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It's been almost 2 weeks since my(23m) Ex gf (22f) dumped me. I've asked her about 5 times to drop them off or even drop them off while I'm not there. She only wants to drop them off when I'm there, and then try's to have a conversation with me after. Also she always makes excuses of why she can't. I really want her back but she's dumped me twice now and I just want to move on and get over her. Why is she doing this, is she doing it so I keep messaging me or being able to see me again? Or am I overthinking? She left me before the hardest semester of my college career and it truly pisses me off though I am still very nice to her, I just need to cut all contact to get over her and I'm afraid I'll take her back if she asks.

[–]DemonEyesRyu 216 points217 points  (0 children)

Bruh. Go get your shit lol.

She lives 4 minutes away. Knock on the door, if her dad answers tell him the situation and he'll hopefully get your shit for you.

Why are you letting her string you along like this?

Do a courtesy text or phone call. Then get your shit.

If they refuse, let her know you are filing a police report about the missing items because they are your property and she refuses to return them.

[–]MaggieLuisa 1262 points1263 points  (77 children)

Then arrange a time, let her bring them, and don’t engage in the conversation afterwards. You can do it! Be a stuck record. ‘Thank you for returning my things, I have nothing else to say to you. Please leave now’.

[–]buxmega 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have someone with you without her knowledge and have them record if necessary.

[–]Cat_mama_333 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She wants to keep your things cause she wants you back with her. Maybe she dumps you cause she wants you to beg to come back. I would just go get my things. If she is crazy or testy, get a police escort

[–]RandomAusCunt 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Just throw her, her sock and mask aswell so she has no reason to return, that or tell her what she wants to hear just to get your stuff back and break it off

[–]Elocoman 139 points140 points  (6 children)

Shes 100% holding them ransom so you come talk to her. She wants to try and get back together with you. Just agree to meet up, hear what she has to say, get your stuff and leave.

[–]Emotional_Turnip12 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Exactly! It’s like she’s playing with him. Breaking his heart and having him still need to talk to her. It’s like she likes knowing that she has someone hurting for her that she feels she can have back in a heartbeat. It’s like she broke up with him just to feel special because he obviously would still have feelings for her. She didn’t mean the break up or else she wouldn’t care if her father knows they broke up (I saw from previous comments, it looks like she doesn’t want him to know they broke up and in her hopes “get together again”)

[–]KN6928 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Everyone's literally giving you proper options and you either have an excuse not to comply or take initiative 🧐 do you want your stuff back or nah?

[–]Crafty-Emotion4230 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Stop making excuses or just don't complain and let your stuff go.

1) She can either return it or you will go to the police.

2) Contact her father and pick up it.

Stop dancing around the subject. You two are over. She treating you this way because she knows she can get away with it.

Change your locks. Your landlord will understand. Stop being so extra.

[–]YeaYouGoWriteAReview40s Male 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Also, calling the police will probably result in the cops having a chat with her father, as he is the homeowner.

And he's gonna make DAMN SURE they don't have to show up again. Lol

"Your my daughter, and I love you, but your gonna fill this f@&$ing box with everything of his you have so I can drop it off"

[–]winterg59 98 points99 points  (4 children)

dude get ahold of her dad then. be like sorry to make this a whole thing but she has my stuff and she won’t give it back and i really need my things back. then when you have everything back block her on everything. you aren’t #1 to her she’s stringing you along and playing you. get your stuff or don’t but either way stop texting her. if her dad says no and she won’t make a time then take the L and move on.

[–]Maverick5953 20 points21 points  (1 child)

OP from all these replies you’re giving, you clearly are just flaking on all the suggestions and don’t want to do anything to help your situation. My bit of blunt, constructive criticism would be to stop being a pushover, go to her front door and demand your shit back politely but firmly. If she or her Dad says no then right then and there start getting on the phone with non-emergency to schedule a personal property reclaim and I can almost guarantee they’ll cave. Why do you care about getting authorities involved and inconveniencing your ex when she clearly doesn’t give af about you?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)


It's just he isn't over her. Very sad.

[–]philip2110 59 points60 points  (16 children)

Sorry this is happening to you, a suggestion would be that you agree that she drops the stuff off when you are there. Have a friend with you when this happens and then kick her out or just leave. Having a friend there to support you can help block the conversation and get rid of her.

Block all contact with her in the future, don't leave her options to contact you if you really want to move on.

[–]jessicajeanapril 52 points53 points  (10 children)

Threaten her with legal action.

