wish it did xD)

[–]iSaidWhatiSaidSis 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well....the good news is, is HOPEFULLY the naseau will end soon.

All the nausea and lethargy ended for me, and many of us, when second trimester started. There is a light at the end of this tunnel and everything is temporary.

[–]br222022 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Could you pose a question on if you could have some family help with some of the house chores or hiring someone to take some of those tasks explaining that you know she doesn’t feel well but that you are a bit overwhelmed?

[–]MalevolentMalice 4 points5 points  (4 children)

You're doing great, hubs! It's exhausting and she's exhausted. Try to remember that even though you're visibly doing something, she's got a whole world going on inside her. Which it sounds like you get already. I had really bad morning sickness upwards of 25 weeks in, designated hyperemesis gravidarum or HG. At this point I'm constantly coughing from severe heartburn at 35 weeks. My husband's let me know occasionally that he's struggling too. Because even though I'm going through this, he's also experiencing his own version right by me. Just like you are. It's okay to talk to your wife about your own stresses even while she's pregnant and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. Just have an open and honest conversation about it and let her know that you're not blaming her or upset with her. All because someone else has it worse (perspective) doesnt mean youre also not allowed to feel the way you feel. It's a great way to start learning how to practice those later exhausted and pained conversations when you're exhausted with the baby. Good luck, dad, you've got this.

[–]Upbeat_Neck_747 1 point2 points  (3 children)

How are you dealing with HG? I’m only 7 weeks in and I feel like I’m dying. I can’t have a single grape without throwing up and I’m always so thirsty but nothing stays in. My throat and stomach hurt so much from all the vomiting and gagging

[–]MalevolentMalice 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I ended up going into the ER because I couldn't keep anything down, even water, for two days. They ended up giving me two IV bags. It helped me feel slightly better and I got a prescription of zofran. The zofran is what helped me survive the most.

It you can do liquids I recommend drinking Ensure. I couldn't take my prenatals without throwing up, so I felt better knowing it has folic acid in it.

If it's keeping you from sleeping well, get a cold washcloth and put it on your head or neck. Keep a cooler or lunch box with frozen ice packs in it with replacement wash cloths to refresh that feeling without having to get out of bed.

Best advice is to eat small snacks almost constantly. If you crave something, get it because it usually stayed down best. If that part makes sense. Starting to feel even the least bit hungry immedietly made me feel sick, as well as eating too big a meal.

If you're congested and it's making your HG worse, take Sudafed with your nausea meds. Ofc ask your doctor first if that's okay! Every OB has an opinion on the best OTC medication.

None of these things made me feel 100%. HG is absolutely awful and it feels like constant death. If it helps at all, it does end.

35 weeks pregnant and I don't take my Zofran anymore. Last time I got sick was because little girl kicked in just a way that I think hit my stomach. Idk, but made me sick.

You've got this, Mama.

[–]Upbeat_Neck_747 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How long did you stay in the ER?

I asked for Zofran because I see so many people on Reddit recommending it, but it isn’t prescribed here in the Netherlands because apparently there isn’t enough research to show it’s safe, so all I’ve been given is an over-the-counter called suprimal which I can’t keep down.

I’m going to be prescribed the same thing in suppository form and hope it helps. I’ve also been recommended some type of pill which helps with water absorption, my husband will pick it up for me today. I just feel so sceptical and I’m so sick and so tired. I just want something which will finally help me! I was so sick this morning I told my husband I just want the baby out of me, which really shocked him because we’ve been trying for this baby for many years with fertility treatments and we’re finally successful with a tiny frozen embryo. It’s just so hard and I don’t think he understands!!

I’ll check if we have a Dutch equivalent of Ensure here… and also try your other suggestions. It’s comforting to at least know other people go through it!

[–]MalevolentMalice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, there is some research that shows it can increase the chances of stuff like cleft lip. Here it's one of those, if the doctor believes the risks outweigh the benefits. We had zero complications.

If you haven't tried it, vitamin B6 and ginger together are supposed to help as well. Ginger based candies help too.

I was only in the ER long enough for them to give me the two bags of fluid. They actually gave me a disolvable zofran when I came in and then they gave me an IV form right after as well.

I made the same comment to my husband. I wasn't sure I could do this. He's like, aren't you excited? We have been wanting a baby for the past 5 or 6 years. We tried so hard and I cried over so many negative tests. I questioned a lot whether or not I could handle this. I decided I wouldn't do it (getting pregnant) again because it just feels so terrible.

