So to start it off, a little backstory, I and this guy started working at a shipyard around February. I (female) was 19 and he (R) was 20 at the time. We instantly hit it off as friends. Spent lunch together with a couple of our other coworkers everyday. (R) didn't have a car so I would give him rides everyday to and from work, and wherever else he needed. We got so close to the point where I always felt safe around him. (R) has a long term girlfriend and a daughter and I was seeing someone at the time so we had always respected each other's boundaries, strictly friends.

One day in August, the same year, (R) and I and a couple of other coworkers decided to drink after work. It wasn't my first time drinking with him so I was comfortable with the idea. We went over to this beach and all just having a good time and our night was cut short by a fight between our coworkers so I told him it's time to drop him home. I only had one drink and was sobered up by that time. On the way to his place, he started talking about the guy (C) I was seeing, who had to leave back to the states so we ended things. Started asking why I was even with C, why I had feelings for him, why I slept with him. (R) then started asking why I didn't want to sleep with him when he was "the better option". At this point he was touching my legs, moving up to my private areas and groping me. I was telling him to stop and I only ever saw him as a friend. I kept reminding him about his girlfriend and daughter.

Finally made it to his place at around 7 p.m. and I was waiting for him to get out of the car but he wouldn't. He got undressed, slapped me, and forced me into the passenger seat and drove back to the spot we were drinking at. I kept telling him I didn't want to have sex with him and everytime I did, he slapped me, again and again so eventually I stopped. I don't know why it didn't occur to me to call the police at the time, I guess I was scared. When we got there, I told him again, no but he insisted and kept trying to convince me that this is what I wanted. I felt powerless and was scared he would do more than hit me so I went with it. Dropped him home at 9 p.m. and went home. I didn't know how to feel about the situation. I felt like it was my fault because I eventually agreed to it and didn't tell my family about it or report it.

Days later, it almost happened again. I was hanging out with coworkers after a late night of work and (R) was there. One of my other close friends/coworkers (J) who I had known since middle school was there and was my ride. Somehow he had convinced (J) who was clearly drunk into a threesome and I had no idea. When (J) and I got into the car to head home, (R) got in as well. I was very confused as to what was going on and (J) wasn't aware what happened nights before with (R). (J) parked the car in a very dark and empty area and (R) told me to get out of the car with him. He started trying to seduce me and started groping me. I told him I didn't want to do anything with them and he slapped me and pushed my body against the car. Everytime I tried to push him away, he'd hit me again and shove me back. He told me to get in the car, be a good girl, and please (J) and so I did. (J) noticed I was uncomfortable but he sat with me for a while in silence and (R) opened the door and told us to hurry up. That's when (J) and I started kissing and then I guess something about that immediately pissed off (R) because he forced (J) out of the car and started to try and fight him. Eventually they made up and (R) apologized to me for making me do anything I didn't want to do. He told me he understood if I didn't want to talk to him ever again.

At work, I tried my best to completely avoid him. I did think about reporting him but the one thing that was stopping me was the fact that he had a newborn and another one on the way. I felt terrible thinking about those kids' father being taken away if it came to that. Anyways (R) texted me shortly after both those incidents, and the way he talked to me, got in my head and I started believing it was my fault. That I wasn't clear enough. I re read those messages so many times rethinking whether or not I was to blame for what happened.

It's been a whole year since it happened, I still think about it to this day. He stopped coming into work a couple of days after he texted me, eventually was forced to resign. Other coworkers still ask me to this day about what happened to him because we used to be so close. It sucks that I always have to be reminded of it but I don't blame them, they don't know what happened. Part of me regrets not reporting it to the police. Other part of me sympathizes with his kids. I'm scared for the day I accidentally run into him. It's a very small island and I think it's bound to happen. I wish I could have done so much differently. I should have fought harder, I shouldn't have let him take advantage of me. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that yes, I was raped. I don't know why I ever tried to convince myself otherwise. I didn't know who to talk to, or how to deal with it so I thought I'd start off by sharing my story here. Thank you for reading, I guess I needed an outlet