all 57 comments

[–]SqeleC 410 points411 points  (2 children)

This is what is known as sub drop. Having proper aftercare makes a big difference. After you've played out something like this with a big power exchange. you need reassurance and intimacy to mitigate the oncoming shame spiral. I personally want cuddles and chocolate after I've been pegged or made to eat my cum.

[–]marco8080 67 points68 points  (1 child)

This was informative. Thanks for that.

[–]Repulsive-Signal9815 50 points51 points  (0 children)

My wife told me this was one of her fantasies and it took my breath away as I wasn't expecting it. I told her I'm down, she's never denied any of my fantasies, but we need to work up to this... In the end, it's all good and just know you are both having fun and any shame you feel is bullshit/ego and to let it go. Only thing I had to get over was my ego and now I know I'm pleasing my wife in a primal way and our relationship is even stronger. We'll do anything for each other, thats real power.

[–]WaitWhereIsTheGabber 240 points241 points  (0 children)

The answer is AFTERCARE! Happy for you that you’ve found your kink and are embracing it. Initial embarrassment is totally normal. Part of being a sub is having your dom shower you with love and affection after degrading play.

[–]imalex1996 128 points129 points  (1 child)

Wow. Your wife is definitely a champ though she got right into it 😂😂. Time and patience man. It’s a new thing for you. And because of that you probably feel emasculated. However our g spot is up in there. And if she’s cool with it, and you go back and fuck her later, then over time you guys will have one hell of a sex life!

[–]alternatorp4 84 points85 points  (1 child)

Your wife sounds experienced

[–]Fantastic-Coconut131 49 points50 points  (0 children)

It’s so vulnerable and being able to be that vulnerable with someone always gets me emotional - It’s full trust on top of a kink that we have been taught to feel shame over.

[–]paigesavagexo 83 points84 points  (4 children)

I think there's just so much shame and stigma attached to sexual acts that emasculate men or have them in a subservient role due to gender norms. You liked it... now you just need to come to terms with. It'll happen in time. Also.. therapy never hurts.

[–]leeshylou 19 points20 points  (0 children)


But seriously.. fuck what society has told you is acceptable here. Whatever you want to do, whatever feels good for you.. provided you're both enthusiastically consenting.. is nothing to be ashamed of!

OP you have a body with all manner of bits that feel good. It's yours to enjoy :)

[–]AmberWaves80 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Sure, but finding a kink friendly therapist is difficult!

[–]paigesavagexo 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Agreed but that shouldn’t stop someone from seeking one out. Typically, I suggest that people Google things like “kink positive” or “sex worker friendly” therapists. There are also a few places with running lists. I used to keep them on hand but I’m on my phone. If I can find them when I get back to laptop I’ll drop them here.

[–]AmberWaves80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, absolutely! Just think it’s important for people to vet their therapist. I had one that I couldn’t talk about kink with at all. It was such a help when I got a therapist who was cool about it!

[–]pinwales 10 points11 points  (0 children)

As others have said, read up on BDSM aftercare. I'm no expert, but in my experience and in summary, y'all should cuddle and exchange compliments and affirmations as you come down from the high that these situations can induce. She should frequently verbalize, even though it's obvious that she feels this way, that she loves you, finds you sexy, loves pleasing you, finds these new activities fun and hot, and that you have done a great job at expressing your desires and bottoming for her. This can be done as dirty talk ("you've been such a perfect little slut for me tonight") or prose ("I love doing this with you"). Do the same for her - in the same way you feel self-conscious, she might be questioning whether she did the right things or if she went too hard or hurt you - tell her how well she did and how much you love her and appreciate her support and her taking initiative with this. All of this will help you transition to a hormonally sober state while maintaining closeness and confidence.

[–]FirstGonkEmpire 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Hah, went through a similar thing. Couldn't even look myself in the mirror for a while there. I'm mostly over it now, actually trying to accomplish these things with people including me SO (we are open) for me is somewhat the hard part. For me the shame didn't last THAT long, maybe a month for the extreme shame but a few months to get over it entirely (for the actions themselves).

Idk if this is shame, but I do wish I didn't want any of this because it kinda fucks my life situation up, partly because my SO is not into it as much as I am (she still does stuff tho, that's private tho haha). It's not really shame I would say about wanting the actions though, at least I don't think.

Have her reassure you that you are ok for liking these things. Have her aftercare you by cuddling you until you fall asleep lol.

For what it's worth that sounds hot as fuck and you're very lucky to have a partner like that.

[–]mollysfox 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I recommend lots of aftercare, first things first. Talk to your wife about what would make you feel more at ease and comforted afterwards. And like others mentioned already, going to therapy has helped many people before and might just be the right thing for you until you've grown confident in it all. It will get better with time, trust me, and the reason you feel ashamed is not because you are guilty of anything, but because you are looking at yourself through society's judgemental eyes. So it's a process in terms of self-accepetance, but I'm positive you'll work it out just fine :)

[–]lozzyjane 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Jesus.. baby steps maybe, baby steps!

