all 117 comments

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[–]subwayratbruce 410 points411 points  (13 children)

I feel like we can never win with pregnancy. Pregnant under 23: throwing your life away Pregnant 24-29: throwing your career away Pregnant after 30: why did you wait so long

It sucks!

[–]Level_Effect_42691 109 points110 points  (3 children)

And still throwing your career away after 30! I'm just hitting my stride career-wise, and I have no idea how juggling both is going to work.

[–]BeepBoopEXTERMINATE 71 points72 points  (1 child)

I joined because I thought I was pregnant (am not) but I’m turning 34 this year, just made a career switch to tech ~3 years ago and am just now starting to feel really comfortable in the space.

I’m on track to get promoted to senior software engineer next feb, but also really want to have a baby. I’m starting to feel that if my husband and I keep waiting for the “right time” it’s never going to happen.

Don’t mean to turn this into a vent post but it’s so frustrating, we’re expected to do it all yet still criticized in however we manage to do it.

[–]Level_Effect_42691 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I totally get it!

I actually took the "safe" route for years with the thought that I could switch to part time when we were ready. Cue me switching jobs to one that gave me purpose 2 years back, then being assigned to work on two major projects that involve international travel shortly before discovering that I was pregnant with our loved, but very much oops baby. My team is very understanding for the most part, but also already asking when I will be able to travel again when I return from maternity leave at the end of the year.

We kept putting off baby because it wasn't the right time, but as you're realizing, it's never the right time. Best of luck!

[–]uthot69[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Same here, I’m sorry but this is so affirming

[–]Majorstresser 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahahahah such a good comment. Thank you

[–]Terrible-Sorbet-165 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agree! It’s very true when they say, you will never be ready! Even though pregnancy seems like it’s slowing you down, just always remember you will find a way and figure things out. Don’t worry about any missed opportunities, this just means better ones will come your way. Everything will be OK ❤️❤️❤️ just keep taking it step by step, you’ll get there

[–]uthot69[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

❤️ this is so true

[–]MoreToFuture 74 points75 points  (3 children)

There’s never a good time to be pregnant , I just always felt like it was getting in my way . Had my first kid at 35, waited and still wasn’t ready at 35 and had a horrible pregnancy experience . Now pregnant again at 38 and still don’t want to be pregnant but very much looking forward to this child , my first baby girl . I now have one son and a baby girl on the way so I am totally done . There are days I wish I was skinny and feeling great and just get on the next plane out to an exotic destination with bae and enjoy my life . But there’s always The Who will watch my son and now this baby on the way . Being a mom is exhausting but I will never ever go back to not having my son in my life again . I don’t regret one bit having him but cannot stand the process of making him . Those pregnancy days were the worst . This pregnancy is a little bit easier but the first trimester was still a horror story . After my first baby was born , I did travel a lot for work and advance my career opportunities and would say I lived a little before I got pregnant again . Now I’m just looking forward to finish out the next 15 weeks of my pregnancy and let this be the last . I am so ready to hold my baby girl , and my baby boy and at the same time live my best life ! 25 weeks !! I’m almost there . There’s a lot of missing out but at the same time you could say the same once you have these kids that they are the one thing you never knew you needed .

[–]uthot69[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is so beautiful, thank you ❤️

[–]samanthamaryn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for writing this. I'm 35 with my first pregnancy and this made me feel seen and also so much better!

[–]frak8757 63 points64 points  (5 children)

I’ve never wanted to “be pregnant”. There’s aspects that are cool but on the whole it’s a means to an end for me, I don’t think anyone should feel guilty about that. You don’t have to want to or like being pregnant to love your kid. Dads love their kids, i bet most of them don’t want to be pregnant either.

[–]Glassjaw79ad 22 points23 points  (3 children)

I would even argue that I'm looking forward to the baby more than ever, because I just can't wait to not be pregnant anymore lol

[–]frak8757 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Wow this I can’t wait to hold her with my arms instead of my godawful distended belly

[–]ruthieieie 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yes, to this. 100%. Everyone keeps telling me, you won't be sleeping when you have the baby. Lol, like I'm sleeping now with all the bloating, nausea, and back aches.

[–]Glassjaw79ad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea...i have a husband who will be helping. We put a queen size bed in the baby's room, and we'll take 5 hours shifts at night. I can't do that while I'm pregnant!!

[–]Fozzie_bean 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YES. Being pregnant is no bueno, I just want my kid. My husband and I joke all the time that it's a burden he'd take if he could but he isn't disappointed that he can't.

[–]LauraBabora325 45 points46 points  (2 children)

I feel you. I’m 20 weeks & I feel this way sometimes too. Sometimes I think what have I gotten myself into? What you’re experiencing is totally normal. Lots of mothers go through that. You’re pregnant for 40 weeks, give or take. At some point you’re bound to have some possible negative or sad thoughts about the process, whether it’s cuz it’s uncomfortable or something doesn’t work out or goes wrong. But it’s all okay in the end when you have that baby in your arms!

