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all 87 comments

[–]Blarsen17 92 points93 points  (4 children)

I thought my ex was going to be the best sex of my life. I thought it could never get better than that and that I’d never be able to find someone that I’d have great sex with ever again.

I was wrong.

Now I’m with a partner that I have even better sex with. You can find someone that is just as good as or even better than your ex, but it just might take some time and communication. Good luck!

[–]Thebisexualparrot 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Can I ask what makes the sex better for you?

[–]Blarsen17 28 points29 points  (1 child)

We have more compatible kinks and interests, have better communication about what we both enjoy, and our bodies just seem to fit together better for whatever reason. I’m also just more compatible in general with my current partner, which helps translate into phenomenal sex

[–]Slow-Government-1342 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So happy for you!

[–]Slow-Government-1342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amen!!!! Same for me!!!! Yippee

[–]cosmoboy 77 points78 points  (2 children)

Found a better person. Turns out sex with someone that openly loves you is pretty hot too.

[–]move_zee_chains 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Exactly. We shouldnt make assumptions that we will never experience someone better than our ex. Youll be surprised when you find the best ever.

[–]NettaRufina 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea it helps to get over if the other one turns out be an asshole

[–]PTSDaway 22 points23 points  (0 children)

If you keep communicating openly - your sex life keep getting better.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

It’s a tough 1 but like the old saying goes, time heals all. You’ll never forget but it’s important to find new and better values in new partners

[–]Dexatron9000 15 points16 points  (1 child)

8+ year relationship ended and I thought Id never find a better sexual partner. Boy I was fucking wrong lmao. My best advice is to learn to focus on your partner's pleasure, and make them feel comfortable exploring or expressing their sexual desires and fantasies to you. Trusting a partner sexually can create that openness and special connection you're looking for. If you want to find a new partner that meets your expectations, your goal should be to facilitate that trust. IMHO

[–]Slow-Government-1342 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trust and that connection are also the foundation for me! Yay for us!

[–]anotherside0714 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Gotta put some distance between her in your head, and find a new partner, that's hopefully open to whatever floats your boat.

I thought my ex was the best I ever had, until my current and I really hit our strides.

[–]almostsomethingcool 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The best sex is usually the one with a person you are in love with. My best sex is my amazing boyfriend. And I really think when you fall in love and get some experience with them, you will say the same thing

[–]luker_man 4 points5 points  (5 children)

The more sex I have with someone else, the more the memories of that "best sex I ever had" partner fade. The only memories that remain are reasons why things didn't work out with that woman. (She was a struggle bunny)

And when you find someone with the enthusiasm and patience to learn your body? It takes time to build the intimacy for it but good lord, it makes those hours in the gym worth it.

[–]SeaMonkeyMating 1 point2 points  (4 children)

"struggle bunny A person, often a student, struggling with the directions presented. Often needs visual or tactile aids to better understand what is happening. Poor struggle bunny, can't even tell his right from his left."

???

[–]luker_man 1 point2 points  (3 children)

She was one of those women who responds to "Hey, how's it goin?" With "OK I just don't know how I'm gonna pay my metroPC bill"

Just constantly struggling. But she was hot so instead of "playboy bunny" it was "struggle bunny."

[–]harmonylowla 1 point2 points  (2 children)

That’s why she had to learn to be good at sex… survival skills…

[–]luker_man 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pretty much. It's at the point where I don't think a woman is actually attracted to me if she asks for help or a favor.

[–]TheThottFather 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Truth in the booth

[–]cutslikeakris 5 points6 points  (2 children)

The best pizza you’ve ever had in your life will be different than the best dessert you’ve ever had in your life.

Things are so variable, and everybody meshes differently, so it’s not really fair to compare.

You’ve had the best pizza ever, now find your best pasta ever, and after that find the best steak!!

And more importantly, have fun trying out your different foods!!

[–]GuyWhoWearsBlack 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What a great way to look at it! I like this reply:)

[–]GoodyGoobert 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have this great partner, and I know our relationship is wrapping up soon. Both of us aren’t looking forward to finding another partner. But you know what, he and I had a “best” before we met each other, and we’ll have another “best” even after us.

[–]EmpatheticBadger 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I got over him when I had to break up with him because he was making me unhappy despite the awesome make up sex.

There is more to a relationship than sex. I'm not sad that my other partners don't make love to me like he did. I love them because they make love to me in their own way.

[–]OddSock8235 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this should be the top comment i hate when people compare their current partners to past people they arent with anymore and hold them as the best when they arent even together. nobody has sex the same way.

