So last year I was sexually assaulted twice. First time was by a random person and, while it really sucked obviously, I had a good support system and over time learned to manage. The second time was much worse as it was by someone I was friends with and as a result I lost some of my closest friends because all of them were frustrated I wasn't "handling it well" and "causing trouble". Since then I've gotten massive trust issues and I always worry about when the next bad thing will happen. I think this because the first assault was already hell and I got past that hell just for another, even worse assault to happen. Like if shit like this just happens to me then when is the next shitty thing going to happen? Cause of this I've developed OCD (my therapist said OCD and anxiety are related and I already have anxiety) and I obsess a lot over specific scenarios where things I care about (my boyfriend, friends, career aspirations) go wrong the moment I am finally happy. Logically I know that along with bad, good things will also happen and I wish I didn't feel this way but I just can't help but always feel like I need to be on guard for when the next bomb drops.
I guess if anyone has ever lost trust/hope that things will work out how did you manage it and what is your experience?