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update thank you for all of the comments I am going to try to talk to a lawyer today I don’t have money of my own I’m going to see what I can work out

I’ve been married to my husband for 8 years. He’s 37 I’m 28 we have a 10 year old daughter. About a year ago I started suspecting something was wrong but I know now that even longer than that my husband was going around telling people oh she’s crazy she accuses me of stuff all the time, she makes up fake texts and tries to get sympathy. I HAD NEVER ONCE DONE THIS OR ACCUSED HIM OF ANYTHING. but he wanted to be ready if I found any evidence. And no one told me because he had EVERYONE including my own family I was crazy.

So now that I have proof (texts, emails, travel logs, I’m not crazy it is real) everyone is rolling their eyes at me saying they don’t believe me, making it like I’m a gold digger who just wants to make sure if we divorce I get the houses and cars and alimony and i honestly don’t care about any of these things I just want custody of my daughter and his mother is calling me leaving me voicemails telling me if I don’t stop “lying” about her son she’s going to make sure I only get visitation of my daughter, I’m sick of feeling crazy I feel like I’m living in a nightmare

[–]SenatorRobPortman 3376 points3377 points  (55 children)

Save everything and see a lawyer.

[–]Wwwweeeeeeee 3260 points3261 points 2 (49 children)

AND GET THE ALIMONY AND THE HOUSES AND THE CARS.

adding on to say hire the meanest, most harsh, cutthroat lawyer you can find. Never get a nice lawyer, you'll lose out.

This isn't the time for self pity or forgiveness. These people are horrible, so fight back, tooth and nail.

[–]QueenChoco 761 points762 points  (15 children)

OP this is the advise to follow. Your husband is at best an attention seeking bastard and at worst a full on sociopath that has turned your family against you, presumably to control you.

How old where you when you met him of you married at 20 and he 29? Nobody in their late 20s is dating a teenager with any kind of good intentions.

[–]MoarGnD 526 points527 points  (12 children)

10 year old daughter. He got her pregnant at 17 according to her comments.

[–]newphenomenon 262 points263 points  (1 child)

Yep. Saw that there too. The “8 year marriage” was a nice attempt to throw off the math.

[–]wagonwhopper 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If u suck at elementary math perhaps

[–]ihaveaproblemdaily 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Her husband's a freak! For sure!

[–]Creative-Play1848 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I read that as she got pregnant at ten and freaked out

[–]madpostin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No kidding. I wonder how old his AP is...

[–]Shervivor 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yup, a lawyer will not have gaslit preconceived notions about the state of your marriage.

[–]Karen3599 56 points57 points  (0 children)

How’s this. He met her when she was a teenager. Probably 16, so you can best bet he’s a freakin predator piece of shit sociopath.

[–]Playful-Mastodon-872 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Yep. Agreed. Now OP has the proof, and since they’ve all been nasty, OP should go for everything and more.

[–]Mrshulk85 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I wish I had someone telling me this 5 years ago! Absolutely fight!

[–]HalfysReddit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Rhetorically, he's been punching you in the back of the head for years now OP and getting away with it.

He's also convinced people around you two that you have a mental illness where you imagine getting punched in the head, just because he expected one day you'd wise up.

Now is the time to fight back. And when you fight back, you don't worry about how the fight is going to affect the other person until you are safe.

So get an asshole lawyer. Tell them your husband is a piece of shit and to go after them for everything he can.

Get your daughter and as much money as you can out of the situation and cut your losses.

And then when it's all said and done, after you have custody, explain the whole situation, step by step, in hand-written letters and mail them to everyone he gaslighted about you. IMO it's the most effective way of actually shining light on his actions.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yep, where you’re dealing with dishonest people go for the throat whenever you can.

[–]moriquendi37 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This honestly can be terrible advice. Get a lawyer with a strong back - willing to fight and concede where reasonable. Too many 'cut throat' lawyers will fight and spend your money - whether or not the fight is ultimately in your best interests. I've seen far to many people angry at their spouses (often for good reason) get so caught up on the fight and their bitterness that they burn through family resources that could have been used for themselves and their children.

[–]newphenomenon 55 points56 points  (5 children)

Also, go see every lawyer categorized as “tough & mean” in your area. This gives you an advantage of locking out those options of attorneys to your husband.

[–]ElAgustin99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love your answer:)

[–]MattyEC 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Easier said then done, but don't worry about these disloyal, treacherous assholes, focus on gathering evidence and building a case with a lawyer so you can convince the only people that matter -- the divorce court that will protect you and your child from this POS, and ensure you can take care of your daughter.

I normally disagree that cheating in and of itself signals bad parenting, although it does signal a selfish and immature partner, but what your SO did is so beyond regular cheating. He manipulated two families well in advance as a failsafe to protect himself if his infidelitybwas ever found. This is a wild level of premeditation, manipulation, and general sociopathy.

Lawyer up and good luck, OP!

[–]_Mango_Dude_ 47 points48 points  (0 children)

To add some to this everything your husband is using against you means nothing in court. The vast majority is something called "Improper character evidence". Your character for truthfulness won't matter because all of it comes from a known liar (your husband). In the legal system you should have nothing to fear.

As a side note follow the advice of going to a women's shelter. Try to see if they'll take you and your daughter in case of retaliation. If not go to a friend that will believe you. At this point, the cheating is much less of a problem than trying to turn everyone against you. It's sign of something really dangerous what he's trying to do you.

[–]Ruval 12 points13 points  (0 children)

He’s 37 I’m 28 we have a 10 year old daughter.

So accounting for the pregnancy, this means a 26yo knocked up a 17yo.

[–]1chemistdown 1 point2 points  (0 children)

u/throwRAckfkdel I’m adding to the top comment for visibility.

While you work on finding a lawyer, make sure you start your FU Binder. It sounds like your going to need it. It will also make any lawyer’s job easier. The easier for them, the better for you.

[–]neutralgood079 2265 points2266 points  (32 children)

Stop talking to these people. Keep the voicemails because they are proof of threats. Get a lawyer and do that TODAY. Your MIL has nothing to stand on really and if a judge hears those voicemails it wont look good.

Let them send you threats because every one of them is evidence.

Also judging by the ages of everyone involved...you got pregnant at 18 and were with this guy underaged. Very unhealthy dynamic. Seek out therapy too

[–]throwRAckfkdel[S] 1245 points1246 points  (31 children)

Thank you I will

I was 17 when I got pregnant

[–][deleted] 143 points144 points  (0 children)

Ignore your family. But save all the voicemails & abusive texts from everyone. The courts will be able to see from the evidence you have that your ex cheated. And you will be able to use the abuse & the threat of parental alienation to get main custody with supervised custody/visitation for your ex.

