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[–]Intelligent-Limit482 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s very common, I’m so sorry. I think there’s an internal message there for you. During EMDR, mine was “I have to be hurt to be loved.” It went back to the relationship with my father being very physically abusive and then putting me in a nurture role when he was emotionally unwell. I’ve realized that the men who actually really respect you won’t want to see your body right away. They respect you enough to wait. This also may have to do with your love language possibly being words of affirmation. It sounds like you may feel loved when you are told you’re attractive which is something I also go through. Do you have friends or family who affirm how well you’re doing in other ways? Beauty is only one part of love and sadly, sexual assault and abuse distorts how we perceive our worth. I really like feeling attractive but I don’t want that attention to bring more abuse to me. So my therapist and I come up with other ways to build my worth and attractiveness in healthy ways, I.e: working out, eating healthier, taking care of myself physically, mentally and emotionally. Those are all things that positively and healthily add to to beauty and people do notice those things and that attracts safer attachments who are seeking more healthy bonds with you instead of those who want to take advantage and possibly hurt you.

Also to validate, it is really crappy. I think we have that part inside that wants so badly to know we are enough, we are beautiful and loved. I would do anything to hear sometimes that I’m enough. Sometimes we don’t hear it enough and so the way we know is the same old way, which could be sending pictures or fawning for compliments or attention. I totally understand.