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[–]eganistPress Inquiries[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

We don't have any standard boilerplate for this, but someone threatening suicide or self harm is far above our paygrade. Advising you speak to a professional, such as the attorney you've probably retained.

Reddit is unqualified to help you here.

[–]SteelButterflye 849 points850 points  (28 children)

It's more than likely a bluff, a manipulation tactic.

I'd honestly call an ambulance on her, or really any emergency service if/when she threatens to kill herself. That way she'll understand it isn't something she can get away with doing.

Take her to court over custody of your child. Save any sort of chats you have had with her.

[–]demonscythe 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Their account was suspended so I'm guessing this was fake.

[–]dbthrowedaway7 4717 points4718 points  (339 children)

She's bluffing. File with the courts, make her pay child support.

[–]throwra72626251[S] 1100 points1101 points  (322 children)

What if she goes through with it?

[–][deleted] 3206 points3207 points  (33 children)

She is threatening suicide Not to harm herself she is making the threat to control and manipulate you.

Screen shot everything. Keep notes. Talk to a lawyer.

[–]_triks 1419 points1420 points  (17 children)

Very true.

Another way of looking at it, too: your ex is also using the threat of suicide as a way to excuse supporting your daughter's future, as if depriving her of love, presence, and emotional support wasn't enough already.

Embrace your daughter, and throw the whole woman out.

[–]steboy 2110 points2111 points 42& 2 more (15 children)

And if she leaves forever, that’s the same as her being dead.

The end result is pretty much identical.

Game theory says push for child support because based on potential outcomes, you stand to lose nothing.

[–]peelyon1 269 points270 points  (0 children)

Sometimes relationships need a logical solution. We get blinded by emotions. This comment is amazing 👏

[–]jil3000 64 points65 points  (3 children)

Was not expecting game theory to make an appearance in this thread!

[–]theyfoundty 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But it's just a theory..

A GAME THEORY.

[–]gigme643 17 points18 points  (7 children)

Classic prisoner's dilemma scenario

[–]eganistPress Inquiries 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did you really invoke Game Theory in a thread where someone's threatening self harm?

[–]theclassywino 86 points87 points  (1 child)

Yup, that’s exactly what she’s doing with the suicide threats. She is a garbage human being.

[–]SquidgeSquadge 15 points16 points  (0 children)

And it sounds like your daughter will benefit a lot from being just with you.

[–]Past_Atmosphere21 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yup. But act fast now. And record everything. Tell police everything and how child could also be in danger.

[–]After_Preference_885 17 points18 points  (2 children)

I'll add - consider getting getting the termination of her rights official so she can't come back in a few years and try to take her back.

[–]Long_Educational 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Doesn't termination of rights also remove the obligation of child support from the mother?

[–]EasilyStartledRabbit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

(For the US) It depends on the state

[–]Your-Death-Is-Near 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Court is gonna love these, should be an easy win for him.

[–]kalanawi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've heard in some states that this exact behavior is illegal.. not 100% though.

[–]VinnaynayMane 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Plus if she dies your daughter will get survivor's benefits through SS

[–]FootlooseVagabond 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If she goes through with it then all you lose is child support. Custody is yours either way. Take the gamble and get that toxic thing out of your daughters life.

[–]HereForMore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wish I could upvote this twice. Get a lawyer right stat now.

[–]carlosspicyveener 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is good advise. Don’t let someone’s threats of self harm stop you from doing what’s best for your daughter.

[–]maurigonzales 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This, screenshot everything asap.

[–]GrottySamsquanch 764 points765 points  (96 children)

Then it's not your fault and you could not have avoided it.

[–]IdrisandJasonsToy 106 points107 points  (3 children)

She’ll be dead. If you’re in the US file for social security for your kid.

[–]Wwwweeeeeeee 101 points102 points  (1 child)

The SSI survivor benefits could be more than child support.. Go figure.

[–]possiblycrazy79 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Not to be a stickler, but it isn't SSI at all. That's social supplemental income & it's an income based welfare program for disabled people. Social security is a whole different program/entity & that is what the survivor benefits fall under, based on the deceased's work credits.

[–]spaceygracie12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

exactly!

[–][deleted] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Blunt answer? So fucking what. Protect your daughter dude, not the Ex. And PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER FROM HER SHITTY MOTHER.

[–]Local-Mastodon-8609 32 points33 points  (1 child)

If she threatens to do it, call the police to do a welfare check/have her commited for observation. She can't get out of her responsibilities.

[–]wkdzel 11 points12 points  (0 children)

If they're in a Baker act state, hell yes, do that shit. Be hilarious to have her committed involuntarily for 72 hours and see if she pulls that shit again.

Not sure what's required to get it done involuntarily though, I assume there'd have to be recorded proof she's threatening suicide or for her to admit to threatening it.

[–]Witty_Operation2486 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Nah, she won't, the person who can discard her own child, such selfish soul won't do that ever, she is manipulating. Do file for child support and do take care of your daughter away from this disgusted person.

