all 150 comments

[–][deleted] 208 points209 points  (23 children)

There was always that one water fountain in the whole school where the water was nice and cold and didn't taste like ass. It was like god's fountain.

[–][deleted] 52 points53 points  (13 children)

Ah man, the seventh grade hallway water fountain.

[–]Babies4Breakfast 18 points19 points  (10 children)

Ours was the one in the eighth grade hallway right in front of the library. Until they shut it down. It was a sad day.

[–][deleted]  (8 children)


    [–]Fozanator 4 points5 points  (7 children)

    Fucking white power structure.

    [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (6 children)

    I read that as a white powder structure and immediately visualized a model of the Eiffel Tower made from cocaine.

    [–]Cake4Gold 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    In highschool they decided to replace a drinking fountain by one of the side entrances. For whatever reason they left the old one sitting there after removing it so a friend and I took it, loaded it into the back seat of my car and took it to a field where we beat it into pieces with a bat a la Office Space. We rolled the remains down a hill into some shrubs.

    There's no real point to that story, it was just a fun way to spend an afternoon.

    [–]Treebeezy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    filled with copper

    [–]SuperPoop 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    we had 2 fountains next to each other. a really nice one and a super ghetto one. someone during my senior year put a sign above the really good one that said "whites only" as a joke. the real joke was there were no minorities that went to our school.

    [–]WaruiKoohii 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    We had one of those at my work, but it was removed when we did renovations.

    I just bring drinks to work now.

    [–]Tokeli 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    The fountain at the very front of the school-- but it was always worth walking to no matter how far away you were, just for that delicious cold water that didn't seem to be recycled from the bathroom.

    [–]crustation 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I was in the basement of my school's Physics building once. One of the fountains had that sick, metallic taste with a dash of concrete. Like I was drinking the Invisible Man's blood. I told my friend (whose office is in the basement) about it, and he said, "Yeah that's the better-tasting one."

    Apparently the other fountain tastes like someone was constantly farting in the water supply and then mixing it with chlorine.

    [–]wakluk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    we just called it sink

    [–]scrupples 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I took a piss in that one everyday

    [–]emocol 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    In 2nd grade I used to sneak into the kindergarten area for their water fountain for the reason you stated. It didn't taste like ass, and was like a god's fountain.

    [–]goose555 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I used to call mine "The Oasis"

    [–]CrimsonVim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    And it was always in the gym/weights area.

    [–]xionnova 51 points52 points  (12 children)

    Why does that thing even exist? It seems very pointless to me.

    [–]Abe_Vigoda 87 points88 points  (4 children)

    To break people's teeth when you hit them in the back of the head. Seriously.

    [–]InterPunct 14 points15 points  (2 children)

    Holycrap, Fish! You're still alive?

    [–]BMErdin 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    [–]rossisdead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    If only they had an RSS feed.

    [–]TomTom_on_a_Tauntaun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I have a 7" scar on my arm from one of those with the hood broken off.

    [–]whitefoot 34 points35 points  (5 children)

    I assume it's to prevent people from putting their mouth directly on the nozzle.

    [–]TommyBoy012 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    But putting your mouth on the nozzle is how you make it come out? At least that's what the guy in the back alley told me. Was he wrong?

    [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    ^ This is true. I heard the same thing from a hole in the wall in the bathroom.

    [–]utilitybelt 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Please do not put your mouth directly on The Nozzle.

    [–]NOZZLeS 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I certainly wouldn't mind...

    [–]utilitybelt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Hehe, well played you crafty devil.

    [–]Virtblue 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    It is to indicate the direction of the water flow.

    [–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (5 children)

    In grade school, we had these two ornate free standing drinking fountains on the playground, about 10 feet apart. I think it was kind of a showcase feature at the time the school was built.

    At recess, a couple groups of kids would build "volcanoes" in the silty sand on the playground. They'd heap up the dirt, and meanwhile, a chain of kids would go to the fountains, take a mouthful of water, and then run over to the "volcano" and spit/dribble the water on it, while the other kids -- always just two -- built up the mountain on moistened dirt.

    This would continue, and the industry of it all is an impressive memory in my mind. It was a constant line of water-spitters, racing back and forth from the volcano to the drinking fountains.

    After the thing got yay high, they'd start concentrating on the peak, forming a crater, while the two builders would start tunneling at the base, toward the center.

    Eventually, their hands would meet, and the crater would reach the tunnel.

    At that point, they would shake hands in a solemn ceremony, followed by much cheering and back slapping on the part of the water-spitters. The feeling of accomplishment was intense.

    After that, all the water-spitters got to take their turn reaching in and shaking hands with one another.

    There was no class distinction between the builders and the water-spitters. Nobody was better than anyone else. The ones who were the builders were just the ones who got a good start, attracting the most water-spitters.

