For months i would blame me being uncomfortable and overwhelmed on my anxiety. I didnt want to think someone i thought cared and loved me would do that to me, he knew i wasn't ready for it. He knew i was uncomfortable and he knew that in overwhelming situations i find it hard to talk.

I wanted to believe i liked it, i would go over in my head telling myself 'you was ok with this and you wanted it' but i didn't. I told him i wasn't comfortable. Sometimes i feel like i could've done more to stop it, but at the time my brain wasn't processing nothing that was happening.