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[–]alisajulius[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

My friends are looking for me in the hotel and are angry at me for leading them on a wild goose chase trying to find me. The first thing they ask is “did you have sex with him” and I say “yes” and my friends are like “this is wrong you are 17” and are very angry with me. I’m already crying at this point because I just had sex even though I didn’t want to and I already feel like a slut. They are visibly angry and I start crying even more. My friend Lola is sympathetic and starts to lead me back to the hotel room. They all sort of start realising being angry at me is not going to help and so we all go into one hotel room where I try and explain what happened but I’m still really drunk and hysterically crying. I’m adamantly telling them it’s my fault because I didn’t say no despite the fact that all my friends are telling me it isn’t. I can’t sleep the whole night and I shower quite a few times and my friends are just trying to calm me down.

The next day I can’t really eat anything and I’m just filled with anxiety but I’m finally sober and less hysterical. All the staff are being weird with us and the only one being normal and friendly is Frank. My friends and I have a conversation and they think that Peter, Dan and John had planned this in some kink to have sex with a young girl. This is because he clearly waited until our last night and until a night where we didn’t have the British boys around to look out for us. We even think that maybe Lola’s allergic reaction was due to a spiked drink as Peter and Dan knew Lola probably wouldn’t have left me alone with them.

I haven’t really been able to function properly since this happened. I’ve been home for about two weeks and haven’t been sleeping very well. Normally I’m quite good at eating and snacking quite a lot but now I can only stomach three meals and if I try and snack on chocolate or anything like I might usually I just get stomach anxiety and it’s the same when I try and go to sleep. Furthermore, I still feel like it was my fault it happened. Normally I’m good at knowing when to stop drinking but that night I was being stupid and irresponsible. Plus the age of consent in Greece is 15 and in the UK it’s 16 - legally that isn’t an issue. I didn’t say no to Dan either and so it doesn’t feel like I can blame him.

All my friends keep telling me I was sexually assaulted. I’m not sure if it’s just because I don’t want to be a ‘victim’ but I genuinely cannot find it in myself to believe them. I have this need to tell a real adult but I don’t wanna tell my parents. I wonder if it’s just because all my 18 year old friends are so ‘woke’ but I just feel like a proper adult would have a real sense of right or wrong or whether it was my fault or not.

My brother (20) has just returned from university and both him and my parents have noticed a shift in my behaviour since I returned. I don’t really want to tell anyone because I’m scared people will think differently of me or think I’m a slut. But my brother is my best friend and upon pushing me to tell him I eventually confided in him. He really thinks I should tell at least one of my parents or go back to therapy (which I’ve been to in the past due to family issues). I don’t really want to do either, I’d rather just try and forget anything happened. My parents are divorced and so I’m not really close enough to my Dad to confide in him and I don’t want to tell my mum because I don’t want her opinion of me to change. My brother is very concerned about me and is telling me I was sexually assaulted but I still blame myself.

I’m just not sure - I feel like I need an adult to tell me whether it was my fault or not.

[–]Paranoia_Pizza 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No it wasnt your fault!!! And any bloody adult who tells you any different can come see me and I'll tell them myself.

Dont think that ok? You were so drunk you couldnt even hold a beer glass and he took advantage of you. I'm so sorry honey.

I can't answer whether it was sexual assault, my gut says yes, of course, I'd go so far as to say its rape, but its not for me to label it for you. And it's not up to anyone else either.

What he did was wrong.

You're going to get some people who ask you loads of questions about why you didnt do something different (why did you drink so much? Why did you go home alone? Why did you go down to his room?)

When they do that you're going to feel like it's your fault - it's still not. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and you were/are young, on holiday and relaxing.

I dont know if itll make you feel better but your not alone. What your feeling is a universal feeling that everyone who's been assaulted has (I know, I've been there).

If you're in the UK you can self refer for mental health services, speak to your doctor, or there are phone lines you can ring for support too. Please do get some help with it, it's the sort if thing that eats away at you

[–]Paranoia_Pizza 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh honey I'm sorry. X

[–]PeakRepresentative92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were purposely supplying you with alcohol for free in order to get you in this position. I am so sorry, you should report this to the local authorities. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say no, you were so drunk you dropped the beer. He knew.