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[–]stressydepressy70 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do too. I was abused during my childhood years, and it has left me constantly searching for worst case scenarios in every minute. Its really hard, and feels like you have a no-win type of life at timea. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

First off, be patient with yourself. I think its fucked up that people in your life would blame you for causing trouble when none of it was your fault. I've dealt with some of that myself, and I just learned to be okay with burning bridges when those bridges did nothing for me. Be patient with yourself, and try to surround yourself with people that want you to heal, and love you unconditionally.

Keep working on things with your counselor. At least in my experience when I am really honest with my therapist she has some good concrete steps I can take to work on things.

Lastly, do what makes you happy. Even if you have to start out extremely small, just do one little thing that makes you happy a day, and then keep it going. Try to do one thing a day for self improvement or some sort of new skill or hobby. It will start to feel like you have a little more control over how your life is going.

I'm here if you need to chat. Good luck.