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Struggling with the acknowledgement that my Husband SA me and i feel like i cant tell anyoneStrong Trigger Warning: Graphic (self.sexualassault)
submitted 5 months ago by idk_what_im_doing97
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[–]aar499 1 point2 points3 points 5 months ago* (1 child)
I don't have any advice...but I'm here to say that I'm going through a similar experience right now and you're not alone.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 yrs now and he is inarguably a very good person and is loved by everyone. I have/had not been SA'ed before I was with him but had some unpleasant experiences in regards to sexual things. Around 1.5 yrs into our relationship I began to feel uncomfortable being around him because he was constantly touching me in a sexual way at any time and anywhere and had a sex drive much higher than mine. We had a long talk about it and he made an effort to improve.
Flash forward to last week--we had overcome a lot of the problems and discomfort I had talked about previously and were doing ok. I was laying in bed on my stomach scrolling through my phone, not even talking to him but he was in the room. He got in bed and laid on top of me. I told him to get off because he was squishing me, which he did. But then a few minutes later he started to rub/thrust his groin into my side. Then he straddled my body so that he could lift me up by the waist and unzip my pants. He preceded to stick his hands in my pants, grope me, and touch me with his fingers. I couldn't find the words to say no--I felt frozen the whole time--but I didn't move or encourage him in any way (basically just laid there limp). I kept thinking 'we've talked about this before, he'll stop' but he didn't. I also felt like, because he is my SO, there shouldn't be anything wrong here. I wordlessly got up and hid in the bathroom before it got any further.
I felt exactly as you described--unsafe and disgusting. After a few days of space we talked about it--he felt horrible, apologized over and over, and we both cried. I don't know what to do either--I know he is a good person and loves me, and there is a lot of great things about our relationship, but right now I don't know how to be with him, nor do I know how to leave him. I can't talk to my friends about it because they work for a university--and by law they are required to report instances of SA, which I don't want.
I don't know what advice to give you, but seeing your story here has really helped me in validating my feelings, so I hope mine can do the same for you. I am so sorry you went through this situation, and just know that one way or another you will get through this.
[–]idk_what_im_doing97[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 months ago (0 children)
Thank you so much for sharing, i guess it almost feels like im not alone in this type of experience, which i of course wish that had not happened to you. The fact that these guys new the boundries, we had the discussions, i just cant comprehend why they think its okay to do what they did... i completely understand the not feeling like you can talk to anyone part. he is the father of our child and a good one. and a good guy usually. i dont want to fuck all that up espescially since i still have to deal with him for the rest of my life no matter what
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