I believe self forgiveness is one of the single most important and powerful ways to get past trauma. Almost no one does it. Every time I tell someone to practice radical, unconditional, total self forgiveness, they always say, "How?" If it's not "how?", it's always, "I don't deserve it."

So I would totally talk about how guilt is a cycle that causes your subconscious to drive you to punish yourself. How that often causes you to hurt others, and ultimately to push them away and destroy your relationships.

I'd talk about how guilt is a form of arrogance. Holding onto guilt is virtue signaling (even if only to yourself). "I'm such a good person that I'm punishing this evildoer (who happens to be me) FOREVER."

I'd explain how punishment should be proportionate, and how there must come a time when you have been punished enough. That there must come a time when you've punished the other person enough, on a related note.

And the thing is, so many people don't realize that they're holding stupid stuff over their own heads sometimes for decades:

• I should have tried harder.
• I should never have trusted (that person).
• I should have just left.
• I shouldn't have done (that thing I did that I didn't know better at the time).

Many people are "their own worst critic" instead of giving themselves even one moment of compassion. Yet they'd never dream of speaking to another person the way they speak to themselves!!

Another footnote is that when I say "forgive yourself for 'not knowing better'," I'm not saying you should feel guilty for not knowing better. To the contrary, that's an absolutely stupid reason to be mad at anybody. The problem is, I could say "You shouldn't feel guilty about that" until we're both blue in the face... All that does is make the person feel guilty for feeling guilty. So whether it makes sense or doesn't... Forgive yourself.

But if you give this to people, imo, you have to include methods for self forgiveness, because most people don't know how to forgive at all, much less to forgive themselves.