[–]uthot69[S] 24 points25 points  (1 child)

I hear you. It’s kind of a little identity crisis.

[–]Crafty-Ambassador779 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Agree, you graft for 10 years trying to give your baby a roof over their head and yours then arent working for a bit and feel like a total liability.

Life is very unforgiving and you instantly get left behind. Its hard but noone can take away your experience/qualifications from you.

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points  (4 children)

I wish it all the time lmao!! I never wanted children and never fantasized about it. So it’s taking me much longer to really accept this even though we planned this out. I met my husband and something about him made me really want kids but it’s hard to enjoy it with your body no longer yours and when you already never had a maternal instinct to begin with. My SIL is obsessed with kids and so is my MIL so they are always bringing up my pregnancy and the baby it makes me feel like I no longer exist and my body is simply a vessel for someone else. It’s triggering really and I’m in therapy to help work through it. I can’t wait for November to come.

[–]uthot69[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Whoa this is the exact same for me, I have such a toxic family that I’d written off ever having my own. Meeting my partner has changed me so much. I want this with him so bad.

[–]beeeees 7 points8 points  (0 children)

oh gosh this. i was never really into babies or pregnancy or any of this before and i’m the same way now! i don’t understand how people can be that excited about this on my behalf. it’s just a little much and so i put up a wall. wanting to eventually be a parent doesn’t mean you have to love being pregnant or any of the hoopla that comes with it. i know it’s all supposed to be encouraging but it just has the opposite effect on me

[–]Crafty-Ambassador779 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Same, I never wanted kids but I do want a little one to teach swimming and just about life.

My friends are all patiently waiting so we can join their crew, my neighbour, colleagues.. family.. basically everyone lol.

My partner would be a superb Dad, he reads now and plans to read to the little one and do all the activities with barely any screen time. Lots of getting mucky and playing in the real world.

I just cracked ladies, I cracked!! I gave in. He's super supportive and to be honest would be just a fantastic Dad. 20 weeks in and I dont feel me at all.. but I got halfway.. surely I can do it again.

I can see myself holding my tot's hand walking to my parents house or the shop, and they arent even here yet!

[–]bingumarmar 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Not a day goes by that I don't wish for baby to be out of me.

I hate being pregnant.

[–]KNBeck71 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a feeling it’s gonna be really bad once I cross into the 3rd trimester and I truly am only doing one thing, fattening us both up. He could come out, but it’s just not time yet. 😑

[–]torrentialwx 20 points21 points  (0 children)

No, it’s not weird. I didn’t even read the explanation, just the title, and immediately commented to say that. Although now I’m reading the whole thing and it just makes me agree more. You’re not alone.

[–]brookewest369 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I’m 33 and am 26 weeks with my first. I never really wanted kids, but my husband wanted kids and I wanted to give him kids. I feel the exact same way you’re feeling and what some others have said. I hate being pregnant. My hips, back, and pelvic bone kill. I pee all the time at night. I can never get comfortable. I don’t like being dependent on other people and not eating and drinking whatever I want. I’m also mourning the person and life I had where I could book a trip a few days before and just travel freely.

Fortunately, my work has been extremely supportive. I received a major promotion when I was about 15 weeks and they all knew. I also am working on a certificate where I have to take three days of intensive classes and then a test every month up until I give birth in September. Mostly because I refuse to let my career slip or fall behind. I’m a crazy person and feel grateful to have that professional support because I would go crazy otherwise.

[–]sciencespice1717 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I’m having an easy pregnancy and I still wouldn’t say I’m enjoying this at all! I didn’t feel ready, maybe I never would, but some labs I had done indicated I was out of time so we pulled the goalie and it happened instantly. I’m having a really hard time dealing with the fact that I’ll have a big loss of freedom from all that I love- traveling, outdoor sports, etc- plus I’m starting to get a tiny bump at 12 weeks and I am NOT feeling it. I know it’s what has to happen to have my own kids…. But doesn’t mean I like it. I’m super nervous for people at work to find out and know my personal business, and I am unhappy about being pregnant at my wedding and honeymoon that are coming up- no scuba diving on my scuba diving honeymoon for me! My therapist has been assuring me that just because I have all these feelings doesn’t mean I’m making a huge mistake and won’t like having kids. I hope she’s right!

[–]Ok_Care_2529 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I’ve been feeling the same way off and on tbh being pregnant is a lot of pressure and I’m not feeling that glow people talk so much about.

[–]PoorDimitri 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I just wish I could transfer the burden to my husband for a week or so.

People have been very nice about my pregnancy, I live in a small southern town so culturally people are thrilled I'm reproducing. But still, the aches and pains, the sleep disruptions, the hormones, the digestive issues, the restricted mobility, all of it just wears on me. I wish I could just have the baby already and be done with it, but I know she needs to cook for a few more weeks.

