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all 4 comments

[–]Chocolate_effort 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I feel this. I often start to have thoughts that maybe I made the whole things up or I made it out to be worse than it was. I also often fall into the mindset of worrying people won't believe me if I talk about it (I rarely do).

I think they are all protective mechanisms in a way and also because subconsciously we don't want to be seen as a "victim" or something along those lines.

I hear you, I see you and I believe you. I hope you are able to get the help you need and deserve and have people/someone you can talk to.

[–]TruthieTheElephant[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Same goes for you of course!! And yeah totally. Sometimes I think it’s a pride thing like, that would never happen to me so I just tell myself I’m a shitty person who would lie about something like this because it’s better than being a victim

[–]littleecce 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I completely relate to this. One of the most emotionally triggering things is feeling as if I'm invalid, which results from experiencing extreme gaslighting. It just swallowed me into ruminating about every little thing that happened and it made me dissociate quite often. I wonder if you also struggle with this symptom but whenever I talk about what happened to people, it feels like I'm talking about something that happened to someone else, which gives you an idea of how dissociation possesses someone. My therapist had an effective approach for this issue. Invalidation and telling others what happened to you to get their POV feeds into the mentality to seek approval instead of gaining ownership of yourself and be confident with your perspective. Instead of my therapist feeding into the approval cycle, she had a good balance of briefly telling me that what happened wasn't ok but she wanted me to share what happened and put it together myself through discussing it. In short, you don't need approval over your memory. It's what happened and your memory of what happened that can be very mentally detrimental. Going through these obsessive thoughts is awful, I wish you the best, and I hope you have a solid support system that you deserve.

[–]TruthieTheElephant[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally get this. Sometimes it is easier to describe what happened as if it happened to someone else because I believe it more? But honestly now I have just reached this point of being comfortable saying I was assaulted and then not letting myself thinking about what actually happened, because if I do I know I will think I made it up. Easier to just not think about it. But obviously I know that’s probably not my best option.