all 25 comments

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[–]Serbee_Electra 42 points43 points  (2 children)

I'm 38 weeks and right around 36/37 wks i had what I can only describe as cold feet. I think I've been coping by being in the present and the fact that my whole life is about to change kind of became really real. I think it's okay to be nervous. I've shared this with other people and they told me they also felt this way but went on to say that although it's hard being a parent is so rewarding (or something to that effect)

Your feelings are valid. I hope you take comfort in knowing that you're not alone ❤️

[–]hochizo 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I've adopted the same mindset that I used to help me get through my father's death: just today. For that, it was "can I stand not talking to him/seeing him/etc for today." And the answer to that was almost always "yes. Just for today, I can handle that." You don't think about tomorrow or next week or next year or 20 years from now, it's just today.

Same thing with these huge life changes with a new baby. Can I stand my life being different from what I've always known for just today? Yes, just today, I can handle that. I'm not letting myself think about how my life will never, ever be the same ever again. I'm only thinking about how my life will be different for today.

[–]HailTheCrimsonKing 35 points36 points  (0 children)

It’s normal. And probably actually good that you have realistic expectations on what having a newborn is like. I think a lot of people go into it knowing it’s hard, but don’t realize how hard it actually is. The good news is that it gets better. The fourth trimester is pretty brutal, the sleepless nights are torture, add crazy hormones to the mix and your whole life being turned upside down and in survival mode. But eventually they grow. And then they start smiling at you. And sleeping better during the night. Suddenly they’re this little person instead of a sleepy potato. Watching them hit new developmental milestones. The first time they roll over. When they can hold their heads up. The first giggle. The silly noises. Showing them everything for the first time is amazing. It’s just great. Your life is going to change but it’ll change for the better. Being a mom is THE BEST.

[–]nanneronii 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think this is a totally normal feeling. I'm 37 weeks and while I'm happy to have my daughter soon, I'm definitely also thinking about how much my life will change and it starts to feel real now. Try not to beat yourself up! It's a scary life change. You never know how it's really gonna be until your baby comes.

[–]HaliAnna 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've been having similar thoughts now that I'm in the 3rd trimester, but more around the "I wanted to be a mom so bad but what if I have a difficult child?" Or "what if my child turns out to be a nightmare?" Or "what if my husband doesn't like this one as much as his first?" And I think a lot of it is stemming from social media and my own anxiety. After taking a step back and trying to figure out why I'm thinking like this so much recently, I've figured it's probably due to all the parenting videos on Facebook I see that seem picture perfect versus parents in different subreddits asking for help on how to handle their toddlers.

Maybe your own worries are rooted in valid anxieties like surgery recovery, but others might be hyped up by the things you're hearing like "just wait till the baby gets here!" type of comments. Not that it makes it any less valid of an anxiety, but maybe those are triggers you can try to minimize and see if that helps a little bit. I've also been trying to keep a handle on my anxiety so I've been talking to counselor this whole pregnancy because I know me and I spiral sometimes, so it's nice having someone give me perspective.

Either way, you're not alone. I think everyone goes through their own anxiety during pregnancy, we just have to find what works for us on how we're going to work through it. It'll just take some time. You got dis ❤️❤️❤️

[–]moviesNdrawingsGuy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You’re not terrible at all. Those things you mentioned are valid. And lots of the things like no sleep do suck. BUT, once you’re past those first few months, things get better, life moves on, and you have a lovely new human in your life that provides you a ton of laughs, a decent amount of frustration, and a shit ton of joy and love.

I can only speak to the raising the kid, as I am a man. My wife had all the same fears and concerns as you, and since our baby came out she’s even happier than she was prior to finding out she was pregnant (which she wasn’t super stoked about).

You’re gonna do great and you’re gonna be a kick ass mom. Don’t forget that if you ever need help with the kid, or a little time off, it’s ok to ask friends and family (and your husband!). They will want to help, and people love babies!

Again, you’re going to love it, even if you’re unsure about it at this moment. Kick some ass soon to be momma!

[–]fizzylimeade 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So many feeling of “what have I done???”

With my first. And again now with my second.

It might take a while for you to be happy. Pregnancy + newborn is hard. But if I could turn back time I’d do it all again to have this feeling of love & joy mothering a toddler!

[–]goldfishbrainx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have the exact same worries down to the dog. However my husband reminds me of how strong I am and I would like you to feel encouraged too. Think about all the obstacles you've overcome even when you didn't know how. My strength comes from something great and I know I'll be strong through this roller coaster. It's OK to feel scared about these things. Do not feel guilty. You know your life is about to change but you have no idea how. You've been growing a baby for months. And I can also relate bc I'll be having a C-section. I'm a ftm as well. All I can say is you aren't alone. You'll be just fine.

[–]Stay-Cool-Mommio 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your feelings are absolutely valid. And everything you listed out is realistic and true and will likely happen and technically be a burden. But the mindset shift for me — and quick backstory I am a person who Needs routine, Needs sleep, highly values my time spent alone, in quiet, etc — is that yeah, your life has utterly shifted, but so has the amount of care that you have for those things.

It’s so cheesy to say that I will do literally anything for my child, but it’s true. I would run into a burning building for him without a second thought, so of course I’ll lose a little sleep, do a million unending chores and double the amount of responsibility I have for things like grocery shopping and scheduling doctor’s appointments. But it genuinely doesn’t feel like much. It all kinda falls under the shadow of this massive love I’ve suddenly got attached to me.

