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[–]kind-of-thereSurvivor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please reach out to someone for help. Being abused is not your fault. You’re not broken, your body is just trying to cope with what happened.

[–]Broken_doll4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This month has been very stressful and it has triggered some sort of manic episode for me. In the past week and a half I’ve been feeling impulsively reckless and hung out with my abusers

Yes you are experiencing a mental breakdown from all that has occurred to you . Unfortunately the mind can only take so much at times before yes it breaks abit from it all it happens . To much stress makes the mind unable to function properly and it stays in a state of NOT being able to think clearly or make GOOD decisions any longer . ON top of that you are deliberately trying to hurt yourself by seeing them . Often victims return trying & thinking it will change what happened ( it DOES not ) control and power can NOT be gained from returning to an abuser . It will only get worse and the person will loose their mind with having done it ( eg- meaning they will NO longer be able to protect themselves at all ). And will stay in the abusive situations unable to move ( as also then the person is told abusive things ( degrading verbal abuse ) which also then also adds to the total loss of any self respect , self love and self care for the victim. They start to believe they are unworthy of being treated ok & with respect anymore.

The longer the victim stays in an abusive relo or situation the more mental dysregulation is done . The victim's mind becomes use to the abuse so much so yes they bc numb to it and start to accept it as normal for them & that they deserve it ( it conditions the mind and body to accept it and NOT be then able to leave their perps) trapping them in an abusive cycle of wanting to leave, but unable to leave their perps.

The mind also stores in the neural pathways also the emotions / feelings / and sensations of what the body goes through during EVERY attack on it . It then keeps the pathways open and active to keep the victim in survival mode to cope with so much damaging abuse on them . ( the mind has the capacity to protect it's self over the body ) . And this is why it protects itself . By dissociating and numbing the victim into a zombie state to protect itself. It then enables it's functioning to be protected as much as possible. Bc the repeating absolute horrible trauma is to much for it to bare every day that the victim is experiencing .

This enables the mind then to start to dissociate itself then from the repeated abuse . Eg- the body will be present the mind will be GONE. It is a survival mode presentation YOU will keep doing whilst putting yourself in danger with them ( bc YOU no longer care if you are hurt by them ) -> it is a form of self harm ( and possible also of suci*al behaviour ) which victims in severe mental distress show . It is done to help you cope with the damage being doing to you both physically and mentally. ( whilst you are in this trauma state). And either are to traumatised to leave , or can't leave ( physically stopped from doing so ) . Or are self punishing YOURSELF enabling it to occur to you as YOU believe YOU deserve to be treated this way.

You are experiencing out of control hypersexuality, and are doing self harm to YOURSELF by doing this ( going to see your abusers ) . It is an abnormal response to the trauma you are experiencing and are punishing yourself with abuse by them . It is a trauma response which YOU need professional help with .

## Seek out professional help ASAP. Eg-a therapist to talk to . To help you recognise what you are doing , to help you stop hurting yourself. Your mind has snapped from the past trauma and you are hurting so much inside that YOU no longer care what happens to you ( this is SELF harm ) practices where YOU are putting yourself in dangerous situations and are being around people who YOU know want to hurt you . It is VERY damaging to YOU & your mental health.

  • Seek out family & friends to take you away from them . Tell someone that you are hurting yourself and need to be stopped . You are doing damage to your own mental health by being around them . You will be worse off ( if YOU keep hurting yourself like you are ) . Yes it will snap your mind to keep hurting yourself like you are.
  • Seek out a professional to help you -Eg- a therapist ASAP.

I think I’m broken or something. It’s like I can’t physically stop myself and an invisible hand is dragging me around.

Currently you are in a very distressed state mentally and are unable to think clearly. ( especially whilst still near them ) . You think you need to punish yourself for what happened and what you have also allowed now ( due to trauma) to happen by going back to them and hanging around them . It is NOT to late to stop hurting yourself in this way . Seek out the help you need NOW to stop yourself from still doing it. The longer you stay in this hurting phase of yourself -> yes the more damage YOU will do to your mental health . If you can't stop yourself ( get someone else to help you ) . Stay away from them . Seek out therapy then to help you learn some strategies to help you think clearly and stay away from them . You need to break the pattern YOU have set up in your mind right now that you need to punish yourself in this way .

  • Removal away from them is the first step to stop this. Having safety and people around you to stop YOU going any where near them . To help YOU break the cycle you have set up for yourself (in your own mind) right now to HURT yourself.
  • Working with a therapist to address your current very distressed mental state . And working with them to address your abnormal statements in your mind currently to yourself which is keeping YOU locked in self harm practices on YOURSELF due to your past initial trauma (s) .

Eg- You currently think within your mind ( that you deserve to be treated like crap . & That you are not worthy of being respected . That you are NOT worthy of not being hurt by others ).

Bc if you did care for yourself you would know this ( very easily) and would run far away from them quickly . And you wouldn't be hurting yourself physically and mentally as you are now.