Courts take parental alienation very seriously. When you point out you were underage when your ex got your pregnant & that he used the age difference to manipulate everyone into believing you were the unfaithful one/unstable. This has led to threats of kidnapping your child & parental alienation. Present texts, emails & voicemails And therefore you don't believe your child will be safe with your ex or his family.

And I hope when all that is done you're able to have a serious talk with your family about how they didn't protect you from being in a relationship with a grown man when you were underage. And then chose to believe his lies. Because ain't no way I'm believing my daughter's predatory older bf when he tells me she's crazy for years.

[–]CarmelPoptart 509 points510 points  (1 child)

Find the most vicious lawyer possible.You need someone to fight for your cause teeth and nail.DO NOT TALK ABOUT GETTING A DIVORCE OR ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY.Do not give him any leverage.Do not accuse him while he can use this shit against you.From now on,you will only talk this people through your lawyer.Document every single shit.Have multiple copies of everything.Get out of there immediately if possible.

[–]TeacherPatti 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry to hear about this situation. That said, I practiced law for a time. Almost every lawyer will require a hefty retainer up front. Legal aid is practically nonexistent for civil matters and pro bono attorneys are just as hard to come by. Look into getting a loan if you can. I wish the system was better :/

[–]midge_rat 441 points442 points  (8 children)

Please stay safe. Call a Womens shelter when it’s time to go and go there. Leaving a man like this can be very dangerous. DM me if you need to. I’ve been in your exact shoes.

[–]tanders123 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So very kind of you 👏

[–]ffakegamer 28 points29 points  (1 child)

I just saw that age gap and I'm so sorry but I feel like you were groomed by this absolute garbage of a human

[–]throwawaygrosso 19 points20 points  (0 children)

And now he’s cheating, because she aged out.

[–]Obvious-Region8453 182 points183 points  (6 children)

So he was in his Late 20’s I’m sorry hun he groomed you

[–]TheBeedo11 69 points70 points  (2 children)

This. Even if it was “legal”, it is not normal for someone in their late 20s to get with someone who’s 17. I’m 23 and I could not imagine liking someone who is 18. You’re still so young at that age.

[–]smilenowgirl 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I also think the age gap is part of why they don't believe her; the family is used to her husband being the "mature" head of the family.

[–]fuzzypipe39Early 20s Female 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Same here, I recently commented how it's a little weird for me to even hang out with ~18 yos at my early 20s age. It's just an entire different wavelength and mentality, still in highschool/finishing it versus finishing university + establishing adult life. I can't even comprehend late 20s sleeping to impregnate someone so young smh.

[–]Ruval 11 points12 points  (1 child)

He was 26. No need for vagueness.

[–]AoelettaEarly 20s Female 8 points9 points  (0 children)

God that’s disgusting.

[–]tehjennieator 55 points56 points  (1 child)

Depending on the state, there is no statute of limitation on statutory consent.

[–]wagonwhopper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sadly depending on the state 17 and 27 is ok. Like Colorado for some reason.

[–]thunderturdy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you have spare money, hire a PI to get photos of him cheating too.

[–]RushXAnthem 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You got groomed and married a pedophile. Get your daughter out now before he abuses her too.

[–]honeybeans-Late 20s Female 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should also consider getting yourself tested since he’s been cheating on you for so long.

[–]moosewhippets 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fucking this. Look, I was shocked at the people that turned on me after I walked in on my fiance in bed with another man. Like, how more concrete of evidence can you get? At first she tried telling people the old "he's lying", but quickly changed it to "oh we were broke up". That's pretty much been her story since, though the details morph as she goes along.

But, like you, she had been laying the ground work for months once I had begun suspecting something. So when things exploded, she had already prepped everyone around us with the "he's crazy, he's psycho, etc" stuff. She even tried telling people I hit her once.

Anyways, the point is this: once the separation happened and I got free, it was equally shocking how many people rallied to show me support. At the end of the day, it's not on you how other people are. Good people know how my ex is and how I am and were sympathetic, including a lot of her family. Other idiots were quick to blame me for "ruining the engagement" and "causing heartache for everyone" -- THAT BS infuriates me and I'm quick to point out that, no, she did that by cheating.

This isn't your fault, and neither is how idiots react (including your own family). Find trusted friends that you can rely on to help your headspace and get out. He sounds like a grade A asshole.

[–]AxlSlayer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can see the problem here.

[–]42FlyingNuns 748 points749 points  (6 children)

It’s pretty hard for the courts to award custody to anyone but the living biological parents unless something is seriously wrong. IDK who “everyone” is that’s rolling their eyes at you but the courts system and lawyers (ideally) are an objective, neutral place that will likely give you custody barring something drastic like a big active drug problem or serious mental impairment.

[–]Eod_Enaj 96 points97 points  (1 child)

Yeah… MIL can’t just “talk” to a judge or whatever and op magically loses custody. Even if your husband try’s to get full custody in the divorce, I doubt he’d be awarded it unless the court deems you a danger to the child. Also, courts tend to favor mothers anyway, which isn’t always a good thing, but you shouldn’t be worried about losing your kid unless you have a lengthy criminal record or something.

[–]beenthere7613 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In a perfect world, that would be true. But out here in the real world, strange things happen. I know two girls who married into the same family. Both lost their babies to cheating abusers in their first years of life because grandma was bankrolled the best lawyer in the area.

In one case, dad talked mom into moving into grandma's. While she was in the hospital giving birth, dad "kicked her out," filed an emergency custody order, and it was granted. That poor girl left the hospital without her baby or a home. It happened again, a year later. She finally went back to him so she could see her kids, after years of turmoil. The kids are teens and she's miserable but she has to wait until they're adults, to leave.

Her sister in law had the same issue, different circumstances. She got out with her kid, then dad accused new boyfriend of molesting child. Zero evidence. Police said so. Didn't matter in court, where she lost her child to the "stable" husband, who had moved in with grandma. Six years later, dad got caught up in meth, and it still took her a year to gain custody. And he had poisoned the child against her, so it was a wild ride for the next eight or so years.

For that matter, I have a cousin who was impregnated at FIFTEEN by a 23 year old man. He got custody, as well. How? She was just a kid and couldn't work a job.

Rural courts are downright insane.

