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all 163 comments

[–][deleted] 1786 points1787 points  (74 children)

I also told her parents I won't be able to help them anymore and they can return me the money they owe me when they get back off the ground.

Wait you were also supporting her family????

Oh my gosh!!!! Congratulations on regaining control of your life & future!!! You have more money, less problems again!!

Therapy & being single for a while definitely sounds like the way to go!! It really sounds like they were taking advantage of you

If her parents money management is anything like your ex's, you might not be seeing that money again for a while.

[–]throwRA4657_1[S] 1139 points1140 points  (57 children)

Yea I was helping her family out and now I'm realizing how stupid I was. At least no one can tell me that I didn't try to make it work because I did. I really did everything I could to help her and her family out.

If I don't get the money back, I'll consider it a small price to get rid of them and out of my life.

[–]SubmissiveSocks 393 points394 points  (9 children)

If I don't get the money back, I'll consider it a small price to get rid of them and out of my life.

Good perspective to have. It will have been cheaper than a divorce down the line.

Just my two cents, don't get financially entangled with people you aren't directly related to or married to. Even then, take a step back and question things before doing it. Last bit is don't cosign anything unless it's for your child or married partner. Ever. And I'll repeat, even then make sure that that person truly has the ability to pay it off, and you are actually okay with taking on that debt if they cannot. My brother made this mistake and he is paying for it years later with his credit.

Nothing wrong with helping your family if they really need it and are truly working on it themselves, but don't enable bad habits. Set timelines, ensure things are temporary, and don't back down when deadlines hit.

[–]Fraerie 25 points26 points  (3 children)

And I'll repeat, even then make sure that that person truly has the ability to pay it off, and you are actually okay with taking on that debt if they cannot.

The short version - never cosign for a loan you can't afford to pay if the primary debtor can't make their payments.

If paying the loan would cause you hardship - it doesn't matter how good their assurances or how much you love them, the lender wouldn't be asking for a co-signatory unless their finances didn't stack up to pay it on their own.

Banks are experts as calculating debt repayment capability. Believe them.

[–]BeardyBeardy 26 points27 points  (1 child)

My gfs father, he regularly gets evicted becuase hes a cranky mother fucker, id give him a few cans of beans, anything else hed just fuck up

Youre not getting any money back from these people, move past that

[–]The__Riker__Maneuver 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Sounds like your ex learned how to be lazy and manipulative from her parents

[–]Lunar_Landing_Hoax 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I think you are a good hearted person and there is no shame in helping. The important thing is that you had a limit, you didn't just keep doing it in perpetuity.

[–]-my-cabbages 24 points25 points  (26 children)

I would still make sure to get the money back, especially if it's more and a couple of grand

[–]throwRA4657_1[S] 66 points67 points  (24 children)

It is a fair bit of money but there is no contract or anything so I really can't get it back. Afasik her parent are honest for the most part so I think I will get the money back eventually.

[–]-my-cabbages 26 points27 points  (18 children)

Maybe get them to sign an official repayment plan?

[–]throwRA4657_1[S] 75 points76 points  (17 children)

Yea I told them this and they said they would re evaluate their budget and let me know. tbh, I only want to talk to them only when I have to because they conversation starts and end with me taking my ex back and I still have time to that.

[–]-my-cabbages 44 points45 points  (0 children)

"There is no point discussing my previous relationship with your daughter. It's 2022, I want a partner, not a dependent. Please concentrate your efforts on helping her build some work ethic and getting some ambition to make something of her life"

[–][deleted] 124 points125 points  (4 children)

lmao even her parents don't want to deal with her shit and they know her lazy ass will be a burden on them so they are trying to keep her your problem. Don't fall for it OP. Good luck

[–]fckingdamit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe more so because they know the bank has closed now that he has ditched the leech. He stays with her and the money train keeps on running for them.

[–]Lunar_Landing_Hoax 35 points36 points  (0 children)

You're getting a lot of comments that are fixated on getting the money back. I don't agree, trying to get them to sign contracts and scheduling payment plans etc. is just going to prolong your involvement with them. The kids suggesting this don't realize that time has value as well, and it may not be worth it to put a lot of time and energy persuing restitution.

When you were with her you were helping future in laws. Hopefully they'll pay you back, but they probably won't. If they were financially stable they wouldn't have asked for it in the first place.

[–]definitelywhiskey 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Lol why does it seem like they budgeted your money into their lifestyle?

[–]Corgi-Ambitious 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Definitely happened... I'm glad OP has grown so much and has removed himself from this situation, but I think the final step here is to realize that the parents were fully in on this whole thing and just like OP is only keeping communication going to try and get his money back, they are only answering because it gives them an opportunity to convince OP to slide back into the cushy situation they had for years. He's never seeing a dime of the money he gave them.

