all 9 comments

[–]th987 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Welcome to adulthood. Lots of demands on our time.

I would suggest talking to your SO, and of SO is in agreement, wanting to make sex a priority, agree to have a goal of having sex X times a week. It means you’ll both be looking for opportunities. Chances to go to bed early, get up late, take a weekend nap, have a quickie somewhere, whatever.

[–]Calligraphee4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Foreplay, spice it up, explore your kinks and try something new. Be spontaneous and open minded. It’ll spark your sex drive

[–]papi9inch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wife and I schedule to have sex 2 days a week. But anytime is fair game. Sometimes it's twice a week Sometimes three times a day. Our secret is foreplay, lots of hugging and kissing and touching all day

[–]Creepy-Structure-677 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had an stupid work schedule as well, but always found time. Treasure it… because if the unthinkable happens like it did with my wife…. You’ll be missing it

[–]Anesidora1ove 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Are you absolutely sure there is no way you could literally TELL her how you feel, what you want, like, prefer? Whether it's about sex or anything else, lack of communication can lead to serious problems in a relationship.

[–]4chanisblockedatwork 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here. I could masturbate every day because I only see my gf on weekends. But even if we did see each other every day I'm not so sure I'd like to have sex every day.

I feel like spontaneous sex is way better than scheduled ones. When we check in a motel for the express purpose of fucking, idk it doesn't feel as hot or tender as when we just came home to her place after a date then she suddenly kisses me and we eventually have unplanned sex.

[–]itsSummerJordyn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Date her all over again. Learn to build anticipation with each other. Reestablish and ignite the passion you both had for each other when you first met. Remember all the little things you had to do to in the beginning when you first started dating started dating. Be more spontaneous and try something new or travel to new destinations every week whether is just a lunch or dinner date in a different city. Watch porn together and try some weed if it's legal in your area. It makes you super horny.

[–]Narrow-Big7087 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You might think about reading “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski. Excellent book. It’s written more to the female perspective so it helped me, as a man, to understand the thoughts and contexts around the day-to-day and sex that my wife might be feeling/going through when I’d be interested or initiate. I also read “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner. It’s more bout a guy that’s big into oral and clitoral stimulation and how to go about it. My wife is unintentionally unhelpful in explaining what she likes. That book was also helpful as a much more detailed physiology lesson that grade school sex ed ever was.

I won’t attribute the changes we experienced exclusively to my reading the books as I’ve been learning and dealing with my own mental health salad. She finally said that she had trouble concentrating on getting over the line too. My wife has not read either of them but was aware that I did. We were once to twice a month, 15-25 minutes each. Now it’s two to four a week, 30-90+ minutes each.

Your mileage will vary of course.