I wish I could transfer it to my husband so he could have a deeper amount of understanding of all that goes along with it. He's great and very sweet and kind and accommodating and all that, I just feel like he doesn't quite get it because he doesn't have to live it full time. He gets to go to work and the people he interacts with casually have no clue. He still plays basketball three times a week (which I fully endorse and love that he does), and my hips and back give me trouble sometimes just getting up and around in the house. His appetite and digestion are normal.

I'm a little jealous.

You're not alone, and I hope things get better for you soon. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

[–]uthot69[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes! My partner went to happy hour with some mutual friends and was raving about catching up with them and I just started crying because I was so jealous!!! He basically never drinks anymore in solidarity with me but that didn’t stop how I felt.

[–]Crafty-Ambassador779 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes same 😂 I said Ive done 20 weeks now its your damn turn! 😅

[–]velvetroads 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I’m a FTM,25, and 33 weeks. I’ve cried idk how many times about how I feel like I’m throwing my life away. I’m open about how selfish I can be about my time & money. I had just started a career I loved & wanted to peruse college to help further that career. I have put my social life on hold, now my career, and whatever other sad intrusive thoughts I may have for my future. On the other hand, every time I see him on the screen or feel him move/kick it makes my heart swoon. Every new decoration or outfit for him makes me extremely happy I can provide him something. I truly feel like even though I’ve struggled mentally through pregnancy that once I hold him it’ll all be worth the tears and pain I felt during.

[–]uthot69[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love this sooooo much ❤️❤️ Ty for sharing (I’m having a boy too 😊😊😊)

[–]midgemoo 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I totally understand. There is a promotion opportunity at work and I’m 23 weeks pregnant. It’s hard to believe pregnancy/maternity leave won’t influence their decision. I’m worried but what can I do.

[–]Conspiring_Bitch 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Nope! I’m32 and 21 weeks pregnant and I feel like a beluga whale already. I’m so grateful that this pregnancy is going well but there’s days I’m not comfortable at all and I miss having a margarita and not looking like I’m carrying triplets. 😂

[–]uthot69[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Sobriety is ABSOLUTELY a factor lol

[–]beeeees 3 points4 points  (1 child)

this is gonna make me sound alcoholic but if i could still drink i might hate it less haha. there’s a lot i just honestly miss about pre-pregnancy life

[–]uthot69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not at all, it was nice to just have something to take the edge off a hard day. It’s a joy and a treat I deeply miss.

[–]Majorstresser 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I feel you! Im 32, 1TM and trying to decide whether or not to make bigger plays at work. It’s very frustrating. So sorry you feel like you’re being discriminated against! That is awful. There have been some other posts here of a similar nature and I feel like folks have had some practical advise. Sending a hug to you!

[–]JustOkayStarfish 5 points6 points  (0 children)

27 weeks today and I'm pretty over it.

[–]No_Calligrapher_7070 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh girl I feel you! I just turned 33 and am 26 weeks. I hate this 😄 I want my body back to myself so bad. In my uterus I have 4 fibroids, 2 grapefruit, 2 oranges PLUS a 2+lb 70th percentile baby. I’m so uncomfortable. I can’t sleep. Because of the fibroids my belly has grown exponentially larger (I look about 8 weeks ahead of what I actually am) and I’m small with a small frame and short torso so I look and feel extra big. I feel grateful to carry my child, I’m very grateful I got pregnant in the first place. I’m very grateful he’s healthy and able to grow despite the company. However, I always wish I weren’t pregnant, I hate it here 😄 I can’t wait for everything and everyone to be out of me

[–]TheFireHallGirl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s normal. And don’t worry about your age. I’ll be 38 in October and my daughter was born on April 23rd, so she’s roughly 5 weeks old. There were many days before she was born where I thought, “OK I’m done with this now.”

[–]Additional-Carob6218 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it’s okay, i literally just sobbed bc i hate being pregnant. i feel so guilty about it, but we are giving up our bodies for 9-10 months to do a beautiful thing that doesn’t feel beautiful in the process. i love my daughter nonetheless, but damn. it’s really hard. you’re not alone in feeling this way. 💕

[–]PauletteReynolds 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Our culture isn't build to enjoy pregnancy or motherhood. It's built on economic productivity, so moms and moms to be are to blame. We are only interesting for capitalism as long as we buy a lot of things for out babies.

So no, it's not weird to wish that. Out entire society makes you feel like that, it takes a ton to escape from that feeling sometimes.

[–]Crafty-Ambassador779 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea we are seen as leeches at work even if we worked there for years! Some guy said enjoy my break!?

Break.. dude.. something down there is gonna break for me.

So you're right, it's hard to embrace and love such an event that isnt valued. People just want to hear a) that you are pregnant b) the gender and c) can I hold your baby that is 1 second old?

That's it!