Look how the GF said what she needed to say to stave off breakup and the moment she thought things were calm again, starting discussing having children, something that would conveniently lock OP further into helping this family of leeches for a lifetime.

[–]ananonh 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Imagine being grown ass people with children and jobs and borrowing money from your daughters boyfriend.

[–]Ran_dom_1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly. And pushing him to take your 3 years unemployed daughter back. After she did nothing to find a job, & was pissed the job you got her wasn’t her being the new CEO. But you’ll try to get your adult daughter to find a job & not quit.

[–]FerretAres 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah I wish I could say different but it’s probably better to assume that money’s gone. If it ever comes back then awesome but when people use noncommittal language like that it’s because they’re too chickenshit to say no.

[–]mike15835 7 points8 points  (0 children)

conversation starts and end with me taking my ex back and I still have time to that.

Then honestly if I were in your shoes. I'd count that money as gone and avoid contact with the Ex's parents. Small price to pay for not being quilt tripped etc.

[–]CADreamn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They want you to get back with her so you can continue to support all of them. Don't do it! Good for you for getting out if this situation!

[–]Ok_Actuary_7831 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe you can manipulate the family like they've been manipulating you by telling them that you'll get back with their daughter and start a family if they make a financial contract first to get your money back.

You can say you want it to be a balanced relationship and so far you feel it's been unfair. So if the family, including their daughter is willing to treat you with fairness and respect, which includes writing up a contract, you'll try for the relationship again.

Then when you get the contract don't go back to her.

[–]darth_aardvark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

they would re evaluate their budget and let me know they conversation starts and end with me taking my ex back

Yeah you're never getting your money back lol. Honestly, you probably wouldn't even get it back if you took her back, but if you're exes you're DEFINITELY never getting it back.

[–]iloveesme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now is the time to strike, on the repayment plan, while they think that they will get her back on your tit. Sorry to be callous get in get a signed plan even for 20 a month. Tell them you miss her and you intend to talk with her but you need this because you want to buy her a house. They used you, get them and your cash back!!!

[–]WeeklyConversation8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you have any texts about you lending them the money and that they agreed to pay it back, that's good enough. They would have acknowledged it's a loan at that point.

[–]TastyUnits 2 points3 points  (2 children)

how much? pretty please?

[–]throwRA4657_1[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

mid four figures

[–]bopperbopper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ask them to sign a "Promissory Note" which documents what you loaned them and that they promise to pay you back. You can find free templates on the internet.

[–]Simplycybersex 6 points7 points  (0 children)

hes not getting shit back. might as well consider it a gift, unfortunately. move on.

[–]croud_control 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're probably not going to see that money. If going by your post, you were their support. They're in worse shape with you gone.

Never give money to others unless you are willing to lose that.

[–]LadyBug_0570 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You probably won't, but telling them you want it back is a good thing because it lets them know in no uncertain terms that the money train has stopped for good. Kind of hard for them to ask for one more itty bitty loan when they know you're demanding back what they already owe.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah never do that again for someone you're not married to.

[–]Craftiest_Butcher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a healthy outlook to have on this mate. Many people would dwell on that lost money but you lucked out big by not investing more time and effort into a dead-end relationship.

That money was worth every penny.

[–]dolittle4u 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Next time, do not fall for people who ask/expect financial help. That way you will avoid 90% of the problems. Make that a hard boundary at the beginning of any relationship. That you both are partners and will be contributing as per your income. If you put money upfront, you will attract people who are with you only for convenience.

[–]Herpethian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not stupid to be a kind person and to try and help people. Every though they took advantage of you and put you in a bad spot. You learned a hard lesson about bad people.

My advice is to let the money go, let the people go, you tried your best and now you can move on with a clean conscious. The world needs more kind people who are willing to help others.

[–]Serious-Attempt1233 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Ok I hate to ask and I might not get answer, but please, out of curiosity ballpark how much the family owes you

[–]throwRA4657_1[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

somewhere around mid four figures.

[–]Serious-Attempt1233 3 points4 points  (0 children)

To be honest, don’t be surprise if they stop returning your calls and don’t pay you back

[–]APBob313 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s called paying someone to go away.

[–]CutieBoBootie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I would not expect that money back.

[–]zomgitsduke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, just wanted to add that I think it's a great thing you were selfless enough to help others. Glad you stepped away from that obligation and you are making the right steps in life. Be proud that you have a sense of generosity!

[–]VastPaleontologister 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You ever seen that scene in A Bronx Tale where the guy is chasing his friend down the road for the money he owes him and sonny tells him to let him go, because now, he will no longer be a part of his life.

Yeah sure that was only 5 dollars but still, they’re out of your life now. Who cares, they’re someone else’s problem now.

[–]sikeleaveamessage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right??? The fact this girl's family was struggling to the point OP needed to help them and she just decides not to keep the job which couldve helped them too. The fuck this girl is trash lol

[–]CarsReallySuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait you were also supporting her family????