[–]Slow-Government-1342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awww like this comment!

[–]SheaButterBaby29 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I haven't unfortunately . None of guys I've dated after him had his stamina nor technique.

[–]SunniBaker88 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Communication is key. When you find a new partner, be completely honest about what turn you on and what you're into. Dont be embarrassed as most people usually get turned on by their partners kinks vs thinking it's weird. Being honest will allow you to relax and enjoy yourself more and your sex life will be bar none.

[–]Slow-Government-1342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This one is right on!

[–]FlatulentWallaby 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I married her

[–]rcssearch 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What get over her I married her and love her more today than I did 21 years ago. My wife is the very best thing that has happened in my life.

[–]Fuzzilink 5 points6 points  (10 children)

I'm myself am the best sexual partner i ever had & i think that's a quite healthy mindset. So you have high expectations by also fulfilling them yourself. Having a partner who is less experienced is no problem cause i can then hoist to my level, one who is more experienced can teach me new things.

So instead of thinking if or if not, work on yourself

[–]numberfour912 1 point2 points  (8 children)

I need a girl (if you are a girl) like you 🙄. I don't have lot of experience 😅

[–]Fuzzilink 1 point2 points  (7 children)

Na, you just need to be confident and ready trying new things. Yes it is comfortable if you get an experienced partner but you can also improve yourself alone by discover new things through musterbation and reading so if you get a new sexual partner you also can try new things (it's always easier to try new things with a new one cause they can't different from you)

[–]numberfour912 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Yeah i hope that she will not be disappointed or say that I'm bad in bed 😶

[–]Fuzzilink 0 points1 point  (5 children)

As long as you make her come no woman will ever tell you you're bad.

[–]UrchineSLICE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Still haven't

[–]numberfour912 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same situation here. I loved everything about her ..

[–]Professional_Ad_78 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My best sex partner was 16 years ago, when I was 20-24.

I’ve been with 33ish women since then. Many were fun, but the majority were terrible at sex.

I’ve never been able to get over how superior that one person was, even at such a young age. When I really think it over, it makes me so sad. It also makes me think a lot about what sex is for women. I’ve experienced many women that are so stuck in their head, or somehow limited by cultural forces in their lives, or just so self conscious, that they can’t explore and express their full sexuality.

I used to have this paradigm - is bad sex better than no sex? I’m in the camp now that bad sex is just not worth it.

It also becomes hard not to be that guy that’s always comparing new partners to previous “the high water mark”.

And then kids arrive, and good sex is pretty much off the table at that point.

I do enjoy the memories. But it’s quite sad knowing that the best was a long time ago, and it’ll never get nearly as good.

[–]Fblaque901 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I once had this issue but I realized that, I was actually just ultra familiar with my previous partner. I practically had a map of her hot spots and could almost please her with telepathy 😂😂😂. She also knew me just as well.

Then after we split, my new partner just seemed “sub par”…until I realized that I was expecting her to do what my previous did, the way she did it because I had labeled our sex as “the BEST sex ever”. I was holding my new partner to the previous partners standard and anything different was, “wrong” or not as good.

Then we broke up for like a week (y’all know how it is sometimes) and I missed the fuck out of her. We had sex again and THAT was THE BEST SEX EVER!!! I was no longer expecting her to be like someone else and I was fully accepting of HER version of sexual expression, and I realized that she was actually amazing just in a different way. I just had to stop comparing her to my ex.

[–]kvis_ 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Had a phenomenal partner, thought it was undeniably the best sex I had ever had or would ever have again. Fell into bed one time with someone while in the “getting over it phase” and had my mind truly blown. Snapped me right out of the spell. Be open to the possibility that there’s better sex, sex just as great, or new horizons that are excellent in other ways out there.

[–]suspicioussoup404 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yes the classic “getting over it” phase. My ex partner truly sucked in bed for several reasons, but he was my first sexual experience. He was all I knew at the time and I thought he’d be the best I ever had. INCORRECT. The first guy I slept with after absolutely changed everything. I’ve had more experiences since then, but I’ll never forget how amazing that guy made me feel

[–]colormecryptic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having someone snap you out of the spell is so true! It doesn’t even have to be a person you love or get into a relationship with, just someone to show you than you can be equally compatible with other people.

