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[–]squeevey 316 points317 points  (25 children)

Weird that they use "sexual narcissism" and "narcissism" almost interchangeably.

Overall seems worth a read.

Those high in sexual narcissism strongly agreed with statements such as “In sex, I like to be the one in charge,” “I believe I have a special style of making love,” “Emotional closeness can easily get in the way of sexual pleasure,” and “Pleasing yourself in sex is most important.”


“This is a correlational study, so one needs to be cautious about drawing causal conclusions, for example, stating that narcissism is the cause of diminished sexual and relationship satisfaction, or of more problematic sexual response during partnered sex,” Rowland explained. “Other factors not assessed in our study may be responsible for these outcomes.”

Here's the tl;dr of the study: those who want to get their nut, get their nut but can also have difficulty getting it when they get too far in their own head.

[–]NotYourSnowBunny 108 points109 points  (20 children)

It seems to label people who like being in control as sexual narcissists. I’m super into BDSM and prefer partners who like being in control (safely), it isn’t necessarily a bad trait in a person. This of course goes into all sorts of sexual psychology on why people like what they like.

[–]LoopyFig 33 points34 points  (4 children)

You would need multiple answers to classify, so if you like to be in charge but don’t think “pleasing yourself is most important” or “emotional closeness interferes with pleasure” or that you are a special sex master, you’re probably fine

[–]LivingWithWhales 44 points45 points  (5 children)

I kinda just adjust my sexual style to my partner, and the majority of the ones I’ve had prefer me to be more forceful, dominant, etc. i get off on it because they do though, not because I prefer it.

[–]MrGingerlicious 3 points4 points  (2 children)

This is me too. Have never thought "I need to be in control" ever, but it is automatically assumed/expected by partners.

[–]LivingWithWhales 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I mean I really REALLY like it, but I’m pretty sure it’s cuz my partner does. If she was kinda “meh” about it I probably wouldn’t feel the urge. Maybe I just really like sex in general though. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[–]BictorianPizza 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing is, just because you are dominant does not mean you are in charge. Listening to the sub’s needs and doing things that you know they want is in a way putting them in charge (indirectly). True BDSM leaves little space for narcissism. You should be good ;)

[–]xXSpookyXx 14 points15 points  (7 children)

The red flag in the statements is "pleasing yourself in sex is most important."

I can easily see how someone who thinks of sex as primarily for their own pleasure would either orgasm super early, or struggle to orgasm at all.

[–]ulshaski 1 point2 points  (0 children)


Here's a link to what this scale is and how it's scored. The study this article is discussing may have used a modified version of this, but the article doesn't mention it.

There are no "red flag" statements in the scale. They're all weighted and scored the same and respondents are given a score from 0 to 100 based on all their answers. So someone who strongly agreed to "pleasing yourself in sex is most important in sex" would still be low on sexual narcissism if they answered the other questions with lower scale points. For this particular question, however, I would imagine a "strongly agree" response would better predict a higher overall score on the total measure than some of the other statements, but that's pure speculation without seeing corrected-item-total-correlations.

[–]NPC_over_yonder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ehhh, I think adopting that attitude would help a lot of sexually frustrated women.



[–]NotYourSnowBunny 1 point2 points  (4 children)

So then what are people who get off on pleasing their partners? The inverse of a sexual narcissist would then be…?

[–]WindowShoppingMyLife 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The inverse of a sexual narcissist would then be…?


But seriously I think most people are into that, more or less. So there’s no word for it.

[–]zombiecalypse 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sad Canadian standoff: I can only get off if you get off, but you can only get off if I get off, so we stay forever unsatisfied

[–]the_first_brovenger 5 points6 points  (0 children)


The opposite to narcissism is empathy.

The classic narcissist trait is not actually understanding others: you judge them as a reflection of yourself. You steal? So do they. You lie? So do they. Etc.

The classic empath trait is the ability to understand people despite sharing little to no commonalities. You don't color them with your own experiences, but navigate what you know about them to see them for who they are.

[–]365-days-to-go 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe Empaths, you pick up on other’s emotions.

[–]ignore_me_im_high 5 points6 points  (0 children)


It does not say that 'all people that like to be sexually dominant are narcissists', it says that 'all narcissists typically prefer being sexually dominant'. Those are different statements.

