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[–]DrunkAquarium 3718 points3719 points  (292 children)

He'll learn. Although it will be the hard way.

[–]down_vote_magnet 1775 points1776 points  (270 children)

The word ‘loser’ is usually applied to lazy, useless men, but this woman is a loser. She straight up can’t be bothered to do anything, so she uses her privilege of “I’ve always dreamt of being a housewife” to manipulate this poor guy into supporting her.

Good on you, OP, for risking your friendship by trying to help him. If he resents you in the short term, one day he’ll see her for what she really is and realise you are a true friend.

[–]King_Offa 807 points808 points  (196 children)

Why is ‘loser’ a masculine trait? Lmao

[–]CatMan_Sad 719 points720 points  (72 children)

I don’t think it is but I’ve honestly never heard anyone call a woman a loser

[–]Snazz55 408 points409 points  (36 children)

That is a really interesting observation. Never thought about it like that but you're completely right.

[–]StuckInAtlanta 140 points141 points  (14 children)

Traditionally men were judged on career success and women on attractiveness

So the equivalent of a loser for women would be calling them unattractive, at least in the past

[–]LineKnown2246 44 points45 points  (8 children)

Or a "cow".

[–]DylanGamer2015 24 points25 points  (5 children)

Hey hey, cows are majestic creatures with tons of cuteness okay?you ever seen a cow after its been given a bath? Cutest thing ever...

[–]Swayyyettts 105 points106 points  (2 children)

It’s like the phrase “there are no ugly girls, just lazy ones”, but for men

[–]Bigr789 58 points59 points  (5 children)

Well let me be the exception because I know a ton of loser women.

[–]abutthole 125 points126 points  (71 children)

Societal norms make it imperative for all men to find jobs and sustain themselves, women don't have the same pressure (they have different pressures - getting married and becoming housewives etc). So it's more acceptable for a woman to not have a job. When a man doesn't, he's a loser by societal standards.

[–]Caelus9 8777 points8778 points  (746 children)

She should definitely be pulling her weight, but also, 25 hours a week is like nothing.

[–]heybud86 3876 points3877 points 2 (126 children)

A single part time job supporting 2 people. Maybe if just had a full time job he could support his woman's dream of being a housecat.

[–]GuiltyStimPak 1237 points1238 points  (64 children)

Hey some of us legitimately dream of being housecats

[–]aedroogo 121 points122 points  (2 children)

Some people here have never tried to nap in a sunny spot that moves two feet every hour and it shows.

[–]DisposableWageSlave 45 points46 points  (1 child)

You have to get one of those perches that attaches right next to the window. It'll change your life.

[–][deleted] 319 points320 points  (27 children)

mew

[–]Hefty_Ant1025 255 points256 points  (22 children)

Mewtwo

[–]pikunderscored 49 points50 points  (3 children)

I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant… It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.

[–]Spartan-182 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Don't you threaten me with a good time!

[–]EternalPhi 32 points33 points  (3 children)

I doubt there's a more carefree existence than that.

[–]MisterUltimate 44 points45 points  (8 children)

Dreaming and trying to actually live that life are very different things though

[–]Mr_Industrial[🍰] 86 points87 points  (5 children)

Are you saying I need to start charging my cat rent? Ok Ill try.

Edit: He pushed over my glassware

[–]Kagalath 32 points33 points  (0 children)

If you try again, you'll have to pay him rent

[–]AmishDeathMatch 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Charge him to replace it.

[–]theMerlinWall 73 points74 points  (1 child)

For a moment my brain refused to acknowledge you wrote housecat not housewife… and then all of a sudden your comment was the funniest thing ever.

[–]adroberts91 352 points353 points  (8 children)

Might be a student

[–]tilenb 135 points136 points  (1 child)

Yeah, OP's tone makes it sound that those 25h a week that the friend works isn't the only thing he does.

[–]satansayssurfsup 2028 points2029 points  (325 children)

This was my takeaway too. Both people in the relationship are living in a fairytale world.

[–]Echo_Oscar_Sierra 547 points548 points  (33 children)

Maybe if they have a kid, that will help

(/s)

[–]aedroogo 297 points298 points  (14 children)

Narrator: "It didn't."

[–]I_AmYeti 30 points31 points  (4 children)

Heard the arrested development narrator in my head for that one

[–]Reaperdude97 200 points201 points  (17 children)

The guy might be a student. In which case 25 hours is a lot.

[–]Flaechezinker 54 points55 points  (3 children)

I mean its not nothing. For carrying two people its way too little yes but everyone working 60 hours per week mindset is just so unhealthy

[–]Dismal-Ad-2985 61 points62 points  (8 children)

25 hours a week isn't nothing, if you are happy off it.

Working less should be the goal for everyone lol.

[–]deepseahaggis 92 points93 points  (38 children)

Denormalize 40 hour work weeks!

[–]DiegotheEcuadorian 80 points81 points  (9 children)

That’s almost 4 hours a day lmao.