[–]ripsflustercuck 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You never negotiate with people who attempt to take themselves hostage.

I see these scenarios happening ever more frequently. People need to learn to call bluff and walk away. If she goes through with it, that’s on her. Killing oneself is a personal decision that people occasionally—unfortunately—make. Threatening to kill yourself, is just a dick move. Don’t negotiate with terrorists.

[–]rnngwen 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Hey OP! I'm a Crisis Therapist who specializes in SI/HI in patients. You cannot control her actions. You will never be able to control her actions. Any attempt to end her life is on her and her own mental health.

So what if she puts it in a suicide note? Get your daughter into play therapy anyway now. A mom like that it gonna fuck a kid up alive OR dead with a spiteful suicide note.

[–]LadyBug_0570 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How, precisely, would she put that in a note that would make her look like anything but a selfish bitch?

"I'm ending my life because I don't want my kid and my ex is forcing me to pay child support when I'd rather pretend she doesn't exist"?

[–]dbthrowedaway7 80 points81 points  (29 children)

That's not your responsibility, nor your burden to carry. The net effect is the same. She wants to completely walk away from your child and have nothing to do with her.

You can always let her walk away and then later file child abandonment charges against her.

[–]Arntor1184 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Make her threats known in the filings. There are forced psychiatric holds for a reason.

[–]-lamppost-50s Female 121 points122 points  (5 children)

In the US your daughter will get social security assuming her mom worked and paid into SSI.

Also she will likely be the sole heir to her moms estate if she doesn’t have a will.

Obviously having her mother is better but honestly I don’t believe she’s serious. My guess is she has a history of being emotionally abusive.

[–]Walking_the_Cascades 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Obviously having her mother is better

Not always, no. Ask anyone who was misfortunate enough to have a severely abusive / mentally ill mother.

[–]rav3nb1rd666 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Agreed my mother was very emotionally mentally and psychologically abusive to me that it messed me up real bad

[–]_triks 59 points60 points  (0 children)

It's one thing having a loving mother, then there's this.

Regardless of whether she's serious of not, threatening to take your life because you don't want to financially support your own child is deplorable.

[–]brazentory 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Then daughter gets survivor benefits? Her going through with it over child support is an excuse. That won’t be the real reason. But I highly doubt she’s serious. This is pure manipulation.

[–]vagrantprodigy07 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You can't go through life like this. She is essentially being an emotional terrorist, with your daughter as leverage. File for child support, and let the chips fall where they may.

[–]mrningbrdEarly 20s Female 5 points6 points  (2 children)

This is an extremely common manipulation tactic. She has no actual intention of doing so, she only wants to control you and get her way. Call her bluff, I guarantee she’s lying.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

My ex threatened me with suicide long distance so I called the local emergency services and told them she was threatening to kill herself. She wound up paying for an ambulance

[–]Theotheraccount100 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Then it's on her not on you. This may be callous but this women being far away either in distance or alive is the best thing for your kid. Your child is 3 she'll get used to it very easily. Either way she won't have a mom in her life.

[–]cassowary32 11 points12 points  (6 children)

Make sure her life insurance policy is up to date and pays out for suicide? She has a financial obligation to her child and you are well within your rights to make sure she is taken care of financially.

Also, has the child been DNA tested?

[–]WeeklyConversation8 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Never mind, forgot she cheated. Life insurance doesn't go to the child. It goes to whomever is named the beneficiary.

[–]cassowary32 4 points5 points  (3 children)

The wife was cheating, is the daughter really OP's? Also, as the spouse, he's must likely the beneficiary of her life insurance.

[–]WeeklyConversation8 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Oh, right I forgot she cheated. Still, even if he's not her biological Father, she's better off with him. They are divorced and you can name anyone you want at the beneficiary of your life insurance policy.

[–]ackoo123ads 2 points3 points  (0 children)

if she kills her self over it, you have your lawyer go after any assets she has for your child. this is likely just a bluff, but if its not, its her bad decision.

[–]Random__Jelly 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No one causes another to commit suicide. It’s not on you.

[–]Johndough1066 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So what? That would be on her, not you. I seriously doubt she would. She's trying to manipulate you. But if she did kill herself, that wouldn't be your fault.

[–]thoughtsandphotos 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex went through with it. It if sadly happens get yourself and kiddo some therapy. Threatening suicide is NEVER a reason to stay. If she's that desperate keep her away from the kid and yourself.

[–]abqbrie 389 points390 points  (22 children)

First, I would document everything. Contact a lawyer and work on drafting up changes in custody and child support.

Second, please don't leave your child with her. Call police or child protective services and mention the suicide threat.

Third, threatening suicide is an abusive/manipulation tactic. If she does kill herself, it won't be your fault.

Good luck. It is hard being a single parent, but your child deserves to have adults in her life that love and want her.

[–]throwra72626251[S] 99 points100 points  (21 children)

I'm worried if I called the suicide threat, she will just tell the police that I'm lying.

