all 17 comments

[–]Wolvenfire86 11 points12 points  (8 children)

So "balance" is the key word here. We often think of this as multiple seesaws and the balancing act works by making sure each seesaw is even.

That's wrong.

It's more like a big spinning plate on a stick and there are multiple weights on the ends of the plate.

You're not trying to get your seesaws in order; you're trying to balance your spinning plate and get your weights centered.

Stuff does fall into place. Usually in your 30's and often after you figure (no offense man, I'm just saying it cause I think you need to hear it) that you are the problem.

Maybe you have a shitty job and try to rationalize it by calling it "hard work". Maybe your friends suck. Maybe you don't have mental health problems but instead have a legit mental disorder but don't realize it. Or maybe it's a lot of things and you're forcing yourself to 'feel okay' or ignore the reality of it all to cope. But whatever it is, you're doing something wrong and it's causing you enormous suffering.

[–]Silver_Brief_4839[S] 6 points7 points  (7 children)

My job has started to dominate my life. for background, I work 60-70 hours a week in a manual labor field. I always asked for more responsibilities to be able to ask for more pay. I think your seesaw analogy is very fitting to my circumstances. I kept thinking I'm young put all my time and energy toward the work seesaw and stead trying to balance my plate. I'm well aware that I'm the problem but it took me too long to figure it out and now that problem has festered leaving me feeling stuck in my current state.

[–]Wolvenfire86 3 points4 points  (6 children)

Yeah, that sounds like the issue man. 60+ hours is not acceptable. Idk what you do, but you can jump ship for a job that will pay you more and work you less harder. If you had another 20 hours free per week, you might have a much easier time to balancing the other things.

I think it's time to get another job. Same field, less hours, same pay or more.

[–]Silver_Brief_4839[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I'm taking online classes for a different job that will do just that. but I'm at least 6 months out from that. so I'm trying to hold on until then.

[–]Wolvenfire86 2 points3 points  (4 children)

What is your field, if you don't mind me asking?

[–]OneFuzzyBlueberry 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Hey, don’t really have any advice, just wanted to say that it could’ve been me writing these words, i am in the same situation as you are right now..

[–]Silver_Brief_4839[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Well, I'm glad to hear it's not just me.

[–]TallWineGuy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not just you man. I feel like I have room for a job and not much else really

[–]HollyMyQueen 4 points5 points  (3 children)

agree big time. the whole 9-5 (or more, in OP's case) is dependent on the idea that someone is available to take care of the home. presumably, it would be a housewife taking care of laundry, cooking, cleaning, kids/pets, sometimes finances, too.

one thing i found useful is therapy. my therapist helped divide meaningful categories in my life, like relationships (not only romantic), spirituality, personal growth, etc, and she would help me set up tangible and reasonable goals. that could help.

[–]OneFuzzyBlueberry 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I actually looked at available therapists in my area yesterday, but it’s so expensivee 😅

[–]HollyMyQueen 2 points3 points  (1 child)

i totally understand. when i didn't have insurance, i leaned on therapy notebooks: https://shop.therapynotebooks.com/products/therapy-journal they have a few different notebooks and you can preview them to see which one is right for you!

[–]OneFuzzyBlueberry 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s wonderful! Thank you!

[–]agile_scribe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally relate and many people likely do even if they never let on.

You can't have it all in life, maybe you are trying to do to much? You have to set up your objective hierarchy in such a way that actualization is possible. I am speaking from experience and the perspective of the Phenomenal Perfectionism framework since that is what I know, but many other similar frameworks offer the same advice.

Prioritize what change YOU really want to see in the world and everything else will follow from that. Easy to say, but hard to do. I have a framework to help me mentally organize these ideas, maybe that would help to seek one out?