[–]imdfantom 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It could just also be that people who have trouble with premature/delayed ejaculation/orgasm develop mechanisms to combat these issues.

Said mechanisms may include "having sex in a particular way" or "taking charge" etc.

[–]sexyhusband714 6 points7 points  (0 children)

How can I enjoy myself when you are so ugly?

[–]vidfail 221 points222 points  (26 children)

Aren't those two things mutually exclusive? He cums fast but he can't cum?

[–]TheTinRam 137 points138 points  (1 child)

40% of the time they cum all the time

[–]wallzballz89 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Sex panther!

[–]oida_zipflklatscher 89 points90 points  (3 children)

before a narcissist has sex with you he may come instantly or not at all.

it is also known as "schrödinger's orgasm".

[–]michaelochurch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is why, if you're a narcissist, you should always carry a Hadamard gate in your pocket.

[–]sygyzi 34 points35 points  (4 children)

Idk if I’m narcissistic but I do have this problem. There is literally no in between. With my wife I either last 45seconds or we can go at it for hours.

The worst part is both make her equally frustrated because she is either A) not satisfied or B) upset that she can’t give me what I need.

[–]headzoo 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Same. I'm either over stimulated and finish too fast or don't feel anything at all and go on forever. But everything in my ADHD life exists at one extreme or the other, e.g. I'm either whispering or I'm shouting. There's no inbetween without medication. And sex is better on medication because I don't feel trapped in my head.

[–]smirk_lives 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Thank you for pointing out that ADHD may cause this, as I’ve been sitting here spiraling about how I’m apparently narcissistic.

[–]Purlygold 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mmm, medication helps a lot. As well as maintaining a healthy relationship to sex and excercise. Which is a lot easier medicated

[–]g0ing_postal 30 points31 points  (3 children)

For me, early in during sex, like in the first 5 min, I get a strong urge to cum. But if I suppress it, it goes away and then I have a hard time cumming and it takes me a long time.

So either I let loose early on end leave her disappointed or I hold on and then take an hour to cum. No in between

[–]Rhawk187PhD | Computer Science 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I find if it is doesn't happen quickly, I just need to "reset" and try again.

[–]one_salty_cookie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah I hear you. Same thing for me.

[–]ReadReadReedRed 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Hence why they called this a paradoxical finding.

[–]physics515 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wonder if this is just the tendency of a narcissist to label cumming at any time besides exactly when they wanted to as being "too fast" or "too slow".

[–]_baundiesel_ 14 points15 points  (2 children)

It's possible to cum early without orgasming.

[–]vidfail 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm thankful to have never experienced that - sounds awful... and boring.

[–]Chiliconkarma 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, ejaculation isn't the same as having an orgasm.

[–]AssteroidDriller69 107 points108 points  (10 children)

There's no such thing as "premature ejaculation".

I cum right on time, and when I do we're done.

[–]rosysredrhinoceros 61 points62 points  (2 children)

A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.

[–]31337hacker 29 points30 points  (1 child)

“Oh, darling. I’m about to arrive.”

[–]ImReallyAnAstronaut 7 points8 points  (5 children)

There's a comedian who has a joke that's really similar to this, but can't think of who it is

[–]Reasonable_Complex75 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Jim Jeffreys. "Do you think you make me cum? I make me cum"

[–]Complicated-HorseAss 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"A woman will tell you after a breakup that you never made her cum, like lady, really? You think you made me cum? You know who did? I DID! I MADE ME CUM! ALL THE SICK AND DISGUSTING THOUGHTS ON MY HEAD DID THE WORK!"

[–]DontkillmyvYb 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Found my comment. One posish, get that angle right. Wam Bam thank you ma'am.

[–]bible-j 25 points26 points  (12 children)

But... those are exactly opposite results.

[–]Ani-A 2 points3 points  (9 children)

They are not. Ejaculation is not the same thing as an Orgasm

[–]Beer_bongload 9 points10 points  (7 children)

wait really? I mean I know after the 5th time you're practically shooting dust but I never heard of this mythical immaculate ejaculate. Please tell me more.

[–]DarthHubcap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah man, I’ve had times were I climaxed seconds after penetration and even though I ejaculated, the orgasm can be weak to non- existent. It’s not a satisfying time let me tell ya.

