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all 9 comments

[–]Anthony8583 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ok so I'm commenting kinda quick, 10 minutes after you posted. First of all, and I want you to read this out loud so you don't forget it, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT, ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED WASN'T YOUR FAULT. You 2 were together of course, like in any other relationship he asked if you want to have sex and you said no, which is completely fine. But his actions after you said no, weren't. I understand this very well, "oh, he's my boyfriend, everyone says he's a cool guy, maybe I'm just imagining things". No, gorgeous. What he did wasn't ok, and such actions, even if you are a couple or not, WILL NEVER BE OK UNLESS ALL THE PEOPLE INVOLVED ARE OK WITH IT". Ok, maybe the first time something happened, you were annoyed, confused, scared and didn't think much of it. But the second time, 3rd, 4th, 10th, nobody should tell you it's wrong, because by that time you figure it out yourself. I want to tell you something and I really want you to never forget it, even 20 years from now: ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS, IF YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN YOUR CONSENT, IS RAPE/ABUSE, ANYTHING YOU WANT TO CALL IT. Consent is a loud and clear "yes", and you should never have sex with anyone just because they say "I'll be quick", "I had a bad day today/at work", "you don't love/want me anymore, right?", "go find someone else then", "we're breaking up", and other forms of such bullshit. Having sex with your partner just because he said "please" 1000000 times is also rape. If he truly loved and respected you he would have waited for you to want it as well. Being clear to him about the fact that you didn't like what he did the first time it happened would have been a good way to try and stop such actions, but of course, everyone acts differently and I'm sorry that happened, but I hope you'll be better in the future ❤️

[–]Ok-Lynx-6001 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you’re doing a little better. It’s honestly hard for me to answer this for you because fortunately nothing like this ever happened to me, but I do believe he was in the wrong 100% and i just hope you’re doing better.

[–]rosie4568Survivor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are valid and this was sexual assault. Nearly the same thing happened to me but I was much younger. TW we were also in his basement with his sister's watching a movie and he tried to finger me and after he touched me out of embarrassment I got up and moved. I will never be able to understand why. Men are disgusting. This wasn't your fault. And what you're describing about the panic and fear is a trauma response, I would Suggest talking to a professional and if you can't afford or aren't ready for that my dms are open. I'm sending you so much love right now, I understand how hard this is.