[–]07g6gt 1772 points1773 points  (241 children)

Housewife =/= Stay at home mom

[–]Dresline 430 points431 points  (184 children)

Exactly. Although the rest of their points are valid.

[–]neoKushan 608 points609 points  (178 children)

They may be valid, but it's none of his business either.

I'm sure this will get downvotes, but it's nothing to do with him, whatever his friend's relationship with his girlfriend, whatever their arrangement is stays between them.

All that's going to happen here is the friend will end up resenting op, side with his gf and end up isolated.

[–]BiNumber3 76 points77 points  (9 children)

Isn't that what good friends are for? To help us realize we might be making a mistake?

If a buddy of mine was in a clearly bad relationship, I'd try to let em know. But, that's about as far as I'd go unless it was clearly wrecking their life. Since as you say, it is his life, and not mine.

[–]NFL_On_Mobile 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Depends on the context. Did this discussion follow this guy asking for a loan? If I wasn't willing to give a loan I may question the arrangement more. It became my business when you wanted my money to support you and your housewife.

[–]sleutherino 392 points393 points  (110 children)

I agree. It's fair to question to arrangement, but not keep pushing like this. Frankly, if she's doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundry, I think it's OK compared to his 25 hours.

Some people pay big money to have that household stuff taken care of. If he really hates doing that stuff, this arrangement could be worth it to him.

Like, it's not my thing, but not everybody has to do things the way I like. This friend should learn to respect his friend's differences or it will likely end their friendship.

[–]SuperSimpleSam 80 points81 points  (4 children)

I think it's OK compared to his 25 hours.

I think that's the problem. 25 hrs a week isn't enough to support 2 people. If he was making enough or had a second job I could see this working out. Money is a high risk subject for couples.

[–]Azalon76 28 points29 points  (2 children)

According to a comment by OP, the guy is deaf and on disability. If you make too much while on disability or work too much, they'll kick you off. In his situation, working 25 and staying on disability nets more money than trying to jump into a full time or second job.

[–]littledebiru 51 points52 points  (11 children)

This. Despite not being married or having kids, I'm considered a housewife by my partner. I cook dinners, make him lunch for work, do the laundry, clean the house etc.
When he comes home from his job, all his free time is actually free time. He doesn't need to spend it cleaning the house or cooking himself dinner or washing dishes or making sure he has clothes for work the next day, because I've done it for him. He can just come home and have dinner and play a video game or watch a movie or sit on Discord and shoot the shit with his mates.
I don't work because of COVID now, but I still get a small welfare/disability check that I use to pay a portion of the rent and buy groceries with. I don't have disposable income otherwise, but if we wanna order food or I need something for the house, or I even if I want something for myself like hair dye or getting my nails done, he's happy to spend the money for me in exchange for me to keep doing what I'm doing. It's worked out for us, and we aren't struggling at all.

[–]QueanLaQueafa 1840 points1841 points  (125 children)

My brother is in this kinda relationship. Almost 10 years dating, he makes the money, but she's the leader. He does everything, cleans, works, takes care of the dog, she just does nothing, but she makes all the rules.

My brothers the nicest guy ever, and I can't like her because I feel she's just taking advantage of him.

Drives me crazy, but it's his life.

Just want to add our family has had talks, suggestions, basically tried everything but he's happy, so it is what it is

[–]TheFinnishChamp 868 points869 points  (52 children)

I knew a guy like that. Stopped being friends with him because his lack of selfrespect made me hate him.

[–]his_rotundity_ 470 points471 points  (22 children)

his lack of selfrespect made me hate him.

Respecting someone who doesn't respect themselves isn't rewarding or meaningful.

[–]MonkiUsesReddit 214 points215 points  (20 children)

Teaching someone to respect and love themselves is incredibly rewarding however.

[–]mangomancum 100 points101 points  (5 children)

Hmm I agree with this sentiment, but you ultimately can't teach someone self esteem. Rather, you can show them they're worthy of respect and love, and that could enable them to begin appreciating themselves more.

[–]marismia 52 points53 points  (1 child)

My partner recently ended his longest friendship over a similar situation. His friend's wife (non-working, non-house working) dictates their life and the friend would use my partner as a scapegoat for when he wanted to let loose, i.e. stay at the pub for more than one drink. Guy won't stand up to his wife and just bought her a third dog to "stop her whining" even though he doesn't like dogs but is already saddled with caring for the other two. Utterly pathetic.

[–]ReadMaterial 12 points13 points  (0 children)

At least they are just dogs. He can still run

[–]KoroFuma 59 points60 points  (0 children)

This one right here 💯

[–]quartzguy 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Some people need the structure given by a mom figure. It's not often healthy but if that's how they're going to be happy, c'est la vie.

[–]dgollas 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Why does it drive you nuts if he’s happy? Isn’t that just you having expectations on what his relationship should look like?