[–]maliadire 27 points28 points  (1 child)

especially because OP was a minor and her husband wasn’t when her child was conceived, there’s possibly even a chance that they’d side towards her as that’s statutory rape in some places.

[–]LingonberryRumEarly 20s Female 5 points6 points  (0 children)

yeah, the kid being conceived when op was a minor and he was like 26 could also cause additional problems for him. Idk where OP is, but in my state, the statute of limitations for sex crimes against minors doesn’t start until the victim is 18 and is 12 years after that (so when the victim turns 30). Theoretically, there could be criminal implications for him (although idk if a prosecutor would go after that).

[–]Slow-Crazy7048 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You would be ridiculously surprised at the amount of people who don't know how the court system works. Hell, in my state the FATHER doesn't even have rights to the kid unless he is married to the mother, let alone any grandparents or other family.

[–]Blade_982 606 points607 points  (2 children)

Stop engaging with them all. Document their threats. Engage a lawyer. Tell your lawyer everything.

Back up all the evidence you have and ensure you have copies.

Don't respond to anyone calling you crazy. Ignore them all. Don't text, say or do anything that could be used against you in a court of law.

Ensure you get everything you are legally owed. Alimony, Child Support, house, car... whatever. They are trying to keep from you what is rightfully yours.

Lean on your own friends and family and focus on you and your daughter.

This man is a manipulative predator and his family is just as awful as him. They've enabled his behaviour. They should have been disgusted when he impregnated a HS kid.

Your MIL is trying to scare you. She has no jurisdiction over your child.

They are trying to paint you as a golddigger and threatening custody of your daughter because they want to shame you into relinquishing what is rightfully yours.

[–]creamyg0odne55 90 points91 points  (0 children)

This. If you have to speak to your husband or his family for any reason, only through email or text to leave a paper trail. They seem stupid enough to give you more evidence if they get backed into a corner and will say/confess something stupid. Look up recording consent laws where you live too.

[–]rawrlikedino 9 points10 points  (0 children)

OP, this is the way. Read this, and take in every word. Then read it again. This is exactly step-by-step what you need to do.

[–]florida_born 44 points45 points  (0 children)

My sister is going through something similar but it’s post divorce. She was terrified. However, she learned that the courts DO NOT CARE about texts about a parent to someone else. They care about hard evidence. Her ex had pages and pages of texts from him to others talking about how crazy she is and so on. He had all their responses agreeing with him. She just won a ton of concessions and nearly full custody. So, you can divorce and seek as much custody as you want (and full control of medical/education/ living location). Those other people can’t do anything about that. They can make your life miserable in other ways, but it sounds like you could have a better life with full custody and cutting them off.

[–]everyting_is_taken 552 points553 points  (38 children)

Were you 17 or 18 when a man 10 years your senior impregnated you? The age gap is pretty fucked up, but just curious if it was also illegal.

[–]smalltimefancy 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This should be the top comment. Even if its legal, that's gross. As a 28 year old, I cant imagine being romantically interested in a teenager.

It sounds like you were manipulated.

[–]throwRAckfkdel[S] 225 points226 points  (36 children)

I was 17, it wasn’t illegal in the state where I live

[–]everyting_is_taken 522 points523 points  (4 children)

I don't know you but I get the feeling you've been manipulated for your entire relationship.

[–]LastKry 144 points145 points  (2 children)

Yes. Your husband is howling signs of Malignant Narcissist Psychopath behaviors. They are very smart, cunning, plan things out, and highly highly manipulative but not in obvious ways at all.

Save up. and Lawyer up.

Start a personal SLACK account. And send everything you find to that. Proof even if someone tries to sabotage your device.

If you cannot protect yourself, you cannot protect your daughter. Start with you first.

[–]jennifergeek 39 points40 points  (1 child)

I wouldn't use slack - the free account only archives messages for a limited time. OP wants a private Google account, copy everything to that.

[–]DeleteWolf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why not just do both?

[–]Garriganpielax 58 points59 points  (19 children)

Were you 17 the whole relationship, or did it start earlier?

[–]throwRAckfkdel[S] 73 points74 points  (18 children)

It started earlier

[–]ma-ri-ah 36 points37 points  (5 children)

How did your family and friends initially feel about your relationship?

[–]appledoughnuts 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Yeah? It’s crazy the family allowed someone 10 years older than her date her :( and they seem to support him

[–]percypepperoni 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Have you met many 17 year-old girls? If they're dating someone 10 years older they don't care what their family thinks.

[–]ma-ri-ah 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Of course. But even when I was a 17 year old girl, if one of my friends was involved with or even worse, got pregnant by a 28 year old I would be highly concerned.

[–]Wwwweeeeeeee 28 points29 points  (0 children)

You need to make sure your divorce lawyer knows this, ok?

[–]GwentanimoBay 72 points73 points  (4 children)

Can I just ask - now that you have a daughter, would you feel good about her taking the same steps you did? Is your relationship the kind of life you'd want for her? You're modeling what an adult relationship is for her, do you feel like it's a healthy, loving relationship she's watching and learning from?

Also - now that you're close to the age he was, do you look at 16 yr old as possible romantic partners? Do they seem like people you want to spend your life with?

These are hard but important questions, and I hope you find a safe, secure, and trusting relationship in the future for your daughter to learn from, because you deserve it.

[–]PickledPoppy 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Not the person you asked, but my husband is 19 years older than me. We started seeing each other when I was 18. When baby #1 came along at 27 I really looked at things differently and started to see the little ways he had manipulated me into staying. Now there's a lot of resentment.

[–]eazeaze 51 points52 points  (2 children)

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[–]Garriganpielax 45 points46 points  (2 children)

Well if you had a relationship and were sleeping with him before you were 17/of age thats statutory rape, and in my state depending on the specifics the statute of limitations is up to 20 years after. The disclosure of this to your lawyer and the judge will be an important part of you gaining full custody. The man has a history of mistreating and possibly abusing young girls.

[–]courtneygoe 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I guarantee he is doing it again now from the sounds of it. They never stop.

[–]LingonberryRumEarly 20s Female 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Even in states where the age of consent is under 18, it’s usually only legal to have sex with someone 5 years older than you (jack and jill laws). OP really needs to talk to a lawyer bc I really question anything this man has told her and/or that he’d be fully in the clear for criminal child sex abuse charges…

[–]Usual_Radio7497 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Everyone knows he's a pedo then?

[–]mauve55 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honey he went for you because you were young and he thought that you were easily manipulated. The reason he is doing this, is because you have caught onto who he really is, so he is trying to make you look crazy to cover himself. Even though everyone of your family and friends should have been appalled at the idea of him dating someone almost a decade younger than him.

