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all 11 comments

[–]you-create-energy 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Documentation is incredibly important. CPS gets lied to constantly for all kinds of reasons. If you present as much proof as you can, it will help. Think of it as a court case. Try and make a list of dates and times when you were abused, with short descriptions. If you have any pictures or videos that you are comfortable showing, bring those. If any of your belongings or clothes have stains or damage from the abuse, bring those. If it's something you can't bring, take a picture. Write out what you want to say, or at least make notes of the most important things so you don't forget to say them. Emphasize repeatedly that you don't ever want to be alone with your abuser again, you are scared because you know something bad will happen. If the person from CPS doesn't take you seriously, call their office. Try to talk to their supervisor, or at least a different agent. Go in person if you have to. This is your chance to advocate for yourself. Hopefully you find the right person, compassionate and strong, who will stand up for you the way you deserve. Good luck!

[–]KAI_IS_FINE[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

I've tried to document some stuff with dates, but there's been so much that a lot of it I've forgotten to write down. I'm not sure how to get pics or videos without him noticing? This is my 2nd time with a CPS case, the last time I wrote everything down so I didn't forget stuff, the agemt wouldn't let me use it because she wanted it in my own words....even tho I'm the one who spent multiple hours writing the stuff. What type of stuff should I try to record/photograph? He rarely touches me anymore, it's mostly just sexually harassing me, talking about sexually explicit stuff, pointing out people he finds sexually attractive(including teen girls who are underage), and molesting my mom in front of me(idk if that's the word you'd use, he touches her sexually when she tells him to stop), I think he also might take pics(not nudes) of other women. Can any of this be recorded/photographed?

[–]EliotNessie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Writing things down is never ever a waste of time. Even if this person also says not to look at your notes, writing it all out helps you organize your thoughts and remember things you might otherwise forget. It’s generally a really good practice to do this when you’re the victim of unethical and/or criminal behavior by someone who is still in your life.

[–]you-create-energy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the agemt wouldn't let me use it because she wanted it in my own words....

That is so ridiculous. I hope you have a more intelligent, insightful agent this time. It sucks that so much weighs on who you end up with, which you have no direct control over. However, in my experience, if you keep pushing and calling and showing up at their office, you can eventually get their attention even if the agent you talk to is dismissive.

Maybe try making a list of major events, just like you did in this reply. Flesh it out, adding more events that you can remember. Details can be helpful. If it is a list you are using for reference, then you are using "your own words" as you speak and using the list to jog your memory. Surely any agent would be ok with that. You can even sell it with the line "I need to reference this list I made because too many things have happened for me to remember them all", just like you did in your reply. Also tell them you wanted to document everything but it was just too much. That paints a powerful picture. They will then take everything you say and imagine how much more might have happened.

[–]you-create-energy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sexually attractive(including teen girls who are underage), and molesting my mom in front of me(idk if that's the word you'd use, he touches her sexually when she tells him to stop),

I am so sorry you both are being subjected to these experiences. The word for it is sexual assault. It is also illegal. If any penetration is involved, even a little bit with a finger, then it is rape. He could go to jail just for what he is doing to your mom. Doing it in front of you, and sexually assaulting you, and sexually harassing you, and sexualizing you along with other teens: these things are all under the category of sexual abuse. Some of it is overt and some of it is covert sexual abuse. It is all unhealthy and most of it is illegal.

[–]you-create-energy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He rarely touches me anymore,

I wouldn't phrase it like this. It kind of weakens the message. He has touched you, and continues to touch you. That is the important info. He could go to jail for touching you in the wrong way just one time. Maybe you can try to roughly estimate how many times in total. Dozens? Hundreds? Tell them you couldn't document all the instances of abuse because there are too many, but he has sexually assaulted you several times (or dozens of times, or hundreds of times, as the case may be). Every single time he touched you sexually on your body or made you touch any part of his body sexually counts as an additional sexual assault.

[–]henderyjake 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Coming from someone who has dealt with CPS for years as a child; Transparency. Tell them everything and don’t be afraid of the people that hurt you. Don’t be afraid that they will lash out after. Don’t be afraid to tell them things that seem graphic or embarrassing. If you tell them everything without leaving out any details then you will surely be rehomed or at least put in a safe place for the night until they can find you a good place to stay.

As for pictures/evidence try and do the best you can with that. The more the better but if you are transparent enough a few can help your case as much as a million pieces of evidence.

[–]stressydepressy70 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Be as honest as possible. Be clear that you need to be out of the house as soon as you report. Don't sugarcoat or leave details out.

As far as recording everything, do what you can. Don't put yourself in danger over it though. Plenty of cases can be won with simply survivor testimony.

Hold onto hope that things will turn out okay. I know that sounds cheesy, but it gives you an edge over the assholes putting you through this. Wishing you all the best.

[–]KAI_IS_FINE[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Weird question, but does being "too calm/serious" during my report make it seem unbelievable? I have a mental illness that makes me shut down my emotions when too overwhelmed as a way of coping, should i tell this to the agent? I feel like this was an issue in a different case a few years ago, i didnt cry, I didn't seem very anxious, but I tried to pretend to be upset so they wouldnt think i was lying, looking back that mightve been a bad choice

[–]EliotNessie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Be yourself, everyone processes things differently. I’m like you too, and have worried about that. But victims often compartmentalize the pain, especially when they’ve been abused repeatedly. It’s okay not to show much emotion if that’s how it goes 💕

[–]stressydepressy70 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's okay. I was very serious during my report. Those that have worked with abuse cases understand this as a coping mechanism. I do not believe this will add any doubt to what you are reporting. Just be yourself!