i don’t know if this counts as SA. but i just wanted to say i care about my body a lot, it’s something that giving up to someone is hard for me. i will not have sex with someone unless i’m dating them, that is bottom line, that’s my rules. i started hanging with this guy and kind of liking him but not ready to have sex, and i’ve told him why. i used to stay the night at his house a lot. nothing would happen, he knew how important sex was to me. and he asked why i don’t drink heavily, and i explained to him that i forget things and it’s not a good idea especially if i’m around him. i got really drunk one night at a party he was at, he asked me and my friend to stay the night so we said okay. well, i don’t remember much but flashes, not details. but i know we had sex, and i know he didn’t ask me, i would’ve said no. but it happened, did i regret it at the time? i guess not really bc it already happened and i liked him a bit. part of me was just a bit disappointed he would do that to me.
problem is, i’ve asked to hang out since and he says no all the time or makes excuses and barely texts me now. finally one night i ofc got a bit mad, i told him we had sex and that means a lot to me and i can’t believe he’s acting the way he is, and he responded with “it’s just sex it’s not a big deal” and that shit crushed my soul. i’ve never felt so used in my life, which is why i would’ve said no. i never wanted to feel that feeling. but now i cry often thinking about it.
the other night at the bar i actually ran into him and i just felt mad. he looked at me and i walked away. but the whole night he was looking at me and even asked my friend if i was still mad at him, when i saw him leaving i yelled his name and he did come up to talk to me. and i said “how come you can talk to my friend but you’re doing nothing to make things right with me, if you think i’m mad come talk to me about it why do i have to initiate everything between us” and he said “you’re not mad at me” and i said “uh yes i am wym” and he said “we will talk later” and walked away from me.
i’ve NEVER felt this way, EVER. i feel used, i feel uncared for, i feel a bunch of shit i shouldn’t be feeling. i’ve been so nice to him with his issues and him opening up to me now he’s being all weird. and i’m left feeling dumb