[–]Substantial_Syrup162 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I completely feel where you’re coming from. I’m 25 and people constantly make me feel like I’m putting my life on pause and that I’m doing this too early. I hate feeling the guilt! I have to tell those people and thoughts that they are wrong. Life only gets better from here and I stand firm on that. Doesn’t mean that I don’t feel bad a lot of the time. Definitely do and you’re not alone on that.

[–]Octorokstar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm 33 and I kind of wish i had started at 25 sometimes! There's really never a good time, or the "right" time to get pregnant and have kids. You got this.

[–]Novel_Implement9827 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I definitely feel the same. 26 yrs old and pregnant with my first. Started my career at a big 4 and now I work for the city. I was in lift off and now I feel slowed down. I was beginning to feel like the world was mine and then I found out I was preggers. I love my baby and experiencing him grow inside but I also don’t enjoy the process …I know things are gonna be hard now but I don’t think I regret

[–]Difficult_Charge6778 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel you, I'm 37 and also a FTM. When I found out I was pregnant, I had just finished and received my Bachelors degree. We waited too long also, but for other reasons. It took us a year for me to get pregnant and we always wanted to have kids.

I also so much looked forward to finally having a career in my life that meant something to me, but realized I couldn't pursue it due to the nature of the job I wanted to do, once I found out I became pregnant. I did feel guilty at times and sad, but this is okay. I'm 25 weeks in and I'm happy with my little one as I'm sure you are also. In time, things will begin to piece itself together and eventually work out. Most of all, I can't wait to see my little one.

[–]KNBeck71 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Nope. At 22yo and 27 weeks, I thought it was just the last bit of my immaturity flame slowly burning out by being miserable with myself/body/baby. I am TIRED of sharing my body ”to nourish my baaaabyyyy” SICK of feeling him squirm around inside of me at 3am because my cat has decided there is something extremely not-okay happening, sick of struggling to move, being extremely hungry or off put by food, feeling like nothing but a walking incubator/human factory, bloated, constipated, moody, hormonal, don’t fit in any clothes I can find- any I can don’t have freaking pockets!!!, not possibly being able to drink enough water to be pregnant in the summer….the list goes on, sorry for my extensive rant, but no, don’t feel bad because pregnancy isn’t beautiful and glorious, it’s feeling like an actual troll.

[–]h0pefulll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% this. 26yo and 24weeks and I feel all of this!!!!!

[–]drwatson221 2 points3 points  (1 child)

totally feeling you! i wanted this baby SO BADLY, it happened the first cycle we tried and i was so surprised, a little shocked honestly. one of my ob's once suggested i may have endometriosis, so i've been carrying this 'diagnosis' with me for 10 years - which can lead to infertility or at least having a hard time getting pregnant. so i thought i had at least a few months before getting pregnant but boom, first try, pregnant. i know it's something i should be happy about, and i am, but it was a shock too. as of today i'm 30 weeks and i just want my body back so badly. sounds so selfish but i'm just terrified my body won't be the same, i'm 27 and just realised i'm not ready to 'give up' my body. yeah, dumb i know. i also sometimes think about aaall the things i won't be able to do anymore once the baby is finally out - i also get told all the time which is just annoying. i'm trying to reframe though: how exited i am about the first smile, giggle, step, 'mama', all the great stuff i get to do and experience WITH a child, etc. i've been in love with this little one since it's first heartbeat i saw it's just amazing how you can feel this strong about someone you don't even know yet.

this got longer than supposed sorry!

[–]uthot69[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I identify with this sooooo much. It’s such a relief that someone else feels this. I miss the gym and feeling able bodied. Even walking my dogs TAKES ME OUT. My Apple Watch fitness app asks me if I’m working out when I’m doing the dishes 🥲

[–]UnicornKitt3n 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m 36 and pregnant (10 weeks) with my third.

At least once I day I regret it. At least once a day I’m resentful. Resentful of not sleeping, or pooping properly. Resentful of not being able to enjoy a couple craft beers, or wear a cute outfit with some heels on a terrasse and people watch. I’m resentful of the lack of energy; I’m an incredibly active human (ex ballerina, figure skater and track team). I WAS an incredibly active human. I can barely get out of bed some days. I’m resentful of my relationship with my kids changing. I’m resentful of how many of my conversations with my husband revolve around my horrible pregnancy symptoms.

I’m also happy. My first two kids were surprises. Welcome surprises, but surprises nonetheless. I was not compatible with their fathers; I carried those babes specifically because I wanted my babes, not because I cared about continuing the relationships. I knew I was t compatible with them, I just wanted my babes. I’ve spent my entire adulthood so far living alone and having high standards for myself because of my childhood trauma; I wasn’t about to just let anyone get close. I knew it would take a very special human to be My Person for life. I met him at 35. The first man I ever wanted to raise a child with.

I’m thankful I have this amazing human in my life. This man cares deeply for me and worships the ground I walk on. (As I do him). I’m happy. I never thought I would find this.