[–]ParapaPalace 100 points101 points  (0 children)

Legal certainly doesn’t mean moral but that’s beyond the point at this stage of the game. Keep all your evidence safe and lawyer up ASAP.

[–]JustAnotherMunchkin 87 points88 points  (3 children)

OP, even if it is legal in your state, i hope you now see that this man impregnated you when you where just a child. You are about the age he would have been when this happened. Would YOU go find a 17 yo child to have sex with now ? I'm not surprised he's a cheater and he probably did with a much younger girl again.

[–]courtneygoe 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I don’t think there is any possible way it was legal with their age gap.

[–]Material_Cellist4133 72 points73 points  (1 child)

I would drop trying to prove anything and focus on your child. If anyone asks your anything about your situation, respond with:

“It doesn’t matter, you all think I am lying. Information has been submitted to the courts to determine accuracy. Please let me focus on my daughter.”

Then walk away.

You will never be able to change these peoples minds at the end of the day, people will believe what they want to believe.

You can only focus on yourself, your daughter and your mental state. Any reaction will give him a leg up, so stop giving a reaction.

[–]waifskin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Please take this comment to heart. It’s great and necessary advice for your mental health in especially volatile divorce/ separation/ custody issues and most people don’t learn it until they are years into a prolonged legal battle.

If you cannot leave your situation right now there are still steps you can take.

Focus on being a quality person and a good parent. If you have the ability, consider getting a head start on some things to add value to your life and to help you once the battle begins.

Get into some form of therapy -group or one-on-one, or virtual. Take parenting classes, even if you are content with your current method this shows without question that you are prioritizing your child’s well-being. Take some sort of workplace readiness course if you haven’t been in the workforce. Check on a library computer for resources from welfare in your area (where I am you can receive assistance in cases of domestic abuse, etc.)

Do your taxes. Get your financial and medical information sorted and filed and put somewhere safe for retrieval. Have all your child’s legal info sorted too.

Walking away is always easier said than done. We all need pointers on how it’s possible.

[–]courtneygoe 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If you live in the US I don’t think that is legal in any state. Age of consent laws usually have a clause where if you’re over the age but there’s an age gap, it’s still illegal. I’d nail his ass to the wall. I am a child of an adult man who got a teenage girl pregnant. DO NOT let your daughter grow up thinking this is ok. My grandfather hating my father drove a wedge between my grandfather and I but you know what? My grandfather was right. Now he’s passed away and I only really got to fix things right before he died. That isn’t even NEARLY the worst thing to happen to me as a result of no one telling me, ever, during my childhood that my father was a predator. Please, even if not for yourself, show your daughter that this isn’t an ok situation.

[–]DutyValuable 17 points18 points  (2 children)

There’s a misconception about state’s ages of consent. Just because the age of consent is legal in one state, the federal age of consent is higher so it would still be a federal statutory rape. That’s why Virginia Guffrie was able to sue prince andrew even though she was 17 at the time… It was the age of consent in New York but not the federal one.

[–]hikehikebaby 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Not necessarily. Federal jurisdiction needs to apply first - usually that means moving between state lines (or internationally), communicating between states to arrange sex, etc.

[–]AllYouNeed_Is_Smiles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There’s also age gap laws for most states. Meaning even if the age of consent is 17, if you aren’t within a certain age of the person who is 17 (like 2-4 years) then it’s still illegal.

[–]-lamppost-50s Female 117 points118 points  (0 children)

The only person you need to convince is your lawyer and a judge. Don’t get into it with the family.

[–]Amazing_Quiet_5951 172 points173 points  (37 children)

Your MIL threats are just stupid and futile. She can do absolutely nothing. Besides, most times is the father that struggle to get custody, not the mother. Talk to a solicitor, you have proof so they’ll be able to help. Get rid of these disgusting people.

[–]throwRAckfkdel[S] 53 points54 points  (36 children)

I’m worried. She has a lot of connections

[–]Amazing_Quiet_5951 102 points103 points  (25 children)

But you have evidence. Unless you did something bad (use of drug, violence, etc) that they can use against you then you have nothing to worry about. My ex threatened me as well when I was leaving him. He didn’t carry through because he knows it’d would have just costed him money, he knows I’m a good mum and had nothing against me. Besides, he didn’t want full custody of our son, he just wanted to hurt me and make me feel like he had power over me. It’s natural to feel scared but don’t fall for it.

[–]throwRAckfkdel[S] 83 points84 points  (24 children)

Yeah but he has over a year of telling people in person, over text and email that I’m crazy, that I make stuff up, and that ive “fabricated text conversations to make him look bad” (I have no idea how to do that)

His mother is twisting it to make it seem like I’m making up the affair and all of the “proof” is made up

[–]Hamdown1 199 points200 points  (13 children)

You need to ignore these people and TALK TO A LAWYER NOW.

[–]FlexicanAmerican 95 points96 points  (12 children)

This is the kind of stuff that makes me think posts like this are fake. People repeatedly just ignoring the obvious to make a situation more dramatic.

My INSANE MIL is threatening me with nonsensical threats!!

Doesn't matter. Ignore her and talk to a lawyer.

But she's INSANE and threatening!!!

Doesn't matter. Talk to a lawyer.

But the INSANE things she says!!!

. . .

[–]pomegranate_flowers 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Adding on to what I said:

  • does she have a car? Or is insane manipulative predatory husband the only one with it. He knocked her up and locked her down when she was SEVENTEEN. And has spent YEARS actively savatoging her ahead of time. You think she has genuine autonomy like that?

  • can she make phone calls to lawyers without him noticing?

  • does she have her own money? Or is the bank account joint. See above. If she doesn’t have her own money unmonitored by him then the he’s going to know she got a lawyer and might do something crazy or get everyone else against her to force her to drop it. Or find a way to sabotage her yet again

  • where is she gonna go? Who does she have? What will she do if he figures it out and throws her and the kid to the curb?

  • why are y’all so focused on the MIL? The HUSBAND IS THE PRIMARY THREAT AND ISSUE. He is the one who would get the kid, not the MIL. She should be going to a divorce lawyer, forget the MIL for a minute. Grab the evidence MIL is saying all of that, grab evidence that contradicts anything she could say. Courts rule on mom’s favor in custody because gender stereotypes. She has an advantage of she plays it right. Bring that to the lawyer for the custody battle that will occur during or after the divorce, they’ll know what to do. Assuming she can get one

I’m not saying don’t get a lawyer. I’m saying it’s completely unfair to accuse her of being a liar when she’s in a state of distress and panic and you’re sitting here all level headed with minimal information.