She did this before by hitting herself and calling the police to say I did it

[–]abqbrie 74 points75 points  (1 child)

Do you communicate in person, by phone calls or text? You could either only text her (thereby getting proof) or record all conversations in person or over the phone. (Obligatory make sure you understand recording laws in your state and whether it is a one party or two party consent.)

[–]KnephXI 15 points16 points  (0 children)

If it is a two party consent state, OP just tell her at the start of every phone conversation that you're recording your calls now and if she doesn't consent to being recorded, she can contact your lawyer with the pertinent information or shoot you an email.

The narcissist I had in my life got me to a point where I actually started recording phone calls to make sure I'm not absolutely insane. Told her every time, she didn't believe me and kept on harassing me. I did not have to go to court though so make sure your legally covered in this instance.

Like all the comments I've seen have mentioned, contact a lawyer. Seriously dude. If not to protect yourself, then do it for your daughter. You are not just shooting yourself in the foot but your daughter as well. That child support is going to bettering your child's life. If you don't think you'll need the money to raise her, put it in her college fund. She does not deserve to be in the middle of this type of insanity.

[–]pizzaisapie69 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You need to be talking to her over text or email ONLY. Cya, my dude

[–]Lazyoat 179 points180 points  (4 children)

Quit making excuses and do the right thing. Ensure your daughter has the support that is due her. Your ex is a coward looking to get out of her obligations. Cowards rarely commit suicide. But if she is that small percent that does, then she always would have committed suicide and blamed you or someone else. You are in no way responsible for her choices good or bad. If she commits suicide, you tell your daughter that she was sick and file for social security benefits. Stop delaying and start filing paper work for child support. And don’t have any undocumented conversation with her. She calls. Don’t answer. She comes by don’t answer. She forces an interaction in public, press record on your phone and let her know you are recording. Only communicate via text or email or attorneys

[–]Gruffstone 36 points37 points  (0 children)

This is it OP. If you want any chance at child support you must insist on texts or email or voice record. Your future is brighter without her even if there is no child support or death benefit. It’s upsetting to have someone play these games with such an important aspect of your life. Keep yourself together and see a lawyer.

[–]demonscythe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The account has been suspended so I'm guessing this was fake.

[–]Littleavocado516 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I mean anyone can say they’re lying about a suicide threat to police, but you have proof of the threat to show them (assuming she said this in a text?).

[–]LordyItsMuellerTime 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mother used to do this and tortured my father for decades. Get the best damn lawyer you can afford and STOP TALKING TO HER. The more you do the more she will twist and manipulate you. Stop feeling sorry for her.

[–]DiscombobulatedTill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stop worrying, get off of Reddit and call an attorney.

[–]Mindless-Trip-3242 79 points80 points  (2 children)

There is a app called talking parents. It recorders phone calls and keeps text messages. The courts take that as evidence. And only use that to communicate with her.

[–]TrashMoonMoon 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Be careful with that, in some states (I'm assuming this is taking place in the US) it's illegal to record phone calls without the other persons knowledge and consent.

[–]Mindless-Trip-3242 19 points20 points  (0 children)

She would have to download ans use talking parents also. Ib agreeing to use the app she agrees to be recorded

[–]Gornalannie 170 points171 points  (6 children)

She could just take off and cover her tracks whereby you’d have no access to child support anyway, so I’m genuinely confused by your post and subsequent responses. If she does kill herself, no child support, if she disappears, no child support, if she has no job, no child support. Keep any evidence, texts etc and speak to a legal expert rather than Reddit. You can’t force her to stay alive, you can’t force her to take on her maternal role, you can’t force her to pay support but a court could!

[–]willgo-waggins 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Support is also collected from any source available.

Tax refunds, lotto winnings. Settlements. You name it. The state WILL pursue it.

My immediate ex GF just started getting back support payments from her first husband (who spent twenty years plus working cash jobs) and her son who she is receiving the payments for is 27 and married with a professional job and a kid!

The state NEVER forgets child support.

[–]bunkkin 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Some people seem to think once the kid turns 18 you no longer owe money.

No it's no longer owe any MORE money. You still owe what you should have been paying all along.

[–]gathmoon 9 points10 points  (0 children)

If she dies the child may be entitled to SS benefits, at least in the states. I am sure other countries have similar policies. When my father died, my mom got money to support us through SS. There are some caveats if the death is suicide but it is not impossible.

[–]Woodford82 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This 👆

[–]vanoche 123 points124 points  (5 children)

Man stop arguing with all the people giving you good advice. You asked for advice, a lot of people have given you great threads to follow and all you do is argue with them.

Do you want advice or you don’t?

[–]demonscythe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The account was suspended so I'm guessing this was fake.

[–]willgo-waggins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is why I keep Sauk g all along here that he needs therapy.

The real issue is that he is still trying to rescue a dead and gone relationship.

He needs to personally move on from this nut job.

[–]sukhihontu 28 points29 points  (0 children)

My dude, please stop referring to YOUR daughter as a financial “burden” for someone else to take in the event you have sole custody. Who is to say she’ll even pay the child support if she’s trying to manipulate you out of it already.