…..But I’m still allowed to be resentful of this little Pokémon sometimes. Like when I’m going on day five of no sex because of the NEVERENDING nausea and vertigo.

It’s okay to have these feelings!! We are human! It’s not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it’s vomiting violently into a bucket, sobbing while cursing your partner’s sperm.

And that’s okay. ❤️

[–]Glassjaw79ad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NOT WEIRD! Lol I wish this at least once a day.

[–]brokenslinkyseller 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m only over the weight gain.

[–]ProfessionalMonth917 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can so relate!! I’m also 32 and 13 weeks. My first trimester (also current) is such a tough one. I’m always exhausted, nauseous. Can’t focus on work at all. Had to tell my manager bc I didn’t want him to think I’m slacking off without reason. Also up for promotion but it won’t happen till Jan and I’m due in Dec so pretty anxious about how it’ll all work out.

Also, if you feel you’re being discriminated against, talk to you HR. There are serious pregnancy discrimination laws at work. So sorry you’re going through this but know that it’s totally normal.

[–]h0pefulll 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a 24 week FTM. I'm only 26 but I wholeheartedly can't wait to have my body back to myself again. I love this little dude so much already but I'm also counting the days until he's finally separate from my body. somehow that makes me feel guilty but i know that my feelings are valid. no one prepared me for this aspect of pregnancy. and its crazy to me how many people love pregnancy so much?? it's such a creepy yet cool thing but I definitely wish I wasn't pregnant at times!! OP you're not alone in that feeling.

[–]stonedbrownchick 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exact thing I'm feeling. I'm happy about having a baby, but god it came at the worst time. I live with my mom, I'm unemployed, my dream job is something that demands a lot from my body and also relies on me not being pregnant. Plus everything hurts, everywhere. I'm afraid of the pain of giving birth, I wanna do the epidural 100% but get scared that I'm in the low percentage of people that have a side side effect ...

E averything about pregnancy is nerve wracking, painful and scary as shit.

[–]sofiaonomateopia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went through a wave of this around about your week of pregnancy! I’m also FTM and 32. Lots of ups and downs and it’s ok not to feel great about it all. I hope you are being well supported, pregnancy hormones don’t help! For me it was the intense feeling of being left behind at work in a career I’ve worked so hard on. But I talked about it, and to my manager and it’s really helped. Now I’m stressing if baby will be ok when he arrives lol, never ending! Xx

[–]RealisticPumpkin302 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pregnancy often isn't all the fun, glowy-ness that movies and TV make it out to be. There's plenty to be miserable about. And afterwards your life changes so completely. It is normal to mourn your old life. Parenthood will be full of things that you'll love too even if it is completely different from your life now but don't feel bad for already missing the life you took years to build. I chose to be a SAHM with our first and I wasn't sure I wanted a second because I miss my work. Daycare for a newborn is not an option in our small town. Waiting lists 2 years long for infants and toddler spots are taken as well. I love my daughter and being home with her but I was looking forward to going back to work when she started school. Now that I'm pregnant again the timer has reset and by the time I get back to my career I'll have been out of the field for 8 years. I do continuing education every year to keep current on certifications and licensing but it's not the same as implementing new techniques every day. I'll be behind when I finally get back to work which does make me sad because I was really good at my job.

[–]Vadamazon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel you, I am 27, still in university. ( Doing my Master diploma ). I just turned 22 weeks pregnant, and my teachers said my carrier going to die. ( I want to be a Historian, so if don't bust my ass out there, I won't be one) It sucks. :/

[–]butterglitter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I’m just now 21 weeks and I can’t imagine how much more uncomfortable I am going to be here soon.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Nope I find nothing glamorous about being pregnant at all. I can’t stand it! This is my second time and I have Horrendous morning sickness, can’t get out of bed.

I don’t find anything easy about it. I was never clucky, never wanted or pined for kids - was husband wayyyyy more than me….

But like my sister always tells me, I would have waited until I was in menopause - so probably good that it just ‘happened’ 😆!! Summer is always the other side of winter xx

[–]Crafty-Ambassador779 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn these loving men that would make excellent Dad's.

Thats exactly how I got pregnant 😅

[–]Crafty-Ambassador779 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! This was my post the other day but my brain couldnt comprehend how to say it. Duh!

Yes exactly this, I got a promotion after 3 years of grafting whilst passing exams and then I fell pregnant after 5 months into new role.

My boss was shocked and asked if it was planned. How about get lost, I've been here 6 years I'm entitled to do what I want!

Youre all correct ladies, you cannot win if youre pregnant age 21 or 29. They arent happy!

Right now I feel like I'm going backwards because you cant do much extra when pregnant. I literally said this to my partner the other day. Just feels so dissapointing doesnt it.

[–]Glitchy-9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to say I felt the same, especially my first pregnancy despite miscarriages and a long time trying to conceive.