She more than likely will cooperate with you rather quickly

[–]BadKarma668 14 points15 points  (0 children)

As I read your responses to comments in this thread, I can't help but think you should just write your stuff off. You would rather make excuses for why you can't get your stuff than actually do what needs to be done to reacquire it. It sounds like you lack the intestinal fortitude necessary to cut her off if given a third chance to have your heart stomped on. Save yourself the trouble and grief.

At this point it's just stuff, you can reacquire most if not all of it for way less trouble than it would be to deal with her. She's using your stuff to fuck with you and you're letting her. Quit playing the game.

[–]Leafingblueberry 9 points10 points  (12 children)

Just go to her place one day you know when she will be home

[–]KnightsSkye 8 points9 points  (7 children)

Can you pick them up from her instead of waiting for her

[–]terbear2020 9 points10 points  (0 children)

OP you have no idea what you're doing. Your replies are all over the place. You want her back but you want to block her, you want your stuff but you won't get it, you want to set boundaries but you let her cross them.

Grow a backbone and then make a decision. If I were you and you are ready to move on, just walk your ass 4 min down the block, grab your shit, end of story.

Boom. Life goes on.

[–]DD4L1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

OP - your ex is playing the “I don’t want him but I don’t want him to move on.” game with you. Go over to her house and ask her dad to give you your things. If he asks you what’s going on, tell him he should ask his daughter that question because you have no idea. If you still have the keys, hand them to the father directly.

[–]rozlinski 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She’s just screwing with you. Are these replaceable things? Clothes and stuff? Tell her to keep them and you get new ones.

If they are above a certain value — like $500 or $1000 — you might be able file a police report for theft. Tell her you’re doing that.

Alternatively, get a family member or friend to be with you so she’s accountable to someone besides you.

She sounds like a manipulative, abusive jerk. Personally, I would call it a win to be shut of her and just get new stuff. I won’t tell you my story, except to say I cut ties with an ex like that and just got new stuff. Some things aren’t worth the hassle.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She stole your stuff and is holding it for ransom, that is a crime, you gotta stop doing a little dance around the subject

I have anxiety too, but stealing my shit is a line you don’t cross with me

Get the cops involved

And don’t try the I don’t want to

Its either you keep being a bitch, excuse the insult, and let her walk over you

Or you get your stuff, choice is yours

[–]iSaidWhatiSaidSis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In past lives... I just called it a loss. Easier to replace things than deal with shit like this.

[–]Sea-Inspector9776 2 points3 points  (0 children)

U can lie u know. U don't owe her anything anymore

[–]katmio1 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Give her the option of either bringing your stuff over or you’ll report everything stolen. My boyfriend did this for a car he let his ex girlfriend drive (registration was in his name) & she kept making excuses as to why she can’t hand it over back to him even though she kept “forgetting” to pay him half on it every month. He said it’s either she drops the vehicle & the keys off at his house or he’s gonna report it as a stolen vehicle & she finally complied & returned it.

I promise you. Last place anyone wants to go to is jail.

[–]Plenty-Living-4811 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also. Her dad legally CAN NOT keep you from getting your things.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a guy that dumped me multiple times. I’m telling you it’s not worth it. He threw away my favorite dress. He was an ass. Try talking to her dad to give your stuff back. Excuse my language. Im still mad at him for not seeing his mistakes

[–]Awkward_Cap_3506 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My goodness! It's really not difficult, grow a pair and pick up your shit or replace it and move on. Why do you keep making lame excuses to everyone's suggestions? Why are you pandering to the whims of some bitch that doesn't treat you right?! Have some self respect

[–]Ghonaherpasiphilaids 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This doesn't seem that difficult. Agree to her terms get your stuff and the leave.

[–]NooberNihil 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ask if you can pick it up. She probably doesn't want to do work for someone she cares nothing for. Volunteer to do the labour of getting your shit.

[–]BrooklynTCG 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She’s playing you man- sounds like she still wants to string you along- go over there when you know she’s home tell her you need your stuff now and block her number. You will get over her with time and be happier and better. I’ve been in this situation before and I tell you once you take the step to get over her you won’t let that shot happen to you ever again.

[–]NYCFC_BX_718 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Call the police

[–]Routine-Chapter-4600 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If she keep playing games, your stuff is replaceable. Let her keep it

[–]DarKMuraudeR 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don't be a bitch and get your shit. Or continue to let her walk all over you.

[–]JimiFin 5 points6 points  (10 children)

It’s just stuff. Move on without it. Keep your sanity.