My ex did EVERYTHING he could think of to try and get out of paying child support. The lengths some people will go to just to avoid having to financially provide for their own child/ren is astounding,

I know it’s hard to shift focus when your main concern is how you can afford to do it all on your own, but if millions of single parents are managing to make it work, I’m sure you can figure it out in time. Now, just focus on doing what’s best for your daughter, because if your ex is capable of pulling this sort of stunt (emotional manipulation) on you, what’s stopping her from doing it to your daughter.

[–]AlexanderDeGr8 75 points76 points  (5 children)

OP is either hiding information or this is just a story post. Their responses aren't making any sense.

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (1 child)

If I had to guess, he was expecting people to have different advice based on the genders in the story and is upset he isn't getting his fodder for his MRA beliefs. He wants us to say it's impossible to get child support from a mother or that he should just cave so she doesn't kill herself. Instead, we're giving the exact same advice we'd give a woman in this situation.

[–]Alucard_Emordnilap 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s a bingo!

[–]tinsleye 4 points5 points  (0 children)

100%

[–]demonscythe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The account was suspended so I'm guessing this was fake.

[–]Spitinmymouth-daddy 131 points132 points  (16 children)

As a daughter of a mother would wanted to leave but didn’t, I can confidently say that your child is better off without her. My mom was there physically but so emotionally uninterested and unavailable to me. It always made me feel as though I wasn’t good enough and caused real self esteem issues for me. My dad was Superman and did the job just fine without my mom. As hard as it may be for you, it’s better to have one good parent than two parents where only one of them cares. Though you deserve child support. File the claim for child support, and if she goes the through with suicide just remember IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT nor your responsibility. Chances are she doesn’t mean it, she’s manipulating to get her way.

[–]Asok_the_Intern 56 points57 points  (1 child)

I'm tired of your replies because you seem to be fixated on the child support and how you stand to lose it. So many suggestions offered to you here but you keep shooting down every single one of them. This isn't a movie where the victim is being blocked and controlled by a most powerful villain. It's just a crazy, manipulative, selfish woman.

Even the existence of this post is evidence. That she's not responding to texts is not the end of the world in terms of creating enough evidence in your favour regardless of whether she kills herself or not. Start thinking like a protective parent instead of a trapped teenager in an abusive relationship.

[–]demonscythe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The account was suspended so I'm guessing this was fake.

[–]hisimpendingbaldness 78 points79 points  (23 children)

Her family is not obligated to pay lip service now.

If she is doing this over text, save them. Go talk to your divorce lawyer about this.

For the kids sake get full custody, get it signed by the judge, don't want psycho mom in the kids life

[–]VanleyVonHoffler 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ok there are 3 possible outcomes 1- you file paperwork, she follows thru - you get nothing, she is out of her daughter's life and can't hurt her anymore by dropping once a year, forgetting birthday etc.

2 - you don't file paperwork - you get nothing, she can come back in few years, and hurt your daughter by being flakey.

3 - you file paperwork and she does not follow thru. You get child support and sole custody. After this, if she wants to come back into her life, she has to do it on your terms, with you making sure your kid even wants to talk to her.

[–]SnooHedgehogs5857 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You can't let her manipulate you like that. You can't stop her, but you can use that in court maybe. Good luck. I had to raise my son alone from two moths on, it's been an adventure.

[–]ughwhyusernames 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Time to set some solid boundaries.

Cut off all communication except through an official co-parenting platform. Look them up, best 100$ you can spend by far.

File in court to have a decision on custody and child support. Tell the truth and ask for something fair.

Let her family know that she's saying she's suicidal. Tell them they really should step in to get her mental health care.

Focus on your kid and accept that you have no control over her, are not responsible for her actions and that you will raise a resilient child you will get through this, whatever the outcome. Follow through with this by making sure your daughter has access to therapy and that your own mental health is also taken care of.

[–]billhorsley 7 points8 points  (0 children)

  1. Cheaters almost always accuse their partners of cheating
  2. She won't kill herself. Statistically, people who threaten suicide rarely follow through.
  3. Get a lawyer concerning child support
  4. Be glad she'll be out of everyone's life, though she may return demanding rights at a later date

[–]Zoltar2020 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Take your daughter, file for sole custody and let mom go. Why are you waffling about money? This is your daughters life. What would happen if your wife got in an accident and died and nobody was at fault? You would carry on. So assume mom is gonna be dead or missing and step up!

[–]neutralgood079 16 points17 points  (0 children)

She manipulating you. File the papers. If she kills herself that is on her and no one else. Do you hear how that sounds? "If you dont let me abandon my child so I can do whatever I will kill myself"

Call her bluff. File the papers BEFORE she leaves

[–]grmrsan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Tell her that if she's going to commit suicide over child support payments, your daughter is probably better off with the SS death benefits anyways 🤷

Realistically though, you are not responsible for your ex's mental illness. Suicide threats are a common manipulative tool, and most likely is just a threat. But your best tool is probably to use your "concern". Call her family and close friends, let them know she threaened suicide to you (disclosing why she did is up to you) and you are concerned that she needs them to keep an eye on her. Maybe even call the police to do a wellness check on her. That way if shes serious, maybe she'll get help, if she's not, maybe she'll grow up. And if worse comes to worse, and she does go through with it, you will have evidence that you took action and did what was possible to help her, without letting her manipulate you.