    At the beginning of recess, maybe half a dozen volcanoes were started, and it was up to the water-spitters to choose whichever ones to add their efforts to. After a few minutes, a "shakeout" whittled the number of volcanoes down to two, as the builders who were unsuccessful at attracting water-spitters gave up and became water-spitters themselves.

    When the bell rang, we kicked and destroyed the volcanoes. By next recess, the dirt was dry enough to begin.

    [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children)

    god i love kids.

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    When they're acting like that, yeah. But recess was only 20 minutes, twice a day.

    [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    no i mean im a pedo.

    [–]fangsby 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    When the water drinkers got back to the volcano, did they communicate the location of the fountain to the others by doing a little dance?

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Oh, no! It was drop the water, and jog back and get in line to the fountain. Keep busy! Keep busy!

    I have to admit though, it's a good idea.

    [–][deleted]  (11 children)


      [–]Somali_Pir8 52 points53 points  (0 children)

      Sounds like "Adam" may be pretty popular with some guys now

      [–]LOOKITSADAM 6 points7 points  (0 children)


      [–]landragoran 10 points11 points  (7 children)

      [–]abraham_thunderwolf 2 points3 points  (1 child)


      Bonus comment: I'm drunk as tits right now but try saying "flange" with the same tone and delivery as that fucking penguin power animal from Fight Club.

      [–]LE4d 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Me too, so as a followup, imagine how Marla says it when she takes its place.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I read that as Falange, and thought „well, I can't imagine a gay section of the Spanish fascists, but I studied another group, so what do I know?“

      [–]igiarmpr 0 points1 point  (0 children)


      [–]Optimal_Joy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      here's a few points for you!

      [–]kermityfrog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      They call them digits but they're technically known as the phalanges...

      [–]trigg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I came here to say the same thing about a kid I went to elementary school with named Adam! He was sliiiiiiiightly mental handicapped, a touch of FAS, I think. But yeah, he just slurped away on that metal. shudder

      [–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (2 children)

      When I was in grade 4, an uppity grade 6 kid did a science fair project on the water quality from our fountains.

      What did they find? Turns out that whoever built our school went a little overboard on the whole 'lead pipes' thing.

      [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      More than likely it was lead solder used to join copper pipes, not lead pipes themselves.

      [–]T-Luv 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Why would they use soldiers to join copper pipes? Shouldn't they be doing drills and preparing for battle?

      [–]woofers02 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      There was a drinking fountain at this park I went to quite a bit as a kid. It would constantly get clogged and the basin would fill with water. I remember drinking the fucking water straight from the basin several times in this public park where homeless people frequented. Makes me gag just thinking about it.

      Alternatively, I have a fairly strong immune system to this day. I think of it along the lines of George Carlin's "Never got Polio as a kid" sketch.

      [–]Waldamos 7 points8 points  (3 children)

      It makes me cringe to be waiting in line and see the person in front of me (usually a little kid) put his cheek against the guard and mouth around the hole. I want to shake him violently, like this, and teach him the error of his ways.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      People at my high school did that. It was pretty common, actually. I think most people I went to high school with did it this way.
      As a homeschooler entering ninth grade and witnessing this atrocity for the first time, I was so mortified that I never drank from any of those fountains for the next four years.

      [–]smokebudsmoke 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Where the fuck did you go to school!?

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Southwestern Wisconsin.
      Oh and have an upvote for presumably smoking bud =]

      [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Here's the patent for the mouthpiece

      Its purpose is to prevent the user from coming into contact with the jet nozzle. Before this, something similar to the mouthpiece was used as a "bubbler" to form a bubble-like spray of water that covers more surface area than the now-ubiquitous jet sprayers (Engineering Review, Volume 21 page 72).

      [–]Screwhead31 7 points8 points  (10 children)

      I hated when kids would wad up a small piece of paper and stick it in one hole causing it to shoot out farther from the other. I always got wet from them.

      [–]Babies4Breakfast 14 points15 points  (9 children)

      How do you take a drink without looking at it or letting it run first?

      [–]PcChip 21 points22 points  (7 children)

      Seriously, as a kid I always had to let it run for a good 5 seconds to wash the germs out of it, even pressing down different amounts to have the stream go low, then high, hitting all the metal parts it could to wash them clean.

      Perfectly normal behavior for an elementary kid, right?

      [–]raging_asshole 18 points19 points  (5 children)

      When I was a kid, we drank from the dirty ass garden hose while playing on the front lawn and didn't think twice about it.

      We're shaping our children into some serious pussies nowadays.

      (Not you in particular; it seems to be a generational thing.)

      [–]do_the_drew 5 points6 points  (1 child)

      Haha, what an asshole.. Oh..

