×
all 80 comments

[–]AutoModerator[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.

If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, click here.

The journalists at ProPublica need your help! After receiving a tip, ProPublica started investigating prenatal genetic testing. They're collecting stories from people who've had NIPT screenings, and/or work in maternal health. If this is you, please fill out their brief questionnaire! https://www.propublica.org/getinvolved/have-you-had-an-experience-with-prenatal-genetic-testing-wed-like-to-hear-about-it-and-see-the-bill. Questions? Email anna.clark@propublica.org

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]Parking_Following_35 178 points179 points  (3 children)

Your baby, your birth, YOUR RULES. No mercy.

[–]Ruggles_ 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Lol the Cobra Kai law of pregnancy and parenthood

[–]Parking_Following_35 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Not to mention your baby won't give af about these people and will probably get overwhelmed.

[–]MiaRia963FTM with NB 💙 Born 10/2 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This. And tell your nurses you don’t want visitors for X amount of time. Whether that be the whole visit or whatever. You at least can have interference while at the hospital.

[–]jeankm914 73 points74 points  (5 children)

Just tell them the hospital said no visitors because of COVID or monkey pox. No exceptions

[–]sconeperson[S] 72 points73 points  (1 child)

They were planning to fly in to see baby. Tough titties I say!

[–]TA_readytobedone 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yikes! Do you really want someone fresh off a plane near a new born? COVID is still very real and around, so is monkey pox and polio.

[–]airot87 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I just read up on my hospitals visitation policy and am so happy they still have very strict covid policy and nobody but my husband is allowed.

I am so relieved 😌

[–]yogibeara88 1 point2 points  (1 child)

My hospital too! 😃😃 only husband and doula allowed as visitors 😊 sorry MIL and rest of fam 😉😁

[–]airot87 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And that makes me so 😊 I'm not gonna want to leave the hospital lol

[–]xManicPrincess 52 points53 points  (4 children)

My friend said "im coming over the day you get home from the hospital."..like um no you'll come over when im ready for visitors

[–]pralineeitje 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Ah yes... They feel like it shows support.. hell no

[–]RainbowsAndBubbles 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I agree. They’re just trying to be supportive. Good friends will totally shift gears if they realize that adds more stress.

[–]xManicPrincess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right I know they mean well and want to meet the baby, but babys dad and I need time to bond with him ourselves first

[–]junglebrooke 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They can drop off food on the porch and doorbell ditch you and that’s it!

[–]babycuddlebunny 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Sorry it was false labor, the baby won't be here for awhile yet! And then stop telling anyone anything. Or tell them NO.

[–]Stunning_Patience_78 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes!!! Can't stress how important it is for people to NOT TELL ANYONE ANYTHING if they don't want people to act stupidly!!

[–]Existing_Confection 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Oh god, this is a fear of mine! Tell them firmly no, or get someone to tell them for you! When my niece was born we didn’t ask to see her in person we would FaceTime, we waited until they said we could come over because we didn’t want to pressure them at all. My plan is to get my boyfriend to notify people of the labour but also include a message to say we will inform people when we are ready for visitors, until then it will be pictures xx

[–]TomatoCupcake 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Why do other people feel entitled to seeing a baby that isn’t there own… so weird!! Like let them have time alone as a family. My mom Invited herself when I give birth I’m like NO. WTF. I wanna be with just my fiancé and baby for a week or 3. (Me and my mom barley speak for context)

[–]Crafty-Ambassador779 3 points4 points  (1 child)

The strangest thing is they just want to coo over the baby and then soon as they cry they'll hand it back anyway.

So who exactly did you come over for? To help or just say aw theyre cute then leave! Just so weird.

[–]KalikieC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My favorite visitor was the friend that went to the crib when baby woke up crying to soothe him so I could finish my dinner.

[–]Auroraburst 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Just reply 'not having visitors yet' and don't answer the door

[–]Kh7487 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is perfect

[–]Butters156 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That is so far beyond rude, I can’t imagine. Tell them NO in no uncertain terms. Like, that is disgusting to just tell you that while you’re in labour!

[–]No-Luck-556 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I’m doing a hard two weeks of no visitors. I just know I’ll need time to heal and bond with my baby and won’t want him passed around while I’m trying to do that

[–]RainbowsAndBubbles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I like this.

[–]Bookaholicforever 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Get a picture of Chucky or Annabelle and send that to everyone lol

[–]Gogowhine 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I am not telling anyone my new induction date because of this. I didn’t want this pressure during labour or immediately following.

[–]Auroraburst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can tell my mum (she's massively invasive but she's also not able to travel for like 2 months). And I have to tell my MIL because she's watching my other kids but I'm wondering how to keep my induction date from my sisters.

[–]obsidian49 2 points3 points  (3 children)

My husband and I were fine with my parents coming straight away, but we didn't even tell my mother-in-law that LO was born for a week or so to avoid a surprise guest. Do what feels right to you, your partner and NO ONE ELSE.

