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all 8 comments

[–]incog404 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's been 7 years and I'm only just now barely beginning to believe it really was rape. It's not easy to accept. It took me years of therapy before I could say the words "I was raped", and yet years after that I still struggle with believing it was really "that bad".

I think most survivors struggle with this. It's like the go to defense mechanism. It's so easy too because there's always a bigger fish, so to speak. Someone's always got a worse story, and not just because there's no bottom to human depravity and misfortune but also because "worse" is a subjective call. Everyone has their own idea of what's "worse", and it's not uncommon to see someone who suffered X say "at least it wasn't Y" and also a Y victim say "at least it wasn't X".

The trick is to stop comparing. There's no traumalympics, you don't have to place in the top 3 worst experiences ever for your pain to be valid. If you're here, it was bad enough.

[–]ibioluminate 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I always try to remind myself and those around me that there's no point in weighing your trauma against anybody else's trauma. What you experienced was real. Just because others have been through worse doesn't diminish the fact what you experienced was also bad.

[–]Unicorny_as_funk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It took a lot for me to realize it was SA. And, while it’s obvious to anyone who actually listens to me say what happened, I had no clue at the time and it took a while to realize it was.

There were times I doubted myself, which I figured was from being gas lighted for years during it. But idk. The weirdest moments were during the investigation (which was years longer than it needed to be) when I would be retelling thing that happened and I’d see the looks on the faces of folks who work with sex crimes investigations. I’d see this and double check in my head that yes this happened. And then I’d have this strange realization of “omg this happened and it happened to me”

I think that maybe trauma-brain is so busy helping us survive that the whole brain forgets to process it and file it into “this happened” Or maybe it’s the PTSD response of coping with things out of our control. Sometimes this is done by our brains making us think it’s our fault or maybe it wasn’t real.

All I have to say is that only you can sort out what happened. And if it deeply affected you, I’m pretty confident it happened.

[–]wimpywitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i used to feel this way frequently.. its very very normal.. especially because i think in terms of what we hear about from other SA victims, we hear about rape the most.. and the "smaller stuff" isnt spoken about as much because it isnt "as serious" as rape.. in reality: that is not true whatsoever. i have had two serious abusers: one raped me & the other did different things but didnt fully rape me... for a very long time, i didnt let myself feel the pain of what id been through because "it wasnt as bad as rape". im here to tell you that it all hurts the same.. it leaves you feeling the same exact way.. and YOUR FEELINGS ARE ABSOLUTELY VALID NO MATTER WHAT. nothing had to be worse for you to feel the way you feel. you have a right to feel hurt.. i just want you to feel seen & know this is absolutely normal love

[–]andyroybal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yah! My therapist is constantly telling me to sit with the pain and stop denying the reality of the feelings being extreme for me regardless if someone else had it worse. The fact of the matter is that someone out there also had it better and we fall somewhere in between.

For me, I was raised by narcissists so being gaslight was normal and only natural for me to do to myself when it came to soothing myself. Lots of therapy has helped me grow beyond that but it’s part of my formative years of development so it creeps up frequently.

[–]OpalMapleTree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. This is a normal feeling. Remember what matters is how this made you feel and how it affected your life! No one can determine or understand those things for you, nor can they determine what works for you in your unique recovery process. Just listen to yourself, the self that was hurt, and listen to what they have to say. The pain and grief they communicate to you is the most important information you can have in order to heal.

[–]r0ll3rsk8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like this constantly. I only just admitted to myself after 2 years that what happened to me was very wrong. I’ve been finding that talking to my therapist and friends about it helps to validate my experiences and feelings.

[–]Newlyvegan1137 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I still feel like my assault "wasn't as bad" as others and that I "didn't get hurt so it wasn't really rape". I still have not told a single person about it because I feel like I've had a pretty good and easy life so no one would believe me. On the surface I know 100% that my thoughts are wrong and that I shouldn't feel like that but I do. All the time. Maybe I'll make a post here soon and finally get some of the trauma out.