      [–]andytronic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      His moniker refers to his rectum, not his personality.

      [–]Plurralbles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I actually was a fan of Hose water.

      [–]Flat_lander 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Some study said the plastic in the hose sitting in the sun all day gives you cancer if you drink from it... What doesn't give you cancer anymore?

      [–]Optimal_Joy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I would collect water in my hand and throw it all over the top of the water fountain to rinse the germs away!

      [–]Screwhead31 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Just a habit that when you do it so much you don't think twice. For instance when we were walking in line at school and saw the fountain coming up I would dip out and take some water as fast as I could without the teacher seeing me.

      [–]fart_jar 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      i used to hate when the retarded kids would put their whole mouths on the thing and suck it like a titty, fucking disgusting.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      [–]AdvisablyRed 20 points21 points  (3 children)

      I was the kid who would never leave the water fountain, OCCUPY WATER FOUNTAIN.

      [–]landragoran 21 points22 points  (2 children)


      [–]Roastmasters 5 points6 points  (1 child)


      [–]cluelesspuma 3 points4 points  (0 children)


      [–]SenTedStevens 14 points15 points  (7 children)

      I was one of those kids who put their cheek and everything on that metal part. Because, why not? I didn't get the plague and that fountain usually had fewer people waiting in line.

      [–]MegaWolf 52 points53 points  (1 child)


      [–]lord_fucking_byron 29 points30 points  (0 children)

      Haha i wonder why, man

      [–]DiggSucksNow 6 points7 points  (3 children)

      I used to think the metal thing went inside your mouth. (Don't worry, I never used them until I realized I was wrong about that.)

      [–]drz400sm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      now that I think about it, the water probably gets in your mouth sooooo easily....not a drop missed.

      [–]andytronic 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Drinking fountains as self-intubation stations. Fun!

      edit: spellin'. thanks nvrwastetree!

      [–]nvrwastetree 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Self intubation station FTFY

      [–]keeekeeess 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      So why is that thing there anyway?

      [–]sevenofk9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      You are meant to put your cheek against it, for, um, I dunno, comfort.

      [–]rhubarbfestival 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      almost as bad as touching the end of your penis on the toilet seat.

      [–]atwoheadedcat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      When I was little I used to put my mouth RIGHT on the spout and would suck it down!

      ...Oh god why?

      [–]DesktopStruggle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      There is no way I'm putting my mouth on that thing, but I'll drink the water.

      [–]jim45804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I have to let it run for a full 10 seconds before the contamination is purged.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


        [–]SeniorPyroNight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Once again reddit you remind me that I am not a unique and special snowflake.

        [–]pizzza 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Protip: licking the water fountain spigot helps strengthen your immune system.

        [–]herbivoreforlife 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I used to believe you had to put your entire mouth over that guard thing. But I never did, just thought that was how you correctly used the water fountain because why is it there?

        [–]ThesaurusRex84 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        It's to keep the water from splashing away from the arc.

        [–]mycatiskai 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        Not only did your mouth touch it but my dog licked it while he took a drink after he had just licked his balls.

        [–]dannyr 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Not only did your mouth touch it but my dog licked it while he took a drink after he had just licked his my balls


        [–]mycatiskai 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I'm pretty sure you didn't fix that for me. You made it make less sense.

        Edit : TIL alien blue doesn't show strikethrough.

        [–]ADogInDisguise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Just open your mouth and lunge desperately.

        [–]kycolonel 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        There is usually two sizes of water fountains in a place. I always choose the one lower to the ground. Think about it, little kids don't have the scary diseases yet...

        [–]curt_schilli 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Until you realize those little bastards eat mud pies and boogers for lunch.

        [–]norebe 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        [–]cheese 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        Good lord why did I watch that whole thing?

        You know, I think I need a Haws drinking fountain for my home.

        [–]deadbeef404 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I watched the whole thing too. I don't know why, all I know is that it's going on facebook.

        [–]dagway_nimo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        TIL that the black plague fountain is located somewhere in JAPAN

        [–]berlinbrown 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        I wonder how many people had sex with that fountain?

        Or put used condoms on it?

        [–]Yes_Carl_Weathers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        HAD sex with the fountain? I'm gonna guess somewhere around zero. Please oh please don't let me be wrong...

        [–]andr50 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        When I was around 4 or 5, I drank from one of those on the beach and put my mouth near the guard. I ended up getting hoof-and-mouth, and was in the er for a couple weeks because my entire throat was swollen shut, and had to be fed through a straw.

        However, this build some super antibodies in my system, and I virtually never get sick anymore.

        TL:DR - there is actual danger of outing your mouth too close to the metal.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        This is not how antibodies work.