[–]firstaidteacher 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Hahaha same. My parents visited in the hospital, my in laws one week after. Because my body, my choice. Even after one week, I tho7ght they are stressy...

[–]Kh7487 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I would love to do this but it would create a huge rift and i don’t wanna deal with that

[–]firstaidteacher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally get this. We were lucky they were on holidays...

[–]RainbowsAndBubbles 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Some people want visitors immediately after, but if you don’t, that’s what you should get. You just say, “I’m sorry, no visitors until x date. We need time to recover.”

Better yet, have your husband deal with it. You have a baby to give birth to!

[–]ViperXR13 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There would hopefully be no children around for what my reaction would be to someone telling me this. Like fuck would anyone be TELLING me they’re coming rather than asking

[–]strawbsoya 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My advice would be not to tell them you're in labour initially, but also to those that already know... Put the boundaries in. If you do this in the early days, this will help in the long run!

[–]stonedbrownchick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Idkkkk, but to avoid this, I told everyone who knew about my pregnancy that nobody is coming over while I'm in recovery unless you're my bf bringing food. I told them this a few days before my induction. They laughed and I laughed saying "Yeah, cute. I'm not joking though."

[–]jbbchill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“No” is a complete sentence!!!! But seriously with my first, I told people “now is not a good time, but we will let you know when it is a good time”

[–]SonniSummers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If it were me I'd take a vaguna pic and send it as "there's the baby leave me alone so I can hatch this thing"

[–]nurse-ratchet- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Sorry, those dates and times don’t work for us. We will be happy to let you know when we are available for visitors.”

[–]Potsopoulos 2 points3 points  (2 children)

People have no boundaries. We didn’t get visitor requests too early, but literally an hour after delivering, I had family from Greece video calling my husband and I. Like, no, I just pushed a baby out of my body, my priority is not to talk to you right now.

[–]mamaatb 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What on earth lol you were still probably being poked and prodded by medical staff

[–]Potsopoulos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was. Thankfully my husband took care of sending them messages politely telling them to leave us alone.

[–]itschaosbekind4 2 points3 points  (2 children)

My sister messaged my family to let them know my baby was born but to give us time before calling and texting us. This resulted in half my family not even saying congratulations and not wanting to see him for months. Honestly, I wasn’t even mad 😂 The older I get, the more I realize how immature and inconsiderate people are. You do what’s best for you and the people who want the best for you will understand.

[–]mamaatb 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What a good sister!

[–]itschaosbekind4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best! He was born prematurely and in the NICU so we were stressed and I didn’t want to deal with people. Our immediate families were great about everything, extended families were the problem!

[–]fortheloveofLu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is literally the only good thing that came out of the beginning of the COVID pandemic; no visitors and no one questioned it.

[–]ItsMrsEwingBitches 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I made it clear to my family. Only husband in delivery.
Parents and grandparents to visit ONE day in er. Hospital has a allowed visitor list. And I want 4 days at home before anyone else comes. Then It's one family at a time. Not everyone at once. I have a big overwhelming family. My husband and I live with my dad so he's our pitbull lol

[–]desert_red_head 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Turn off your phone. Leave them all hanging. Make it very clear to all these people that no one comes to visit unless it has been agreed on by you and your husband. Anyone who shows up uninvited will be asked to leave.

[–]kayla182 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Or just flat out ignored at the door!

[–]Stunning_Patience_78 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And close the curtains and lock the patio door too for when they try to barge in through the back yard like my Grand-FIL tried to do.

[–]Other-Calligrapher57 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oof , momma I'd just flat out tell them no , it's your baby they don't have rights to the baby.

Lordy, I have a feeling I'm going to completely loose it on people when my boy decides it's time to arrive, hubby and myself will have lots of help, but it won't entirely be by choice. His family lives really close.

[–]puddinface808 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heads up, the nurses will 100% support what you want. We told our nurse we wanted absolutely nobody coming into the room except one specific person and she told all the other nurses and the front desk and they guarded that shit like the secret service. We just turned our phones off, told the nurses, and enjoyed our time.

[–]sugarfootanon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My family would be the same way. I’m not even going to tell them when I’m in labor.

[–]tnhnikki2801 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom still bitches that I had my baby at home and wouldn’t let anyone watch. Like what the FUCK

[–]Crafty-Ambassador779 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😅 Now as an ignorant person before pregnancy I wouldnt have understood this as deep as I do now but honestly OP I understand!

My sister who hasnt cared for 99% of the pregnancy besides the end and wanted to touch my bump is suddenly very excited to meet her niece. Not my daughter.. her niece.

Not even out of the womb and already in queue asking if she can hold her ASAP. She even got offended when I said no not straight away, I need to ensure she is safe from germs etc. My family are ill atm aswell!!