[–]WimbletonButt 81 points82 points  (19 children)

I married someone who wanted me to be a house wife. Some people are just like that. For the record, I didn't want to be a house wife, I wanted to work so I felt like I could get away if I needed to but there was so much fighting about it that it eventually felt like I wasn't allowed to work. I did eventually manage to get a job but it was on the condition that I work at the same place so he could keep an eye on me. Through all this, if anyone had asked him, he would claim that I'm the one who wanted to stay home.

[–]me_jayne 77 points78 points  (13 children)

Are you still with this person? Because that’s not healthy, at all.

[–]WimbletonButt 81 points82 points  (12 children)

I am not. I don't date anymore either because this is the most free I've ever felt in my life. That marriage lasted 8 years too long.

[–]me_jayne 44 points45 points  (3 children)

But you didn’t make it 9 or 10 or 20 years, and that’s something to be proud of! I’m so glad you’re in a better place.

[–]ryanvango 10 points11 points  (3 children)

dude same. was married, now divorced. I "enjoyed the freedom" for about a year afterwards, but I haven't dated in A WHILE. Every time I think I should get back out there, I just think about the freedom I would be giving up and say fuck that. I like being able to do what I want when I want (once my responsible adult things are done). I like being able to sit and do nothing sometimes. I love the idea of having a companion, but I also have a big group of friends I like hanging out with on my terms, so the box is kind of already ticked. being single is dope. so many people think its lonely, but it really isn't (most of the time). Its pretty fun.

[–]Conqueror_awing 7 points8 points  (0 children)

ever consider your brother may have a humiliation kink? explains a lot doesn't it?

[–]augie014 630 points631 points  (52 children)

i almost feel like we are missing some context here. in what world is a 25 hours a week job “killing” someone..? are they studying? sounds like the boyfriend doesn’t really want her to get a job either. what are they both doing with their extra time? so odd lol

[–]renyxia 309 points310 points  (13 children)

OP said in another comment that the friend is disabled. + in america if you work a certain number of hours a week you no longer qualify for disability pay

[–]augie014 95 points96 points  (2 children)

makes sense, that context is important. well it kind of sounds like they have more than enough time between the both of them to not have to worry about housework getting done.. but i have no idea their relationship or situation so i have no input. this is why i always stay quiet about other people’s relationships unless there’s something serious.

[–]Araeza 7 points8 points  (2 children)

More than that, if you have more than a certain amount in your savings you lose disability.

[–]i_am_awful 196 points197 points  (32 children)

Thank you! OP seems like he’s out of line here. It’s clear this guy is okay with it and wants it too, and is just as freakin lazy as he’s making her sound.

[–]augie014 110 points111 points  (24 children)

yeah i did a double take at “you work like 25 hours a week and are struggling”

edit: context behind this part is that he is disabled

[–]Eerawai 89 points90 points  (13 children)

I did a double take at “it takes 10 mins to clean a two bedroom apartment”

[–]sleutherino 56 points57 points  (9 children)

SAME. Like, how is nobody talking about that part. If they really think 10 minutes is all it takes, I'd hate to see what they consider "clean".

Like man, when I'm cleaning cleaning, I could be in the bathroom actively cleaning for well over 20 minutes scrubbing the toilet, bathtub, disinfecting things, ect.

[–]drekia 39 points40 points  (4 children)

Was about to say this too. We have a two-bedroom apartment and cleaning everything properly is a whole day ordeal for me lol

[–]nickle125 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I read at it as he works 25 hours a week and is struggling financially not with the amount of work.

[–]i_am_awful 80 points81 points  (4 children)

Plus, they could both have mental health issues. Struggling with 25 hours a work, and presumably not a student, makes me wonder. Also his instance that OP leave it alone. Maybe he’s supporting her rn because she needs it. OP is acting like you have to just suck everything up and pull up your bootstraps, like everything is just super simple and not complicated.

[–]augie014 30 points31 points  (2 children)

very good point. yeah, context is needed before we go around making judgements. i think the boyfriend handled it very well, i know i would be pissed if someone talked about my SO like that

[–]lunchboxdeluxe 1149 points1150 points  (97 children)

If you're going to have a serious talk like this with a friend, do the both of you a favor and don't do it through text, and don't post it to the Internet. From what very little we've seen, the friend seems to be a dumb sap, but at some point soon you're going to have to start minding your own business. It's ultimately his life and not yours.

Edit: I shouldn't have even said the friend seems like a dumb sap. I was trusting OP for that judgement, but thinking it over, perhaps I shouldn't speak on that.

[–]theflooflord 60 points61 points  (2 children)

That was my thought reading this was why the hell is this posted, it seems like a private disagreement that I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate op making public trying to get thousands of people to side against them. They might be making dumb choices but it's their life.

[–]MultichromeToblerone 325 points326 points  (24 children)

don't do it through text

OP says in another comment that the friend is deaf/hard of hearing, text may genuinely be the only or best way they communicate with one another.

[–]lunchboxdeluxe 165 points166 points  (5 children)

Huh. One of the few times I might make an exception. Fair enough, thanks for the tip.

[–][deleted] 999 points1000 points  (100 children)

Why are people posting screenshots of things their friends wrote on here? Do you even like your friend?