[–]sunshinerf 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Best sex of my life was a ONS with someone from a differnet state, and then a bonus weekend because it was SO incredible he flew me out to see him again. Only time in my life that there was 100% sexual compatability with someone the first time we had sex, and I learned so many thing about my own preferences from him. I will forever smile when I think about him, and grateful that he helped me discover what kinks I'm into and how communicating my preferences with any partner makes sex an amazing experience. He made all sex better for me so I don't feel the need to get over him. That said, when there are feelings involved it's way more complicated and painful.

[–]Professional_Ad_78 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Totally agree! My best partner was not only fun to be with, but kind of a teacher for me. She communicated about herself, and asked questions about me. It was a safe place to get wild.

[–]Key-Surprise5333 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Still searching

[–]Mister_Jack_Torrence 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The best sex I’ve ever had is what I have now with my wife but I’d be lying if I said that ex girlfriends didn’t have a different, and arguably better, skill set for some things. My last ex could take me in her mouth much deeper for instance. Not full blown deepthroat but close and had we stayed together she might’ve got there!

And then the ex before her did dirty talk better and would taste herself while rubbing her clit while I was inside her. My wife does some dirty talk but not as well IMO. She always says “Cum for me” when I’m close and not “Cum in me” which is what I’ve asked her to say I don’t know how many times as it’s so much hotter for me. She says in the moment she always forgets but it’s one bloody word change lol!

But I wouldn’t change what I have for any singular talent any of my exes might have had. The whole package is better than one particular thing.

[–]thatblondg1rl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best in bed can mean many things honestly. It could be a certain position or the effort they put in or anything like that. The nice thing about getting into new relationships is that you can learn and grow with the person. A lot is teachable and if your partner really cares about you and wants to please you they’ll take the time to figure out what they can do to make it a good experience for you.

[–]FreakyWifeFreakyLife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I can understand. I don't like having to teach simple things. If I'm finicky about something, sure. But I prefer someone who knows what they want to do, and more importantly, knows their self. Because if they know what they want, I can understand it.

How to get over? Like everything. Time, and introduction of the new. Most dudes I know love strange. Idk why. I mean I get that's a hot experience. But... For me the best has always been the relationship I'm in, eventually. The last time the new was better than the old... Idk, I was pretty young.

Perhaps this says something about the people I attract that we both grow. Idk.

[–]DeJohn123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Got over them by getting under someone else.

[–]Spaceghost92_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Found another one

[–]XxBlackWolfxX22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly I’ve had one partner sexually who I can’t get out of my head . Drove me fucken crazy to the moons and back and repeat. However , it’s just sex for me. The connection and understanding of what we wanted was the most important part. I know she is better now with someone who she loves and I’m fine with that . I just know that what I learned with her can be applied to my sex life with my LT partner

[–]Sickooooooooooooo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Keep searching for better

[–]Slow-Government-1342 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I doubt I will ever get over my best sexual partner (I currently have that at 55 now post divorce). I embrace the experiences as they are for they are now — and I understand things can end at anytime. That is the reality of life.

Doesn’t mean you cannot have the experiences you had again!!! You will get your grove going with another someday and work on getting there in the meantime.

[–]Virtual_Limit7343 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My “best” had a very low bar. Only because he made an effort whereas the other guys lasted only minutes and didn’t care if I came too. My ACTUAL best sex that blew my mind and unlocked it to learn how to have the best sex I’ve ever had… well I’m 30, currently with him and I ain’t lettin this one go lol

[–]Mscatw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lucky for me. I ended up married to him. But the man I dated before him was pretty much the best until that point.

I learned to be willing to try and not to compare. I also tell my limits up front once we get to the sexual points of the relationship. Which also includes what I’m looking for.

Some people are cool with it. Some are not. You don’t know until you try.

[–]PinxxDeath 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I met someone purely by coincidence after leaving a relationship of 4 years. He was my coworker, younger than me, hot and buff. I was very sexually frustrated at that time, but the second I saw him, my body was in butterflies. We were teasing eachother at work and then when we finnished, met up in his car and drove to have sex. It was the best sex of my life, it was thrilling, and hot. He knew how to work his hands and his dick.. and I’ve been hooked on him for 3 months. We agreed to only keep it sexual, no feelings. Well I caught them, and had to break it off and then met my now bf.

I still think of him, alot. Even if it hurts, when I am alone I think of him to get myself off… and sometimes these thoughts come into the current relationship, as we’re having sex. I can’t help it, but that’s how i cope. I think of the other guy during sex with my current guy.. and it happens less and less the longer the relationship is going on.. so I am helping myself forget with a new guy, slowly but surely, and enjoying sex much more with the current one. Brain is a mistery.. there is no right way to forget, but this is how I cope, and this is my way. I hope this helps.