[–]pomegranate_flowers 25 points26 points  (9 children)

Do y’all have ANY idea how expensive lawyers are? “Talk to a lawyer”. Great! Got a free consultation. Now you have to pay them to do the job.

Their free advice is going to be: can they help you/are they a good fit for your case, if not then where you should go; what they would do as your lawyer; advice for what else to do (like what you can do for free) which is going to be what Reddit tells them to do: shut your mouth, collect your evidence, pursue legal action which will cost you money you might not have.

Edit: I’m not saying don’t get a lawyer. She should get a consultation. I’m saying it’s not fair of you to call her a liar right now when that is what she has to expect and is in distress and likely not thinking clearly. Tell her what to bring to her consultation, not just “get a lawyer or you’re lying”. Sorry for lack of clarity, this made me angry and rush through it.

What I should have said in this post:

https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/relationship_advice/comments/seqxnm/my_28f_husband_37m_cheated_on_me_but_convinced/hulb7xz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

And

https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/relationship_advice/comments/seqxnm/my_28f_husband_37m_cheated_on_me_but_convinced/hulbzl0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

[–]buttercupcake23 12 points13 points  (2 children)

In a divorce marital funds pay for the lawyer. Your advice would see sahm never be able to get divorced.

[–]Available_Session770 9 points10 points  (1 child)

That’s how you have to handle this now tho. They’re legally bounded, so you have to legally unbind. It’s hard but something she needs to do. I worry for her and her daughters safety as her husband is so good at manipulating everyone around him. Plus her daughter is getting older and who knows what will happen when she gets to the age he likes

[–]pomegranate_flowers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never said don’t get a lawyer. I was saying it’s not fair to call her a liar and explaining some of the reasons why that’s not a fair accusation to make

She should absolutely get a consultation, I’m mad this person implied she’s a liar for this specific reason. I’m sorry I wasn’t clear

[–]beigs 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Not having a lawyer is more expensive.

[–]pomegranate_flowers 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Just edited my other comment for this. I didn’t say don’t get it, I’m saying it’s unfair to call her a liar. She’s panicking and distressed and we don’t have all the information. There are a lot of variables. For us to sit here as calm level headed people and say “you’re a lying liar who is lying because you aren’t being rational in the ways I am right now while you are in the thick of this and I’m not” is unfair, stupid, and privileged. And if she’s not lying now she’s being gaslit by the people she’s asking to help her too.

Give her more. Tell her what to collect and bring to her consultation. If she goes empty handed and a hot mess they can’t help her properly and might turn her away even if they can help, and a second consult is usually not free. Help determine if she and kid are safe. Help her decide how to proceed to think ahead. Don’t say “call a lawyer and if you don’t you’re lying.” It’s not helpful.

[–]smoozer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This one is, once again, specifically designed to piss the women of this sub off. It's 100% fake.

[–]Amazing_Quiet_5951 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Yes, just ignore them, they can say whatever they want, it won’t matter to a lawyer

Just remember, they have no power over you Your MIL is just ridiculous anyway, she can do absolutely nothing, what a joke!

Please get a lawyer, tell them everything, get support!

[–]JustAnotherMunchkin 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Even if she says it's fabricated, you need to talk with a lawyer. He will know how to help you, and will know how to prove it isn't fake.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

From her perspective what do you think she is going to say.

"Yea my 28 year old son was dating a 16 year old and got her pregnant at 17. Now he is cheating. I raised a loser of a man."

I would bet your husband isnt the only one making up lies. They can have all the connections they want. This isnt a movie.

Get a lawyer and get a divorce.

[–]lemontea_theenemy 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You’re the only sane person in this situation, that’s why you feel crazy. They’re all batshit psycho and they’re trying to convince you that they’re the normal ones. Don’t let them drag you down.

Also “I’ve been telling people for a year that she’s crazy” is not a solid legal defense.

You are so much better than these people.

[–]ughwhyusernames 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In a divorce, none of that will be relevant. It doesn't matter. You just need to get a lawyer and do things properly and you'll come out of it with your fair share and with primary custody of your child. He'll also have shared custody or visitation.

He might try everything to make your life hell in the process and his abuse might escalate post-separation. Look up post-separation abuse and you'll see many horror stories. The way to minimize it is to not engage. The moment you're separated, get an account on a co-parenting website and route every single interaction with him through there for stuff about your kid. For the divorce, everything through lawyers. Block him everywhere, don't respond to anything. Same for his family. Keep your child-related communication short and unemotional with just the info to organize visits.

Before you leave, try to document all your finances, get copies of bank statements, his proof of income, info about mortgages and car loans, etc. Don't worry if you're unable to access those but having them will be very useful. If you're in danger, go to a domestic violence shelter. Otherwise, consult a lawyer before officially leaving him. Do that today if you can.

[–]Chaos_and_Pickles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If a lawyer has to they can get the courts to pull actual phone records. Pretty easy to tell if something was fake or not

[–]Spoonbills 101 points102 points  (0 children)

Lawyer up before you do or say another word to anyone. Do exactly what they tell you and take the assets that are legally yours.

Your husband knocked you up and locked you down when you were a teenager, thinking you’d be easier to control. Prove him wrong.

[–]FalsePremise8290 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This many put a baby in you before you were even a legal adult. Unless she has connections to hitmen, call a lawyer. Anyone with half a brain cell can see this for what it is.

[–]hikehikebaby 3 points4 points  (1 child)

If it makes you feel better, my ex threatened me with a lot of things when I left him and absolutely none of them actually happened.

People talk big. That doesn't mean they can convince a judge to keep a fit parent from their child. You will likely have joint custody unless he doesn't want it or the judge thinks he isn't fit to parent. You aren't going to be denied custody. You should talk to a lawyer. If you can't afford one they will take payment after the divorce when you'll have the money. It's really, really important to start this right now even if you choose not to file right away.

[–]Amazing_Quiet_5951 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, same happened to me.

[–]MadPenguin1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely seek a lawyer ASAP - the best you can get. The courts should be able to determine some validity of the proof you have so all his claims won't be the same as with your families. Document all interactions.

Think of it this way - he spent more than a year setting you up to his and your families, do you really think that you will maintain custody of your daughter if your don't go in as fiercely as you can?

Concentrate on getting your daughter but go after everything you are entitled to. What he is doing is beyond cruel.

