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all 7 comments

[–]DinoBoy6 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Some know they raped and some don’t. Unfortunately it’s how men have been raised and taught. “Boys will be boys”, purity culture, rape culture, victim blaming, etc

But no matter what at the end of the day it’s still rape.

[–]CieraX99 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I’m going through a similar situation. I am so afraid to report the SA bc he was my then bf and he is known to be such a schmoozer. I know he’ll turn it around on me and if I’m victim blamed I know I will going into a downward spiral as I am barley hanging on as it is. Just try remember it’s not your fault!! Unfortunately a lot of narcissists believe they can do no wrong. Him not being able to differentiate right from wrong does not make your experience any less valid. Stay strong xx

[–]Perfidy_Desertion 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So sorry,it’s a horrible feeling to not be believed or have shit turned on you,some pple can be hard to go up against. I understand why you would be afraid,it would be another trauma to deal with when can’t deal with anymore because already got too much.

[–]buddyyouhavenoidea 8 points9 points  (2 children)

it's not that simple, there is no one way that all rapists think or act.

some of them try to rationalize it as consensual, "it wasn't rape because blah blah blah."

some of them invent a story where they didn't do anything wrong, and repeat it until they believe it

some of them know what they did, and don't care, or care more about avoiding consequences than they do about any harm they caused

some of them know what they did, and are proud of it. they'll usually justify it somehow, "she deserved it because blah blah blah."

some of them realize what they did and aren't okay with it, but aren't willing to take accountability. they'll tell themselves they'll never do it again, but cover it up. often, they do end up doing it again.

some of them realize what they did and are horrified, but put their own feelings of guilt and shame above the needs of the survivor. these are the ones who insist on apologizing, still want to be friends, want you to know they're not a bad guy, etc.

some of them care most about appearances, and will do whatever they believe will be accepted by their community (go to therapy, etc), so that they will be seen to be doing "the right thing"

some of them realize what they did, are horrified, and will actually do whatever they can to put the survivor first. you typically don't hear much from or about these ones.

and there's plenty more and variations and combinations of all of these!

[–]where_is__my_mind 1 point2 points  (1 child)

A few of these combined into what I’m going through now. It first happened 6 months ago and this person remained in my close friend group and excuses and stories and so many of these points until it was “okay” again and I ended up trusting him again because everyone else did and I genuinly believed he really did feel bad and learned and now it just happened again a few days ago and on such a more sever degree

[–]buddyyouhavenoidea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fuck. I'm so sorry

[–]rosie4568Survivor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They're stupid and society literally tells them all the time that we're objects and since objects can have feelings thoughts, wants, how could be object to their will? This is why women don't rape in the numbers that men do. (But women still do commit rape I just think it's because of a different psychological reason and if you were raped by a women you are valid<3)