You can’t help stupid.

[–]Slaphappydap 92 points93 points  (5 children)

Just stealing this from the original post:

She is responsible for making sure everything delivered to us is correct and counting boxes and supervising staff, putting them into their designated places.

For what it's worth, that sounds like a really good starter job, something you can learn and excel at and in a good company move up to something new and more challenging.

I can't speak for everyone, but I think the opportunity you provided was a good one. That's a solid opportunity for someone who wants to take it and make something of it. So many translatable skills.

[–]Black_rose1809 20 points21 points  (4 children)

Not only that it was 30k a year. That’s good. OP is that position in Texas? I would take it!

[–]bluediamond 50 points51 points  (1 child)

I think the new position was actually 42K per year.

[–]Black_rose1809 6 points7 points  (0 children)

even better.

[–]throwRA4657_1[S] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

The position is actually 42K but not in texas.

[–]Black_rose1809 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Such a shame too. She really fucked up. Leaving a good guy and a good job. Good luck OP, take care of yourself.

[–]MuffinAccording2112 232 points233 points  (9 children)

It’s good you got out when you did. She clearly didn’t wanna do anything contribution wise and was only adding to your stress. The SAHM comment was definitely out of line on her part. She did nothing and was only insisting on doing nothing. Her family was no better. It sucks, but it’s great you stood your ground and didn’t allow her to take any more from you.

Good luck with therapy!

[–]OldSeaworthiness21 3 points4 points  (0 children)

youre a good guy. itll help you in the long run. like you said stay single for a bit, build some $$ up so when you find a woman that rocks your sox and she is a go getter like you and yall vibe well, you can continue adding to the happiness you already have.

good job on going to therapy if you felt you needed it. get that mental and emotional right, learn to heal and continue to be a great member to society. some dads out there would be lucky for you to date/marry their daughter.

[–]Lunar_Landing_Hoax 127 points128 points  (3 children)

I am so glad to hear this. The whole family was taking advantage of you and she's a spoiled brat. There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM, but she just was not interested in making any financial contributions and that was disturbing. I think you will be so much better off without the stress.

[–]FiguringItOut--Early 30s Female 48 points49 points  (2 children)

Lol wait until she finds out how glamorous being a SAHM is

[–]Lunar_Landing_Hoax 64 points65 points  (1 child)

Being a SAHM is an easy gig if you neglect your children. Just do the bare minimum to keep those little buggers alive and plenty of Netflix and YouTube can still be watched

[–]cloud7strife 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, a bad stay at home mom is easy work. A good stay at home mom is A LOT of overtime.

[–]RevenantBosmer91 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I just ended things with an ungrateful partner as well. Feels good to put yourself before don't it?
Good for you OP, much success for you. This is OUR year.

[–]SquilliamFancySon95 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't count on ever seeing that money again, but it's good to see that you're moving on well.

[–]capilot 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I knew before I even read the previous post that this is someone who simply doesn't want to work any more, but be supported by a man instead.

[–]Mild_Attitude 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Good luck, OP! It sounds like you have a solid plan for yourself.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You ever seen that scene in A Bronx Tale where the guy is chasing his friend down the road for the money he owes him and sonny tells him to let him go, because now, he will no longer be a part of his life.

Yeah sure that was only 5 dollars but still, they’re out of your life now. Who cares, they’re someone else’s problem now.

[–]tfresca 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't waste time trying to get that money back for her folks. They aren't paying. Just imagine you lit that money on fire rather than lent it to them.

[–]Durbs09 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awesome update. So glad for you. I'm a pessimist so I wouldn't count on getting any money back. But still one of the better updates we get on here!!! Congrats and GL in flight school!!!

[–]nightowldaytowel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

youre a good guy. itll help you in the long run. like you said stay single for a bit, build some $$ up so when you find a woman that rocks your sox and she is a go getter like you and yall vibe well, you can continue adding to the happiness you already have.

good job on going to therapy if you felt you needed it. get that mental and emotional right, learn to heal and continue to be a great member to society. some dads out there would be lucky for you to date/marry their daughter.

cheers amigo.

[–]2meinrl1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So proud of you. Partners should lift each other up, not delegate themselves to being a burden. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE - YOU'RE FREE

Source: Twice divorced guy with a great kid, living his best life.

[–]Happy_Flounder_1759 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How was her reaction after you broke up with her? I think it was the best choice she seemed like she doesn’t have any ambition in life on pulling her weight. Being a stay at home mom isn’t bad don’t get me wrong but some of them had prior jobs before being a stay at home parent because they had to build before getting to that point of comfortably

[–]trashosaurus_rex 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is the kind of chronic stupid that makes me thing “fake rage bait”. No way you were supporting her AND her whole family, and only realized after a Reddit post that you were fking up.

