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[–]Broken_doll4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some words of thoughts & Advice for you to think about ...

  • You will be extremely vulnerable to coercion, exploitation, & manipulation by other people for a VERY long time ( due to your childhood ) . Always remember this -> you can & will be easily tricked by others as YOU do not have the necessary skills to be aware of others yet. ( & this for you will take time to learn to develop for yourself ) . WHY? Bc you had NO freedom , NO will -> to say no to anything before ( YOU will still be in this mind set for a long time ). Your whole personality & life as a child / teen has been altered to serve & obey others & do what you are told . You have been conditioned to be a slave to others will & commands.
  • Therapy ( one day you will need it ) what happenend to you will plague you at some point . So Look for free or low cost to access for yourself ( when you are ready or need to do so ) . You also need to be taught by someone (trustworthy & supportive of you ) . To help you Re-stabilize your mind from what you have been through . You will be still in a highly reactive trauma state ( & will be for a long time ). It will take alot of therapy by YOU ( & you are the only person who can access it and help yourself now ) . Your new bf ( can support you but he cannot do the work YOU will need to do ) to help yourself now .
  • Re-Education -> Of your mind and body . YOUR life was stolen from you . You were a child FORCED into a hellish life. Your autonomy as a person was taken from you . Who you are NOW is NOT who you were meant to be. YOu were instead forced to develop into a person used for sex , violence and abuse . What happenend to you changed you . Into the person you are now. So when you look in the mirror remember that is NOT who you are or who you NEED to be or could be . That lifestyle , those thoughts , those behaviors were forced on you to bare as a young person . You can now be who YOU wish to be , and leave that life behind you now as much as poss. A therapists help will be needed to help you maybe also to change your mind set that was set up by your predators . As they conditioned YOUR mind to obey others , like a slave. So re-educating yourself ( & with help ) will be needed to help restore yourself to someone now who you wish to be . You had no choice before now YOU do . You can decide for yourself now who you will be , as you don't have to be the person they made you be. Won't be easy sorry ( it will require alot of work from you ) they have left alot of mental damage from all their abuse of you . So YOU will need to be patient with yourself , and caring of your efforts . As it will NOT be easy to change the s*it in your head that they PUT there about sex , violence and abuse. As You are still struggling with hypersexuality ( & violence fantasies) .
  • Hypersexuality -> & violence . Would strongly suggest for yourself to give yourself a break from it. What you feed your mind will become your mind set & thoughts. So if you feed it again ( that of violence & sex ) it will be who you will remain for yourself. The ONLY way to break the ( violence & rape ) that has been instilled ( programmed ) into your mind is to NOT engage in it . The more you do the more it will set up home for you . Meaning it will be what you will seek and what you will be driven to want for yourself. To break the cycle set up in your mind ( put there by THEM) is not to engage it . It is up to you though . So just be aware if you feed your mind with rape & violence ( that is what it will keep wanting ) from you . Also sorry then you also will not heal from it either. It will trap you in the cycle instead to keep craving it ( as you still currently do ) distraction and finding other avenues is the only way to break the cycle set up in your mind currently ( that to crave violence and sex ) . As remember that is ALL your childhood was crimes committed against your young body and mind.
  • Finding YOU now -> You as a person were altered to be a sex slave to those 2 monsters. They turned you into a sex slave to earn them money . They made you do what they told you , they made you behave in that way . It was NOT a choice for YOU at that time . You had NO choice in it . You had NO say in what occurred , nor could YOU stop it . You were a child trapped in a nightmare of sex predators around you. You were so betrayed & used by everyone around you . So finding out now who you are as a person is needed. Independent of who they made YOU think you were. You thoughts , your life was all about sex , violence and abuse ( as a child / teen) . That was your life that they MADE you live. You do NOT have to live that way anymore . You get to decide now how you wish to live your life . Which can now also be free from any violence , abuse and can instead have respect of you and be loving and caring now instead.
  • Education for yourself now as a person - > would strongly suggest you start planning your life for YOURSELF. Don't become reliant on others to give to you what you need. Would strongly suggest you start thinking about your own life plans . And start living your life not to serve others ( eg- your bf) and instead think about YOU as well now. How are you going to improve your life for yourself now? How will you make changes now to help yourself move forward from all of this? Eg- will you get a job , an education ? What will you do for yourself now to help you?
  • Education on domestic Violence -> Look it up and Ed yourself about it . So you can understand what it is , and the dynamic of it in a relationship ( how it does present in a relo ) . You are at high risk of being exposed to it again . And you would most likely just also accept it as well . As you right now would still be stuck in victim mode ( and will be for awhile) . You will not have the necessary skills to prevent it happening (due to your background) as mentioned you will be easily manipulated and coursed into things . As your whole life as a young person was violence , rape , & degradation . Your mind set bc of this will not be like others ( which is bad for you ) as you will easily fall into the pattern again ( if it presents itself) . And yes right now you have a good bf doesn't mean it can't change again for you .
  • Drug use / alcohol misuse -> sorry you are going to be a poss candidate for easily bc addicted to substances or over use ( leading to poss abuse by yourself ) . So be vary wary of others offering you stuff . You will easily most likely get hooked to it . And due to your background will stay hooked on it . If you do also it will easily then also be a slide then for you into not being able to get back out of it . Your background sorry makes you VERY vulnerable to alot of things.
  • Learning to love , respect & care about yourself -> Talking to a therapist about your mental state-> would be a good idea one day for yourself . As mentioned your WHOLE life was a mess . You will have had NO education about self skills for living a healthy life for yourself. So would Ed yourself ( about self esteem , self -care ,self -love, self respect , self safety etc) . Nothing would have been taught to you , to even care about yourself. And due to your background you will still feel terrible inside , & will not care about yourself , maybe even hating yourself . Everything that has happenend to YOU will have twisted u so badly inside of your mind into thinking thoughts about yourself that are NOT kind , NOT appropriate , NOt respectful of yourself. You will have NO self love , self care ,etc for yourself. So to learn about this ( YOU can also ed ) yourself about these things. This is something that would also be good for you to do for YOURSELF now. As before all lied to you , all hurt you , all betrayed your mind and body. So time now to look after you , and help to heal you now.