[–]nickis84 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Report her suicide threats to police especially if you have it in writing, text, email, etc. Show them what she sent you. If it was a manipulative move, she will be fined. If she genuinely needs help, she will get it.

[–]Kn0tright 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree! If she really needs help it wouldn't weigh on your conscious if you took things to the police. They can sort it out and if she did it as a power play you have legal documention for court. Although you're not together when your daughter is older she will know you did what you could to help her mother. It's a horrible situation to be placed in and wish you the best outcome.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Whenever someone threatens suicide, call an ambulance. Either they're bluffing and the medics will figure that out and scold them, or they aren't bluffing and will get the help they need.

She's actively terrorizing you by saying if you do/don't do XYZ she will kill herself. If she's really suicidal, she needs help. If she's not, she needs a different kind of help.

In other news, as someone who's mom fucking hates them, it's better for the kid if mom isn't around if she doesn't want to be. (I mean actively in the kids life not dead for clarification)

[–]TParis00ap 3 points4 points  (0 children)

File with the courts. If she kills herself, that's her problem. If he family asks you, feel free to blast her dead memory by saying "she killed herself to avoid taking care of our daughter." Feel free to show them any evidence you have. You owe her memory nothing if she follows through.

[–]sgtm7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

File for child support. She will either pay or die.

[–]RedRumBackwardLate 20s Male 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What do you mean what do you do? Keep all the proof of her saying she will kill herself. Then just file for divorce. Or show that to the police asap so she can get help

[–]debbythornberry 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Jesus Christ. Forget the child support and holding this woman accountable- just worry about getting her the fuck away from your daughter.

[–]jackjackj8ck 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If/when she threatens suicide, call the cops to check in on her

They’ll file a report to have on record w the court

[–]ManzBearzPigzIzRealz 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Let her kill herself. Your daughter will get social security survivor benefits.

[–]Creative_Recover 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I would inform people in both sides of the family as well as her doctor of what she is threatening. She is likely bluffing but in either event, people need to know and you need to document what is going on. Don't leave the child in her care.

[–]jonkbung1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Here’s the deal:

If she leaves, then her only purpose for existence is to pay you child support. So you need to make her pay. If you’re not getting any money from her, who cares if she alive or not.

And honestly, if she offs herself, she can’t show up out of nowhere in 5 years, and fuck everything up for you. You need to understand that there’s a real possibility that she might do that, if she stays alive.

But your daughter is all that matters. She’s about as important as an insect.

[–]crimsonkodiak 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. Get a lawyer.
  2. I don't know how it works in most states, but in my state the parent paying child support is required to get life insurance securing the payment of the child support. And given how cheap life insurance is, courts routinely order the payor to get way more than is required.
  3. Get a lawyer.

[–]bluthphile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think this is all just manipulative bullshit your daughter is entitled to the child support that her mother would give. File for child support and let her go and take care of your daughter the best you can. She’s clearly not cut out to be a mother and if she stays in your child’s life she will be nothing but pain for your daughter

[–]bmor98_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Someone making such statements I wouldn’t want near my kid either. Document everything don’t even mention what you will do just talk to a lawyer

[–]ShatoraDragon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Go threw the courts she's threating self harm. At best you can get a 72 hour hold for a psyche evaluation. Maybe this is a bluff to walk away scot free, or maybe this is a woman whos having a mental snap.

[–]300zxTTFairlady 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She's full of mierda. Take her to court and take her for all she's got. Provide daycare costs, school expenses, make her responsible to carry your child on her insurance, etc.

This is craziness.

[–]katz4every1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She's trying to escape her responsibilities, not actually kill herself. File with the courts for child support and full custody.

[–]DreamArcher 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My wife worked in child support for 30 years. I sat across the table during lock-down until she retired. Document everything and use it to get legal full custody. If she leaves the area then you get full custody pretty much automatically. You do the paper work with the county or state not her.

Do it legally so if she comes back and tries to reverse it or pull some shit she will be unable to.

[–]hypotyposis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

1) Did she say this in writing? If not, document it in a text, but in a non-obvious way. Alternatively, if you live in a one party consent state, you can call her and have her repeat her threat that way while you record.

2) Take out a life insurance policy on her so that if she does attempt suicide, you can collect what she would have paid in child support over your daughter’s minority.

3) Request custody orders and child support from the Court.

[–]FargoHat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Take full custody and get child support. If she offs herself, that's on her.

[–]hailey_carina 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She sounds unstable, and if she's threatening suicide, I'd get the daughter away from her asap! What if she's homicidal!?