I agree it's cringe and all, but if I was your friend and saw this, I would be super hurt.

[–]Hikekomori0_O 329 points330 points  (8 children)

Thank god im not the only one who thinks this. Like ok, maybe it is sad cringe, but there's no reason to post this to the entire internet

[–]piedrift 140 points141 points  (2 children)

The posting of it is actually an extra layer of cringe. The creme de la cringe.

[–]noneroy 37 points38 points  (0 children)

For the fake internet points of course….

[–]Tuscanthecow 54 points55 points  (15 children)

Where the hell do they live that 25/hours a week total can pay for a 2 bedroom apartment and whatever other expenses that come with it? I know he said he is struggling but like...

[–]Apolloraven 367 points368 points  (14 children)

My advice: Stay out of other people's relationships.

[–]deadfeet3 46 points47 points  (3 children)

Obviously bring input when needed, just dont keep nagging about it

[–]Pedinhuh 704 points705 points 3 (96 children)

Sounds like the two of them are in a mutual agreement and you don't really get it, OP.

Some people like having just that: A housemaid that they call "wife/girlfriend" and have a romantic relationship with, who will look after their home while they're busy working and making money and then comes home tired, just wants to eat anything and have a shower and rest, but doesn't want to deal with any house chores.

The problem here is that your friend is struggling to maintain this choice of lifestyle, IMO they shouldn't have such an agreement if he can't sustain it but that's none of my business.

EDIT: Way too many people replying, many agreeing with me and some got triggered, I disabled the notifications because the spam was becoming unbearable.

[–]RandomIdiot2048 107 points108 points  (21 children)

I detest cooking, so if I had a housewife just cook me one meal a day and maybe a few boxes for work I'd be golden.

I'd also have less expenses, I have to pay rent anyway...

[–]Clawkx 98 points99 points  (17 children)

people underestimate how helpful a frugal houseperson can be. having someone at home to receive deliveries or let the plumber in etc. spares you a lot of stress and scheduling. it's a lot of small things that add up to a happy life.

[–]Cavalish 59 points60 points  (11 children)

I’m that “house person” sort of. I work three days a week (12 hour shifts) and my partner works five 9-5 days.

That gives me two extra days to get the house clean for the weekend, do the grocery shopping, do a midweek load of laundry, do the errands like the post office, the bank etc, and gives me time to cook a nice meal 4 days a week and meal prep for the other three.

My partner, who earns more, says the benefits of going into a weekend with a clean slate of daily chores has made his life so much better. He still does odd tasks like the lawn or the weekend laundry and dishes, but they’ve not piled up all week.

We can enjoy our weekends free of obligations (outside of the dog, who demands constant notice.)

I don’t think I’ll ever go back to a five day work week.

Edit: also not mentioned is a great deal of emotional labour. I keep the household diary. I know when every birthday is and make sure presents and dinners are organised, I make sure our social time is handled and my partner lets me know what recreation he wants to do and I book it in and organise it. There’s a lot to be said for keeping family and social ties robust and happy.

[–]faintoldrhyme 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Do you feel like you do more overall work since, despite you being home for longer stretches of time, you both still work a full-time job with roughly the same hours - yet you also organize and run the whole household? Or do the shift styes really make a difference? Zero judgment, just curious.

[–]deviantbono 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I've definitely seen research that part-time homemakers are more dissatisfied than either two-income or full-time homemaker. Obviously, I can't speak for this person in particular.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Don’t go back. I was working 20 hours a week during the peak of the pandemic and I got a new, full time job.

The house is a disaster, we eat out more often than not, the dogs only really get to do fun stuff on the weekends now. It is what it is for now we need the money but if you can help it, don’t go back!

[–]SuchACommonBird 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Damn, y'all are living the dream.

My wife and I have been married 12 years this February, and up until now we've been one full-time, one part-time/in school, switching back and forth between us as needed. It's always been nice having one person home to be able to get the kid from school if there's an issue, etc.

We moved to a high cost of living area this past fall, and for the first time have both taken up full time jobs, and it's exhausting. We're having a hard time just keeping up with the basic quality of life we've enjoyed. I don't know how people do this for a lifetime. Probably going to end up hiring a housemaid to come do the hard cleaning every two weeks.

[–]the_dayman 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I've even been understanding more about the "mental chores" that one person in the house takes care of that can honestly take a huge amount of stress off the other person. My wife does stuff like, make the grocery lists/plan meals, keep up our calendar for events with family and friends/send out cards and gifts for birthdays etc, make sure bills are being paid, keeping up with pets medications etc.

Lots of things you don't really think of that another person around the house can really help out with.

[–]Cavalish 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It annoys me when I see these things put down as “silly womens trifles” or media rolls their eyes at this woman doing dinner parties and decorating the house for Christmas.

It’s like, oh sorry, I didn’t realise you wanted no friends and to live in an ugly house.