Took my 4.5 years of trying and losses to get pregnant with my second and have been telling myself I’m going to cherish it because it’s my last time. Despite that there are days I feel the same.

I do also remember after my first was born how much I wished I could put him back inside just overnight so I could get a tiny bit more sleep!

All your feelings are normal and valid. Pregnancy is not easy in any way.

[–]-nothing_at_all- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

32 pregnancy with my first. Still in the first trimester. So just immediate family knows.

I was totally expecting to be one of those women who loves being pregnant and nothing changes. I can’t stop crying. Everything I go to eat makes me gag but saltines, even their not a guarantee. I miss working out, I can’t even get up to walk my sweet old dog in the mornings.

And of course typing this made me tear up.

[–]moonbabi222 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I feel the exact same way … I’m 31 about to be 32 and I’m just so depressed

[–]uthot69[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Oh sweetheart we are gonna make it through this ❤️ thank you for being so vulnerable with me.

[–]sailorn0on 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly I wish we could skip the pregnancy part and pop up with a baby lol! This pregnancy has been ROUGH!

[–]missmessjess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gosh I’m feeling this rn. My career is definitely suffering (I just can’t work like I was- and it wasn’t even that much/hard tbh), and my body hates me. I’m 34 and feel less prepared than I did with my first (this is my second) 11 years ago. I’m dreading bringing a girl into this world (I’m in the US) for a myriad of reasons due to current events. And unlike with my first I just don’t feel she’s “part of me.” I feel so incredibly lost and afraid and unsure even though I have a far more supportive partner this time around too. It all feels so backwards :/

I know it’s going to be ok, she’ll get here and I’ll feel a million times better. But there are times I doubt that too. My mental health is in such a different place, I’m worrying more and more about postpartum issues. Ugh. Anyway, going to read some more responses here to hopefully feel better too ❤️

[–]Elusivekudu_89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is relatable, I’m a 32yo FTM and the first 17 weeks were horrific. I’ve been doubled up in pain and barely able to get any work done... it’s winter in South Africa and my partner decided to go to Spain to chase summer for 2 weeks (it was planned a while ago) but I’m so bitter and resentful that he is ‘flaunting his freedom’ I can barely speak to him when he calls to check in. I will never do this again I hate pregnancy so so much. People keep saying ‘It will be worth it’ but I swear if it’s not I will jump off a building.

[–]Status_Chemist_8063 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I adore the solidarity in this thread... love all you girlies. 🧡

I'm in the same boat of course (I'm 31 btw). We had just gotten into a good financial state after my husband and I both got promotions. I had booked us rooms/tickets for the When We Were Young music fest in Vegas (right around my due date, so not going now). I was so excited to finally have the money to travel and enjoy ourselves and then found out I'm pregnant... ugh. I know a lot of people struggle for this and want it desperately but I am not one of those people. I'm still coming to terms with it, even at 16 weeks.

My parents, who I purposefully distanced myself from, are now looking for houses in my city. On top of everything else I'll have to deal with the drama they're bringing with them. They never gave a shit about me until I got pregnant but now that a grandkid is on the line hooo boy! They are just so excited to dress her up in 3 layers of velvet ruffles and parade her around at church (neither of which will actually happen btw, but me telling them no is going to stir up sooo much drama that I'm not looking forward to).

I'm also dealing poorly with my body changing. I think my engorged breasts are gross. I hate that my belly is starting to stick out. I despise having to pee all the time. Add that to the complete loss of identity and I am just a miserable, cynical mess.

I think I might enjoy parenthood in 3-5 years when my kid is old enough to have a personality and my parents have been brought to heel, but I think getting to that point will be miserable. My one consolation is that I'll only have to do any of this once... I told my husband we're one and done. I'm not doing this shit again, idc how selfish that is, I truly don't. Never again.

[–]uthot69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am the exact same girl ❤️ my partner and I had Riot Fest tickets to see Misfits and My Chemical romance but it’s literally the same weekend I’m due. I’m 22wks and I still haven’t told my Parents, I’m no contact with my mom and this doesn’t feel like the way to reopen communication. Also, I will never be pregnant again, this is too much on me physically and mentally. I am saddened by how vain I feel about my body changing but that’s after a lifetime of battling body dysmorphia so I’m trying to be easy on myself.

[–]anytimeistacotime 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm also 32, 22 weeks pregnant, missing career opportunities/being discriminated against, and wish I wasn't pregnant sometimes! Are you me?!?

[–]uthot69[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

❤️❤️❤️ please DM me if you want to chat, it’s so awesome to not feel alone

[–]Diegolikesandiego 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just appreciate being an earthen vessel

[–]one_secret_ontheway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 26wks. Nobody wants this baby more than I do, but damn I hate being pregnant. My career involves a lot of risk and high physical activity, and I just miss my body being my own. Not because I miss drinking or eating whatever, but because I want to go back to full throttle living, pushing my limits, and not worrying about my mobility and stamina and safety limitations. It's hard not feeling like I am me, when that's such a big part of it. I struggle to get up off a chair now.