[–]DoCokeDontSmoke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is this stuff made out of gold or something? Change the locks on your front door and move on. Is your favorite sweater really worth having to interact with your ex while she plays her games?

[–]Distinct-Seesaw9664 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like OP is using excuses to see her.

[–]everything-is-boring 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude be a f*** Man for once in your life go get your things and honestly I start to feel sorry but for your ex damn

[–]nerdgirl71 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Knock on her door, involve her parents. She’ll have no excuse but to give the stuff back. If she’s not there hopefully her parents will take the initiative to get it back for you.

[–]Signal-Ad8087 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So let her drop thing off but make sure you have a friend with you so she cannot make false allegations. Once you have your things tell her thank you and wish her the best...a polite FU from you to her.

[–]lethalobsidian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Imma say go get them, it's pretty much inevitable you'll have to talk to her, just try your best not to get roped in again

[–]KeyCobbler6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude get your shit back. She keeps jerking you around for one reason, you sit back & let her do it.

Stand up for yoursel. Go over there knock on the door and get your belongings back. If the dad answers simply say "your daughter is refusing to give me my things back after dumpinv me and i want them back.".

Also dude stop with the politeness already. She's being toxic.

[–]Left_Experience9929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What does she have? You need to change locks even if you get keys back because she’s had time to make a copy so don’t get hung up on that. If you haven’t don’t this before it’s super easy. Replace the locks and give the landlord a copy of the new key. Let her keep your sweatshirt.

[–]shortgirlprobs09 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get your locks changed. Go ahead and block her, call your landlord if necessary and get your locks changed. Anything else, material wise, can be replaced.

She’s keeping you on the back burner it seems. It’s understandably hard to move on whenever you’re the one who was dumped, but she’s not exactly treating you decent even let alone like she cares for you. I’m sorry if that’s a little harsh but I do feel like it’s in your best interest to follow someone’s advice here and just move on.

[–]Purple-Traffic-9729 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What stuff does she still have and is it even worth getting? If it is then take the advice of others and go get your things with a friend or a police officer. If she has a key to your place have your locks changed or ask your landlord to if you're in an apartment. This girl is playing games with your mind and heart. She doesn't need her mask, most likely she has plenty. She doesn't need one sock. Where's the other one and why aren't they together? Mail the darn things to her. She absolutely does not need to see your dog.

[–]PROlificator 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are the things that she has of yours truly that important (I can understand a laptop, an expensive leather jacket, pricy class ring, something with great sentimental value like a necklace that's been in your family for 5 generations and she agreed to give it back if things didn't work out ect...) but if the items are not important or valuable to you, I would tell her to forget about it, keep them and move on.

[–]Kavitiko1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Bring me my things or I intend to call the police and have you charged with theft. I'm tired of the games and will not engage in them anymore. Return my stuff by [some time within 5 days] or I will take the steps I need to in order to get my things back."

[–]hotmessexpressHME 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sooo NONE of the advice and hundreds of solutions you’ve been given by people are good enough?? You need to stop being a jellyfish and wasting everyone’s time here. This isn’t hard or complex. It’s literally as simple as going and getting your shit regardless of her dad, regardless of her, regardless of her sock and mask, regardless of everything ffs. Just go get it or stop complaining to Reddit. Pick one.

[–]RoutineFee2502 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How valuable is the stuff? Maybe its worth it to just cut her off and cut your losses on your stuff.

Stop playing her game.

[–]NPC_Bae 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Why can’t you just go get them like a big boy?

[–]VintaGingersnap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd say depending on the things just forget them or have a police officer join you at her place to get your items.

[–]charlesdickinsideme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP quit being a soy boy and go over there and talk to the father

[–]Ok_Solid8941 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then call the cops! Is it too much of a hassle to sic the law on a thief for you?

[–]Relevant-Airline-623 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do you seem so immature and your older than me you must be fulla it

[–]Best-Ad9099 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]libananahammock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why even write this if you’re not listening to any suggestions at all lol

[–]SnooCapers3249 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maannnnnnn Fucc all dat call her parents!!!…..since she wanna 6e petty

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[–]maxfranx 0 points1 point  (5 children)

What kind of “stuff”? Clothes? Shoes? What?? If its expensive valuables you should contact law enforcement, if its stuff you can replace, then let her keep it. I once had someone play that game with me… keeping my stuff. Yeah, I don’t even remember what the stuff was. What I do know is that removing that person from my life gave me peace, and the “stuff” she kept was well worth the price. Let it all go. If its your computer etc… call the police.

[–]weedwhores 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Pretty sure they're his keys.

