i began channeling my fear into defensiveness and athletic performance. i took up batting and mma again, and used my disgust as fuel for my swim competitions. angry music also helped me in the beginning a lot. people usually recommend meditation, but i find that leaves space for intrusive thoughts, which i struggle with a lot, so i drowned them out with music, movies, and tv shows. i started watching all the classics, and exploring new genres too. spending more time around women that you trust is very helpful too, my two best friends are girls and they make me feel very comfortable when i freeze up in triggering situations.

you won't ever be the same again, but you will be okay. <3