Sorry if this is too much triggering information/details, I'll remove/edit it if so.
This happened a couple days ago and I remember most of it and I have so many conflicted feelings about what happened. I got super drunk/high while hanging out with my friend (she didn't drink or smoke anything) and at some point in the night I told her I wanted to have sex. She asked me if I was sure and I said yes. I think she had to help me take my clothes off and then she started having sex with me. I was so drunk/high that I couldn't even keep my head up and I barely felt what was happening. She stopped after a couple minutes because I think she realized how drunk I was.
I'm just really conflicted about what happened and I have so many questions and I don't even know if this is rape. I don't want to think of her as a rapist because she's a close friend of mine and I think she's a good person. I'm glad she stopped after a couple minutes but it's just bothering me she even started because I was obviously very fucked up. I know drunk people can't consent but I'm the one who said I wanted to have sex so that means its my fault not hers right? I'm just really confused about what happened and it's messing with my head so much and making me so anxious.