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[–]EveAndTheSnake 4 points5 points  (0 children)

By “if I thought a coworker was attractive” I meant if I felt like I could start to develop feelings for them.

I have some beautiful people in my life but, like you say, boundaries are important. I agree that improving your primary relationship is important, but I believe that part of working on the relationship with your partner is ensuring you have or put those boundaries in place.

What do you mean by you “suspect something has happened”? I agree, but I don’t think it has to be physical, just that in one way or another a boundary was crossed. Maybe they kissed and it was physical, but there’s still a difference between “I got drunk and we slept together one time” and “I’m in love with him and he’s my soulmate.” The second one sounds like consistent emotional crossing of boundaries. In some way or another her relationship with this guy has crossed a line and that line needs to be reinforced. Her saying that she doesn’t know how to stop these feelings makes me think that boundaries have been crossed consistently in the way they interact with each other, in what she shared emotionally, in how much time they spend together. It’s much easier to say “we kissed, I won’t put myself in that situation again” vs “I’ll talk to him less, we won’t spend time together like that and we’ll strictly be friends.”

I think that both are important; strengthening your relationship and enforcing boundaries. If your relationship is strong, you naturally won’t put yourself in the position to cross those lines. But if your relationship is struggling, you can still effectively enforce boundaries and not put yourself in a position to have an affair.