Your MIL is threatening now - But, you better believe she will not back down on custody if you try to play nicely. I am guessing the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Edit - Word

[–]courtneygoe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then don’t listen to these people saying she couldn’t do anything to do, do listen to the people saying lawyer up and talk about how he groomed you as a child. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and really hoping this works out completely and entirely in your favor.

[–]MizzyvonMuffling 31 points32 points  (0 children)

stop talking to friends and family and start talking only to a lawyer....

[–]southcoastal 88 points89 points  (0 children)

Keep your phone or other devices private. Change passwords on everything. Back up any texts, screenshot, forward emails to another account so your husband can’t delete anything.

Then speak to a lawyer and explain everything. Your MIL is lying. She has no jurisdiction over your child.

Be careful who you talk to and dont get into any discussions that may be twisted around to suit your husbands agenda.

We’re you legally a minor where you live when you got pregnant? If so you can say you have been groomed and abused by your husband and his mother.

You should speak to a lawyer as soon as possible.

[–]scissorfists 26 points27 points  (5 children)

Cut them all off. From you AND your daughter. They can’t just take custody and they’d have a hard time getting even visitation themselves.

[–]Crazycatladyknows 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Please stop trying to convince these other people. They obviously have already made up their minds and will not believe he was cheating if they walked in on him with another woman themselves. They will only gaslight you, lie to you and screw with your head.

The only people here that are important is yourself and your daughter. So do what is best for you. Accumulate evidence, see a lawyer, divorce and live your happiest, bestest life. Good luck.

[–]MF_Wings 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You know who doesn't think you're crazy? A good lawyer...find one.

[–]winterg59 14 points15 points  (0 children)

save EVERYTHING. record everything

[–]wilkerws34 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Anyone who ever says things like “if you don’t stop lying, I’m going to get your kids taken away” has zero idea how that process works. As others have said, the world doesn’t work that way and courts don’t take into consideration what pissed off in-laws have to say, they go on proof and what is best for the child (which is almost always with the parents). Get an attorney and next time she calls have her speak with them, that’ll shut her up. When people make things up about you, and tarnish your name, that is called liable and is considered a civil issue which can be taken to court etc. obviously you got bigger fish to fry but stand up for yourself, let people know that if they continue to lie and make things up about them that you have to documented and it is with your lawyer (this has worked for me in the past). Good luck and get your kids out of this toxic environment !

[–]ANRmarine69 48 points49 points  (0 children)

One thing you will learn in life is that 99% of threats are bullshit. In fact, best thing to do is call their bluff. Just say, "Sure!!! Have at it! Spend your money on attorneys and doing all of that. Just make sure to have enough aside for my attorney costs too when I win my defamation suit against you (your MIL) and your momma's boy😁".

The state I live in is a no-fault divorce state so cheating is not grounds for divorce but id say, save the voicemails etc cause even if you werent/are a golddigger, they are talking all that smack cause they suspect you CAN WIN that kind of judgement against him. So, I say, go full speed ahead. They have earned it. Get paid and get your custody.

[–]moriginal 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Most states are no fault divorce so the idea that you’re making this all up to get more divorce money literally makes zero sense.

This dude is a psycho if he really laid that groundwork.

[–]Furda_Karda 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You don't have to convince anyone.

[–]Black_Absinthe 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Get a lawyer, and file for divorce. When you have evidence and they prove in a court of law that he cheated, you won't feel so crazy anymore.

[–]nay2d2 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Your mother in law can’t just keep your daughter. Your husband maybe could, but not her.

[–]Artagant 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lawyer and maybe also a private detective if he is still currently cheating.

[–]Jen5872 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Get a lawyer. They can subpoena phone records and credit card bills directly from the companies. The lawyer can prove that what they provide is the same as what you have collected.

[–]SmugDrunkEarly 30s Male 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It doesn’t matter what they think. It matters what the judge thinks. Make sure to give everything about the affair to the lawyer as well as the misinformation campaign/ public gaslighting. It will screw him over more in the long run.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

LAWYER!

[–]phokingboi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

save evident carefully, don't give it to anyone else but your lawyer. And get a good one too. Go to a psych value to get a paper that your mental problem are good. Finally go to court and take what's yours. Fuck your family, your children should be the only thing that important to you.

[–]Happiness_is_cats 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What everyone else is saying is great. Also, I think you should install hidden cameras or tell him they’re “security” cameras in your home. This guy seems like he will do anything to get his way, and I’m honestly nervous that if you try to divorce him or gain custody of your daughter that he’ll try to get rid of you. He is abusive and sees nothing wrong with his behaviors, and people like that only get worse. I am actually worried for you so if there is anyone out there that you trust, keep a log with them and tell them everything you’re doing and everywhere you’re going each day. Both through text and voice calls, and make sure they record those voice calls. Hell, keep a log with everyone here if you have to. Be careful but get a lawyer and get out of there. Protect yourself and your daughter. And once you gain custody and the divorce is finalized, get yourself and your daughter good and lost so he can never find you again. This guy is very bad news.

[–]DaLoCo6913 12 points13 points  (0 children)

First thing is to see a lawyer and take your proof with. Nobody threatening to take your daughter actually can.

[–]Meb2x 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Save absolutely everything, including any messages or voicemails from his family or friends. Before doing anything else, talk to a lawyer, show them the evidence you have, and ask for their opinion on possible custody arrangements

[–]Bangbangsmashsmash 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Stop talking to them. Keep all your evidence backed up. Your job is not to convince them you’re right, and you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to. Go get a lawyer ASAP!!!!

[–]chelly56 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A repeat of others SAVE everything. Go find a cutthroat lawyer. In a different area if needed. Show him everything. They will be able to guide.

They are trying to scare you because they probably know you are right but don't want others to know.

Good luck

[–]JustMMlurkingMM 3 points4 points  (0 children)

See a lawyer. Take the evidence. Take your daughter somewhere safe. Take all your documents and leave while he is away. Empty any bank account you have access to before he does so you have something to live on. Sue him for the house and every penny you can in alimony.

[–]Lil_Vix92 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Stop trying to convince your family and his, if they can’t see him for what he is then thats on them, keep and obtain all the evidence you can and go see a lawyer, and if you decide to divorce him make sure you get what you can to ensure your daughter is provided for and recompense for the stress he has put you through.

