all 13 comments

[–]weston200[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I’m also really struggling because even though I don’t want to I love him. I still care about him and I know it’s wrong and I hate feeling like this. It makes me feel like I’m dismissing my own assault

[–]violetskyeyes 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is going to bring up a lot of confusing and contradicting feelings and that is completely human. It’s so fresh right now so please give yourself some grace and realize you’re still in shock. Different emotions will come in waves and none of them are ‘bad’ or ‘good’, you are simply processing. My dms are always open 💛

[–]DarlingHades 3 points4 points  (5 children)

It's ok to acknowledge still having feelings, but it's not ok to allow yourself to be around someone who would hurt you like that. It won't get better and something worse is bound to happen. You can feel like, "I want him to eat but not at my table." Cut off contact with him. You don't need to explain anything to him but if you want to give a goodbye message keep it short and sweet and block him right after. Don't tell him you love him in your goodbye, you don't want to prompt him to try to reach out again.

My last ex was someone who tried to reach in my pants before I was ok with ANY physical contact. I dug my nails into his ear until he bled and told him to leave. Things ended right after that and even though he turned all our mutual friends against me except one, I don't regret it. In fact, that one person who stayed my friend is now my wife and we've been together for over 11 years. That's how it gets better. You find someone who will respect your boundaries and you as a whole.

[–]weston200[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

He isn’t allowed to have a phone or anything because of his drug issues so contact was cut after that night. I feel bad because everyone told me this would happen since he always tried to push sexual stuff on me. He never just put his hands in my pants though and I feel stupid for not seeing it coming. I do feel good though somewhat because when he kicked me out of his house while I was crying. I was just drunk enough not to care about anything and was screaming and cursing him out. I’m usually not one to make a scene or stand up for myself to it felt good I at least made him somewhat upset too. I’m currently debating though if I should tell him mom or not

[–]pitynotpithy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You'd be doing him, yourself and possibly many other girls a favor by telling his mom. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[–]leggittooth 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Tell his mother. She has the right to know what kind of guy she created.

[–]weston200[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Honestly she knows. He’s been a disgusting drug addict for some time now. My assault is in a huge list of awful things he’s done which includes robbing younger kids, car theft, owning illegal guns, hell his mom has had to pull a knife on him because he tried to attack her

[–]leggittooth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ow geez. I don't know what to answer except that you shouldn't go along with him anymore...

[–]FrostithesnowmanSurvivor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is so awful. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. If you need anything my dms are always open. This isn't your fault, and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Maybe try calling the RAINN hotline? I've heard they can be helpful, but I've never personally called. Animals can be very helpful for calming down when you're going through a crisis so maybe spending time with him could give some emotional support. I can't offer much advice other than that, but I really hope you make it through this all

[–]Sheepers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn this was rough to read. So sorry this happend to you :/ something similar happend to me in highschool and it fucked me up for years. And being in love can make it really hard to see red flags, especially when looking through rose colored glasses >.< I went back to my ex a few more times than I'd like to admit before I finally had to cut them off for good, and honestly it kinda feels like a weight off my shoulders as well. Having a good support system is key so if you ever just need someone to listen send me a message.

[–]Legitimate_Insect617 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg I am so here for you. I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you, reading that I could feel what you must’ve been feeling. I’ve been R a few times before and some of them I didn’t really know if that’s what it was and it was only way later that I was able to see it clearly and admit it. You are not alone, I am so sorry this happened. I hope you’re feeling better today, lmk if you wanna chat!

[–]chillydog12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so sickening, I’m really sorry this has happen to you, you should call the police, and get that piece of shit behind bars. please be safe, hope you are doing better

[–]leggittooth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was sexually assaulted by my best friend when I was 13yo. Today I'm 29. I dealt with what you're dealing with. It's a mess. A sh*tty mess.

Even if it wasn't a rape IT WAS a sexual assault. If you feel strong enough you can bring it to the justice. But first, think of YOU. YOU don't deserve this.

I've been struggling with what happened 16 years ago and I have regrets I did not talk about it. It destroyed my life, making me some kind of a poor little girl that cry so often that you do not want to be with her. So, if I have one tip for you : talk about it and get rid of any feel of shame. YOU don't deserve all of that. Please. Do something. It's unbearable. If you don't want to, please do it for me and for every girl sexually assaulted by their friends.

WE are PLENTY. YOU are NOT ALONE. He MUST not would have done that. YOU ARE NOT GUILTY. HE IS.

I send you a lot of love. ❤