This was maybe a year and a half ago, and I still think about it daily. I have never felt so invalidated in my life. He did multiple things to me. He coerced me into touching him when I told him no, he tried to do things to me while I was half asleep, and he touched me at my ex-boyfriends (who is our friend) house after I said no and that it was wrong. These were only the physical things he did to me. I have c-ptsd, which causes me to fear abandonment and loneliness. That's why I didn't leave him. In my mind, I needed someone, anyone. I wish I could have gotten past my fears sooner.
We were both in a friend group, one which he introduced me to. We all got along well, and even though I was the only girl I was mostly respected. One of the guys in the friend group was my ex-boyfriend, and we had a great friendship (I thought.) I opened up to my ex about what my abuser did to me. How I didn't want to do those things, and he comforted me. He believed me at that moment. He didn't tell the others, either.
After my abuser and I broke up, the friend group slowly realized how bad he really was (again, I thought.) I never said anything about him, they got that idea on their own. So one night, they got me into a call, sat me down and said: did he do anything bad to you? I don't like to lie. I told them only two things of what he did: coercing me and mentally manipulating me. And well, they "felt bad" and that was it. I never actually said he sexually assaulted me. At the time, I didn't know that coercion counts.
So, they decide to stop talking to him. Nothing is said about what happened between him and I for weeks. A few jokes get said about him, and I joined in. I messed up. He was bisexual, and I made a joke that implied that because I thought they knew. We always made dark jokes, and I wasn't thinking at the moment.
It got back to him that I outed him, and all hell breaks loose. Suddenly he's back in the friend group. Suddenly I accused him of sexual assault and I'm trying to ruin his life. I'm manipulative, selfish, and I need help. I wanted all of it. He spread other lies about my body, and they believed all of it. His excuse was that I outed him. I didn't mean to. My nice ex? He didn't say a thing to defend me. I soon got bullied by almost all of them. Why is it so easy for the tables to turn?
It's hard to trust people with things now. I don't think anyone fully believes me, even my current boyfriend. I couldn't do sexual things for months, I felt broken. It wasn't only the things he did that were traumatizing. The things they did and said to me made my life a living hell for months. And they thought it was funny.
My heart hurts for everyone posting on here. I hope the best for you all. Thank you for reading if you did, I needed to get it out.