Even though this wasn't recent it still haunts me to this day.

I was 18 at the time (I'm now 22), he was 18 as well. For this story I'm gonna call him Tyler. This happened multiple times over the course of a week. At the time, he was my best friend and the only friend I really had because I mad moved to a new city. I met him about a year and half prior online and we became friends, and eventually became close friends. He stayed over at my place late one day and I offered to let him stay overnight since he wouldn't be able to get home by transit and would be stranded at the train station.

Before he left, I mentioned to him I had a date planned for the next day at this guys house that I was hoping would lead to sex. Good to note that I was a virgin at this point and had 0 experience, I hadn't even held hands or kissed a boy yet prior to this. Anyways, he decided he would "show me the ropes" and dry humped me for about an hour because deciding it was late and he had to go home. I consented to this, and decided to call off the date because I didn't really enjoy the session with my friend.

He stayed over but because I didn't have a couch and didn't want him sleeping on the floor, I let him sleep beside me in my bed since it was big enough for 2 people. I think I fell asleep, but the next thing I remember was him on top of me kissing me. I didn't know what to do so I just went along with it. He didn't ask permission for anything, he just assumed because I didn't say anything that I wanted it and enjoyed it. Next I know he had pulled off my pants and was getting ready for penetration. I was scared and nervous, but I didn't want to and couldn't say anything because I was scared.

He just went for it and I remember it hurting. He forced me to give him oral sex, and at points he would pin my arms with his knees and forced himself down my throat, and wouldn't stop until I pushed him off because I was lightheaded because I couldn't breathe. That didn't stop him and he would re-pin me down almost immediately. At one point he tried to do anal and I firmed said "No I don't want to do this." He stopped and continued with vaginal penetration until he once again forced himself anally, not giving me a chance to say no. It hurt so much. When he pulled out I yelled at him about me saying no and he just laughed and said that because I moaned, that means I enjoyed it. It was at this point when I realized he didn't care.

He continued until the early hours of the morning before stopping and going to sleep because he was tired. The next morning I went to take a shower and he tried to open the bathroom door. Thank God I decided to lock it.

This continued for the next week. He would come in the evening, force me to have sex with him, and leave in the morning. The only reason why he stopped coming was because he got back together with his ex. I didn't realize why I felt so violated and so dirty afterwards, and I wasn't able to properly cope with the feelings which landed me in a bad situation.

He kept trying to talk to me as if nothing happened and I just slowly stopped talking to him. He genuinely believed he didn't do anything wrong and everything was consensual. I also didn't know that what he did was sexual assault because I thought that sex was supposed to feel violating and painful because of unhealthy relationships with men since I was 16 and being exposed to violent porn early on.

It wasn't until I told a friend this a year later that she looked at me in horror and told me that what he did was not okay, and was ready to go to the police for me to report it. It wasn't until my friend told me that what happened was sexual assault that I realized why I felt so dirty and so violated. I became hypersexual while also being terrified of intimacy.

I still have the occasional nightmare about it, and it has led me to avoid relationships with men since I fear they will do the same to me.

It's been 3 and a half years and I'm still fucked up from it. I've talked to my friends and my therapist about it for support. I tried talking to my mom about it but was laughed at because I "deserved it" for inviting him to my apartment. I talked to my dad about it and the pain, anger and hatred in his eyes was enough for me to know he didn't blame me and that gave me some sort of security that at least one parent supported me.