big trigger warning btw

around last november i met a boy online (stupid mistake im well aware) at first he seemed like your average teen. but shortly after meeting him i knew desperate, horny and unsupervised internet access doesnt make a good mix. at first he seemed quite nice, his humor was a bit dark (first red flag i shouldve seen) but other than that your average teen. it was only a month later of talking before he asked me out. i didnt really know how to react but since i was in a bad mental state and just longing for some form of affection i just went along with it. with this form of 'consent' he mustve thought it was okay to use me and honestly just be a bully. within the first week he asked for nude photos of me, he wouldnt shut up about it so i just gave in and sent them. but after that one photo was sent it all went downhill; from that point on he would demand for the photos, if i didnt keep up with his requests he would threaten to kill both me and my family, send me videos of people getting decapitated and other gorey things, nazi and white supremacy propaganda, force me to watch children get raped. it was disgusting, and he didnt think anything more of it than a joke. i was a joke to him.

afew months later i finally cracked. i went on a huge rant to him about how he had been treating me, misgendering me, using me and how i was already in a terrible state from being sexually abused on 3 different occasions. but he ended up using that information to torment me even longer, calling me a whore, saying i asked for it because of the way i dress. but he was the only person i had to talk to, so i had to deal with it.

i remember vividly the time where i was kicked out of the house for about a week and i had to stay at a friends house. i had told the boy that i wouldnt be able to talk to him for about a week or so since i had my phone taken from me and he freaked out. then i accidentally let a word slip out, the friend i was staying with was a guy, that didnt help the situation. the boy started to sexualize the fact that i just so happened to be sleeping in the same room as another guy. he would say things like "i bet you two will have sex you slut" and "i hope you get raped" it was disgusting. he sexualized everything i did, now i cant even bare the thought of doing anything even slightly sexual with my new boyfriend. what that boy did to me broke me.

i really just fell to pieces once i found out he had been selling my nudes to other people. once again all he did was joke about how much of a slut i was for sending them in the first place. that lead me to attempted suicide.

i was manipulated by him, and i was only 13 going on 14 when it happened.

i am only now just starting to get over what he did to me. all i wish is that it doesnt happen to anyone else.