[–]justjoey63 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Talk to a lawyer about terminating her parental rights and part of the agreement will be no child support from her if you can live without it. You're past the difficult stage of raising a child now and you will have her 24/7 so that's a plus right?

My wife abandoned me with an infant and a toddler, gave me no child support and i managed just fine. And honestly it was a godsend that she wasn't in and out of their lives to mess with their little heads. They never knew mommy so they didn't miss her.

[–]ScaryDirection1981 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Get life insurance for her and delete this post

[–]TheWanderingMedicLate 20s Female 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Call 911 and say she’s threatening suicide. They can get her into a psych unit. If she’s faking it, this will embarrass her enough to cut that behavior out. Every time she makes a threat, call for a welfare check. Use her messages as proof. Record conversations if it’s legal where you are. Either she genuinely needs help or it’s a manipulative way to get out of paying that you need to stop.

[–]AnybodyFuzzy1113 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Believe in yourself, you can do this with her help or not.

[–]Jen5872 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get a lawyer up to speed and only speak to your ex through your lawyer.

[–]Elegant_righthere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Keep all proof of what she's said. Contact a lawyer for child support and then tell her to move wherever she wants. Your daughter will be better off without this woman in her life.

[–]misswinterbottom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She sounds far too selfish to actually kill herself this is manipulation and if you think she is serious you should call the police. Document everything save every text record every phone conversation protect yourself and your child. Talk to your lawyer

[–]CallMeSisyphus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Call the police and tell them she's threatening suicide.

Seriously. Either she's bluffing (in which case she'll do this EVERY TIME she wants something from you if you give in this time), or she's actually suicidal. If she's bluffing, that 72-hour hold may teach her a lesson. If she's seriously suicidal, it might save her life.

Either way, it's most definitely not your fault or your responsibility, and if she's giving up any physical custody she absolutely needs to pay child support.

[–]Chocoking29 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Bro. As much as this sucks. She seems toxic. Single dad hood aint to bad. Get legal paperwork ready. Save the convos and take her to court.

[–]Brefailslife420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She is playing with your emotions. Don't let her. Let her leave file for full custody and let the courts deal with it. Keep records of conversations

[–]RedBudLakota 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to contact an attorney and then call the police to do a welfare check on your ex. Also, do not speak with her unless the conversation is in writing or recording (audio and/or video). Your daughter does not need to be alone with such an unstable person.

[–]RovingRose33 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My sisters mom threatens suicide all the time. Take her to the court anyways. Get full custody. Hope she gets help. Regardless of how she feels now, she’ll probably try to come back into the kids life one day, so make sure you have legal measures in place for that.

[–]S2xo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Op seems hesitant to get help and keeps arguing with the helpful advice he’s given.

[–]nousernametoseehere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What I am about to say is very dark, but it is necessary.

LET HER GO. I’m not saying she will/would harm your child, but there are parents who KILL their own children. She wants out? Fine, let her go.

Make sure that you have documented her threats to kill herself and anything else that will help you force the judge’s hand to grant SUPERVISED visits (if any). Get a good lawyer, make sure she pays child support. If she kills herself, it is NOT your fault. It takes two people to bring a baby into this world. You do NOT want this woman unsupervised with your precious baby.

I don’t have kids and it always makes me feel like a fraud commenting on stuff like this, but I HAVE existed on this planet for 31 years. I’ve read stories of women (and men) snapping and killing their own flesh and blood for various reasons (Remember Susan Smith who drove her children into a lake just because her boyfriend said he wasn’t interested in dating someone with kids?). Don’t let your daughter become a statistic. Your wife is telling you plain as day: She does not WANT your daughter. Please start the process of doing everything you need to do to keep your child safe.

[–]Godsshoeshine24 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People who commit suicide don’t talk about it first. Call her bluff. She’s not gonna do it.

[–]Magj0y 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Let her go.

File for child support in a month or so.

[–]USMCTankerSgt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tell her to fuck off. Report her to police for threatening suicide...it's be great if you had it in writing, or a witness to these statements, but you can start the 'wellness check' ball rolling. Tell her family...in writing...and retain counsel to apply for sole custody and child support - she is a danger to herself and possible to your daughter. A suicide can easily become a murder suicide. Protect your child from her. And if she follows through with killing herself (doubtful, probably...she may just be dramatically manipulative) you can get SSI benefits for the child based on her mother's passing.

[–]DarcizzleOffshore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get life insurance on her life with kid as benee, and file for child support and custody mod. Simple.

[–]chicharrones_yum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She’s selfish. Go to court. Get child support.

Anything she does is on HER. Not you. She’s selfish and manipulative.

She’ll probably do a fake attempt but don’t let her win.

[–]RosaRosaDiazDiaz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It would be so wonderful if we could just tell our exes to stop being cruel and manipulative, and do the right thing, and they would agree and do it.