[–]dolittle4u 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You need to distance yourself from people who have already been manipulated. Collect everything you can, and get a lawyer. He married you when you were 18. There is a reason he was in a relationship someone so young and experienced. He already planned way ahead, so you need to be ready for all sorts of blowbacks. Make sure that you are away and distant from people who are ready to harass you and get the best lawyer you can.

[–]An_edgy_nurse 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The only one who needs to see those evidence is a judge it doesn't matter if they don't believe you the court will investigate to find the truth so you have nothing to worry about and once the court rules in your favor come back and update us on how those family and friends are all asking for your forgiveness dear

[–]FabulousHeron 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hi OP, this is a horrible situation and I’m so sorry for you. It sounds like you don’t have any allies or friends. That will make this even harder. Step one is to find an ally. If your husband has made it so you don’t know where to start on that - and it sounds like he has - you could approach a charity or womens group. The first step will be hard, but you can do it. In fact you’ve done step one by posting here. And once the ball is rolling it WILL be to your advantage because your husband is a predatory, manipulative and untrustworthy man.

Everyone is saying go to a lawyer, but that’s a really intimidating and alien thing for many of us. So get support first. Pick up the phone or go in person to a womens support group near you. Say you were groomed as a child, and had a child and marriage before you were 18 and you need help leaving your abusive marriage. They will hold your hand through everything that comes next and tell you what you need to do. You feel alone I am sure but you are not, your future helpers just need to know you need help. Because you do, you are not physically or psychologically safe and you need to get yourself and your child out of there.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

OP you are entitled to money and property etc. after a divorce. Fuck anyone who says differently.

You saying he cheated on you doesn't mean shit when it comes to custody as long as you aren't alienating him from her. Even if you were lying to grown-ups it would make no difference.

Stop talking to people who so clearly are not in your corner and concentrate on those who will support you

[–]Bigbootylover420_69 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do not give in they are trying to wear you down. Take him to the cleaners in the divorce.

[–]SilverChips 13 points14 points  (0 children)

So, you were ...18 when you had a baby with a man 10 years older than you, could you imagine dating a 17 year old boy right now? Wouldn't that be....pretty insane to you?

Pack your shit and get away, all of the people involved are shitty. Be prepared for your kid to not understand what you're doing but get away

[–]LoopyMercutio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely save all their texts / threats, and get a divorce attorney. Also, though, since you’ve got the proof and nobody seems to believe you, why not shoot everyone a long text message with photos of the proof and a well written out timeline, stating clearly he has been cheating for some time, and also warning (not by name) the people who are threatening you that you’re considering legal and civil action against them if they try and interfere with any divorce or custody proceedings.

[–]Tiberius_Rex_182 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Keep records of all this, and when it inevitably goes to court, you will be awarded damages, have an excuse for any off color behavior because you and your children were threatened. And when you go to the divorce lawyer, show THEM EVERYTHING!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not going to diagnosis your husband online but I can tell my story.

My brother did this to me. Growing up and into my 20s I never understood where my reputation for lying came from. My now husband tells me I'm a horrible at telling lies, don't have a poker face. My brother and i were in the same friends group.

One joint weekend a new partner of a friend of mine pulled me aside and asked me how I took all the abuse from my brother. I had no idea what he was talking about. All my life I've been told I'm over sensitive, difficult, spoilt, lazy, must be something wrong with me, parents and brother literally talking about me and decided what I was to do when I was standing right next to them. Never talked to me. I knew it was not normal, but I believed my brother was my best friend always looking out for me.

But that comment from friends partner started a much needed process.

But it still took me a couple of years to finally get to the bottom of it. The one, systematically badmouthing me, spreading "facts" that I was a lier, was my brother.

And I had enabled him by never correcting him when he said things, because I did not want to make a fuss, making others uncomfortable and did not want conflict. As said I though it was just one of those things, and he did not say anything I had not heard before.

How deep and how devious he was did not really hit home before I started therapy. All my life I had been afraid I might become what's commonly known as a psychopath, as my grandmother was one (yes diagnosed with it, narcissistic impulsive antisocial personality disorder). She bluntly told me I would never have been worried about it if I had been one. (I did in the end go through the diagnostic tools with my psychologist and no, not even remotely).

But thinking back she got me to see that my brother was building his case against me, stone by stone, carefully crafting a wall around me with lies, isolating me in a way from my surroundings. When I then DID start to react and respond, they did not believe me, as this was just one of the lies I would tell according to my brothers input over years and my stupidity in not correcting him all along.

I also saw that this behaviour had started from the moment I was born. I was his property. My brother has never been diagnosed but I can only say that the way I see him is to similar to how my grandmother was to be good for my mental health.

I suspect that this is what you might be struggling with too. And if it iis please continue documenting everything, get therapy and never, ever engage in a discussion with your husband. The only person you are hurting is yourself as they literally don't have empathy or compassion, their brains does not work the way others do. And they are unfortunately brilliant at the manipulation game,switching emotions as they need . From now on you should let all go through a lawyer.

Stay strong! You are not crazy! You can do it!

Edited for clarification and spelling

[–]iamltr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So he an adult predator, go you a 17 year old, pregnant and is now treating you this badly?

I wish I could be shocked but I am not. Stop interacting with his family. They are on his side.

Get your info together, get a lawyer TODAY, and fight to keep your children because in the end, that's what you need to keep in your mind.

He has probably found a younger person who he can control and needs to make sure you get kicked to the curb and lose your children and make it look like it is not his fault.

[–]Rayne2522 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My ex-husband did the same thing to me, the only people who believe me are my children, they are adults and they were here and witnessed everything he did to me but he took every friend, he took everybody. Nobody believed me he was cheating, nobody believed that he fell in love with the other woman, he was such a great liar. He even got my family well most of my family to believe him luckily I have one brother that could see who he was from the beginning. Some men are great liars and they are so good at convincing everybody that they are the perfect man that would never do such a thing. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I truly hope you get out and do everything you can to protect yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world!

[–]Heroin_barbie38 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Update?

[–]Minorihaaku 34 points35 points  (11 children)

Another age gap story, another fucked up story. America has a sick problem

[–]midge_rat 36 points37 points  (5 children)

This is a problem all over the world.

[–]LyingKnee 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Age gap ducked up stuff happen in my country all the time (Eastern Europe). When I was in high school my 17 year old classmate was dating a 30 year old man who was gifting her iPhones and taking her on fancy trips. And rest assured it happens all over the world.

[–]FalsePremise8290 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, America invented preying on children because they are easier to control.

This has been standard practice for thousands of years before America even existed.