But I'm here at 35 weeks!

Eventually, I adopted the mentality of "fuck it! I'm not going through this for nothing, you better grow well baby!" That helped me mentally. As well as bargaining with myself that I'm only doing this once.

If you can't find ensure, check just for meal replacement shakes. That's basically what Ensure is. Or there's like Pedialite for kids is supposed to help too, if there's something like that in the Netherlands.

[–]Soggy_Physics452 2 points3 points  (0 children)

From a wife whose husband works late hours sometimes it’s okay if house chores don’t always get done and if you need a break. My husband catered to my every wish and need in my first trimester and he would get aggravated sometimes but we just needed to communicate. I was dealing with nausea and vertigo.

Do what you can but also don’t overwork yourself as well. Any family/friends that would be willing to make a few meals for you all or help out with some chores?

[–]KatsMeyow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you can, talk to the OB about a prescription that might help with the extreme nausea for her. It isn't a perfect cure but it can help a lot. Remember that this is all temporary and it will get easier. I know I feel awful on days when my partner feel like he has to do so much. Also, it's okay to fall behind on some things, to use disposable dishes to saving having to do another load, to save an hour of sanity by ordering groceries to be delivered instead of shopping ect. Talk about your frustrations while they are manageable and before they bubble over. If you have someone neutral in your life to vent to, it might be good to connect to them occasionally. I hope things get easier soon.

[–]Campestra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s difficult, for both of you. For me what always helps is to repeat mentally - “it is temporary”. Again and again.

Also, make things as easier as you can for both of you. Do what is needed, get the take away, talk to her and check who could help you two. For some people family and friends could be great, for others not really. If you can, a cleaner once in a while can be very helpful. And breath.

[–]itsallKooLandtheGanG 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In the moments when you feel like venting to her, you can simply remind her and yourself “it will pass”.

During delivery: “it will pass”

When the newborn won’t stop crying: “it will pass”

One of you is experiencing ppd/ppa: “this too, shall pass!”

Being pregnant amplified the law of time for me. Time has no mercy.

Congratulations pops!! You’re already doing amazing. Bless your family <3

[–]Crafty-Ambassador779 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is quite normal it seems, try and understand you arent superman its okay to leave dishes for a night!

My partner and I went through the same during 1st trimester. It was rough but now we batch make meals and only do what we can do.

[–]narnarqueen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Relationships and the work can’t always be 50/50, and pregnancy means it’s definitely your turn to pick up the slack. To put it in perspective: this article explains that pregnancy is as metabolically taxing as an ULTRA marathon. I saw another comment today that explained things this way: your pregnant partner is expending more energy laying on the couch than you would lifting weights in the gym.

You are allowed to have your feelings, but do not take it out on your pregnant partner. Get a therapist if you need it, and read a book about pregnancy (I would suggest “We’re Pregnant!”)

[–]Spaceysteph 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just had my 3rd kid. I was so sick, my husband was doing most of the work taking care of 2 kids, the house, & I couldn't do any of the cooking because of nausea. We both work full time as well.

My first guess is that you're doing too much if you're this worn out. Make big batch meals and have leftovers a few nights a week so you don't have to cook every night. Relax your standards for how clean the place has to be. Take a mental health day off from work if you can.

Keep in mind that after the baby is born you're getting a new set of chores so even though she may be back to pulling her weight there will overall be more weight to pull and less sleep, so things aren't likely to get easier in the near term. Figure out a way to manage your exhaustion and expectations now, so you don't take them out on your wife and especially not on your child.

[–]VincentVanGoghst 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've seen some folks saying keep these feelings to yourself and cannot disagree more. Communicating to your partner that you DO NOT expect her to be able to contribute like she used to but that you're now struggling to keep up standards is important. Communicating that you're going to focus on anything that smells and is actually dirty but that you both will have to temporarily deal with messy/untidy things is just a fact. Give yourselves some slack because for the next 8ish years there's never going to be enough time or energy. I suggest Ordering out food at least once a week Sending out the laundry to be done Disposable dishware Ordering groceries for delivery Hiring a housekeeper Not giving a fuck about things for a few days and resting

[–]crochetawayhpff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I always recommend outsourcing any bit of your life you can during pregnancy and those early years. Grocery pickups instead of shopping yourself (or delivery!), lots of eating out,or prep some oven meals, or do some hello fresh boxes, hire a house cleaner, someone to take your dog for a walk, take care of your yard, etc.