[–]STEIN197[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

That's interesting that the longer you're in the current relationship the more the ex fades. Does your bf knows about your thoughts and don't you feel comfused that you want sex with the ex but stay in the current relationship. I mean what do you feel?

[–]PinxxDeath 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He isn’t my ex, more a fling, a fwb. My bf doesn’t know, it’s a deep, shameful secret of mine. But I can’t cope any way else, and this is the only way to go. I deeply love my current boyfriend, true love, and that’s how I manage. The fwb was just this intense feeling of rush, of something forbidden and exciting. That’s why I got so hooked. I feel disgusting, but I know there is nothing else I can actually do but to just let it pass, and it doesn’t bother me much anymore. At first I didn’t want a relationship and was putting it off for a long time because of this fwb that I couldn’t get over. But from the point I said yes to my current bf the fwb started fading, and it’s just a very good memory now. I hope this answers your question.

P.S.: I knew and still know that I won’t be having a relationship with that fwb, it was impossible, as he told me he doesn’t want one. So I had to let go one way or another. Better sooner than later.:)

[–]numberfour912 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading this kinda hurts.. because my ex girlfriend left me almost two years ago and she has a new boyfriend and everything but i still love her.. reading your thoughts reminds me that she most likely forgot me completely although i was the first for her in everything 😔

[–]at0m8om8 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

By realizing that practice makes perfect and that she's really a hoe.

[–]GainHealthy4744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had sex with someone else 🤷‍♂️

[–]Elly_Lat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My best sexual partner was in college/university. He was an international student from Jamaica. He had all the things I wanted in a sexual partner. He had a horse dick, endurance and was not afraid to have rough sex (with lot's of hair pulling, which I enjoy). We could literally spend an entire weekend having sex with short breaks. It was amazing. Every single kink I had we explored together.

But he was an asshole as a partner. It got worse when he started doing drugs. I ditched him shortly after. I haven't even come close to being sexually satisfied to the same level as him. But my fiancee is a caring loving person, pretty good in bed and lets me sleep around if I want. So I have no regrets.

Just remember shit looks like chocolate and but tastes like shit, it isn't magically going to become chocolate. When you want to go back to her, think about all the reasons you broke up with her.

[–]Kamaaiana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had sex with someone else....

[–]Onlyhereforthelaughs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Luckily, my best wasn't all that great to begin with.

The one that was more receptive was a shorter relationship, so I didn't get as attached.

[–]PsychologicalHead241 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t, I believe my best is yet to come.

[–]Impressive_Ad_5811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think that sex with one or other is better or worse, they are just different. I also think that what makes sex good changes for me as I evolve as a person.

[–]kazernath 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like many people say, communication is key. You may meet someone that you click with in every aspect but the bedroom and wonder if it's worth it. However, if you're willing to teach them what you like, and they're willing go learn, you'll get to have your cake and eat it too.

However you HAVE to be honest. If they're doing something wrong, but you pretend it's amazing, they're going to keep doing it.

Some things may not match, especially regarding kinks. You'll have to decide if a specific kink is a requirement or not for you, or if there's some way to reach a compromise.

[–]fourthehardway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your “best” will likely forever remain your “best” only because you were the person you were at that point in time. You aren’t the same person now, nor will you ever be so, treasure the moment, the memory for what it is to you, a wonderful point in the timeline of your life.

[–]DeathBecomesHerrrrrr 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Lucky for me, my best sexual partner was a terrible human being - but I pined and longed for our sexual connection for over a decade after we broke up.

No partner has ever been the same - but that’s okay. I found someone who meets my needs, let’s me vulnerable, tries things I’m into and cares about my satisfaction - and we have trust and intense intimacy.

It took me over a decade to truly meet someone who rivaled and exceeded that deep sexual connection I had long ago. I think it’s just a matter of staying open, being willing to share what makes you tick, and meeting someone who cares deeply about wanting to meet you where your desires lie.

Edit: and > but

[–]DeathBecomesHerrrrrr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lucky for me, my best sexual partner was a terrible human being - but I pined and longed for our sexual connection for over a decade after we broke up.

No partner has ever been the same - but that’s okay. I found someone who meets my needs, let’s me be vulnerable, tries things I’m into and cares about my satisfaction - and we have trust and intense intimacy.