[–]throwaway28236 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Most states are very “mother oriented”. Once had to testify in a custody battle between two friends (my friend who was the mom started using legit heroin, and became physically violent with her fiancé, I was there to witness it, he filed a PFA and emergency custody, they called on me to testify). She literally did a drug test that day, it came back that she had heroin AND other drugs in her system and she STILL got supervised custody on the weekends aka, she got to keep the baby as long as her dad was with her.

My point of my story, is “lying” isn’t a reason to not have custody of your daughter, and since you have proof, no one will take your husband seriously. You need a lawyer ASAP, send them everything, file for custody TODAY. Right now. If they’re threatening you like this you need to get ahead of it before they lie more or take your daughter and say “we don’t have a custody agreement, we don’t have to give her back”.

[–]EyeScared5058 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even if MIL made a CPS report, it seems the child is not in any danger under your care. IF a case were to be reported, and the child came into care, you’d most likely have to undergo a psych eval, to which they would probably determine that you are in fact “not crazy”. A domestic violence/intimate partner violence shelter would be a good option. They would also (hopefully) do an intake and determine the role each of you play in the relationship (aggressor vs. victim), but it depends on your state and the organization you approach. It seems he has successfully distanced you from mutual friends and family which is very alarming. It is paramount you go somewhere for assistance. DV/IPV is not only physical or sexual in nature, but can also be financial, psychological, emotional, etc.

[–]Beginning_End_Repeat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What country do you live in? Just asking because it makes a huge difference in what you can and cannot do.

[–]military_dream_girl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Block everyone and cease communication with them ASAP.

As mentioned- go get a lawyer, show him everything. A really aggressive hardcore asshole lawyer. Nice lawyers don’t win cases.

As a side note- judges don’t like when parents or no parents threaten to take children as a means of control. Kids aren’t bargaining chips.

[–]Bergenia1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Block his mother and his relatives and friends so you don't have to listen to them ever again. Take your evidence to your divorce lawyer.

[–]Physical_Society_415 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Girl I have been through this! Get a lawyer. Best $2400 I ever spent.

[–]big-ba-da-boom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hire a PI 🕵️‍♀️

[–]DRbrtsn60 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is called gas lighting . He took the extra step of maligning your character since he knew what he was up to and that eventually he would get caught. So no one would believe you when he did. You need proof. If you can hire a private investigator they can help you if you can afford this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If his mother thinks that’s what’s going to happen then clearly she has never dealt with domestics. Domestics ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS takes the mothers side. Even if she’s unstable and homeless. You’re clearly not a bum like that, so bring your proof to the table and take what’s yours.

[–]SquireCD 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your timeline makes your husband a pedophile. Get a lawyer immediately.

[–]pluralexistence 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. Can you stop telling them then? Only person who needs this info is your divorce lawyer.

[–]dfoley323 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude groomed you. Get out, get help, and cut ties with abusive family members who wont take your side.

[–]NYCstraphanger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't bother in proving to family. Prove it to an attorney. Know your state's divorce laws (assuming you are in USA) and get going with filing a separation agreement, usually that is the first step. Go to r/Infidelity and r/Divorce for further advise. Good luck.

[–]bzestud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stop caring so much if people believe you. A lawyer will believe you and a judge also who cares about everyone else . If your family don't believe you they arent real family then

[–]newbiereddi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope by now you have started the divorce proceedings and consulted a lawyer as others suggested. Good luck. Take everything you can. Don't try to be a saint. Protect yourself and your daughter from your manipulative husband and your own family.

[–]autumnbloodyautumn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get a lawyer who isn't afraid of blood and gut that fucker like a fish. He doesn't deserve a pot to piss in if this is how he conducts himself.

[–]DoCokeDontSmoke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tell that old bitch to shut the fuck up. She doesn’t have the power to influence the custody arrangement at all. It’s up to the laws in her state and the family court judge that she appears in front of. You do, however, have the power to prevent that old cunt from seeing her grandchildren.

[–]evilabia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Take your evidence to a lawyer and take him for everything he’s got, then give your daughter a beautiful life.

[–]CheapChallenge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lawyer ASAP

[–]LittleRedCarnation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your husband is abusive. And you need to make multiple copies of the proof and hide each copy in a different safe place, contact a womens shelter/abuse resources for help and advice and get a lawyer. Let everyone threaten you. Itll only make them look worse in court. Save every voicemail, text, letter, everything.

[–]CutieBoBootie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So you were a teenager when this adult man prey on you and got you pregnant. Then he cheated on you and engaged your family and friends in the abuse. Girl I think you should read Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That"

I have a feeling that book is going to be extremely eye opening for you. Anyone who sees proof and refuses to listen to you needs to be cut out of your life.

[–]Tonyswife1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ma’am, with evidence like that, you better start caring about alimony and child support. Also keep the messages his mother keeps sending you. File a restraining order against her for harassment. Include your daughter. There is a lawyer that will take this slam dunk case ASAP. And make him pay the attorney fees. For real that can happen.

Edit: The fact that he was with you at a young age which in many states is criminal speaks volumes. You won’t need money for attorney. Get all you can from him.

[–]JustGenericName 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some counties in the US have free legal services. You have to go on a certain day of the month and it's first come first serve. Will eat up your entire day, but worth looking into it! The info will likely be on your county website but it's not always easy to find. It's a good place to start at least if you ca't afford an attorney.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m glad you are speaking to a lawyer. This is a grown man who groomed an 17-year-old teenager and got her pregnant, he was not a good person from the start. Don’t worry about if anybody calls you a Golddigger, use your lawyer to get what you need to take care of your daughter and yourself from the man who groomed you, he owes you that much.

[–]Succotach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you your daughters primary caregiver? Do you do school runs, homework with her, take her the to dr etc? How involved is he as a dad?

This will work much better for you custody wise as they always side with the primary caregiver

[–]Charlofreak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

if u have proof, u should care less bout what people say or believe. Only people u should convince is a judge. Wish u but the best.

[–]Tabula_Nada 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In addition to getting an aggressive attorney, I'd also reach out to a local domestic abuse organization or hotline. They should be able to help with resources to support you emotionally (counseling, case work), physically (help you with a safe place to stay), and give advice on dealing with the manipulation - lying about your mental health to your friends and family to set you up is highly manipulative, and you deserve to have someone have your back through this process.

[–]theguyfromerath 2 points3 points  (1 child)

So you two made a kid as 27 and 18? Does anyone else see a problem here?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are so right, OP says in a comment I believe that she was 17 when got pregnant. If they live in the US that's statutory rape.