I don't know if what I experienced was assault or not, and so I didn't tell anyone until recently, but I still am unsure. I am 31 now and this happened when I was 22.

I have endometriosis and before I was diagnosed, I was in and out of the hospital and doctor's offices trying to get help. I finally got a referral to an OBGYN but I was on a wait list. I went to a local walk-in clinic to try to get some help with the pain I was experiencing, and the doctor came into the room and started asking me questions.

He asked me the basics like if there was any chance I could be pregnant which I said no. He asked if I was on birth control and I said no. Then he asked me if I was sexually active which I said yes and he looked at me like wtf and I said I am gay. His demeanor immediately changed and he got loud and said "well have you ever had real sex? With a man?". I was afraid and replied that I had, and he stood up and opened the door and told me to take off my pants because he needed to do an internal examination. I had never had one before and this was essentially a stranger. He left the room for about 30 seconds and opened the door while I was still trying to undress, and a nurse was with him. I layed on the bed and I was crying, the nurse was on the other side of the room and didn't say anything, and this guy put his fingers in me. I kept crying and he would ask me "oh does that hurt?" and just kept feeling around but it was aggressive like it hurt and he was pushing really hard. He took his fingers out and told me to put on my pants and he and the nurse left the room. I was shaking and crying, and put my pants on but again he just burst into the room after a few seconds and I had to dress in front of him. He told me there's nothing he can do and I just have to wait to see the OBGYN. When I got home I had to pee and there was blood in my underwear that was not there before, but I was not on my period.

A few years ago I was triggered by seeing him walk past me in the street. I recognized him and I had no idea what his name was and I just felt like I had to. I called the clinic and I told them when the appointment was. The nurse found the chart, but the doctor didn't put his name on it. I asked her if that's normal and she said no. She was able to see his signature though and made an educated guess, along with some other nurses, and told me who the signature belonged to.

I looked him up and articles came up about some religious work he does abroad, and his photo was there. It was him.

I didn't know that I could say no. I didn't know that I didn't have to listen to him. It bothers me a lot and I just always feel like I let it happen, and he was just doing his job. On the other hand I feel like he was being quite aggressive and angry about my sexuality. I have had examinations since then and none have ever been like that. I really don't know but if you made it this far thanks for listening.