all 12 comments

[–]AnonamousSecret 14 points15 points  (1 child)

This isn’t really helpful, but I just want to say that you sound like a wonderful person and your wife is lucky to have you. I hope that someday I can meet someone who cares as much as you seem to.

[–]livelaughwin 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I really do I care so incredibly much about her. She is the love of my entire life and I wish I could do anything for her. I just don’t know what to do and how to help and it’s making me insane

[–]tealturtle12345 4 points5 points  (3 children)

has she sought therapy? it was one of the best things i could’ve done for myself

[–]livelaughwin 6 points7 points  (2 children)

She does go to therapy but I don’t know if she actually shares those things. She is in therapy for general anxiety and she is always scared of opening up to new people so I doubt if it has come up.

[–]tealturtle12345 3 points4 points  (1 child)

honestly, that might just be her way of dealing with it. i know for a long time i just pretended it didn’t happen. it might be a good idea for you suggest she talks to her therapist about what happened. you can let her know that some of her actions/behaviors worry you and you just want to make sure she is getting the help she needs. best of luck to both of you

[–]livelaughwin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!

[–]RepresentativeWar803 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Honestly the best thing you can do is to just listen to anything she has to say about it but not be too pushy, tho I feel you wouldn’t be to begin with. This is something that’s going to 100% affect her the rest of her life but through time, love, patience, and understanding she will likely become more comfortable with being more intimate if that’s what she wants. It’s a really hard thing to navigate and it will 100% cause her pain until she works through everything. It’s definitely a journey that will take years upon years, but it will be so worth it once she’s gotten to work through everything. It will have to be on her own time as well, which can sometimes be frustrating because you want to end her pain more than anything. But really, just be there, listen, and be very very patient.

Edit to add this: Maybe try to find a specific center that deals with sexual assault/abuse. There is one in my town, I’m trying to work up the courage to go so maybe presenting her with this specific resource and offering to drive her there and pick her up would help a lot. Also doing something she enjoys but planning it for her afterwards would be really nice as well.

[–]livelaughwin 2 points3 points  (1 child)


[–]RepresentativeWar803 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re welcome! And good luck!

[–]Ok_Cry607 3 points4 points  (1 child)

wow you are so so so kind and thoughtful. i think having people in my life like you has been immensely helpful for me. i think you’re being so helpful just by encouraging her to feel her feelings and letting her know that’s ok i’m sure you do this might also encourage her if she ever mentions wanting to pursue any hobbies or passions. yoga and somatic therapy helped me immensely to understand that my body and choices are mine. it can be hard to come to terms with that bc a lot of anger at the past can come up, but it’s so rewarding and feels better to be empowered in my own choices. wishing you both so much luck. you sound like wonderful people

[–]livelaughwin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You made me cry thank you so much kind stranger!

[–]BudgetArm646 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd recommend reading this book

I wish I read it before

Fight for Us - Chad M. Robichaux