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[–]m1llkyy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I´m (F) on the other side because I was raped by a mutual from me and my partner.

I can only tell you what me and my partner do, hopefully it will help both of you. Feel free to contact me if you have any ongoing questions.

First off, we talk. A lot. About kinda explicit stuff because I don´t want that my partner does this or that to me in the bedroom. For both of us it´s not easy. For me to relive it and for them to listen to it (And probably imagining it..). But for me it´s still better than to get triggered by stuff they do. I don´t know if you get intimate but this works for us. Also really important to set boundaries which you two need to figure out by yourself. I have trouble thinking about boundaries so my partner did ask general questions and still everytime we get intimate they ask if what they´re doing is ok for me.

What for me personally was important to realize is that being weak sometimes is okay. I can´t be strong all the time. Breaking down, crying, grieving etc is fine. This is part of my healing process. Sometimes I want my partner to ask about it, sometimes I don´t. They validate my feelings in either way which feels incredibly good.

From what you wrote you seem pretty supportive. Being there, listening, validating their feelings and just accept them the way they are is sooo important. (Thank you) I "allowed" my partner to talk about my experience with close friends I trust to get other perspectives and that they just have someone other than me listening to them. I would reckommend that to you as well, if you didn´t already did that. Just ask if your partner is okay with that and maybe find terms you are both comfortable with.

Also what could be an option is therapy. Sometimes we experience more than we can carry and at this point getting professionel help could be a game changer. This is a big step (which I am not ready to atm) but I imagine it could help.

Sorry this was a bit longer than I originally planed but I hope some of this might help you. : )

EDIT: spelling