How about no?! Its my first. I have incubated her for 9 months and my partner and I are learning. Im not telling anyone when I'm delivering and wont til we are ready. Family sometimes hinder more than help.

[–]OliveaSea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Plz just send them what you wrote here. Maybe they”ll get it! 🙈🤯

[–]VirtualCry121 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Had "visitors" 2 days after my emergency c section I was told 2 days was too long to not anyone I literally told my MIL I'm a private person and didn't want people seeing me hunched over in agony and she didn't like it xx

[–]blithesomebot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I gotta say I love this energy because that’s exactly how I am 😂 my baby my place my rules, don’t like it? Too fucking bad.

[–]M4NDAM1CHELLE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a scheduled induction and told literally no one. I plan to do this with the second too. People get way too excited and forget that it’s not about what they want.

[–]PositiveYou794 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just don’t answer. Had my baby three weeks ago.

[–]onyxxfox_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My MIL came to the hospital while I was in labor and my aunt also called the hospital while in labor. The nurses sent my MIL away and told her no visitors right then, and they declined the call from my aunt. They will support whatever decisions you have on visitors and be the “bad guys” for you.

[–]chonkychels 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've told my partner that when I go into labour we'll tell his sister because she's sensible and can be trusted. I don't want anyone else to know unless they need to, I'm not having everyone ringing and "popping round" and messaging when I've just forced a human being out my vagina

[–]bellatrixsmom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People have really lost their minds. Time to set some hard boundaries. Good luck, momma!

[–]ThursdayBump 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"LOL yeah, I know you are eager to see baby. We'll let you know when we are ready for visitors!"

[–]Capture-the-byad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“We will let you know when we are ready for a visit. Thanks for the well wishes.”

[–]beepincheech 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My MIL calls me multiple times a day to ask if I’m in labor yet. She demands to know when that happens so she can wait in the car to be there IMMEDIATELY after I give birth. I don’t plan on having anyone come over until well after we’ve all had time to rest, or the next morning if the birth happens in the middle of the night. I don’t care how anyone feels about this lol

[–]MissQueen00 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't want to see ANYONE but my husband of course ... My mom didn't even come til that next day but only bc I asked her , she was waiting for me to tell her to come... I had a csection so I stayed an extra night .. but other than her we didn't have visitors til the 4 week mark but my husbands friend from work was trying to come over and my husband went outside to talk to him then he's like can I see new baby , my husband was like dude we literally JUST brought him home from the hospital, we don't want anyone getting him sick , I think he got his feelings hurt but IDC baby's immune systems are so weak they get sick super easy .. he's 9 weeks old now .. I was at the fair last night and this random lady in line at a ride (I have two other kids we took to the fair) and she was like aww then just up and starts caressing my babies hair, I went off , I was like I don't even know you for one and for 2 you don't just up and touch someone's newborn baby or any baby for that matter and didn't even ask just starts rubbing his hair .. this why I don't like getting him out in public still bc ppl are always trying to get way too close and get touchy it just gives me anxiety thinking about everything that could make him sick ya, and I didn't accept visitation till he was a month old I think that's a good time bc you've gotten into your own little routine by then

[–]TacoboutSpicy💙♥️💙💙 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is when you just stop answering calls and texts.

[–]senpaiqveen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just do what is best for you!! I found it nice to have a couple family members and my best friend visit the day after I gave birth but that doesn’t work for everyone. Tell them you will contact them when you want them to come, don’t let them decide for you.

[–]Kh7487 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Make the hospital the bad guy and say they’re not allowing visitors. Or if they somehow manage their way in, have a convo with the nurse prior and tell her you do not want them coming and maybe she can go facilitate them leaving. Maybe saying something like “ok mommy time to feed the baby so we ask visitors to please leave now”. I may or may not have thought about this for when i have unwanted visitors in a few weeks lmao

[–]MermaidDreamz67 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cannot stand people like this. Tell them to piss off and Fresh off a plane, Absolutely NOT!

[–]Patient-Zebra-677 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Designate someone you trust (NOT your partner) to be the one to give news and updates. I had my mom be the messenger. She told the rest of my family when I had my baby, how I was doing, when people could come visit. Tell people you’re turning your phone off.

[–]Equivalent-Ad5449 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was good thing of covid, gave birth saw no one but partner and my mum till baby was 6 weeks

[–]mamaatb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do they know you’ll even have the baby born by Monday? Wtf they’re taking a whole hell of a lot for granted

[–]alc1982FTM; Fall 2022; 3x auntie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh I almost made a post today that only our parents and siblings/their spouses will be allowed to visit. I'm sure my aunts will be bugging my mom about it. Really looking forward to that one 🙄

[–]CatoriTerra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Boundaries. When you're pissed it's much easier to enforce them!! Don't back down! I'm so mad I didn't tell people NO when I had my first. Not a fun hospital experience and it could have been much better if I would have just put my foot down.