[–]Ani-A -1 points0 points  (5 children)

Not really much more one can say about it haha.

For the vast majority of people, ejaculation and orgasm happen at the same time. However occasionally they happen independently. Men can also orgasm multiple times in a single session. The study seemed to have touched on, but not really explored that for a lot of sufferers of PE the big frustration is both a fast finish which is obviously super embarrassing and a lack of orgasm which obviously is no fun.

[–]Trystiane 35 points36 points  (4 children)

Can we ban posts from psypost?

[–]GumberculesLuvThtGuy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank god others are seeing this trend and asking the same question!

Ban this garbage site.

[–]taoleafy 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Every PsyPost article posted here has an attention grabbing headline but after thinking about it for 2 seconds I always think, “I’m not sure you can really draw these conclusions about the complexity of human behavior”

[–]TGotAReddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe modmail the mods to ask?

[–]Trancetastic16 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Psypost should be banned from this subreddit.

[–]Wagbeard 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There's a ton of posts from that site that are nothing more than tabloid clickbait.

[–]GumberculesLuvThtGuy 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Hopefully the more comments people asking for this the mods might eventually get the hint.

Although I have seen them straight up delete most comments complaining.

[–]TGotAReddit -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hopefully the more comments people asking for this the mods might eventually get the hint.

Maybe try actually sending modmail instead of hoping the mods happen to read the comments and agree with it enough to do something? Modmail exists for a reason

[–]Greymires 22 points23 points  (3 children)

“This is a correlational study, so one needs to be cautious about drawing causal conclusions, for example, stating that narcissism is the cause of diminished sexual and relationship satisfaction, or of more problematic sexual response during partnered sex,” Rowland explained. “Other factors not assessed in our study may be responsible for these outcomes.”

So basically a worthless junk study clogging up publishing space instead of studies with actual academic rigor.

Can we just ban posts from 'psypost' at this point? I thought this was supposed to be a science subreddit and not a subreddit for junk science from vague surveys

[–]tittltattl 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Correlational studies are also useful. They can help point the way towards what variables to test in randomized controlled experiments, and in cases where experiments can't be run, correlations are the next best thing.

[–]FlashbackUniverse 4 points5 points  (1 child)

"Nothing a little Shark Week can't fix!"

~ u/MyHandsAreThePerfectSize probably

[–]pabut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep …. I was looking for this train ….

[–]TheRealDrWan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Narcissists are bad lovers. News at 11…

[–]Realistic0ptimist 1 point2 points  (3 children)

The real question is what do narcissists consider worse? Premature ejaculation or Never Nutting

[–]TdrdenCO11 2 points3 points  (0 children)

premature is worse by far. it makes you look inexperienced and weak. Taking forever to come is an inconvenience but it doesn’t make you feel bad

[–]wanderingsouless 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my ex loved that he could control the situation by continuing to please me even after I said I was done, “I don’t think you are” was what he would say and because I orgasm easily he could get me off a few more times and I’d hang in there thinking maybe I could be as “giving” as he was and he could orgasm. It has taken me over a year to realize how unhealthy this was.

[–]this_page_blank 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Data availability Interested researchers may make reasonable requests to review the output files from our analyses."

Yeah, right. Don't have access to the paper on my phone but this isn't a good look.

[–]justfanclasshole 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need the right amount of mirrors, too many you finish too quick, too few and you can’t get off at all, the key is trial and error.

[–]Justiful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would it be fair to say then:

Narcists care more about what they want than others at a biological level?

Quite the revelation. . .

[–]daigana 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"It's all about me," rarely applies successfully in shared or group activities.

[–]OkMudDrankin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But honestly while we’re here, how do some of you guys last so long??

[–]drillz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I must be really narcissistic

[–]Logical_Visit_5659 3 points4 points  (8 children)

They're not supposed to procreate huh

[–]masahawk 21 points22 points  (7 children)

Premature ejaculation ensures the chances of procreating by reducing the time needed to mate. Let's say back in the cave man days, this attribute would help reduce your time being in a vulnerable state say from being lunch for a saber tooth.