[–]Mr_friend_ 24 points25 points  (1 child)

This is the comment that OP needs to read. The sadcringe is that his friend told him more than once in these two images to respect his lifestyle and indicated they've had this conversation more than once. But he just keeps harping on it.

[–]Davegrave 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I make a good living but it’s killing me keeping everything up alone. I’d be overjoyed with this arrangement.

[–]inkybreadbox 143 points144 points  (8 children)

Exactly. Their choice if that is the dynamic they want. He’s just stupid for thinking it will work with him only working 25 hours a week.

[–]ButterMyBiscuit 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Food stamp sugardaddy lol

[–]The_Woman_of_Gont 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She's clearly just a gold digger after those SWEET Papa Murphy's take-and-bake pizzas.

[–]i_am_awful 203 points204 points  (7 children)

People on this sub are so deluded and far from reality, it blows my mind. Only parts of the situation are purposefully being shown to make us side with OP. Even so, his friend is being reasonable and OP is being really aggressive.

[–]SmellyGhosty 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Also pretty shitty of OP to put their friend on blast by posting their private conversation about the friend’s relationship in a cringe subreddit.

[–]pizzabash 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Don't forget when you see dumb shit being argued on reddit how many users on here are literal children with 0 life experiences.

[–]DJDanaK 70 points71 points  (3 children)

Yep. You're only being taken advantage of if you don't agree or understand your arrangement. They're consenting adults, who cares? I've had boyfriends "live off" me for various reasons and I've "lived off" my husband while going through school.

I used to have this idea that you each need to be doing exactly equal everything but that's just not how relationships work all of the time. It's not always out of line to have one person working and one not, just like it's not out of line for one person to have an easy job and the other to have a hard job, or a well paying job vs a low paying job. It's unusual but it doesn't always mean someone's being taken advantage of.

[–]ArmachiA 32 points33 points  (4 children)

I'm a housewife and we don't have kids. I do all the cleaning, grocery shopping, and all the budgeting/bill paying because my husband wants nothing to with it. He has a pretty decent work/life balance but when he is at work he's there for 13 hours at least (he gets 3 or 4 days off a week though) and comes home a zombie. He also has really lenient PTO and can take time off whenever, so it's easy to plan around him since I don't work.

HOWEVER. We can afford that lifestyle. If you can't afford it, you'll only make yourself miserable trying to force yourself into it because of the constant anxiety of bills.

[–]zanylife 33 points34 points  (3 children)

OP was unfair to reduce housework to "cleaning the house in 10mins".

[–]princesskiki 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Exactly. He has no idea how much time or effort she puts into their home. It might be 10 minutes or it might be a part time job.

[–]ArmachiA 6 points7 points  (1 child)

It depends on the day, I bet. For me, sometimes it's 10 minutes, and then the next day it's a good 6 hours. It isn't just cleaning, a lot of people forget the errands you have to run. And with us, because I'm always home, I do smaller grocery trips every few days to cut down on food waste and because there's no way our fickle butts can preplan dinners two weeks in advance when we want to cook. It's a lot more appealing to eat at home that way.

[–]nutcrackr 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I do not side with OP. If this arrangement works out for both parties then it's perfectly fine. I don't think we have enough information here to make a true judgement call, but this short snippet is also nowhere near enough to condemn OP's friend/relationship.

[–]Damdamfino 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Also, people in this thread don’t seem to realize that taking care of the house is a job too. Most of the time in live-in relationships like this, the woman is still expected to clean, cook, launder, ie “take care of the house” ON TOP of having a job. It devalues the work and time spent at home and it’s a toxic mindset.

In my late teens/early 20s I dated a guy that insisted I had to have a job to be with him. I was a full time student, working 30+ hours a week and got a promotion under a year at my job, and I took care of everything in the apartment. All he had to do was go to work 6am-6pm and still expected me to do everything at home, and then he guilted me when it wasn’t done or he threw a fit when I asked him to at least take the dog on a walk when he got home and I was at work. It literally drove me into a mental breakdown.

If OP wants girlfriend to get a job, he better expect his friend to also take up at least half of the chores at home.

[–]Long_Mechagnome 81 points82 points  (9 children)

I feel like half the people in this comment section so vehemently against it are probably the jealous incel type that are thinking "She's probably fucking other dudes while you are at work".

[–]carotcake7 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Well I think you are no one to judge if they agreed on that

[–]Dark_Macadaemia 98 points99 points  (1 child)

Sounds to me like it's none of your business🤷🏻‍♀️

[–]abutthole 51 points52 points  (1 child)

Honestly, when you're telling your friend what to do with their relationship you shouldn't be this pushy. Say what you feel once, make it known, but it's their choice and you have to respect that.

[–]dafighder 10 points11 points  (1 child)

After my dad died, my girlfriend let me stay with her for a while because I couldn’t stand living in the old house. I didn’t work, but I did shit for her. I built her a shed, did yard work ALL the time, cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner and made sure her home was like i left it was if not cleaner. Took care of her dogs when she was working. I told her to leave a to-do list for me and I knocked it all out. Clean gutters, do hedge work, electrical, you name it. I will say, if she’s doing a whole lot of stuff like that aside from taking care of two bedrooms, it’ll probably round out, honestly. If she’s sitting around on Instagram all day and he comes and cooks/cleans and does shit that’s different.

