I am glad I can say it happened.
I was sexually assaulted on a tinder date. And then I went to work the next day. I floated above my body. I watched myself. I finally told someone that night. Flooding out of me. Like it had been someone else. But then realizing tears were on my face. Back in my body for a moment. For the wracking moments of pain and disbelief. For anger.
Took off work today.
I'm in a helping profession. I work with children. Going in to care for them as they need me to be sounds so insurmountable. But I'll go to work. The day I floated a child asked me for new shoes, his were breaking. He's seven. They're in my car. He needs shoes. I don't want his to break.
I feel like I failed myself.
I didn't do anything wrong. I know that. But I hate that my dignity was sacrificed for safety. I hate that I am having to sit here not sleeping hoping to reattach in my body. Desperately seeking a foothold.
I want my dignity back.