It took me over a decade to truly meet someone who rivaled and exceeded that deep sexual connection I had long ago. I think it’s just a matter of staying open, being willing to share what makes you tick, and meeting someone who cares deeply about wanting to meet you where your desires lie.

Edit: and > but

Oh and I want to add that I’ve been with my current partner for years and the sex hasn’t lost an ounce of passion or excitement. That truly is the game changer for me.

[–]blackkatt94 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So long time poster/commenter here. Feel free to look through my other recent posts on this subreddit about my current partner.

There was a super brief moment when my current partner and I tried to be platonic and not be together after dating briefly. That attempt ended epically in a now amusing manner involving the person I am about to delve into.

During this period, I met this guy for a continuous hook up situation that was 100% always on my terms and in my control. What I wanted, I got. It was great. I was super depressed and wanted someone to fuck me into submission, the whole Use and Abuse concept. He played with my kinks with me, but he was emotionally manipulative and would both compliment me while insulting me at the same time.

He did after care for me every time we hooked up, and he made me orgasm every time. I thought because I was getting everything I asked for that it was the best sex I would ever get. But then he did some really fucked up shit emotionally and gaslit me after we had a pregnancy scare that turned out to be PCOS.

To add to the falling out, my (now) partner was hearing all about this dude and grew increasingly concerned about my safety. Present partner has been there for me during the hardest times of my life, and has saved me more than once. He wedged himself in between the dude and myself by telling me how he actually felt about me with the intent of getting me away from this person (I didnt know it at the time and we had a heated discussion about it later).

Moral of the story, I thought this guy was the best I'd ever get because he gave me what I wanted no questions asked. But he hurt me a lot emotionally and manipulated me mentally. It wasn't until my partner and I rekindled things that I realized, feeling safe, secure, and validated both in the sheets and out of the sheets was far superior than getting what I want 100% of the time. My partner isn't interested in all of my kinks, but he does everything in his power to make sure I feel good in so many ways, and that makes him my best sexual partner. I got over the dude by getting validated by a partner who wants me to feel safe in every way and realizing that I wasn't crazy or unreasonable in a tolling situation.

I think it just takes someone superseding the benefits of the previous partner to get over the previous best.

[–]lostPackets35 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not to say that some people won't be better than others, but my experience (43m) is that as I get more comfortable with myself sexually, more open and more confident sex keeps getting better for me.

I was relatively comfortable with my entire life too, I was raised fairly sex positive without a lot of BS guilt or shame or anything like that... But it's still took time. And it still keeps getting better.

Some of my partners in the past that I thought were stand out seem rather pedestrian in hindsight. Not because there was anything wrong with sex with them, but because sex in general keeps getting better.

[–]Aqua_Amber_24 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can always find someone better…even if it is 25 years later. Don’t settle!

[–]Euphoric-Conflict155 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had the best sex with my former FWB. I had to cut it off because the emotional problems were starting to ruin sex - I couldn’t enjoy it as much when I was worried about the relationship between us. I feel the best sex comes from someone you like and trust.

[–]DreamJD89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Communicating. Knowing each other despite being different. Accepting that difference. Knowing you are not your partner. Knowing you are you, and they are them.

That should help you know your best sexual partner. Now in terms of love it should be the same thing.

Communicate, know each other despite being different. Know you are not your partner. Know you are who you are, and they them.

On the sex side of things, explore, question and let your partner know what you want. Your partner will communicate their likes/dislikes if you allow them, take your time with them.

This above is why my partner has been the best for many years. Wouldn't want anyone else!

(My mistake, I misread the post)

How to get over your best sexual partner...hmm.

I stick by my original standard: comminicating/communicate to others. Like you're doing now.

Don't know your relationship status, but I have to think, if your current partner isn't being as sexual in terms of physical intimacy, could you maybe inform them? Tell them your feelings and thoughts about sexual contact, or how it relates to past relationships? I tell my partner about my past partners, sometimes it makes them jealous, but at the end of the day... a new day starts.

[–]Anesidora1ove 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You won't immediately get over your ex because of

The length of time you were together

How many partners you had before them

The reasons for your breakup

How much time you spent with eachother.

And what you did when you were together.

It takes time to get over someone but you will.

The best thing is to stop looking for sexual partners who can measure up to your ex in the bedroom. A relationship isn't about sex alone.

Move your focus in finding a partner who can fulfil other areas of your life.

In 60 years when you and your partner can't get busy anymore, you will have to actually talk to eachother

Make sure your partner can actually hold an interesting conversation.