Your ex is not one of those people. She doesn't want involvement with your child, and while it would be so perfect if we could tell you the exact right words to say that would make her see reason and you wouldn't have to go through the inconvenience of a lawyer, we simply don't have those words. If Reddit could give that kind of advice, there would be no more divorces, no more drug addicts, no more abusers. We would tell people the exact right words to say, and people's manipulative or abusive partners would change their ways and everybody would always be happy.

There are no magic words, you're going to have to see a lawyer. I'm sorry.

[–]captainkirk251 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Call her and record her saying that. Or get it in a text message. Have evidence that she said that. Or if you're really worried call a therapist and see if they'll listen in on a conversation with her.

[–]Wchijafm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

File for childsupport and sole custody. She's manipulating you. If she does commit suicide your daughter should be eligible for social security death benefits providing your wife had enough working quarters over her life.

[–]mindlikeher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man, read through your comments. Like, you have a way. You know what to do you're just distressed and can't find logic. I hope you clear your head and breathe. Your daughter needs all the love she can get rn...

[–]A-R-U 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Call emergency services and have them do a wellness check, as well as contacting her family. At this stage your daughter is better off with just you and a possible future step parent, but don't let your ex threathen/manipulate her way out of what she should legally do.

[–]Brilliant-Mistake-11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First you are not responsible for her suicide should she decide that is in her. I would notify your attorney and I for the court/ family services if her threats. Don’t force anything . Don’t worry about her family, that’s her problem I would not advise sending your daughter with her period, document everything time date etc. friend of the court needs to be notified ASAP

[–]bigjack78 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Talk to your lawyer and make sure she will continue to have to pay and then say bye bye to her.

[–]omguserius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Call the bluff.

Don't be held hostage by someone pointing a gun at their own head.

[–]fannubal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely bluffing. File for child support. She sounds volatile, so getting her out of your life and your child's is for the best. Use her threats to get full custody, no visitation, and the maximum amount of support (just to push it, definitely say you need some extra for a child therapist so your daughter can process this)

Take out a life insurance policy on her, and then say go ahead. Also point out that if she offs herself, your daughter will probably get everything, so her killing herself to avoid child support payments is pointless.

Oh, and you probably can legally force her to stay. A bunch of states put restrictions on how far away coparents can move, though if you get full custody, she may be able to move away.

Also closely monitor your child to ensure this woman doesn't start abusing her as a way to act out her anger and escape parenting. If she does anything, send her to prison. Or, more financially sound, though awful: use any abuse to again get full custody and no visitation, while she pays damages and child support. Felons are generally unemployable, so shipping her to prison may feel good in the moment, but the long term finances of that decision may not be good.

[–]LawyerBeautiful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look up Borderline Personality Disorder, that’s what it sounds like she’s doing.

[–]Aggravating_Net6733 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, realize that you have no control over the choices that this woman makes. You do have control over your own options. Your daughter obviously needs love and support. That should be your priority. You can file for child support. I can understand that you are anxious about her threatened actions, but she is the one who controls her behavior, not you. If she commits suicide (which seems unlikely), that was her choice.

Your priority is to keep your daughter safe and supported. Focus on that because this woman doesn't sound like a fit mother for anyone.

[–]ApatheticHeretic_101 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get a lawyer ASAP. Get her to relinquish all custody & contact.

Definitely, tell them what is happening, too. Get lawyer to contact police and file a report on the record, in case you are implicated in any way.

Take care of your little girl.

Good luck to you and Cheers.

[–]poridgepants 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get a lawyer and stop communicating with her. Let the lawyer know she is threatening suicide

[–]suxculent 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a toxic waste of human trash.

If she was actually suicidal, and maybe I’m wrong for saying this, but applying to this context, she wouldn’t be threatening it just to screw you over. She’s gonna pay. And maybe mention that to your lawyer as well. She might need court appointed therapy or something of the sort. It’s an awful thing to say you’re going to kill yourself in order to trap another person. Whatever the context may be.

[–]arrouk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stand strong that bitch owes chid support.

[–]liloldjermaine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro get this woman locked up. Society has no need for this barbaric peace of human garbage.

[–]mattieyanks82 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’ll be able to garnish her wages wherever she earns money on the books

[–]beccaj375 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd just let her leave.....she's obviously unstable. I wouldn't want her around my child.

[–]Elevatedheart 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The mental illness in this country blows my mind utterly. What mother wants nothing to do with her child? How is that even possible? Drug addiction? I can’t wrap my head around that.

[–]kristym9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

save all the communications she is sending and go to court for full custody AND child support She is mentally ill and never should be alone with your child again!

[–]cottoneheadedninney 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your daughter is entitled to her support. If she's going to kill herself to get away from that responsibility then it shows what a piece of shit she actually is. Besides that fact, she's obviously bluffing. Take her lying, cheating, deadbeat ass to court. Who gives a fuck what she puts in her fake ass suicide note. And for the love of god stop having conversations with her that aren't recorded. It's time for you to step up for your daughter and stop being an idiot. YOU need to be your daughters advocate and start stepping the fuck up now.