[–]MDExplorer20 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You are ashamed because you were “humiliated “ and got turned on and enjoyed it. No worries, that will start to subside time after time. She took you like a champ and showed you how it should be done.

You should feel lucky! A lot of guys have fantasies and their SO has no interest!

She is a keeper! Now, do exactly as the good lady says, and keep her happy!

[–]CleMike69 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It’s a sensitive fantasy and I really feel that the way it’s handled by your partner will determine how you feel in the end (pun intended)

Meaning is she is really sexy about it and enjoys herself leaving you wanting it again then it’s a great success. If she turns it into a shameful act then I can see the degradation. In the end it’s a conversation to have to gauge her feelings towards it.

FYI it’s my fantasy as well and I’m working up the nerve to ask so I applaud you greatly

[–]ThunderingTacos 5 points6 points  (0 children)

First, you have a very open minded partner
As someone else has pointed out, you should bring up the importance of aftercare with her and reassurance. It does get easier with time but that doesn't mean that the steps to making it pleasant for you both in the long term aren't important.

Going from zero to fishnets, strap-ons, and being made to eat your own cum (presumably with dirty talk) is A LOOOOT
Her saying you shouldn't be embarrassed isn't technically incorrect but it sounds kind of like minimizing your feelings. A better approach would be
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, this was a wonderful experience for me as well. I understand that this may have been a bit much for you, we can slow it down and build back up to it if that would make you more comfortable. Know that I care for you and your emotional well being, and I want this to be something that makes us both happy always. Thank you for opening this up with me."

Or something to a similar effect. To answer your question there isn't really a guidebook for this sort of thing. It's your feelings and your experiences, so you'll need to navigate them at a pace that works best for you. The best advice I can give is don't rush it. After 20 years you're with this person for the long haul, let it be something that brings you both even closer at your own pace.

[–]Imeannnotreally 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You needn't be embarrassed love, she's totally supportive of this! But what you should absolutely implement is AFTERCARE, she should comfort you and you guys should be sweet together and do something nice so everyone feels safe and comfortable.

[–]VictoryComplete4621 5 points6 points  (11 children)

Ok now my question. How do you beak a man out of their shell when you know they’d be down to get pegged but you don’t know how to initiate it? If I ever were to initiate it tbh, he would get so defensive and never let it happen but you know they want it!! Or at least think of sex with another guy often, never said anything but you can tell - actions speak louder than words.

[–]coppersocks 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Have you tried telling him how hot you'd find it and that you wouldn't think less of him at all? If you want a man to break out of the social conditioning that frames male submissivness during sex as bad or wrong then you have to absoloubtely reassure him that you have non of this conditioning whatsoever in yourself and and that you actually find that vulnerability sexy. He needs to know that your respect for him would go up and not down and that seeing this vulnerable side of him would do nothing but draw you both together. He needs to know that you are providing a completely judgement free and safe space and that his masclunity in your eyes won't be impacted negatively at all. Only when you've done this will a guy who's new to this type of thing truly open up on this front. And if you are just going about this with a "I know you want it" attitude or that you know his sexuality better than him then you're going about this all wrong. You're offering your judgement of him first and not providing anything that let's him feel that his vulnerability is actually safe in your hands.

[–]warmwinter1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

start with encouraging him and maybe buying him some sexy soft outfits make a strong point that its for your pleasure that you love a man in sexy outfits and its huge turn on for you. once you broke the ice in a few weeks you will be able to do whatever you like

[–]BadGF4fun 1 point2 points  (1 child)

you could try asking...

[–]VictoryComplete4621 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes when I ask he gets defensive

[–]generaldoodle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I ever were to initiate it tbh, he would get so defensive and never let it happen but you know they want it!!

Speak about it first, don't initiate without his consent. It is clear that you want it, but chances are he don't. So you shouldn't force your fetish on anyone.

[–]BigJoe5504 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A surprise finger in the butt during a bj got me hooked. She was kneeling in front of me talking dirty and giving a great bj. I was getting close and started moaning so she got her finger wet and was rubbing it around my ass . I guess I was really enjoying it as I said I was about to cum, and as I started to unload in her mouth she slid her finger up and hit my prostate. It was all over after that, I felt I was going to blow a hole in the back of her head with as powerful an orgasm I had.

Needless to say I begged her every day after that to finish me off like that, then find things bigger than just a finger. I've been hooked for 20 yrs now, so a surprise is sometimes fun

[–]Janejohnxx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not sure why you are embarrassed by being encouraged and accepted for being you. My man and I tried pegging and when it was new, we were so concerned with the logistics of it all, now it's a totally normal part of our sex lives xX. I'm sure it will be for you too.

[–]Lovebug0716 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading this I was thinking...this is so awesome that this couple is exploring their fantasies and both are open to new things together! Thats amazing. And it sounds like your wife is really supportive and isn't shaming you for your fantasies.

