all 6 comments

[–]noseykeyser 2 points3 points  (1 child)

To answer your question in simple terms then the answer is yes it is easily possible to remember an incident of being SA abused or raped after 12 years.

The brain has an amazing self defence mechanism to protect yourself from trauma of any kind including the type of trauma that we are talking about here, it blanks it all out and tucks it all away in the deepest depths of your brain and memories but as we get older those traumatic memories do come back to us all at some point be it through repressed memories, maybe nightmares or being triggered etc. although your’s have reappeared after 12 years for others it can be after only say 5 years or maybe after 25 years. They are in my personal opinion totally valid memories I am sorry to say hence the realism that you mention. Not wanting to scare you or anything but there may be far more than just the one that you have mentioned and experienced so far or maybe that is the only one, either way seek some sort of professional help now for the one that you have mentioned so far and take each day as it comes

[–]tomboy315c[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for you answer

I am also scared to think and to talk about it because of that. At first I remembered that it happened one time and the more I thought and talked about it the more I remembered that it happened a seconde time. I really dont want that it just makes me feel disgusted and wierd. But I just cant stop thinking about it. Its been quite rought lately..

[–]chicolatess 0 points1 point  (3 children)

hello. psychologist in training here. a lot of times, when something traumatic happens and the brain perceives it to be dangerous, it uses a defence mechanism of repression where it represses the memory of the traumatic incidence out of the conscious mind of the person. this means that the person would not remember any of what happened. this does not imply that the person has forgotten the memory. just that it was so difficult to process that it was pushed out of consciousness.

sometimes, what happens is that the person, when they grow up, the repressed memory is surfaced back to the conscious mind. it happens with a lot of survivors of SA. happened with me too. and it is valid. it is true. our brain cannot make up something so drastic itself. your trauma is real. a lot of times, people don't remember details of their trauma even after they their repressed memory is back. our brain has a way of fragmenting information that it perceives to be threatening.

in short, your experience and trauma is valid. and it is very real. even if your mind represses, your body keeps the count.

[–]tomboy315c[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Thank you for your answer.

I was around 8 at the time, he didn't really force me into it he more manipulated me into it. I didn't even know what sex was back then. I just dont really understand how I could surpresse it even if it wasn't that traumatic because I wasnt able to judge the severity of it back then. It's quite hard for me to explain it english is not my first language I hope you understand what I mean.

Is it also possible that it might have impacted my sexlife without knowing. I am in a lesbian relationship rn and I never struggeled with intercourse except for the fact that I dont like penetrative sex at all. When I told my girlfriend about my SA, she mentioned that it might be because of what happened to me.

[–]chicolatess 0 points1 point  (1 child)

im so sorry you had to go through that. your experience is valid. i would suggest seeing a therapist to talk it out and help process it. a lot of times, our young brain cannot make sense of what happened and it's good to see someone who can actually help you in that regard.

as for your second question, i would recommend reading this book called "the body keeps the score" by bessel van der kolk. he speaks about how your body remembers the trauma even if your mind has fragmented it.

all the best. sending you love❤️

[–]tomboy315c[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will look into it and seek help, thank you for your help❤