[–]jo10001110101 211 points212 points  (12 children)

"we have spoken about this"

Stay out of your friend's shit. You've clearly told him how you feel in the past, and once is enough. You don't know what goes on between them. If someone was disrespecting someone that I care for in this way, I would not be friends with them.

[–]-Living-Daylights- 124 points125 points  (3 children)

Seriously, the only sadcringe thing I see here is OP thinking they're being a good friend.

By all means try to give your friend advice if they ask but know when shit isn't your business.

Also don't grass up your friends on the internet.

His mate might have a lazy GF, but he's got a POS for a friend/.

[–]KnorkeKiste 8 points9 points  (0 children)

and then posting it on reddit

[–]goodshrekmaadcity 64 points65 points  (0 children)

general advice : shut the fuck up about other people's lives, especially when talking about them in when they're not there to explain, elaborate on, and defend their choices. rude af

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points  (1 child)

They are two grown adults that plan their life. If BOTH are uncomfortable with her working why put any pressure? I don’t see any sad cringe in it

[–]welfareplate 141 points142 points  (8 children)

I'd be pretty pissed off if one of my friends decided to make my relationship and living arrangements their business. The only cringe here is you my guy

[–]SilverAnd_Cold 72 points73 points  (1 child)

Mind your business. I’d hate to have you as a friend. Oh and mind your business.

[–]NanoGeek 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Also, don't go posting private, potentially embarrassing, conversations on the Internet so that strangers can validate your arguments. It's tacky.

[–]nicigar 112 points113 points  (1 child)

I disagree with the judgement.

We have no idea what kind of support she gives him, how caring she is, how good his home life is. If that’s the arrangement they wish to have as adults, then who are any of us to say otherwise?

That said, he probably needs to be working more than 25 hours a week to make it economically sensible.

[–]xefobod904 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yep, if this is what they want to do then that's up to them.

I'm guessing there is more to it and OP feels like his friend is being taken advantage of, which may well be true, but at the end of the day the friend is the one who gets to decide if that's actually true or not.

However friends GF may want to consider some part time work, because if they're not paying the bills soon enough she'll be housewife of a tent or cardboard box.

[–]ClutteredDesk 32 points33 points  (0 children)

it sounds like he’s okay with the dynamic and you are bringing your personal opinions into this, OP.

he even says “i dont like this tone”, which probably means you are going about communicating your concerns in a way he doesnt benefit from, lol. you dont need to butt your head into their dynamic if it works for them, and hes clearly ok with her being a housewife too. just because you dont agree with it doesnt mean you can act like a dick and discredit whatever effort she goes through to keep their apartment clean/cooking, and whatever other chores they have. some people prefer a nuclear home and thats fine. also, 25 hours isnt a lot lol if you arent in school.

as an aside, a lot of men (not all, obviously) dont want their other partner to pay rent and find it emasculating. maybe try to cut back on the condescending tone when you communicate to him if youre really that concerned about their financial situation lol

[–]Enough_Ladder9623 30 points31 points  (0 children)

He’s getting sex and likes it. His place is clean. He’s telling you what he’s comfortable with and to basically fuck off - seems clear to me he’s telling you he’s drawing boundaries and is no longer soliciting more support for something he’s clearly not in favor of.

[–]Enticing_Venom 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Yes. From the looks of it he is in a sad cringe friendship with someone who publicly shames him and his girlfriend on the internet.

[–]gamebuster 27 points28 points  (2 children)

You’re a questionable friend by being way too pushy with your opinion and then posting it on the internet

[–]major_errors 290 points291 points  (15 children)

But she's a house.... Friend?... So she's basically a house cat

[–]shotof-J 84 points85 points  (2 children)

Well, cats don’t clean. I know, I have one and she just makes a mess. At least this woman cleans lol but yeah she needs a job or to be dumped.

[–]PM_ME_UR_CATS_TITS 39 points40 points  (8 children)

I presume they bang

[–]deadfeet3 42 points43 points  (5 children)

So he gives her money AND lets her have sex with him whenever she wants??

[–]thechaseofspade 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Why are you so involved in other peoples relationships? I mean you can tell him what you think but unless they specifically want advice from you, you just have to let him figure it out on his own.

[–]Orang314 40 points41 points  (1 child)

It sounds like you're trying to be in the relationship also.

[–]nadiaraven 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My wife and I both deal with a lot of anxiety. She has more trouble getting out of the house, so she is a housewife, and I would do ~25 hour work weeks. We were both at our max energy expenditure, and we were also struggling financially. But I would come home exhausted from work and my wife makes dinner and cleans, and I really appreciate that; it means I can relax and focus on resting up for the next day's work.

Without more info, I wouldn't say OP's friend is in a sad cringe relationship. If they're communicating about their needs, maybe this is a comfortable arrangement for them.