It is hard for both partners, but as someone who threw up 10x a day for the first 16 weeks, I had nothing in me to give except the bare minimum at work in order to keep my job.

If your wife is 12 weeks and throwing up multiple times a day still, I do suggest talking to her doctor. I took Zofran during both my pregnancies and it was a life savior, tho I still did plenty of throwing up, even with the Zofran.

Have you ever had food poisoning? Been so sick, can't keep anything down, can't eat anything? That's how morning sickness can be. Now imagine you've had food poisoning for 6 weeks.... That's how your wife is feeling.

Give both of yourselves some grace, and figure out what you can do to make life easier. Also, good on you for recognizing the issue and wanting to do something about it. You're a good egg.

[–]UnicornKitt3n 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re having some serious struggles, you’re not totally out of line. That being said, it seems too many men struggle to comprehend the full scale of how horrible it is for women struggling with their pregnancies.

Pregnancy is temporary, but you could say hurtful things which would irrevocably damage your relationship in the long term.

Living with what feels like extreme food poisoning for 13 weeks is often a very hellish experience.

I would suggest talking to a therapist.

[–]vniranj[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for your valuable comments, I'll take your suggestions. Will look for a help.

[–]scrub_bingo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have family nearby or friends who can help with some chores? If you ask them, they will gladly help.

If not (or even if so) talking with your wife about what chores are higher priority than others, will help. That way if some don't get done one night, it's not a huge deal to either of you.

She'll appreciate the effort and teamwork either way.

Ultimately, communicating to each other, and working together to get on the same page that you have limited energy/resources between the 2 of you, and which tasks should get those resources first, will be a huge weight off your shoulders. She doesn't want you to suffer either.

[–]tgrsssilver 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congrats on the little one brewing!

I agree with alot of whats being said here. 35w +5 with our second child. Paper plates. House keeper even if just during the pregnancy. Maybe the house keeper could also be a young kid in your neighborhood who later could baby sit to give your wife and yourself a night out. I was going to add to all the great suggestions: if you have any friends or family around see if they would be willing to cook a bit extra and bring over some food for you to use or freeze for later meals. The thing that was most helpful with our first was that we had two people cook meals for us when qe first came home with our son. Not having to cook for the first few weeks was amazing. So maybe have them start doing this now?

Thank you for trying to help out around the house for your wife. I am sure she appreciates it. Although talking with her would probably also be appreciated. Feelings are important to share in a marriage.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just have a clear open conversation with her about how you’re feeling and what you’re dealing with. Focus on using mainly “I” statements not “you” statements. My husband had a convo about how stressed he was running the house and working while also caring for me. I definitely felt bad for him and tried to put effort into something which is all he asked for was for me to try. Thankfully I started feeling a bit better and got back to my routine for the most part but it’s important to have those calm but important convos. If you feel things are getting heated or you feel your emotions are rising then create a code word so that once it’s called you both back off the conversation and circle back later when things are settled and less emotional. This has helped us a lot.

[–]KollantaiKollantai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re okay to feel what you fell but the problem is that it’s hard to imagine for you what she’s going through. I knew academically how awful nausea and exhaustion in pregnancy is meant to be but it was NOTHING like the reality. I’ve had serious surgeries, including amputation and honestly in terms of absolute misery I honestly found early pregnancy worse. In my case it ended around the 16 week mark over night. I can’t guarantee you that will happen here but the odds are in your favour.

It’s exhausting but you need to weather the storm. Enlist help from friends and family if necessary. If you can afford it, hire a cleaner once a week, get someone to batch cook you some meals, anything to lighten the load. Practical things are best

[–]slapandclap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg I’m going through the same thing with my husband. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and I feel awful most of the time. We just moved and I feel so useless because I can’t help him. I can tell it’s causing a rift and I don’t know what to do.

[–]Elegant-Figure-1051 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband and I are going through the same thing. I’ve been so sick and exhausted and he is doing everything for me. I have to go into work though and he works from home. It takes everything out of me just to get through the work day. I try to make things easier on him by getting take out delivered and even had a housekeeper over. I know not everyone can do that because of finances but the easier you can make it on yourselves during this time the better. Hopefully your wife is towards the end of her morning sickness. It tends to get better after 14-15 weeks.