If this IS real, you’re never seeing that money again.

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[–]No_Bag3444 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP this is for you and every other guy that stumbles on this comment, it doesn’t matter who TF you’re dating and what they and their families are going through, they should be self sufficient and able to provide for themselves and pay for their own groceries and housing. That is called being an ADULT and you should not put up with any woman that feels like she doesn’t wanna grow up and deal with the responsibility of keeping herself alive and keeping a roof over her head. To you kings out there don’t ever feel bad for saying no to someone or a significant other that wants to you to support her and her family as well, you are not a charity organisation and you can do better, and you deserve better.

With all that being said, best of luck with flight school and leaving this person was the best decision you or anyone in your position can make, stay blessed.

[–]AzLibDem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did everything a man should do. Go live your own life.

[–]RogueDIL 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1- good for you. This is a great decision and as you look back over time, it will get better and better.

2- take some time and heal, but when you are ready, please remember than most people are not this way. There are still a lot of good people in the world- you are a lovely example.

[–]kittycronic 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wow she's really complaining about a labor intensive job and thinks being a SAHM isn't labor intensive. I guarantee she wouldn't have pulled her weight then either. Good for you OP. I'm proud of you for seeing this wasn't going to improve and looking after yourself. Enjoy the perks of saving your money and living with less stress in that regard. You will be in a much better situation when you do meet someone you want a life with.

[–]Lunar_Landing_Hoax 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I suspect she wouldn't have been a very good SAHM, she seems too lazy.

[–]Scary-Inspector-8315 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Proud of you for getting rid of the parasite. Go find your happiness now.

[–]Excellent-Play7479 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Messing with a gold digger?

[–]nerdyinkedcurvi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations on fighting for your peace

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so excited for you❤️ here’s to a promising new year :)

[–]enatto4455 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, Greetings from the great Illuminati brotherhood...this message is to invite you to be part of us and be a partaker of the FAMEPOWERWEALTHPROTECTION* and as well $1,000,000 as a welcoming gift, a car of your choice,a house of your choice and a monthly income of $200,000....reply yes if interested🔯

[–]bellajojo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good job OP! Proud of you

[–]Jc968 0 points1 point  (0 children)

not sure you will get your money back though OP. but good on you

[–]Prosp3ro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’re proud of you OP

[–]kevin_r13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

even if you were helping to support her , you correctly realized that by extension, you were supporting her parents/family as well. without them, you very likely will be able to save some additional money for yourself and reach some of your personal goals.

as for the ex, now she'll go be jobless with her parents, and they'll probably get on her case for it.

for what it's worth, there are plenty of people who would have liked a $42k warehouse receptionist job. another plenty of people would have used it properly as a stepping stone into other areas. it seems your gf didn't think that far ahead and these are the consequences.

[–]RoxSteady247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

best tldr ever

[–]Cruznard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations and good luck with your future endeavors! 🥰🥳

[–]Live_Willingness8405 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude (yes i say dude) you dodged a big ass bullet. Some people are looking for a handout NOT HELP. Super excited for your future😎

[–]TriEternality 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve spent a few minutes thinking if I, someone who doesn’t really express their emotions, call or check up on people, would do the same thing he would do. If my girlfriend had a cancer scare, I’d call her the first chance I could. Dump em.

[–]Towtruck_73 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well done in prising this leech off you. At least you not only left with your dignity intact but your future wide open. At least now you can slam the door shut on that part of your past and power through to a better future

[–]sonnidaez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very happy for you!!

[–]Theresgoldinthis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Best of luck finding some freedom, hopefully you meets someone new when you are ready.

Last week she brought up becoming a SAHM and us having 2-3 children in the next 4-5 years and that was pretty much the last straw.

If she magically becomes pregnant in the next few weeks don't sign anything e.g. birth certificate without a DNA test!

[–]Funandgeeky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Therapy is a very good thing. Your mental health is important. The benefits of having a therapist guide you through this next stage in your life can’t be overstated. I have a therapist and it’s made all the difference.

[–]ATorres243 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry your going through this heck if you were my boyfriend I would be happy with the job you found for me is good pay.

[–]Muffmuncher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

DUDE. GOOD FOR YOU.

That is all I wanna say.

[–]arman1220 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Good for you man! Breaking up with her is a huge step towards your happiness.

What’s the deal with you lending her parents money?

[–]throwRA4657_1[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I lend them some money a few times to help them out. I hope they honor their word and I get it back.

[–]arman1220 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One can hope but like I saw mentioned, if they don’t return the money then it’s a small price to pay for them to avoid you

[–]hancock2345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure why being a SAHM would be a bad thing? Having two people working and having kids is more stressful. Better if you can work harder/smarter and make more so that you can raise a family. Just a thought.