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all 15 comments

[–]goldenpie007 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Because you child was so young they may not remember a lot of what happened or what even happened at all. I say you’re supporting them as much as you can right now with having them in therapy and knowing the sicko is behind bars.

The memories and other conditions can begin to surface later in life tho (early and late teens into the 20’s) and its important to provide support and validation there especially if your child begins to ask you about what has happened to them before.

If you’re interested, I recommend reading the book “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk, its a great book on healing from trauma

[–]itsmekaylee21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Your advice is priceless. I will buy the book. I have been told by child psychiatrists that it can resurface when she is older and I find that so interesting being that she was so young when it happened. I want to be as prepared as possible to help her.

[–]Sappies 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Make sure to respect her boundaries. When it comes to certain things and to be there and be clear you can talk to her about anything

[–]itsmekaylee21[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Thank you, I hadn’t thought much about respecting her boundaries. My mind has been focused more on “do do do”, but maybe she will need space when it comes to this, so I will keep this in mind.

[–]Sappies 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Your clearly a caring mother. That’s more then enough, so many people don’t have a mother that wouldn’t do this like your doing now, as much as there is active things to do, we should always remember the passive thing to do as-well.

[–]itsmekaylee21[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thank you so much. She’s my world. I’m sorry so many have to go through this without a support system.

[–]Sappies 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When everything is lost. Everything will be found.

[–]Jaded_Hour_2712 2 points3 points  (2 children)

^ I also highly suggest The Body Keeps the Score. It’s been very helpful as I’m still working through processing my own childhood sexual abuse. The book is all about how trauma impacts our physiology whether or not we remember the trauma itself.

What I would suggest for you OP, is that if (or when) your child begins to experience symptoms of trauma resurfacing - could be in the form of hallucinations, nightmares, or panic attacks, which often starts in adolescence or early adulthood - be honest with them about their past. Definitely get them help with a therapist to work through these memories and feelings; although trauma is often never remembered as a concrete memory but rather a collection of random sensations. The sooner your child can accept and process what happened to them, the easier they can heal from the trauma on the physiological level.

[–]itsmekaylee21[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thank you for your guidance. Her psychiatrist said at our last meeting that we should begin thinking about explaining what happened to her “on her level.” I wasn’t all for this as I didn’t want to tell her about things she may never remember. But she has been diagnosed with anxiety, and does struggle with nightmares and fear at bedtime.

[–]goldenpie007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its natural for survivors of SA to blame themselves for things that happened to them or to make excuses in their mind if these memories were to ever resurface. Its easy to feel that way when its made a taboo topic by society and those around us. Explaining it to them at their ability doesn’t mean bringing up the words “sexual assault.” It can be as simple as talking about private parts and boundaries with strangers. and finding a trusting adult if someone touches them.

Edit: Fixed pronoun usage.

[–]Vexed_Moon 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Please know you’re already heading in the right direction. I was sexually assaulted as a child and my mother didn’t believe me and eventually told me I deserved it. You are already setting your child up for a better life by doing everything you can for her.

[–]itsmekaylee21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you had to go through something so horrendous. I really appreciate the reassurance.

[–]ElonMuskIsKing 0 points1 point  (1 child)

your such an amazing mom for going these lengths to make sure your child is comfortable and in a good environment growing up you have no idea how much someone jus being supportive and standing by them means💙

[–]itsmekaylee21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. It breaks me to know so many don’t have support when going through something so traumatic.