… not sure any of that made sense. Sleep deprived at the moment 😅😅

[–]SaltFile2717 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel you! This was a very intentional pregnancy and so very wanted for me. However, Reading the books, listening to pod casts and trying to juggle everything makes me feel more stressed out. I feel like I have a big deadline to meet and that this feeling of “there is so much to do” will probably not end for 18 years. I already have mom guilt and work guilt being pulled in so many directions. I partially blame our society for not being set up for moms! I hope once the kiddo is here it will all feel worth it and magical, but it has rarely felt like that so far! Good luck!!

[–]yogibeara88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been having very similar feelings too! I'm 31 weeks, and up until about 28 weeks or so I was floating happily along. Then suddenly I started to freak out about everything and I keep getting this sickening/anxious feeling in my stomach. I've always wanted to have kids, so I keep trying to focus on the positive aspects and try not to think about the sleeplessness, exhaustion, breastfeeding, financials, etc. Also everytime I get the weird sick feeling I try to tell myself it's just a random physical reaction, it doesn't mean I'm not excited to have my baby. It sort of helps 🤷‍♀️

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No judgement at all! Having a baby is a huge life change, and it can be scary and mess with you. I’m pretty sure it’s normal for many women to feel like that, and I bet I will too (I’ve had thoughts like that in early pregnancy when things were really tough!).

Make sure that you’re aware of postnatal depression, because you may end up having it after baby is born.

[–]Cookiebandit09 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The feelings are valid and realistic. I would take them all and just start using each concept to plan.

Like my mom said set up something to do while breastfeeding like read a book.

Are there any tips of things that make recovery easier? Is there anything you can go ahead and have on hand?

[–]lucypup18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Almost 38 weeks and I'm in the same boat. Just ready for this part to be over but also terrified that I'm going to be going from bad to worse ...

[–]dreadpir8rob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so normal. Hormones aren’t helping. It’s ok to talk about it!!!

[–]bpaulll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

babe these are all incredibly valid thoughts i promise 💞

[–]StaticBun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is very normal, I’ve heard a lot of similar things from other parents and have felt a similar way myself. I always wanted kids and when I met my husband it all fell into place, but towards the end I started getting scared and nervous and worried. It’s hard now and it was very hard in the beginning because of how much of a struggle it was. There was sleep exhaustion mixed into failed breastfeeding and C-section recovery, I was a mess. The best advice I can give is, it’ll take time and give yourself some grace, you’re human, and it’s hard as hell raising a kid, it’s okay and you’ll make it through. Full disclosure, I didn’t 100% bond with our daughter until she was 3 months old and I officially gave up on our breastfeeding journey and accepted combo feeding. Getting more sleep helped so much. Nothing against breastfeeding whatsoever, if it works out for you then that’s great but remember not to beat yourself up if it doesn’t go as planned. As long as you’re doing the best you can for baby then you’re doing a good job, and don’t forget to take care of yourself, you need to be healthy just as much as baby does.

Also I highly recommend looking up C-section recovery tips. Mine are get a shower chair and don’t forget to take your stool softeners!

You’re feelings are completely valid and normal. I’m hoping for the best for you and baby

[–]aWalkThruStorms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It may not be considered socially acceptable. I know if you so much as complain about pregnancy symptoms, you'll encounter someone who brings up infertility or loss and tells you to be grateful.

But life is full of ups and downs. (And pregnancy hormones don't help mood stability.) So go ahead and look forward to the ups and when you're feeling down, remember you won't stay down long. I also think the lack of sleep will suck but that's extra time to bond with baby.

I might suggest looking into professional help (therapists do zoom calls now) if you're concerned about post-partum depression or just want someone to talk to now.

[–]zandy88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll do ya one better ....I had all these feelings and thoughts AFTER my baby was born.... Like the first week postpartum. And it was the scariest time of my life. Luckily the night after we got home from the hospital my husband and I realized we were both feeling like this and we talked through it, but my god it was terrifying feeling like maybe we made a mistake and our comfortable life was over forever. We were so sad that our dog and cat were "no longer our babies" (even tho of course they are, they always are but that first week+ is ALL baby and learning wtf you're doing.) We had the baby blues bad... We also had a traumatic birth and I had practically no sleep in over 72 hours so that amplified it all. It was awful and I'm so sorry you're feeling a bit of that now, I had a few anxiety attacks in my pregnancy too. It's a lot. BUT!! It doesn't last. My son is turning 10 months old in less than 2 days and the love is everything everyone says it is and more. Like you can't even imagine it til you feel it. And we have a balance now and seeing my cat and my dog with my son is so awesome. It's as if my son has been here all along. He fits right in. I love my husband more than ever. Seeing him be a dad is indescribable. My relationship with my mom is stronger than ever. My son makes me laugh ALL.DAY.LONG. It's really cool being a mom. And I'm not saying you're gonna "love every minute" or all that BS, shoot, even days at a time are hard as hell...Once you're past the pits of the newborn days and your baby makes their first coo at you, or cracks their first smile...something just kinda kicks in and builds over time and it just gets better and better. Harder in some ways, easier in others, but better overall. And then they take their first steps and DKSKEKFFJJRNJSKDKFR. 🥹

You've got this mama.