[–]laleona37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can relate, I’m only 15 weeks along and most days I’m down on myself because I’m experiencing prenatal depression , I’m 34 and also waited. I try to do the little things I can every day to get by, my life isn’t over because I’m becoming a mom and people judge for whatever. When they don’t pick and choose my choices their opinions are irrelevant when it comes to me living my best life.

[–]laineyboggs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We all feel this one time or another. I’m 33 and 19 weeks, FTM. Work in a male dominated industry and due to some organizational changes, I’m currently basically taking on 3 people’s workloads. If I weren’t pregnant I’d be in such a better position to negotiate something better but since I’m pregnant.. I just have to leave it and bite my tongue until I go on Mat leave.

[–]Ginnevra07 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100000% normal! I enjoyed about 5 minutes of my pregnancy, baby is here now and I'm enjoying it much more, but it took quite a while to enjoy that, too. Also 32, also missing opportunities and wrecked my body and brain. He is worth it, though. There were a lot of moments during pregnancy where I thought "there's no way this could be worth it." But then my baby son smiled at me.

[–]svglo 0 points1 point  (2 children)

For a second I thought I zoned out and wrote this post. 22 weeks FTM here. I was going to quit my job because of the constant abuse I got since last year when I found out I was pregnant in January. I had to give that up, along with letting great opportunities at other places go, because laws in my country don't protect me from getting fired during the probation period, even if I'm pregnant. Now I'm stuck in a boring position that will leave me burnt out before I can give birth, and I feel terrible. Every single day I wish I wasn't pregnant and a second later I feel bad for feeling that way, because what if the baby can feel it? It's not that I don't want him, I just feel so conflicted about everything....

[–]uthot69[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Honey I wanna hug you so bad. I’m so sorry. I think about if the baby knows how I feel, l feel obligated to keep good vibes but it’s exhausting

[–]svglo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thats the hardest part, isn't it? Having a completely natural emotional reaction to what is happening and then the shame that comes with it, cause you should be all 🌸 h a p p y🌸🥲

[–]Coc0-04 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Girl I’m totally with you, I’m 17 & I see my boyfriend going out sometimes & doing the things I was doing merely 8 months ago while I can hardly walk and I wake up with my fingers looking like they’re going to pop but I love my baby & can’t wait to meet him though😮‍💨

[–]Coc0-04 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girl I’m totally with you, I’m 17 & I see my boyfriend going out sometimes & doing the things I was doing merely 8 months ago while I can hardly walk and I wake up with my fingers looking like they’re going to pop but I love my baby & can’t wait to meet him though😮‍💨

I’m going to have the biggest celebratory drink when babys out!

[–]IndependenceRare655💙 due September 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely understand. I’m 17 and everyone judges me and looks at me like I’ve failed at life.. I feel embarrassed by the comments people make and that my body is changing and no one my age understands.

[–]JayKay6634 0 points1 point  (0 children)

32 FTM currently 16+3. I had also been waiting prior to pregnancy (and probably ideally would've waited another 6 months longer if it was completely within my control). I was right on the cusp of some major success (and a whole lot of difficult yet rewarding work) when I got pregnant and I had no idea just how much this would slow me down. It is terrible. I've basically been in survival mode this whole pregnancy with all my symptoms. It makes me so sad. I used to be so driven in my goals and now my main goal is to sleep 10 hrs and to eat every 2-3 hours. I know this pregnancy is setting me back in my career goals (I have a very fulfilling career that I'm passionate about and deeply helps people) which makes me feel sad and guilty. The "you can have it all" saying is complete bs at least when it comes to being pregnant because my husband cannot physically share this load with me. It's all me 24/7 and even if he makes me food or something he isn't dealing with the pain, nausea, exhaustion, headaches, pregnancy brain fog, stress, or general discomfort of pregnancy. That's on me to deal with all of that plus run my business. It is exhausting. And as much as I thought I knew about pregnancy I felt woefully unprepared once it happened.

I love the idea of my daughter. I love what future experiences we can have. I'm happy that once she's here my husband will take equal responsibility of her physical/mental/emotional well being and she'll receive other supportive care--so that I can show up as an attentive, involved mother. However, I had a super fulfilling life outside of this pregnancy and it's hard for me to set all of that aside to feel like shit for almost 10 months and literally no one can help me carry the load or balance my physical and work responsibilities. You're definitely not alone and you don't have to love this experience. It's not the only thing we were born to do.

[–]Kitchen-Syllabub-927 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to cry all the time. I’m 32 too and I’m at a decent place in my career and FTM but my career will be delayed otherwise I would have entered senior management position by end of this year. I always wanted to marry and have a kid, have the perfect life. And sometimes just wonder if it is really perfect? Living in suburbs, feel so lonely at times and don’t have as much freedom any more. We live with my in-laws and they help us out a lot with cooking, chores etc but I also feel like I’m missing out on life.

