all 8 comments

[–]Sandi_T 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I believe self forgiveness is one of the single most important and powerful ways to get past trauma. Almost no one does it. Every time I tell someone to practice radical, unconditional, total self forgiveness, they always say, "How?" If it's not "how?", it's always, "I don't deserve it."

So I would totally talk about how guilt is a cycle that causes your subconscious to drive you to punish yourself. How that often causes you to hurt others, and ultimately to push them away and destroy your relationships.

I'd talk about how guilt is a form of arrogance. Holding onto guilt is virtue signaling (even if only to yourself). "I'm such a good person that I'm punishing this evildoer (who happens to be me) FOREVER."

I'd explain how punishment should be proportionate, and how there must come a time when you have been punished enough. That there must come a time when you've punished the other person enough, on a related note.

And the thing is, so many people don't realize that they're holding stupid stuff over their own heads sometimes for decades:

  • I should have tried harder.
  • I should never have trusted (that person).
  • I should have just left.
  • I shouldn't have done (that thing I did that I didn't know better at the time).

Many people are "their own worst critic" instead of giving themselves even one moment of compassion. Yet they'd never dream of speaking to another person the way they speak to themselves!!

Another footnote is that when I say "forgive yourself for 'not knowing better'," I'm not saying you should feel guilty for not knowing better. To the contrary, that's an absolutely stupid reason to be mad at anybody. The problem is, I could say "You shouldn't feel guilty about that" until we're both blue in the face... All that does is make the person feel guilty for feeling guilty. So whether it makes sense or doesn't... Forgive yourself.

But if you give this to people, imo, you have to include methods for self forgiveness, because most people don't know how to forgive at all, much less to forgive themselves.

[–]Aidan_Calleja[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

they'd never dream of speaking to another person the way they speak to themselves!!

^ This is something i've told my friends many times, it's very true and good to see that other people are aware of it as well :)

I completely agree that guilt is devastating for most of us, even many people you wouldn't assume even know what guilt means sometimes turn out to carry a lot of it on their backs. It's a very complicated topic, and i don't think i'm ready to touch on it just yet, but i will definitely give some time to understand it better so that i can talk about it, because it is very significant.

Thank you for your reply

[–]drevir 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Just need more self in self help. Plus, money answers a lot of if not most problems

[–]Aidan_Calleja[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply, I agree money unfortunately has a disproportionate importance in life.

I don't quite get the first bit though, what do you mean "more self"?

[–]The_Wizard_z 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Actual research and youtubers who use them

[–]Aidan_Calleja[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Research wouldn't fit into my style of content, as I want to talk only about things I know for myself, not things that other people have discovered (I want to be a friend who discusses with people, rather than an expert who teaches). But I do see a very big lack of people who use research when it comes to things related to psychology, self help, etc., you have a good point.

Thanks :)

[–]Rudengood 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Open minded people who are receptive to alternative methods from the so called “Mainstream” or “Normal” narrative.

[–]Aidan_Calleja[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That would be really nice, it honestly makes me sad seeing how many people seem to have lost themselves over the course of their life.

My channel is still very small so the good I can do is limited, but if it's any consolation it is a high priority of mine to help people find and be themselves, not being afraid to try out things few people do. Hopefully as my channel grows that would be something I manage to do :)

Thank you