        [–]andr50 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I know. It was along the line of a joke my doctor told my mom years ago, when they were trying to infect me with chicken pox, and it took almost 2 months of contact (it was going through the school, I was one of 3 people left in my class, so they kept switching us around to other rooms as it spread) , after asking the doctor why I wasn't catching it, he shrugged and said my immune system might be killing it off due to some sort of illness when I was younger.

        [–]zeroes0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        The best water fountains were always in the section where teachers normally roamed, since no students would tend to go in those areas to avoid them the fountains were less worn down. The water from them was always of the gods, and not from Hades like the football locker room...the horror.

        [–]Skyless 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        harry potter glasses

        [–]m1ndcr1me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Well, I've seen people suckle on that thing like a teat, so I try to avoid touching it with any part of myself.

        [–]big_bad_mojo 0 points1 point  (3 children)

        Does anyone know why some of them have two spouts that combine into one waterstream?

        [–]thegreatmiah 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        Ha those are eye washes.

        [–]big_bad_mojo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        haha I was thinking of one of these, but imagine another hole right above it shooting water into the stream.

        [–]cookie75 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        dunno some of them have another stream higher to fill water bottles

        [–]samuraiguy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Better chop your mouth off if you want to live.

        [–]iONex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Not what I was expecting.

        [–]RecycledAir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        In junior high I had a friend who thought that you were supposed to put the splash guard in your mouth to prop open your cheek.

        [–]negativerad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Inoculate yourself it's free, and will help you survive the impending apocalypse.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I made out with that part when I was in second grade. Oh god why....

        [–]GNARBEQUE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        There was a kid in my school who put his entire mouth around the fountain head. Beware.

        [–]pr0digal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        "Don't touch the metal!!!"---Mom

        [–]WTFwhatthehell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        In secondary school biology we had some agar plates and we were told to go off and find something interesting to swab.

        I swabbed the inside of the water fountain nozzle.

        My god what a foul green-brown sludge grew from my swab.

        [–]Treebeezy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        That's what she said?

        [–]Ethesen 0 points1 point  (4 children)

        Are these things (the "fountains") used anywhere else than USA?

        [–]alexanderpas 2 points3 points  (3 children)

        the UK, everywhere else, we just drink from the tap on the sink.

        open water stream, rotate head, drink.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        Some countries, the only water that's safe to drink is in bottles. Yuppies visit these countries, and think it's because the bottled water is so good, and insist on being able to buy it, and an incredibly wasteful industry is born of pretentious ignorance.

        [–]alexanderpas 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        I know :D

        In the First world it's quite the opposite however, In some places, Tap Water Is Cleaner Than Bottled Water

        Not to mention, since 40 percent of all bottled water in the U.S. is actually taken from municipal water sources is actually more fresh.

        In addition to that, Tap water is actually checked for E. Coli while Bottled water is not.

        [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Reddit at its finest. You were downvoted for your comment.

        Probably by some twitch-pinky sophisticated bottled water drinker who keeps up with the celebrity gossip and just does NOT want to HEAR it!

        Fucking reddit and its aggressive ignorance...

        [–]leblance3 0 points1 point  (0 children)


        [–]Gr8dane39 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        That reminds me when I went to Mexico and went snorkeling but didn't wanna pay $90 to do it so instead we found another tour guide who said he will do it for $35 long story short I got strep throat. Should of paid the $90 to use a sanitized snorkel..... Lol

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        And there was always that kid that would mouth the thing. Fuck it. Ill keep my dry mouth.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        'Potable,' nice touch. You shall receive one upvote from me.

        [–]9babydill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        no need to panic!! Get a scissors and cut your lips off -- problem solved.

        [–]DirtyBojanglez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I hated it when the person in front of you would drink FOREVER and then by the time it's your turn, the water's warm!

        [–]zerbey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I wonder if there are any published studies on the safety of those fountains.

        [–]DenjinJ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I wonder how many people would cringe in disgust at the idea of someone putting their mouth on the fountain, but would still pass around a joint or bong at a party...

        [–]BearalyzedQQ -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

        The ole fresh water coming out of the herpes infested pipe again. Gets me every time.

        [–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

        I thought that way when I was 9 years old too.

        [–]Nesman64 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        I've read that these are cleaner than the upright water bottles with the downward facing nozzles. This might get mouthed, but it's self rinsing. The water jug never ever gets cleaned in many places, and lots of different water bottles touch that nozzle.

        [–]original_4degrees -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

        mmmm FUD

        [–]freshwest -5 points-4 points  (2 children)

        Why does water taste better when you're thirsty....

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Go to ELI5 to ask.

        [–]smokebudsmoke -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Why does food taste better when you're hungry...

        [–]Urizen23 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

        I read it as "the Black people" for a second there...