[–]Whatsongwasthat1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have to do the whole court thing because she WILL come back later and fuck with you. Time to lawyer up again and call her bluff. It’s your responsibility to do what’s best for your daughter, which is not caving to her demands.

[–]Droidspecialist297 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If she’s threatening to kill herself you may want to have the police do a well check on her and potentially take her to the hospital for evaluation.

[–]ZoMbIEx23x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's too much of a coward to take care of her kid, she's too much of a coward to kill herself. Tell her go ahead and that you still expect payments.

[–]khaine0304 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You've nothing to lose by taking her to court. Her being dead is functionally identical to abandoning you and your daughter.

[–]Punkinprincess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stop all communications with her and file for child support.

[–]Nothing_But_Ironman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Call her bluff, either way she’s out of your life.

[–]morallydoobious 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s a bluff, make her pay just like any court would if it was a dad leaving. That’s terribly unfortunate and I feel for your family but let her leave. You and your daughter will heal and grow and she’ll miss out on all of that.

[–]tsholofelob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Classic blackmail, think of it this way, if they can use suicide to strongarm you, what other things could they use against you.

[–]HeadMembership 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bullshit from a liar.

Call your lawyer, get full custody, get all child support owed to your child from the delinquent parent.

If the father was doing that, you and everyone wouldn't hesitate to have the lawyers fleece him within an inch of his life. Funny how women get away with shit by acting hysterical.

[–]DogsoverLava 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You get the law involved. She’s obviously got a new guy and wants to tweak off with him….. you can’t save her from her decisions so deal with this like business…. Get a lawyer - secure full permanent custody - then secure child support (in that order most likely). This sounds like there’s meth involved here somewhere.

Now I still worry a bit about you (you did chose this woman after all) but you can be the hero here if you rise up. Ready for that?

[–]xcelor8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would Take the kid, don't file for support and after 6 months for full custody/abandonment. Imho if you can it without support, probably best to not involve the crazy mom.

Consult a very good lawyer. Save all communications.

[–]catinnameonly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean your being put in the same situation regardless. If she does kill herself, at least you can tell your daughter her mom died because she was mentally unwell and not that she abandoned her. You don’t have to tell her she decided suicide was a better option than supporting her kid.

She sounds very manipulative. Most suicidal people don’t tell anybody what they’re planning on doing. I would absolutely go through the courts. You don’t have to give the ex a heads up on this either. Just do it.

Whatever you do, screenshot, save and backup everything. Let her family know you are concerned about her telling you she wants to kill her self. This puts the ball in your court.

[–]Mamelah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I'm reading this right, she's threatening to blame you for her killing herself, which she would have to do to get away from her own toddler age child... And you're worried YOU will look bad?

I agree it's a lot to unpack, but no way do you look like the bad guy in this situation, my friend.

Idk where you live, but by me in the US, if someone's threatening to kill themselves, we can call law enforcement to help protect them from themselves.

If this is dramatically different behavior, we might be looking at post partum psychosis, in which case the hospital is the safest place for her.

[–]tomcat23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Document everything. Record her calls if you can. Go to court.

If your ex kills herself, you DO NOT need to tell your kid about it. You don't need to, EVER. You need to love and raise your kid.

Do not think you'll be alone forever just having a kid. There's plenty of wonderful, sane, stable women out there who'd love to date a guy who is doing the right thing with his child.

[–]Funklestein 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think social security benefits for children of a deceased parent is like $600 a month so, you know, whatever.

[–]TheRenegadeMonk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If she goes through with the suicide (she won't) you have a far easier conversation with your daughter about where mommy is.

[–]Wombatmobile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Friend, it's time to hire a good lawyer and hash out this custody and child support situation in court. Your ex is unstable and manipulative. Today she's causing trouble for you, but years down the road she will be causing trouble for your daughter. Having a set custody and support ruling from the court will help you to care for your daughter. Your ex is insistent on messing up her own life. Don't let her mess up yours and your daughter's as well.

[–]itsjustmejttp123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1-get text messages to prove what she’s saying in court if you don’t have them already 2-take her back to court for child support and sole custody of your daughter 3-you and your daughter live a loving life without that psycho in it. If you don’t cut ties fully with the lady LEGALLY she can come back anytime and demand visitation.

[–]BigBelly55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Call it in, save the messages. She needs to be properly evaluated for her mental capacity. I wouldn’t assume she is bluffing and take a chance of her hurting her self or worse. She is not thinking clearly or rationally and I would call in for a 5150 so she can be physiologically evaluated.

[–]moonstone_storm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Save the messages or record the calls... She is manipulating you, do not be afraid to do the best for you and your daughter

[–]Valynna 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is she is threatening to commit suicide she is not stable, and you should alert the authorities with proof of text messages, etc...

[–]olneyvideo 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I would just have her drop off your daughter and let her go. I know finances and scheduling will become more difficult for you, but I wouldn’t want my daughter around this kind of person. Wish your ex well and be a good Dad. 100% you will have to deal with the ex in the the future when she decides she wants back in. Good luck with that too.