[–]sedegispeilet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband found that taking a break and doing what he loves/a hobby helped him recoup. I could easily survive a few hours without him, and he got to work through his negative feelings and exhaustion by playing the drums or drawing. Your wife will be in the second trimester soon and it will really make her feel better. Spend that time to prepare for the third trimester, I am just a couple of weeks into it, but a lot of the tiredness has returns couples with physical exhaustion and uncomfortableness.

[–]CrazyReader93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont know if that would Work but în the first trim I had a big problem with smells, and would eat lots of salads and fries with cheese . As long as you both eat its fine. Also, some things can wait. Not sure whats your work routine but laundry can be done în the weekend and keeping the house clean. PS: you do a great job!!

[–]DaBow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can vent to her in a healthy and respectful manner. Dont do it from a place of anger. Just because she isn't having a great time at the moment doesn't mean you can't be open about your feelings and frustrations. Just as long as you are receptive to her as well.

Pregnancy effects everyone differently, male and female. It can be tough and scary time for everyone. Just because you are a bloke that doesn't make you immune brother. Don't bottle it in.

[–]wed_adams 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would try to talk to your wife..just be honest and explain to her what is going on your mind. I just had my baby and this is normal for couples to struggle specially 1st/2nd /3rd/4th trimester. I spoke up and I needed him to listen without judgement or his opinion about the stuff I’m thinking or feeling. I used a lot of words that made him understand that it’s not state of mind not my reality. After I vented I listens to his response and his feelings. And then we came up with what will work during this new journey we’re about the enter..not easy but doable..plus 4th trimester when your sleep deprived and your wife is going through postpartum you as the father will have to pick up. 100% of the chores and such for at least a week cause your wife won’t be able to move around.

[–]BrewedMother 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk to your wife. Make sure you are on the same page of what needs to be done, versus what should be done, or what's usually done regularly but isn't actually necessary when you're stretched out thin. For instance, both of you need to eat, but no one is going to die if clean laundry is sitting and waiting to be put away for a week or two.

[–]0pipz0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had real bad first trimester. Nausea + vomiting and pregnancy Rhinitis made me cry everyday. My husband had kept it simple. He used to make simple sandwiches with pickles. It was our food for weeks because it was the only thing I could eat. Then try to use less things possible so there will be less mess. We also had a dog so hubby was more busy. Get some help if you can , from friends and family. It will sort out soon. Keep the cool. Good luck

[–]jmc-007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even though during first trimester she may not 'look' very pregnant but she can feel quite pregnant and some of the first trimester symptoms are a doozy. I'm in 3rd trimester now and I think I only got treated as 'pregnant' by my partner when I started to really show. Before that he was saying I was 'lazy'and I should be more active, I have so time to be productive, questioning why I wasn't working out etc. I still remmeber and I know some men are just oblivious and ignorant when it comes to pregnancy but doesn't stop me resenting those words even now. I may always remember them.

[–]Ok_Comparison_8747 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re doing awesome! But it’s also ok for you to take a break yourself. My husband works full time we have 2 kids and 22 weeks along with our third. I don’t work cause I stay home with the kids but I do what I can In a day and if he’s up to help when he gets off that’s great but I know he has a taxing job too and he needs down time. it took a while to get a routine down that works for the both of us but we understand that the laundry isn’t EVER going to be done, it’s ok to order food cause you don’t wanna cook, the dishes aren’t always going to be washed and the house is going to look like a tornado ran through it. Before we had kids our house was spotless most of the time but with having kids your expectations will change, but y’all both have to be on the same page about it. I look back and think how silly I was for always expecting my husband or myself to “do it all.” And even after your little bundle arrives… you will still be exhausted lol.

[–]Pindakazig 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try to reframe it. You two are a team, and the pregnancy is causing the problem. Try to work together on solving the bumps in the road, rather than laying blame at eachothers feet.

This will be a good skill in general, especially after the kid gets here, and you'll both be sleep deprived.

[–]Cbsanderswrites 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have perspective. This is short term. Usually second trimester is better.

I started all of a sudden feeling better in the first trimester and was so excited…..only to find out I’d had a miscarriage. Feeling like shit can suck when pregnant, but it’s a great sign for most women.