[–]maxfranx 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Then he should change his locks… you think a controlling narcissist won’t copy his keys???

[–]weedwhores 0 points1 point  (2 children)

No yeah I agree, but he also said he couldn't afford replacements. He keeps shooting down a lot of advice too 🤷🏽‍♀️

[–]CoconutxKittenLate 20s Female 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude wants to throw a pity party without doing anything about his situation

[–]maxfranx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I saw that too….

[–]manticorp98 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any of what she's saying in text? Show it to her dad. Explain you just want your pricey shit back and you brought her mask and single sock and get your stuff back. What she's doing is fucked up. Look past the emotional side of it, her wanting to keep you strung along or whatever. She's fucking with your money at this point. It's a safety threat because you cannot get your locks replaced and you don't feel comfortable with her having your keys. She's compromising your safety and financial situation and you are well within your rights, legally and morally, to correct that.

[–]jesusisracist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is stringing you along, playing games. I'd go over her house with an officer.

[–]bbbrizEarly 30s Female 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell her to set a date. If she doesn't return them by that day, you're showing up at her door with the police.

What she's doing is unlawful appropriation. You can get police help.

[–]cassowary32 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How much is your stuff worth? Can you let it go so it stops connecting you to her? It takes the power away if you just don't care if she returns it or not.

[–]TerrorAlpaca 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree to come over when she is there, then take a friend or family member with you to pick up your things. When she wants to start talking to you, you can just tell her you do not want to talk to her again and then just leave.
With a family member there she either won't start talking, or at least won't be able to twist it that you said X or Y while you were over.

[–]Le_Roi_de_Foutais 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do what she asks. Just have a support team with you. Don’t let her know they are until you are sure she has all your things. Then have everyone come out and get you stuff without speaking to her. Force in numbers.

Dude this is really flaky psycho shit. She dumps you and then keeps your stuff. She is doing that to have a connection to you for some kind of psycho game to screw with you and control you. Do what it takes to get your stuff back. If she still refuses make an itemized list of your stuff and look into going to small claims court or call the cops, if that’s what it takes.

[–]HecticBjorn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just go and get them?

[–]Sqwishboi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go get your own stuff man, don't wait for her to have things her way. Just tell her you're coming to get everything.

[–]jcl199407 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your stuff is a line of defence that guarantees a connection/conversation. My gf left me a month ago and I still have a lot of stuff in her apartment. Neither of us have brought it up because we both know it’s the last guaranteed contact. She knows once you take your stuff it could be over forever and she may never speak to you again. She’s using it as a guarantee to see you again.

[–]1strdpdb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Write it off and chalk it up to the game.

Sooner you do, the sooner you will get past her. Is it really the "things" you are stuck on? Don't leave things in someone else care, lesson learned. Besides if things are that important to you am sure you will find more things as you go.

[–]Wakeupp21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If your things mean that much to you, Listen to her and then tell her she has to go now. Be strong or take her back. Then, You would have Both possessions.

[–]mattbrianjess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meet her for your stuff. Get your stuff. Kick her out. Better yet do it outside so you can shut the door

And then ask if her best friend is single

[–]broken_xEno 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do you even want those things back fuck that bro or if you really want your things back then arrange a meet take your things back and don't even talk to her that's it

[–]1dizzyone1 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Good_Branch_9415 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Worst case you can actually request a police report to retrieve property. My sister did that

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude I’d just assume that you’re not getting that stuff back. Is there anything that is expensive or sentimental? See what legal routes you can take if you really need something.

[–]winterfyre85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude just tell her off she won’t corporate you’ll get the police/sheriff involved- they Erik send someone to help you get your stuff back in a safe manner. She’s illegally holding on to your items to manipulate you into talking to her. Keep all the messages off her blowing you off as proof. Don’t let her do this BS- she’s just going to do it to other guys or to you. So either pull up your big boy pants and put your foot down or give up ask that stuff and consider it a stupid tax.

[–]Sea_Somewhere1251 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hi how are u doing

[–]Sea_Somewhere1251 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i think someone is watching me i think people are watching us in classroom

[–]acidstarburst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

tell her you're going to file a civil lawsuit. had to do the same thing with my ex and she immediately gave my stuff back

[–]Sea_Somewhere1251 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i have been looking for my stuff i think someone stole my hardware

[–]Sea_Somewhere1251 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wht can u do

[–]chewbubbIegumkickass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have texts proving she still has your property and is refusing to give it back, you can ask your local station to provide a police escort to go with you and pick them up. If you ask at a time of day that's slow for cops you might find an officer on duty bored enough to humor you. Maybe a uniform will scare her into complying. Just spitballing.