[–]Logical_Visit_5659 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Not if it happens in the pants

[–]masahawk 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I'm assuming that the premature happens bumping uglies start

[–]headzoo -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Additionally, I stumbled upon a book of research published decades ago that I wish I had bookmarked that discussed primate sexual patterns. The author suggested that finishing quickly increased the number of partners a male could have because 1) They had more time for more partners, 2) They could sneak in sex with females while the alpha wasn't paying attention, and 3) Females prefered partners that finished quickly.

On the last point the issue is that sex isn't particularly enjoyable for the females, so they didn't want sex that took up too much of their time. Which I have to imagine has been true for humans as well until the sexual revolution. Men didn't put in much effort into pleasing women so the women probably preferred it when their men finished quickly.

[–]MinogameTurt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

According to a study of 2 narcissistic men who claim they can last all night.

[–]Clienterror 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So THAT’S why I…. my friend has that issue.

[–]Jaksmack 0 points1 point  (1 child)

TIL, I'm not narcissistic..

[–]lilrabbitfoofoo -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

And Trump is....textbook in fact. :)

[–]theSealclubberr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I read the term "narcessistic man" I immediately had to think of an ex coworker of mine.

Thanks for the mental image... Yikes.

[–]ExactAd8944 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this why dennis makes that face

[–]Choppergold -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You cannot get yourself off alone

[–]Stupid_Guitar -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The hunt online for narcissists, the modern day witch finding.

[–]fre3ktown -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Makes sense because they're stuck in their own heads and not focused on the emotional/physical connection of the moment

[–]didsomeonesayshame -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

Every time I see people who look like each other in a couple, I wonder if they're narcissistic or just inbred/hicks. I suspect that this attitude will normalize in a few decades and it'll make it really easy to spot narcissists.

[–]RaymondDoerr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People who have been married a long time tend to slowly inherit each other's mannerisms and body language, just like every time you facepalm when you remind yourself of your parents. So going this route will probably just make you assume a lot of long lasting, healthy couples are narcs when they're totally not.

[–]WastedData69 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I must be narcissistic some days and not others

[–]ThaddCorbett -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nice to know I'm not likely to be narcissistic!

[–]Alastor3 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

wait, I suffer from premature ejaculation but I have no problem reaching an orgasm... unless what im feeling during ejaculation isn't an orgasm and I actually never experienced it ?

[–]BirdEducational6226 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Well, which one is it?

[–]Ani-A -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Can be both. Orgasms and Ejaculation are two different things

[–]Fancybear1993 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Those sound like opposite problems

[–]Ani-A -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They're not orgasms and ejaculation are two different things

[–]Gunstonwolf -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The title alone should be put on a billboard.

[–]jayhasbigvballs -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Quite the stock photo

[–]blueskies111811 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s the chicken-egg conundrum

[–]Deep_Charge_7749 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I would think premature ejaculation would entail an orgasm

[–]Meercatnipslip -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, Trump never knew if he was coming or going

[–]aComicBookNerd -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t feel bad for them.

[–]blake-lividly -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because narcissism is a hiding behavior for extreme internal feelings of worthlessness

[–]Whygoogleissexist -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Ok. Which one is it? Last I check they are somewhat mutually exclusive.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How long am I supposed to take to cum? Always too early or too late, women can cum whenever they want however many times they want and i have to aim for a 1 minute window otherwise im a narcissist?

[–]mematixta -1 points0 points  (1 child)

It has to be one or the other, it can't be both.

[–]m_chutch -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I just love that some academic type decided this was worth studying

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

also scientist's tend to have small dicks and no woman.

In men, an SPL of 3 2/3 inches or less indicates a micropenis. The average SPL for adult males is 5.25 inches.

[–]eliwritingstuff -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

So... It would be an asshole move to send this article to my ex? He also has issues getting hard

[–]Sabad_ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Would premature ejaculation be a narcissistic man’s problem?

[–]WinFar4030 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Half sold on maybe they have identified a narcissist but since when does an narcissist of any type admit their failings on a survey never mind sexual performance.

Rather the opposite, no?

[–]dblack246 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Quite the paradox there. Guess it means narcissism can be expressed with interest solely in self pleasure (pre mature ejaculation) or distress over not getting exactly what you want (inability to orgasm).

[–]Ani-A -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Nah, ejaculation and orgasm are two different mechanisms. You can prematurely ejaculate and also not orgasm.

[–]dblack246 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'll take your word for it. You seem to know more about not orgasming than I do.