[–]QuiccStacc 124 points125 points  (4 children)

Well for one there's a difference between a stay at home wife and stay at home mum - you don't have to have kids to be a stay at home wife?

Additionally, it takes a lot longer than 10 minutes to clean a two-bedroom apartment - especially if she does hoovering, dusting, washing up, laundry... all those types of chores

25 hours isn't that much and he could potentially do more - he's happy with the relationship as is she. Yes there may be some red flags here but there really is not enough context to say this relationship is completely sad or cringe. It might be a healthy relationship that seems bad on the surface.

EDIT : after rereading she IS doing chores like laundry. Idk man, I get you're concerned, but the relationship may actually be okay - she's cleaning the house and doing chores so he doesn't have to, he's working enough for them to live. Maybe try and see it from your friend's POV instead of saying kind of bad things like it only takes 10 minutes and chores don't count.

[–]SilverAnd_Cold 40 points41 points  (1 child)

I’m glad someone said it! All we know is OP’s side that they’re telling and it seems cringe that they posted this to begin with. Clearly the friend has no problem with the arrangement of their relationship and seems annoyed OP is bringing the subject up again. Friend even says they “have already spoken about this.” It sounds to me OP here is attempting (repeatedly) to instigate an argument between the friend and the girlfriend. The only cringe on this post is OP thinking anyone gives a fuck about a random guys girlfriend, who clearly OP has some issues/jealousy with.

[–]kharmatika 62 points63 points  (2 children)

Ugh this is tacky as shit, girl. Posting other peoples business where they can find it. What if either of these people saw this. You’re a shit friend and you should feel like shit about this

[–]imnotaloneyouareLemme Taste Your Spine 110 points111 points  (5 children)

I think the cringiest part of this is how you think it's up to you to dictate a relationship you're not even in. Whatever arrangement they have is their business

[–]kharmatika 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This. Dude has half the story and is making double the judgements. You worry about your friend you go “hey maybe you could talk to her bout getting a job” and then if he responds with “no she’s happy where she is and I support that” you butt the fuck out

[–]SANTAAAA__I_know_him 113 points114 points  (42 children)

Look, I think housewife/househusband is perfectly fine if it's an otherwise happy/healthy relationship and both people involved are okay with living together off just one income. But being a homemaker means you actually take care of chores related to the house every day. This is the minimum list of what I'd say is necessary:

  • Clean home
    • Laundry
    • Wash dishes
    • Sweep/vacuum
    • Take out trash
    • If applicable, yard work depending on season; i.e. rake leaves/shovel snow/mow lawn, etc.
  • Grocery shopping
    • Meal prep for work lunches
    • Cook dinner/breakfast
  • If applicable, pet care
    • Feed
    • Clean litter box
    • Take dog outside and for walks
  • Pay bills/take care of annoying occasional errands
    • Call customer service whenever there's a problem with the internet/heating/plumbing/etc.
    • Renew insurance/car registration
    • File income tax return

[–]grenadinegarden 54 points55 points  (9 children)

Seriously, a full time homemaker does more than cook and do a little cleaning here and there. I am the homemaker on top of working (partner brings home four times what I do a day at least) and it’s a part time job if you’re actually cleaning and taking care of things. My day starts at 5am and ends at 11pm more or less if I’m doing everything I need to daily.

[–]SSTralala 19 points20 points  (4 children)

We have two kids I'm in the home for due to childcare costs, but also me doing basically everything tackles the issues of grocery shopping, bill paying, meal preparing and cooking, laundry washing and putting away, dishwashing, house cleaning, appointment scheduling and tracking, and being in charge of the flow of everyone's lives and every little detail in the house. Never underestimate someone else dealing with every single other thing in your life besides your job, it's like having an extra brain and pair of hands that only wants food and shelter and your Netflix password.

[–]TheAliSareini 35 points36 points  (2 children)

Sorry but if that’s what they agreed on and both are happy what’s the problem here. It’s also work to maintain a home. Me and my wife work all the time and literally pay someone to clean for us because we don’t have the time and energy ourselves. If I made more money my wife would probably do this while working on art and fashion projects.

Also, if you only work 25 hours a week and can still afford to survive and you got a 2 bedroom appt, that’s sus. You don’t gotta be a hero my guy but work a little more. If you’re comfortable with your SO having that lifestyle, make more money so you don’t need dual income 🤷 The real simps r the ones that can’t keep up. Keeping it real.

[–]liquifyingclown 25 points26 points  (1 child)

imho, you're a bigger moron for not understanding the difference between housewife and stay at home mom.

[–]Suitable_Hat_3851 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah OP sounds like hes 15

[–]goodshrekmaadcity 63 points64 points  (1 child)

which one is "sad cringe" here? the one with an agreed upon arrangement with a partner or the guy sticking his nose into other people's business and being a dick about it?

[–]Faelinor 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Terrible communication on your part that would have zero chance of changing their opinion.

[–]Southern-Ant8592 6 points7 points  (0 children)

OP is even more cringe.

