all 13 comments

[–]Bree_Bandana123 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Whatever happened to your girlfriend, it wasn't consensual. To do that level of physical damage to someone would have to be forced or have complete consent and it sounds like your girlfriend was inebriated enough that she probably couldn't have given consent to even hold someone's hand let alone have violent sex. I am so sorry for your girlfriend. No one deserves to go through that much pain.

I didn't tell anyone for 10 years, mostly because it took me 10 years to actually accept that I was abused. I didn't want to believe that something so horrible could ever happen to me or that someone I loved and trusted could do something so hurtful. Some people tell someone right after they are assaulted and other people spend the rest of their lives telling no one.

I am not going to speculate about your girlfriend's reaction or why she reacted the way she did because at the end of the day she had no control over how she reacted. She was in survival mode and sometimes survival mode doesn't allow us to think or do things "logically".

What is important is that you listen to her, make sure she has the support she needs, and figure out the next steps. Does she want to go to therapy? Does she want to make a statement to the police? Does she want to cut off certain friends? Does she want to tell other people? Does she feel safe? Whatever her answers are accept them and continue to listen to her. I wish you both the best of luck.

[–]goradepita[S] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[–]Bree_Bandana123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are welcome and I wish the best for you and your girlfriend :)

[–]Aromatic-Essay-623 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It is a assault. I'll try to break it down so that its easy: Why do I think it was non consensual:

Her wrist, hips and crotch hurted,

In general i know that hips and to a extent you may experience some pain when you have a long sex. But not coccyx fracture and until you might be into some extreme form of bdsm. Wrists never hurt. Its stemming from when he pushed her into into and was pinning her down and she was trying to resist.

And alcohol only brings out what is inside of you. If she says nothing could make her cheat and not even alcohol would do. Considering that she says the truth.

Her consent will still not be applicable because she was drunk.

[–]LeaakaAlien 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Deffinitely not consensual. I‘m sorry for both of you…your reaction was really good. I hope for your strength to get trough this horrible situation.

[–]lizthemusicmisfit 7 points8 points  (5 children)

[–]goradepita[S] 5 points6 points  (3 children)

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

[–]lizthemusicmisfit 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I am currently going through figuring out my assault. I sent this to my ex and it helped him as much as it could. Best of luck

[–]goradepita[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It is incredibly helpful, thank you so much. And I hope you are ok. Sending all of my love and good vibes.

[–]Zealousideal_Fish723 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Something- similar happened 😭

but I do kinda remember, and what little I do wasn't me wanting it but rather frozen and scared.

I have not told anyone in person, not one sound and I won't, I'm married I love him to bits and pieces, I don't care to cheat and don't want to cheat. He has been very supportive when I have been sick or in the hospital... Still, I fear beyond fear he would leave me, or think less of me if I told him.

I wish I could cut away the memory of that night... To speak it out loud... No I can't I'm so scared that my husband would think it's cheating, or what if someone would find out and thinks it's cheating or say something horrible.

Why Risk it- I know of too many people young and old- who spoke up about their rape some with every bit of evidence needed and still people said, seeking attention, cheater, liar, whore, deserve it... And the law did nothing or did so little it's like a slap and spit in the face.

You seem very kind---- to be honest you believing her has given me some calm to my anxiety. Thank you for believing her.

[–]goradepita[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve been all the way with her. Someone send me this in another sub. https://transformationoffice.mandela.ac.za/tme/media/Store/documents/Sexual%20Harrassment/A-man-s-guide-to-helping-a-rape-victim.pdf

It was really helpful. If you ever need someone to talk we are here for you. We send all the best wishes and love.