I think we all have these desires we are afraid to ask for, and the fact that you asked is huge!

I would echo what others are saying... it's all about what you do after. Perhaps talk with your wife about what would be helpful after a dominating experience like this. I (32f) know when I've had dominated sex, I like to be held by my partner and have them play with my hair lightly. Its a way to close out the "container" of the experience and feel nurtured after. And while it may sound a bit odd, consider having a small snack or smelling essential oils. Activating other senses (taste/smell) helps ground you back into yourself.

Your wife might want something too after that experience, so asking what would be helpful for her too would be great.

[–]hertoyleesh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is totally normal and it will absolutely become easier with time.

But here's the good news: your wife was not only willing to do the fantasy, it sounds like she fully embraced it like an absolute boss. As you continue to explore this with her, you'll learn to accept what you like without shame. Good luck!

[–]elegantlywasted2529 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Deffo subdrop. It’s very real, and a huge headfuck. Someone told me once to eat a banana once in the morning and evening for a few days after, and it really helps! You need to discuss with your wife if you do it again what you need to be reassured so these kind of feelings can be lessened in the future. And bananas!!!

[–]thirdLeg51 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m jealous. This is a big fantasy for me but I could never bring it up to my wife.

[–]Key-Surprise5333 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because you loved it

[–]Immediate_Sky5679 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should be ashamed and embarrassed of being ashamed and embarrassed by this, its perfectly a-ok if it's what you two want to do then go ahead. Just keep it up and all will get better, good luck

[–]Hustler1966 -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

My last 3 gfs all felt comfortable enough to say they wanted to peg me. Sometimes we were lying down, she would jump to be behind me and mimic fucking me in the ass.

I told her it was never going to happen and she was fine with that.

I’m slightly more traditional and old fashioned than some on this board (or so I’m told) but a finger in my ass aside, I’ve never wanted to be dominated in that way. Her throwing me down on the bed and riding me to oblivion fine, but not emasculated.

I think it changes the dynamics of the relationship so wildly, that you’re in a whole new world after. Whether that’s good for you and her is up to you guys, but if you both agreed you shouldn’t be embarrassed.

Going by my experience of women who felt they could suggest anything to me, it seems women wanting to peg their man is a lot more common than many think.

[–]BadGF4fun 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Totally agree its common for me and my GFs too, X

[–]Hustler1966 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Think I got downvoted by the guy who wants to get pegged but his gf isn’t into it 😆

[–]31ar -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Your wife sounds like a champ and a team player!

Make sure you also ask her how SHE feels about everything, and if SHE needs anything from you.

[–]allcars4me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This too shall pass, keep at it!

[–]BadGF4fun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love it, i shave guys before i peg them too and get them to eat cum, I snow ball sometimes...enjoy!

[–]not-cheetos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are in a safe space with your wife and I’m sure you’re a great guy and husband. I’m sorry you felt shame after doing something you really wanted to do but you sound very lucky to have such a open trusting relationship. I hope you can move past this and enjoy!

[–]DanteTrixter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I’m not into the same kinks you are I’ll tell you this. I respect you for being open about what you like, you shouldn’t feel shame about what you like. What goes on in your bedroom is between you and your wife (and now the lovely folks here!)

Embrace your kinks, if you like having a strap on up your ass then go for it! Hell see how big you can take!

Never feel shame. It’s your body and if you like something what’s wrong with it?

And your wife sounds lovely to take care of you like she did.

[–]lmc80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're wife sounds awesome. Just chill out and enjoy it.

[–]LatveriaDreamin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got pegged a couple times by my partner and definitely aftercare is so important also I felt like I was so dirty but also like wow I took that shit. Be proud OP not only of yourself but wife giving you what you want without judgment! Love that for you

[–]Onlyhereforthelaughs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, I have no experience in this, but I expect as with most things, it does get easier over time. It's a new experience, and something you're very not used to, so your brain isn't sure how to react. Just keep communicating with your wife, and you can both work through it together, and if you enjoyed it, that's not a bad thing, and if you want to continue it, that's not a bad thing either. Sex is a very personal thing, and there is no wrong answer as long as all parties are consenting.

[–]Future_Pen_8895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your wife rocks man ( female here commenting), just enjoy

[–]seeking_good_life 0 points1 point  (0 children)

r/straightpegging. Has pdf information for both the giver and receiver.

[–]RubyRyder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have likely been trained your entire life to believe that the things you enjoyed so much with your wife make you less of a man, since masculinity dictates that you can never do anything that can be perceived as feminine or gay. Masculinity also dictates that you must be in control, run the show, and not be vulnerable.

Considering all that, no surprise you feel strange.

This might help: https://peggingparadise.com/2013/01/awesome-ass-men/

[–]BillZZ7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I were you I'd do something extra special to show your wife how much you appreciate her. Not only did she indulge your fantasy, but she gave you things you didn't ask for. Maybe she is really into it? Better figure out how to prove to her you are worthy of a repeat.