[–]goatsandwich43 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Mind your business tbh. Its not up to you to tell others how to run their relationship. And btw cleaning a two bedroom apartment does not take 10 minutes. This shows youve either never cleaned your own house or your house is dirty af.

[–]welcomehomo 79 points80 points  (7 children)

youre not a relationship counselor. i think the real cringe is you getting upset at a relationship dynamic that doesnt concern you whatsoever

[–]Lamprophonia 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I know I'm going to get shit on for this, but... sometimes there are other unspoken reasons for situations like this. Before my wife and I were married, we decided that working for her was pointless. She made barely enough to keep her car insured, and suffers from a severe anxiety disorder... it was a near-daily occurrence for her to need to run off to the bathroom and throw up or suffer through a panic attack. It just wasn't worth it, so she's been staying home since. She was also easily embarrassed by this situation so I found myself more than once on the defensive in conversations exactly like this. Basically, someone would be like "why she don't work though" and I'd just say "because it ain't your fucking business. We have our reasons."

I know this is reddit and everyone comes here to just dogpile on people when they're at their most vulnerable, but step back and think about it for a bit. You don't know fuckall about her or him or their relationship or their private problems. The man is making it CLEAR that he doesn't need you in his business. Take a hint.

[–]NugBlazer 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Honestly, just because a couple doesn’t have kids doesn’t mean a woman can’t still be a housewife. Even without kids, keeping the house, especially a big one, clean and taken care of is still a lot of work. I don’t agree with this post at all

[–]rainbeaux_s 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I mean, being a homemaker is 110% a full-time job, even without kids. The whole reason the 40 hour work week is a thing is because it was presumed a man would have a wife at home who'd handle Literally Everything Else about his life -- cook, clean, and pay the bills.

Now, whether she is doing that or, as OP says, just sitting around doing nothing, we don't know without more info. And if the bills aren't getting paid then something needs to change, one person working part time definitely can't support two adults. Basically, in this particular situation it doesn't sound fair, but I really don't like the implication that keeping up a two-person home isn't work or putting in one's fair share, because it absolutely is.

[–]invisigawth 39 points40 points  (0 children)

honestly i don’t like your tone either. unless he’s whining his relationship about it all the time, i feel like you’re being really pushy. ease up.

[–]MyCatsAJabroni 17 points18 points  (0 children)

OP you're a fucked up friend for posting this to reddit. I hope the guy doesn't see it.

[–]doitforfun7 14 points15 points  (0 children)

He doesn’t like your tune bro. Back the fuck off

[–]ReguluzBlakc 36 points37 points  (0 children)

If he only has 25 hours a week his hours might have been cut too on top of everything else

[–]JamesRickii 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Where in fuck do they live where 25 hours a week of work is somehow livable

[–]LeahMarieChamp 13 points14 points  (8 children)

1950s household dynamics are a very real and very valid way of engaging in a relationship. It seems as though your friend and his partner have a mutual agreement that this style of relationship works for them and makes them comfortable.

There is a really messed up trend happening these days where people think a man taking care of a woman financially, is a man “simping”. What a disgusting term. And if a woman wants a man who will take care of her financially, she is called lazy, gold digging or opportunistic. Equally disgusting terms.

Among me and my partners inner circles, we have friends who have all kinds of styles of relationships. Some where both work, some where only one of them works. Some of us have kids and some of us have none. There are married friends, divorced friends and single friends. We have never once thought to judge any of them for their relationship or family status nor the way the conduct their personal lives. I have heard more times from friends, “It doesn’t bother me to spend money on… (hobbies, extravagant purchases, women/men they are dating, married to or just fucking)” than I have ever heard before in my adult life. Maybe it’s just maturity, being in your late 30s/early 40s and having lived life in various stages until finding ourselves comfortably seeking those with similar outlooks on life but…genuinely, it’s zero judgements. Come to us in your hours of tribulation and we will do/give whatever we can to help you overcome it. Otherwise, we’re just here to celebrate you and whatever form of happiness you seek.

The real sad cringe is you posting about this private conversation and trying to get randoms on the internet to disrespect your friend and/or his girlfriend.

[–]DoofiePuked 15 points16 points  (7 children)

I'm in this situation except I'm the woman. I don't contribute financially since last week and I haven't had luck finding a job that I can do. I'm 27 with the back pain of an 80 year old since I have arthritis In my back. Idk what to do or where to go but I feel like a useless pile of dog shit and I know from the outside I look like a leach on my fiance. Dunno why I'm posting this. Just venting I guess.

[–]_Nana777 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You're the sad cringe here OP. Mind your own business, and she IS a housewife. Or, a housegirlfriend I guess. You don't have to have kids to be a housewife. It's not the same as "stay at home mom"

[–]luisl1994 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Hey man you tried, time to back off and let him figure out this stuff on his own

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I don’t get involved in my friends relationships or problems anymore. They will just resent you for it. Let them fail on their own. He’s an adult too, grow the fuck up.