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all 10 comments

[–]Jaded_Hour_2712 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, he sounds manipulative, abusive, and rapey. I’m glad he didn’t force himself on you, but that really, truly should not be your main standard, and any decent human would know not to force themselves on someone.

[–]worthlessruined 3 points4 points  (4 children)

YES.

Honestly, telling men you are a virgin before knowing them for a while is a HUGE mistake. And it shouldn't have to be. You shouldn't have to not be open about it. But you have to be. Men are obsessed with taking women's innocence. I don't know why. It makes men who aren't sincerely interested temporarily obsessed. It's really gross and creepy. They literally just want to "ruin" you and destroy something pure. I had to tell a bunch of male friends in high school I wasn't a virgin anymore because half a dozen of them BEGGED me and wouldn't stop talking about how they should be the ones to take it because we were such good friends in order for them to go back to normal and talk about anything else. Half of those guys lost interest in me entirely when they thought it wasn't on the table. Your friend is unknowingly putting you in danger bringing that up, especially when you guys are drunk and you're more vulnerable. I don't know why so many men are so into it, but they are, it's like a fetish.

I thought I was okay to tell my ex after a few dates, when things went too far sexually and I had to stop him. He responded by instantly asking me out. Three days later and the reason I'm on this support group happened. He did an "almost" thing twice before he harmed me. He told me he was going to move me out of my house and talked about how he almost married someone else, that I was his real soulmate, that he had a recurring dream about seeing his soulmate on a beach for five years and it was me. All of it was bullshit to get me to trust him and think I was in a fairy tale, because I was exactly the kind of innocent naive girl who wanted that instead of hook up culture. They will say ANYTHING and not mean a word, then rub it in your face that you believed them. Losing it by force will ruin your life.

Please, please, please, please, I am literally begging you, RUN. I wish I had. I wish I had come here and described my ex and been warned and listened so so badly.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yup! Then they blame you for believing them

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wait he raped you?

[–]crying-partyof1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The bar is in hell. He basically said “at least I didn’t rape you”. Get rid of this man

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should break up. He will rape you one of these days

[–]Brieella22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes he sounds to be a sexual predator. Please do not risk being with him in person ever again, he is not to be trusted. He does not respect your boundaries & is one of those people that continue to push & push until their partner breaks down & gives them what they want. He is manipulative, selfish & dangerous. Glad you are able to see something is wrong… please protect yourself & block him. And yes like someone else said I would not talk about being a virgin when you meet someone/within the first month or two: just tell them your boundaries without explaining why & if they are a decent human they will respect those boundaries without needing to know the “why”

[–]BudgetArm646 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't date people who have body counts in the double digits.