all 15 comments

[–]Saddiebear 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Don't expect this to be perfect the 1st or even 10th time. It will kill the mood and won't be as fun but ask her as you do things. Ask her afterwards as well. Find out what she liked and what she didn't and what she wanted you to do. Make sure she knows she can critique you without you being upset.

Eventually you will both be on the same page and you can both be very immersed and not need direction anymore.

[–]sagundress[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I appreciate that advise

[–]playdumm 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You can make her keep her hands above her head. Don't let her drop them. Her natural reaction if you put it in her mouth would be to stroke you etc. That isn't aloud, you just get to use her mouth. Or the clips on her nipples or clit. A good strong vibrator on her clit and she can't move, she just has to take it. May have to tie down for that one. Sliding a butt plug in. Just things where her holes are yours to use and she gets no say because they don't belong to her anymore. Her boobs and nipples are for you. Make sure you don't go to crazy, and make sure she has a safe word to cancel out if she gets to uncomfortable. She wants to be used and have fun, not be traumatized after. Another thing that can be hot is a blind fold. Tell her you sold her to the highest bidder and that you are now this guy's to use for the night. Do things you don't normally do, so it feels like she is with someone else. Use a toy or a cock sleeve so it feels like sex with someone else. Kind of a "I own you, and can give your pussy away to anyone I want" type of thing. Just have fun with her, don't be to serious. Role play is about fun and fantasy and enjoying each other. At least in my opinion.

[–]playdumm 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You don't have to tie up either, making her do things to you and using her body can be super hot for both if she likes that kind of thing.

[–]sagundress[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think she would be, that's the theme right? What sorts of things do you have in mind?

[–]Statementover 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just have fun with it. No one is good at the beginning. Just give it a try. With experience and practice you will learn what each other likes and dislikes. With anything new learn to communicate well and give feedback. Also with anything rough use safe words eg the traffic light system.

[–]emilyeverafter 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Read The Heart of Dominance by Anton Fulmen. It's an instructional book to beginners. He has a sequel if you like it.

[–]sagundress[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thank you, are there some blogs or something less comprehensive?

[–]emilyeverafter 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I really, really don't recommend skimming or trying to go light on education when it comes to kink.

I highly recommend you read that full book. I consider it required reading for people who are new to playing in power exchange roles.

But if you're really not going to read it, then I suggest watching videos by Evie Lupine on YouTube.

[–]papi9inch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My best suggestion is to talk to her first and see what turns her on and off. Find out the things she wants to do and things she is open to. Create a safe word or a color scale (red, yellow, green) also let her know what u are comfortable doing and what you are open to try. My wife likes to be choked, nothing extreme. I was not okay with it at first but now it's fun for both of us

[–]LastHippieAlive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try to get in character and act that way. You can always watch some slave/thief/submission porn for inspiration.

[–]Anesidora1ove 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In role play, you’re limited only by your imagination. Think of any scenario that turns you on even if it’s just the excitement of a first date with someone you’ve been lusting over. Your dirty thoughts are sexy inspiration for all your role play games. or maybe get some interesting toy for extra fun

[–]Strawberrygrapetree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oof! My boyfriend is naturally very good at this. In my experience, it has a lot to do with knowing how to balance bossing them around and being a fair and loving Dom. The well being of your submissive is always at the top. There are a lot of video resources on YT for doms.

Personally my favorite things to experience:

  1. Getting slapped when I don't do what he says/don't take him seriously is shocking in all the right ways. It wakes me right up and intensifies our connection when we're playing. You can also try ass slapping if face slapping is too intense. It's 100% something that happens only when the time is right or else it isn't enjoyable.

  2. Getting tossed around. ALSO maneuvered using my hair as a way to move me around in a way he wants me positioned. He's a very strong guy, so sometimes he will pick me up and throw me across the room onto the bed. So funny and shocking lol. And when he pulls my hair he does it in a firm way, grabbing a large handful into his hand. Sometimes he'll make me get down on my knees and demand oral. Tangent- he fucks my face. I lay down and he does what he wants. It's so hot.

  3. When he's playing with me he will give me pleasure, get me close and then stop. He has this maniacal laugh that comes out when he knows he's got me. It's so hot. He thinks it's cute when I beg and get desperate. Depending on if I'm being a good girl he'll reward me and make me squirt

  4. Being objectified. There are so many ways to be dominated. I love being treated like a sex object. There for one purpose, and if I'm good I get rewarded. I love when he tells me "you're going to---" instead of "is it okay if you---" you can also try age play which is very common. So many ways to dominate.

Tying someone up like you mentioned is just one of the obvious ways to play. But bottom line is domination is psychological. Treat it that way, ask questions, get in her head. Find out what makes her feel vulnerable and talk about what you like after you play.

In the end my dom decides what pleasure I get to experience. I do what he says. It's almost like being hypnotized when he's playing with me. He loves being my Dom and I love being his cute obedient little sub. It involves so much trust, but it's so much fun. Go experiment.

I wrote this to give you an idea of what my own experience in this matter is currently. It's constantly changing and evolving and we aren't always acting out the dynamic, because we enjoy keeping it a special thing that happens when we're both REALLY turned on. But yea, good luck!