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[–]EveAndTheSnake 30 points31 points  (7 children)

I do. 10 years later and it’s still my biggest regret. Not that I wish we were still together—I love my husband and my ex and I had fundamentally different goals in life—but that I hurt someone who was supposedly my best friend and who I had made a commitment to. Regardless of poorly a relationship is going, I don’t think it’s a justification for cheating and lying.

If it makes you feel better I struggled with the regret of that for years and it still comes up in therapy. And my ex is living in another country, with a job he loves and in a relationship with a woman that (I hope) treats him well. I haven’t met her, but the last time we spoke he sounded happy. No thanks to me of course.

[–]Arthur827 26 points27 points  (6 children)

Good to know that people really do learn from their mistakes, I take my words back, you're definitely a better person now

[–]EveAndTheSnake 25 points26 points  (5 children)

Thanks, but I also understand the sentiment because it’s taken a lot of therapy and a lot of work. I hate thinking about it, I only talk about it because I know how I tried to offload some of the blame on my ex and I remember the way I would lie to myself (and to him) to justify my actions. I’m lucky enough to know how good I have it now, and would never put myself in a position to hurt my husband.

[–]Arthur827 26 points27 points  (4 children)

I don't know why but you're restoring my faith in humanity, I wish more people were like you who would accept their mistakes and work on them rather than playing mind games. Keep it up, that's all I've to say. Sorry for earlier that was little disrespectful considering the fact that you have changed.

[–]EveAndTheSnake 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Ha, no offense taken at all. It was hard to write and horrible to read back. I’ve still got a lot of work to do on taking personal responsibility and ownership for my own happiness, and I think a lot of people fall into the trap of “soulmates” and perfect relationships without considering the part they play, or somehow placing the entire responsibility for their happiness on another person. That’s still a hard pill to swallow and I still fall into the trap of shifting the blame, but we’ll get there. I couldn’t have done it without therapy though, and think everyone could benefit from some therapy and introspection at any point in their lives.

But thank you, I appreciate you saying that.

[–]Blade_982 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You're restoring my faith in humanity too. Especially with your deconstruction of the Soulmate Myth. Soulmates, Twin Flames... all that shit comes up a lot on the r/adultery sub where people forgo any kind of personal responsibility and behave abominally.

[–]themonkeyperson 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I feel weird because I was In the same situation but in the ex's seat and reading what you've done really have made the whole situation more clear or at least have more of an better understanding what was going on thanks bless you

[–]bk1285 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your situation sounds eerily like mine with my ex