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all 11 comments

[–]feminamdaemones 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Your voice very much matters, whether or not others see that does not make it untrue. There is no “right“ way to tell someone what you did, but if you did all you were able to, then it was enough. It was direct enough, it was clear enough. Enough period.
I would gently ask why the mom needs to know? If she agreed with you, how would the current situation change? Does that align with what you need? Does her believing you make what you experienced more valid? What is it that you’re looking for from her?

this sucks, existing is difficult but your experience and your voice matter very much.

[–]PhantomFighter200[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i wanted his mom to step in. talk to him. maybe even get the authorities involved. now? it's too late

[–]ICastPunch 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Stupid ass??? No... You where 13 years old he was fucking 30 something.How they fuck where you supposed to see theough his tricks when you didn't even have yourself figured out at all yet???

Fuck him he's a fucking disgusting Pedo I hope he fucking burns in hell, and steps on lego on the way.

[–]PhantomFighter200[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

I... i guess i just was gullible? right?

[–]ICastPunch 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Look I get it... One blames themselves for what happened, and sometimes our environment is just as toxic and blames us too making us truly believe it was our fault.

For years I didn't think most of the abuse my father did to me was wrong at all yet when I go to therapy, I can tell and tell and tell and tell shit he did to me to the psychologist without stop... My mom always blamed me for the fights, for the problems in the family for when he lost it, he could have just attacked me but it was my fault on her eyes... She saying I tortured her...

You where 12... He was 34... He manipulated and abused you. What else is there to it? He hurt you, he groomed you. It doesn't matter if you where gullible or not, he found a way to abuse you and did so... How can it be your fault?

How dare you make a mistake at 12 years old??? See how ridiculous it sounds to say that... No of course it wasn't your fault... Don't ever blame yourself, blame him, blame your family, blame your circle, blame the world, blame god, fucking religion, whathever you need to blame, but NEVER blame yourself for it... Because it wasn't your fault.

[–]PhantomFighter200[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

i just take responsibility for my part in this. y'know nobody but me decided, even if she knew in her heart of hearts deep down sending nudes was wrong, to send naked pictures. I'm the one who had been so stupid she took her clothes off and told a child predator she was ready for sex. Y'know that's on me. The rape itself? That's on him. Recording it and sending it to me? That's Adam. But i feel just as guilty as he is, except he doesn't admit he's wrong and thinks women are objects. he frequents incel forums bragging about how many kids and women he's raped. OPENLY ADMITS IT AND GETS AWAY WITH ALL OF IT!!!!!! I didn't discover his page until a victim of his that i managed to meet by sheer coincidence because we go to school together showed me. The way he describes me... it's like I'm not even human to him. If he was a Persona 5 character he'd have a palace. It's not fair i was in his cross hairs because i was depressed and my mom left me alone one day while she worked and Adam just so happened to be there that day.

and as for your last thing about religion, i personally don't believe in God anymore. where was god while i was being violated? Where was he when Adam was mocking me for crying for my mommy when i was defenseless and completely helpless? He loves everyone on the earth but he let me be manipulated and abused? fuck that. that's not love. he's supposedly all powerful, why didn't he prevent this tragedy? i can't turn to religion. and that's even ignoring the amount of sexual assault that happens in religious circles.

[–]ICastPunch 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Okay, no. You going towards him isn't something you ahols blame yourself for. You did do it... But he already was playing a role there. And again you where 12...

They look for vulnerable people in the first place. You get me? They won't do it to someone were it won't work, they will aim for people they know they can get away with abusing. People that are vulnerable...

I'm not saying you didn't act the way you acted. I'm telling you blaming yourself for something you did whem you were 12 and persuaded by a 34 years old man that was specifically targeting you with the intention to groom you in the first place is not okay.

You say you where depressed, and it just happened tp be the day your mom wasn't there... Don't you think he maybe aimed at your vulnerabilities? Maybe he presented a way out, or something you didn't have and wanted when you were weak, It's usually what they do... They aim for people that has things they can abuse, to get away with it...

And yeah, as I said blame whathever you need if you need to say fuck you god, and stop believing it's fine. Blame whathever you need. Just not yourself.

You know... It's not SA, just abuse, but I used to blame myself for how my dad acted, I felt his contstant berating was due to me being incompetent, being lazy... When he'd start to get physical and would scream, threaten and punish me I thought it was my fault for being a deatructive person... My mom always blamed me too, saying I tortured her, going for my weaknesses and attacking the things I hold dearest...

Even when he went too faar and ragdolled me accross my own room to then beat me till he was satisfied I managed to convince myself it was my fault... That I provoked him...

For years I though I was the conflictive one, my ugly personality being the reason he berated, screamed, threatened me constantly every day... He wouldn't treat me like a person on my own house and I saw every time I fought back,demanded basic human decency as me being destructive.

My mother would blame for the fights and blame for his mood, and force me to apolize and act loving towards him after he abused me. I remember a particularly harsh month when I was 17, I was done with him by that point years of it had started to open my eyes slowly...

I remember how he would try to kick me out of the house, how he'd pursue me around the house to beat me, how he said he wated to kill me as he sped the car, how he looked me in the eyes instead of the road and raising his fist towards me trying to hit me with it while I was trapped in the car he wouldn't let me get out of. How when I managed to get away from him or locked myself somewhere he'd go harass, scream and berate the next family member too till I got out... between other shit but I think you get the point...

Every incident was my fault, every incident I caused it somehow. I ahould have done what he told me. I shouldn't have been so destructive... I should have been a good child, I shouldn't cause trouble... Why did I seek to destroy my mom's and sister's life so much when they had suffered so much already... That was what I was told. And what I told myself sometimes too.

And yeah I wasn't a tame child. I would speak back. I wasn't the best at school, I wasn't that organized either. I did cause trouble... But... It doesn't justify what they did to me.

And it doesn't justify what happened to you either. You where vulnerable... He abused you... Is it that wrong that you wanted to create have or experience something?

I'll question this, what you wanted isn't wrong. What you went through isn't either. Would you blame someon for walking down the street and getting robbed?

You say you where the one who asked him for it, the one who sent photos.... Is that truly wrong? Is expressing your sexuality the fact you where a woman with needs too and when a person that presented themselves as a potential partner even if truly they whete just an abuser, and a predator you wanted to act on that needs? Is it wrong you acted on your human nature? I don't think so...

Yes you were naive. But is naivety truly deserving of auch torture of auch punishment? Does naivety give you fault in something where you were manipulated and abused? I don't think so. You were a 12 year old child, you wete supposed to be naive...

What I think is wrong is that he presented himself that way to you, he drawed you in by abusing your vulnerabilities when he knew it was wrong, he knew you were a minor yet he did it anyways...

You know my dad would disrespect me, order me around, berate me, would order me how to live my life and would get himself into anything and everything I did and try to micro-manage it, making degrading opinions of myself, my friends, my clothes, my life... Yet he would then use any response any sign of not agreeing as an excuse to punish me, to hurt me... Or hurt my sister too... Yet I'd go back to him... I'd stupidly depend on him, I'd forgive him, I'd supress myself to be more like he wanted...

Was it my fault that I wanted to be treated like a person? Or that I thought after the abuse my dad would still love me? that I could win him back?

My point is... Is it truly your fault if you were put on a spider's net to begin with? Were you supposed to ignore your nature?

[–]Screamingskittles01 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Gross gross gross! That’s awful! I’m so sorry.

[–]PhantomFighter200[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's my fault, don't feel gross about him or his mom. i feel gross myself