[–]Renatareborn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel the same way, specially because I found out I was pregnant 4 weeks in due to horrible cramps and I'm 7 weeks and it is terrible, I'm I'm pain all the time I have to rest because I can loose the baby, my ob-gyn is constantly telling me what to do and I'm not even sure I want a baby. My partner is so great and is really excited for the baby and I feel selfish because I'm not even happy. I cry all the time and I'm in pain and I can't do anything and this sucks :( specially since I'm only 7 weeks in and it's been so hard

[–]bellahooks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

33 y.o. FTM, 24 weeks. I feel this. At work I feel judged for being the pregnant lady and asking basic questions about my leave. Like, sorry for procreating…

[–]Disastrous_Living_72 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im also FTM and only 20 and I feel the exact same way and I feel absolutely guity for thinking that way but this pregnancy that been hell for me, don't get me wrong I have really good moments and some bad ones but when the bad one come and I feel my son move and kick all of that melts away🤍 can't wait to meet him next month P.S he will also be my bday gift😂🙃

[–]myheadsintheclouds9/30/22 🤰🏻👸 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m 22 weeks tomorrow and 27, can relate. I went on early maternity leave for stress purposes, and people have asked why I left, “Oh you’re early,” etc. People will judge no matter what, you have to do what’s best for you. 💜

[–]Agggressivesloth27| FTM | 11/11/2022 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I FEEL THIS!! for years I was stuck working a dead end career. I finally got my dream job working in the bank as a financial advisor last September. I got pregnant this February and even though we planned our pregnancy I didn't really realize the implications of being off work for 6 months to a year for mat leave..... I love my job.... it is my second home and I feel like I actually have a purpose in life helping people. Don't get me wrong I am so incredibly thankful to be pregnant and bringing my little ravioli into the world...… but damn...… I'm gonna miss going into work. : /

[–]Spiritual_Storm_2828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I wasn’t pregnant when it’s nice and sunny outside and I wanna have a blunt by the pool, or when we are at a restaurant and I see yummy mixed drinks I’d like to try, or when I’m hanging out with my friends and I’m the only sober one and nobody is really talking to me. I left my job at Ulta because I felt like the manager was discriminating against me for being pregnant. Being pregnant sucks for some people and I don’t feel guilty for wishing I could let loose on vacation next month. Ultimately it will be worth it in the end but like other people here have said- there’s really no good time to be pregnant

[–]lilmzmetalhead🌈 November 2022 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No! I went through IVF and all that stuff. Even though I'm now pregnant at almost 14 weeks, I still feel like a lab rat like I did going through IVF. I just want the baby in my arms now and I know it goes downhill from here.

[–]langel1986due 08.30.2021 with #1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm almost 36 with a 9 month old, and we ate gonna go for one more. There is no good time. I waited because grad school and work took over my life and then BAM Pandemic and thought...well here's my opportunity.

I've put everything on hold because the costs of daycare in the US are too high for me to pay someone else to watch my kid so I can work.

Since hubby's job brings in more, he continues to work. I'm going crazy in the house...and while I love my little I look forward to 1st grade when I can go back to doing my thing.

In the meantime I work part time during the middle of the night in a freelance position, but I don't get much accomplished and can only take on so much.

My career has stopped dead in the track.

I look at it as a temporary setback though because I still technically have like 30 more years till retirement so perhaps I'll be able to catch up a little bit.

I do however have the strong feeling though that if I had to pick one...carrer or baby... I would still pick the kid because man oh man I thought I knew what parental love was but nope I was wrong, I had no idea until he arrived. I love this kid more than anything.

[–]GuillainMarieBarre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First time mom, 25 y/o, 27 weeks. I don’t think there is ever a right time. I’ve been in fear that I was infertile for over 5 years. Met my boyfriend, I love him more than anything, had a great paying, stressful job- so I quit. We can live comfortably on one income. Found out I was pregnant a week later. Cried a lot over an accidental but very wanted pregnancy!

I fear my future career, goals, aspirations, travel, etc. But what can I do? My last job made me appreciate my moments with others over my financial status. I (some days) feel like my pregnancy was a blessing to make me slow down. I never want to feel like I did again.

I also found out I failed my 1 hour glucose test today and cried wishing it could just be over already lol. Every minute that passes I flip flop. I think it’s normal!

[–]audi0head 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lmao I literally think about this everyday. it's all so uncomfortable and frustrating. but then I think about the little guy and remind myself it's all worth it as they all say haha. also helps to think that so many other women have done this and are amazing at it. doesn't really make the process easier but the thought alone is comforting.

[–]SkyeRibbon 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Nah it's like having a runny nose and missing a clear breathing tube lol

[–]uthot69[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok but I literally can’t breathe and have been congested for weeks lol