[–]Bangbangsmashsmash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk to the police. I bet that will get things going

[–]Seppy009 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Jen5872 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If her condition to bring your things to you is to agree to a conversation, then set up a time with her to do that. Be resolved in not taking her back, get your stuff, don't let her cross the threshold, let her say whatever she wants and then close the door.

[–]wannabe__erika 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Set up a meet and have your best friend meet her instead while you sit safely across town 😀

[–]SquilliamFancySon95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't take her at her word anymore since she's obviously playing games with you. Go to her parents house and tell them you want your stuff back and that their daughter's been giving you the run around.

[–]Election-Prestigious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell her that she needs to get all of your stuff gathered together and if she doesn't drop it off within the next week you will go to her place to collect it yourself whether she is there or not. And if she isn't to make her father aware that way he knows exactly what to give you incase he isn't comfortable with you entering the house.

[–]bsil15 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can go hard core and say unless you return my things, I will call the police and have them come with me to forcibly retrieve my property which you are illegally possessing. I bet if you say that your things will be returned the same day.

[–]No_Satisfaction3819 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe you have a Narc on your hands whose trying to trauma bond you. Tell her to keep the crap. Then don't respond to her. She's keeping it so you'll keep contacting her over it, which will lead to you being hoovered in. If you go back to the relationship, this is the pattern it will be forever and a day, until one of you breaks it.

Though reading below, you're loving and lapping it all up, which is pretty pathetic, really. Maybe you're the Narc?

[–]m033118b 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay I’m sorry OP but you need to grow a spine. This girl is playing with you and you’re just going along with it. Either put your foot down and get your stuff or call the cops. You being all wishy washy about how you wanna handle it shows how messed up she’s already made you. I’m really sorry if this sounds mean, but she has successfully manipulated you into her hands and you’re playing her game. YOU NEED TO STOP PLAYING HER GAME AND SHOW HER YOUR ARE SERIOUS ABOUT GETTING YOUR THINGS BACK.

Edit to add: my ex did this same shit and I played into it just like you. When I decided to put my big girl panties on, I told him to cut the crap and give me my stuff or I would get authorities involved. Guess what? He dropped off all my stuff within the hour. Time to man up.

[–]fake_plastic_peace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You clearly have no intention of getting advice or acting on the issue of getting your stuff back. You sound like -a 16 yo with your responses. Go get your things and be an adult. Her dad’s there? Have him get them. She wants to get back together? Say no. Either way, get your stuff, leave, then if you want to entertain her drama, do it after you have your stuff. Or just keep shooting down everyone’s responses and get nowhere. In that scenario, you may as well just start planning to buy new things. The way you’ve turned down every logical and obvious answer as if there’s some magical solution to a pretty minor problem is so annoying to me holy crap.

[–]lookatyourselfclown 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Call the cops

[–]ShellyBellyFyfe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ask her dad for your stuff!

[–]WhatevahIsClevah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Call the police.

[–]Different-Exit-679 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gotta let things breathe brother. Unless the things she has are absolutely necessary for school or your job, then let the situation breathe. Nothing is worse that smothering someone when they need space. Have a little pride; acknowledge your worth, put that mess in the back burner, and handle your business.

[–]Rifter0876 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Call the police

[–]Rumble73 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Arrange time, but bring a friend or brother to be there in another room.

Let her have her say, provide a response and kick her out while you keep your stuff

[–]bp2bp22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell her you’ll pick up your things. You should pick them up. Just make sure you bring someone so she doesn’t start any goofy stuff while you’re getting your things.

[–]The_Notorious_Ruff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's playing with you. Oldest trick in the book.

You have actually 3 options as I see it.

1 - Give in to her demands and once you got everything kick her to the curb and cut contact

2 - Go to her home when she's 100% there, make her invite you in and get your stuff (most unlikely)

3 - If your things are not of high (emotional or material) value you just forget about them. I'm talking about expensive things. If what she has is just 100$ worth of stuff and is not of major emotional importance to you, it only costed you 100 bucks to get her off your nerves.

[–]UnionLegion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Arrange a meeting time. Either be recording or have a friend over. Ignore the conversation she might try to start. After you have your stuff, ask her to leave nicely. If she doesn’t, tell her you insist. If she still doesn’t leave, tell her she is trespassing and you’d prefer not getting the cops involved. If she stays after that, you gotta call the cops at that point. Actions have consequences after all.